Respect Women, he said

I remember my skin was tight coming in from the low of a Maine night

When she

When she

When she

When she

Discovered my claims of

I could walk better, I ain’t in pain

But she knew something other than how my words were arranged

it were the muscles in and around my mouth, sculpting my face

Or it was the bags under my eyes

She related to when we met formally for the first time

It was an accidental gesture, courtesy of my rise-influenced by my father

Respect women, he said, make sure they’re alright

She cited a cold and a sore throat, to which I knew I could help her out

And in a quest after dinner time, she follows quietly to my bedroom where I rummaged in my desk

These lifesavers are like candied cough medicine but taste like lead

But when they collide in my palm, they ain’t clatter like vodka bottles she scavenged from my collection

And she was already drinking from them

And maybe the lights persuaded her psyche that she was already drunk, she could get away with it

 

But after drunken rages, and all but within an hour 

She asks,

Can you stay a while?

But in the form of a fist she pulled the collar of my shirt into her unlit room where she locked the door

I learned more

About what trauma can do

She lived a girls-only school life, she broke the rules at an academy, and at University she donned but two strikes

Yet the story was rooted deeper in the impression of her father who lived states away

Who would abuse her body, but it was his voice she hated most

That it was ten decibels higher than when the Death Star exploded

Hurt her, the motive, apparently

Then states the light prevents her sleep, but she was terrified because her nightmares came and haunted

Her daily life was visibly transparent, she often needed to alter her reality

She held on tighter

And although it was so dark I swore I saw her eyes radiate flares from the sun

Because what nobody else knew

 

She was a troubled girl

She saw demons clawing at her feet spawned from another world

She ate more and more each day because it tricked her psychology into thinking she was comfortable

She needed me the most, she said

She twitches because the light casts from the sun hitting her reading glasses lens

makes up a ghosts’ head

She says she needs me

She asked politely.

 

But the days escalated beyond which I could fathom

where I was missing class, missing life

Calming her down-she would retreat to her room and call me in and state her testimony of

“I hate all my fucking friends, I don’t need any of them”

 

But when the go got rougher, and my grades saw their decline

I had to make up a decision against the grains of my mind

To leave her there, I haven’t seen my friends in days and nights

and all they’ve seen was my lone and colder

Vacant chair in LED

Red light

But her first method of persuasion got me as she locked her door and turned her eyes on bigger 

But the second, third, fourth time ain’t as light as I grew a hatred for being there and so nice

I need to live my life too, in my head I said “me too”

 

But in a better effort

I’m forcing my way to a locked door again

“And you’re my only friend”

This was more than reluctant, and in a tone only my father would use yelling at my mother

When her psychosis acted up

“Let me out of this bedroom”

But I didn’t know how sharp her nails were or how strong her grasp was

She would rip all at my skin and burn my lips as if her teeth were red-hot steel

And her saliva was acidic blood.

But I never knew the meaning of what being trapped was

And what I was

Was an unexpected boy with titles and cruel games

And nobody would believe what I said was true if I said her name

Or in any case

I knew this couldn’t happen to a boy in any case, or in any fashion, or in any way

Then I grew to have a higher respect for women

But after the sun left, the trees died in the cold

It was all dead

Respect women, he terrifyingly said

And in the dark with your wrists and neck pinned

You wouldn’t know if what was holding you down was a girl’s fists or ropes tied to the bed

No one around, without prior experiences

The room was so dark, there were no outlets, only the fire of alcohol was ever so spirited

Came the voice of the spirits on my lone days afterwards

“I’m betting he welcomed it”

“I’m betting he welcomed it”

“I’m betting he wanted it”

“I’m doubting his call, calling his bluff”

And in my head I asked myself

“Was the dark not enough?”