Poetry Blogs (2019, humorous verse)

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Night 'Shifts' !

Night 'Shifts' !

 

It’s two a.m. (It maybe three).

But far from “Nighty-night!”, for me.

‘Ceiling-gaze’, through gravelled eyes.

I need to rest .... before sunrise.

 

Insomnia?  I’m ‘conscious’ proof.

I may as well re-slate the roof !

Or else, I’d simply rake the lawn

to keep me busy, until dawn.

 

“Pillow-punches”: ‘jumpy’ legs.

“Why can’t I sleep?”, the que...

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humorous poetryhumorous versehumour

'Double' Act!

'Double' Act !

 

In Nineteen Ninety Four,

a young man took the floor

for the television show, “Stars in Their Eyes”!

He was, ‘hips-to-feet’ in plaster

as he struggled out, to master

his new crutches, in a bid to win the prize.

 

The host (then), Matthew Kelly

introduced him on the ‘telly’,

saying “Simon, what a plucky guy you are.

I’ve been told, a year ago,

...

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Dark humourhumorous poetryhumorous versehumour

Old Heads on Young Shoulders!

“Old Heads on Young Shoulders”! 

 

You can’t put old heads on young shoulders!”, they say. 

But I think that I may have come-up with a way, 

involving some sawing - and stitching - and glue

(and a bit of an ‘inclin’, of just what to do!).

 

Yet, if I decided to ‘give it a bash’,

that would leave a ‘spare’ head and a body (to ‘stash’)!

Which seems such a waste of a woman ...

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dark humourhumorous poetryhumorous versehumour

A 'Snitch', in Time!

A ‘Snitch’, in Time !

 

My mother’s mother, Granny Brown

was ‘muchly-loved’ throughout our town.

The care she gave; her happy ways.

She cheered us in her ‘ember days’.

 

She liked to knit but not to sell.

Such quality. (Oh, you could tell!).

Each item, thoroughly bespoke

- for giving to specific folk.

 

“Gran, that’s great !” I’d often shout.

“You knit them ...

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humorous verseHumour

Jesus Wants You!

 

Jesus Wants You! 

 

He forced the door and entered, stepping over shards of glass, 

to effortlessly melt into the chamber’s darkened mass. 

And, as his torchlight searched for ‘victim-drawers’ to rifle through, 

out of darkness, rasped a voice; “Jesus is watching you.” 

 

He froze - was someone in the room inviting conversation? 

Or maybe he was hearing things (or his ...

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Humorous PoetryHumorous VerseHumour

A 'Fitting' Tale.

 

A 'Fitting' Tale.

 

Harry was a tailor, with the highest reputation.

Known for style and excellence (whatever, his creation).

His method was to double-check on every single measure,

so garments fitted perfectly, to give his clients pleasure.

 

This ‘modus-operandi’ will ensure the clothes fit, great

if you stick to it religiously and never deviate.

But, circumstance...

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humorous verse

Chess Pains !

 

Chess Pains!

 

Yet another chess convention

called upon the monthly pension.

Crusty codgers, ‘ coffin - dodgers’.

Reek of mothballs (best not mention!)

 

Hotel filled with ancient blokes,

bragging of their master-strokes.

‘Castle-crashers’, ‘Bishop-bashers!’

Cracking ‘chess-related’ jokes!

 

The old ‘ Grand Master’ then appeared,

to boast and crow (whils...

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humorous versehumour

No, I really don't care what Gail wrote on Facebook

“Ooh, have you seen what Gail's put on Facebook?”

“About Jade's Spanish lodger? Right made me giggle.”

“Bet you can guess what's underlined in her phrase book!”

“When I told our Kylie she fainted in Lidl.”

“She said, ‘well that explains the bar through her nipple! ‘“

“She definitely has. I've seen it full frontal.”

“So I guess the kids have another new uncle?”

“What has she be...

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comedycomiccomic versefacebookfunnyhumorous poemhumorous verselight verseShort Funny Poems

There were only seven chicken meatballs in my pack of eight

This is my attempt at a true crime/romance/poetry crossover and it’s called “There were only seven chicken meatballs in my pack of eight”.

 

There were only seven chicken meatballs in my pack of eight

So I opened up my Macbook to send an email of complaint.

 

She said

    Look. You need to get a sense of perspective.

    It’s petty, it’s sad, and you sound like a git.

    P...

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break upscomedycomiccrimeFunnyhumoroushumorous poetryhumorous verselight versemagic 9relationshipsRomancetrue crime

Sandwich fillings: an elegy

Siberian kale with cherrystone clam

Bulgar, quinoa, and spicy brown mustard

Orange okra served with whiskey-roast ham

Red chard, leaf lard, and savoury custard

 

Avocado jam with relish of quince

Shaved black truffle with sourdough croutons

Sun dried tomatoes with guinea pig mince

Plantain wraps served on tiny oak futons

 

Sandwich menus leave me filled with remorse

...

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comedycomicdecimaFunny Poemshumoroushumorous poetryhumorous versehumourlight verseSandwichesShort Funny Poemssonnet

Forgot to Water

entry picture

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I

forgot

to water

my writing

so now many

words have

fallen
to

the

ground

 

 

OH

             the

 

 

                                           Shame                                                          

 

                                                                                        ...

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Humorous versePoemShape

Duty Of Care - Extreme Combat

  Staff Notice  


Dear all
Please take this refresher advice as a friendly reminder
Of our protocol for calling in sick
Which is  

In the first instance call the shift supervisor
Inform them why you are unable to attend your shift
Be as clear as possible
The more information the better 
We don't need to hear a blues lyric
Only the truth
This information will of course remain co...

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humorhumorous poetryhumorous versehumourparody poetrypost rockpost rock poetrysatirical poetrySuki Spangleswork

I Am The World's First Selfie Poem

I am the world's first selfie poem,
Held aloft by the world's first selfie poem stick,
A look-at-me wordsmith pic,
Here I am fluttering beside Tower Bridge.

So here I pose on the left bank;
Here I'm by the Eiffel Tower,
Here I selfie seductively next to the shower.
Ignore the bidet -
Admire my framed parchment hanging above a plastic flower
pot.

Here I am analysed by a poet I barely know...

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humorhumorous versepost rock poetrysatirical poetryselfieSuki Spangles

You Should Have Been Here Yesterday (Copenhagen Unicorns And Stockholm Starfish)

You should have been here yesterday
Ten thousand flamingos danced all over the square
A bouquet of jasmine blooms filled the air