Hang in there or Hang Yourself
I'm defenceless, powerless.
Constrained, by uncontrolled emotions,
To this rollercoaster: up, down, up, down.
Desperate screams silenced in smothering shame.
I didn't consent to this ride,
So why won't you let me get off?
Sadness is suicide;
Anger is murder,
Happiness is euphoric,
And normal? Normal is northing.
And nothing being an insufferable emptiness,
That hollows me until I am no longer a person,
Am I supposed to accept that?
Hours sat trying to recognise myself.
Trying to find something that I do not know of.
Broken girl searching in her broken mirrors.
Identity stained by your perceptions.
How lonely to be so alone.
I’ll give every relationship an expiry date.
Mourn you everytime you hold me;
Dread the day you’ll ditch me in my darkness.
I cannot trust something so destined to fail.
I cannot believe you could love me.
You all hate me. I hate myself.
Consumed by the craving of the release.
I’ll scratch at my skin
I’ll pull my hair,
I’ll hit myself with the blinding anger,
At every thought I endure.
Exhausted by the expectation to exist.
Crushed by the intensity of the pain.
Until the adrenaline of the pure panic fills me
Intoxicates me; everythings good
I look good, I feel good, I love myself.
You all love me. How couldn't you?
Your tone. It changed?
Anger replaces adrenaline.
The hurt, the disgust.
Makes me nauseous and dizzy.
Trapped in torturing memories.
Nothing will change.
So, Get over it or kill yourself.
Hang in there or hang yourself.