Poetry Blogs (2020, depression)
Martin Elder on A One Night stand with the Royal Knight of Darkness (6 hours ago)
It’s a walking numbness, a dull pain
that sometimes presents itself in waves.
It slowly builds, and one day, every few weeks it explodes.
I can’t bring myself out of bed.
The rolling tears subside for a moment only to build again and again.
The world outside, and the family inside, doesn’t exist, only what’s happening right here.
Only this pillow, only this blanket, only the thoughts ...
Friday 14th August 2020 1:49 pm
clouds my view
at a quarter til two.
I don’t understand why
my muse avoids me like the flu,
when a simple poem or song will do.
Wise words to help me understand
why true love passed me by
in this lifetime.
Why wrong choices,
that felt right at the time,
left me alone in this abyss
where my better self
silently bears witness
to my shr...
Friday 14th August 2020 5:56 am
Running through my head
Rumbles getting louder
Scared things might be said
Hide away in a closet
Because the sound is so loud
Hide from the truth
Because the truths not allowed
Thunderbolts they are striking
Flashbacks of a lad
A childhood in silence
Adolescence was sad
But storms they get stronger
They gain strength with time
The rain is now pouring
I’ve a hurricane m...
Wednesday 12th August 2020 9:04 pm
Pain exists inside the heart
That mourns the missing day
Emptiness, holding all that’s lost,
Fingers white, grasping air, slipping away
Darkness surrounds all we see,
Shadows stolen from what could have been
Extinguish a flame, smoke filling our souls
As expectance is hidden and unseen
Embers remain in the sorrowful ash
As the wind lifts up the light of our e...
Wednesday 12th August 2020 9:09 am
I planted some seeds
I watched them grow
They got stronger each day
They are flowers now
The petals are vibrant
They’ve come to life
They blow in the breeze
They reach up to the light
Independent and free
They stand so tall
Bask in the sun
From the early morn
As the night time comes
They go to sleep
Until the next new dawn
And the little birds tweet
Then they rise again
Sunday 9th August 2020 5:04 pm
I don't want to hurt no more
I don’t want to cry
Don’t want to curse no more
Don't want to live this lie
Inside I feel I’m dying
The pain it hurts so bad
I feel I’m losing control
Every day I feel so sad
I’ve felt this way for a lifetime
Thought I’d mastered how to cope
But the pressures getting heavy
Feel I’m living with false hope
Thought talking would help to free me
But I feel I’v...
Sunday 9th August 2020 10:32 am
Lost boy, find your way home
Reach out your arms
You’re no longer alone
Lost boy, please don’t be scared
There’s a safe place waiting
You just need to get there
People may judge you
And that is OK
If they have a problem
We can keep them at bay
Thoughts and feelings are normal
Its everyday life
The future is yours
So keep that in sight
Lost boy, why are you afraid
It’s not your ...
Wednesday 5th August 2020 4:48 pm
I am sad.
I am worthless.
I am unlovable.
Nobody loves me.
I do not deserve to be loved.
I don't matter.
I have no matter.
The world would be a better place without me.
Nobody cares whether I'm dead or alive.
I wish I were dead.
Tuesday 4th August 2020 12:59 pm
And so the bastard sings........
His cruel deformities an abomination to those who set our standards,
It is a vicious, stinging blade that cuts him down in the street,
And the vermin watch, their cocks in their hands,
As the bastard falls, crying,
The gushing blood flows into the lifeless streets,
Glowing rivers of virility,
Washed into the gutter,
I took her hand, to take her away...
Sunday 2nd August 2020 9:50 pm
As a child
Friends knocked the door
You were waiting for
To hear the question
As it left their mouth
Asking your parents
If you were coming out
As a child
We’d run around
No care in the world
And acting the clown
And playing in mud
Making as many adventures
As we possibly could
As a child
I was building a wall
To keep me safe
Saturday 1st August 2020 1:08 pm
Here I stand, a broken man
Trying to cope the best I can
Guys are not supposed to cry
We’re macho with our heads held high
But alone I feel a shivering wreck
With mixed up thoughts and mass regrets
Regrets that I just can’t be me
Regrets of the false man you see
Each tiny thought I try to dissect
But each tiny thought then becomes a threat
A threat that I might be exposed
Exposed to tho...
Friday 31st July 2020 1:23 am
Like a scared child in the shadows
Lurking to find what’s right
Strange feelings overtake me
And my chest is feeling tight
Why does it feel abnormal
Why does it seem so strange
I don't have one attraction
I have multiple in my range
Why does it sound so dirty
In an homophobic head
Why do I feel so troubled
By what others might have said
Is it them who have the problem
Or am I running ...
Tuesday 28th July 2020 11:05 am
Crumbling all around you
Your world falling apart
Life seems to be dealing cruel blows
And your wondering where to start
From the moment you start hiding
Things go from bad to worse
The damage is occurring
And your causing yourself hurt
On the outside you are smiling
But on the inside there is pain
To the world your seeing sunshine
But all you see is rain
Behind the dark clouds lurks y...
Sunday 26th July 2020 10:34 am
Inside I’m breaking, I’m aching, in falling apart
The mess in my head is a real work of art
I’d unravel this mess but where would I start
Picked away at the seems bit by bit, part by part
The confusions, delusions
I just think what I have
But then thinking and sinking
I start to feel sad
Then with sadness there’s madness
And then I feel bad
These confusions, delusions are driving me mad
Saturday 25th July 2020 11:21 am
I have it all
locked up inside
my soul tries to hide
and I can’t find the reasons why
once I was whole
pure spirit, body and soul
the umbilical cord cut
and ready to go
into an unbiblical world
I didn’t know
the years passed and I passed out
locked in a cage of everyday life
I forgot there once was
a fire burning inside
Saturday 25th July 2020 8:44 am
Walking down the road no one travels on, lost are the souls that tried so hard to find themselves. Was the path really better? Luering you in with the beautiful greenery but what is lurking behind the beauty? Desperation to grasp ahold of innocent travelers, leading their journey to peace astray. Not a spiritual awakening they'll find, instead another dead end. Defeated, as you look theres no way ...
Tuesday 21st July 2020 8:14 am
The figure had a lonely aura about itself. Something about it weighed on your charachter. You willingly relinquished parts of yourself in hopes to nurture the overwhelming darkness that the stranger seemed to carry. As your mind opened to the new acquaintanceship the insecurities and fears that were once held by the apparition influenced their way into your esteem. As the light diminished from you...
Tuesday 21st July 2020 8:04 am
In the moonlit dreamtime as the
Warblers rest and stars kiss the midnight sky
I want to die
As the sun rises flirting seductively with
The horizon and cotton candy clouds
Tiptoe across the dawn
I want to die
In nameless parties with empty faces
And monsters growing with every sip of
Poison they ingest
I want to die
Thursday 16th July 2020 4:15 pm
a long silence fills the room---piercing my lonesome ears with pain
there she is
sad, distant, lonely staring at me dead in the eyes
her mouth opens and screams
no sound comes out.
theres not a way out for her.
i turn back around, taking a deep breath to tiredly dress my face with a sense of geniality. perfect i say to myself.
Monday 13th July 2020 8:12 am
In a dusky morning, the sun was setting,
Wanted to scream in a silent mic.
No more of this frustration, no more of this hatred,
Death was the only freedom came to his mind.
Listening to the people, listening to himself he realised,
Many a things don't matter, So does his life.
Losing his hobby, his like, his ego, his pride.
Losing his humanity, was what it was like.
'Try to stay po...
Wednesday 8th July 2020 3:10 pm
The light, so fierce and bright,
The glow like warm embers of a fire.
Attracting, magnetic, drawing you in,
Even more obvious from the shadows,
Looking in from the cold darkness
Where the fire once burned
And the warm hand of comfort used to rest.
It's cold out here away from the fireplace,
On the wrong side of the lighthouse,
With a perfectly illuminated view of th...
Saturday 4th July 2020 12:32 pm
I am the one who’s innocent blood was
shattered beneath the golden cross.
I am the one who’s virgin blood
stained the concrete floor.
I am the one who was too weak to fight,
yet too strong to die.
Oh what a fool who transverses the
Hell of man to stand erect with burning vengeance…
and walks away.
I am that fool.
I am the one who fought each night.
Who used her own...
Tuesday 16th June 2020 2:27 am
long have I stood
long stood have I gazed
long gazed have I thought
long thought have I suffered
long suffered have I
long have I stood
Saturday 13th June 2020 1:48 pm
A magenta sky
greets my morning sigh.
Another majestic day,
lost in the minutia of life.
paralyzing dream sabers.
Download another book,
refresh the poet's page.
Escape, behind a waterfall
Dry your eyes,
face your fears.
Tuesday 9th June 2020 4:31 pm
as a recovering suicidal,
things get too much many times a day
as a practicing high school student,
i am in classes 6 hours a day
now i'm failing at algebra, so i'll let you do the math -
but as the test subject, i can confirm
that this lines up to cause quite a few overloads during class
so that's why
that's why i excuse myself
fill up my water bottle, go t...
Tuesday 9th June 2020 1:37 am
~Quietly floating atop the rolling fabric of navy
Blue like the absence of oxygen in the veins
Tracing a trajectory charted and discovered,
Re-charted and rediscovered,
I spend the nights in Neptune.
I find an uneasy peace as daybreak cracks and attacks the ice
But the deep fissures fuse ever stronger.
The ocean lulls my corpus into a drowsy state
As my restless mind rages ...
Saturday 23rd May 2020 9:30 am
A summer's Christmas,
A winter's Easter,
Sun blazed reflections,
Moon chilled features,
Decaying bright shadows,
Renewing dark radiance,
Exogenous void within',
Lagging just to rush,
The constantly inconsistent,
Concealing joyous sorrows,
Being contiguously distant,
Thoughts resistantly flowing,
Nerves electrically static,
Wednesday 20th May 2020 11:20 pm
I can't take it,
I'm only asking,
Please Lord help me,
I'm tired of relapsing,
Over and over,
My veins are collapsing,
I know you hear me,
I'm sorry for babbling,
I don't understand,
Why this keeps happening,
I'm covering the pain,
It's so everlasting,
The hurt burns deep,
It never stops dragging,
Life is a slow death,
It's truly a sad thing,
Sunday 10th May 2020 3:20 pm
Michelangelo said the work of art awaited him beneath the slab of marble, merely for him to uncover it. In my own small way I understand that as I write these days. The poem I know is possible waits patiently at the other side across a murky divide and with luck and patience maybe I can reach it, reveal it.
Here is one I wrote about a barbecue years ago in the small town where I lived.
Friday 8th May 2020 11:43 pm
You paint yourself blue, always blue
this letter brings me down
perched upon a rusty trailer
paint peels over my shoulder
I've been drinking
since the boats were rested
on the muddy estuary bed
It's high tide, low life
high tide, low life
I won't stop my reaching out
if there's any way to help, I'll find it
you're so slow to take my hand
scratching at your skin for answers
Monday 20th April 2020 1:45 pm
It’s a weird feeling.
I try so hard to put on a show
To all of my friends
And my family
I need to be strong.
I don't want pity
I don't want to be a charity case
I’ve always been the person people come to for advice
And I’ve always been there for all my friends
And goddammit, I wish they were there for me
Thursday 9th April 2020 8:27 am
The weight of a thousand suns and a million lives and every single lie told to every single hopeful attached lover/
It’s on this very chest and my ribs are long gone they cracked and left years ago /
So did you and your promises and your hopes to get me better/
So did your patience for a illness without symptom
Because to you //
Symptom is a sore leg/
But to me ...
Wednesday 1st April 2020 11:34 pm
I don't like your colour,
Can't hear your noise
You cover streets in winter,
Keep my heart there,
In grey lands.
Let rivers overflow
And my heart sinking
Into colourless melancholy.
I want to be
At a sunny place.
I want to feel the golden light
And warmth on my skin.
©️ By Magical whispers
Wednesday 11th March 2020 9:02 am
When sun comes against all odds
And the colours of life just pop
Or when the rain falls
It falls and falls
And you wet your lips
With piping hot tea
With warm biscuit
Savour the crumbs
Cosy and safe
In the arms of a jumper
The padding of the sofa,
Like a huge hug
Or when your face aches,
Your stomach vibrates
Because you are fighting to breathe
Tuesday 18th February 2020 5:52 am
When people ask me how I'm doing I want to tell them the truth.
That my depression is the captor I can not escape from.
That my heart longs for the attention I don't sustain.
That my ears burn waiting for you to tell me you feel the same.
I want to tell you that depression has invited anxiety over.
Yes... that is the third time this week. Thanks for noticing.
Tuesday 11th February 2020 10:23 pm
The beach isn't a beach
if it sans the sea
Just a random strip of sand
on a hot summer day
The night doesn't fall
till the sun goes away
for it to dazzle
in its own way
Am I the night
that needs the sun
to mark my presence
or simply the beach
which will be nothing without the sea?
Monday 10th February 2020 11:13 am
The rain falls
My soul weeps
All the secrets that we keep
Thursday 23rd January 2020 5:02 am
cant forget all the things that happened, im constantly reminded
tramatizing pictures in my head
the doctors got worried so they put me on some meds
because i couldnt deal with my mental
derailing and my thoughts became detramental
i couldnt handle my life anymore
couldnt stop the impulses before...
it was too late, theres drugs involved, using them i thoug...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 11:26 am
what is it without actually being happy
i put together the most real pieces but it doesnt change my feelings even when theyre clapping
im really just sad but i hide it with anger
my life has never been safe, always putting myself in danger
trying to find salvation, maybe i can save myself
maybe help my momma, get my family in good health
im just tryna stay strong and change my ch...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 10:34 am
Depression is a question
of stamina. We know how to win.
Build walls and fill them with light
even as darkness batters the barricades,
threatening a wholesale invasion. So we turn on more lights,
call more friends, play, dance, and work, work, work.
This isn’t mania,
unless swimming to shore
in a river of white-water rapids is also mania.
and we can make it.
Monday 6th January 2020 10:00 am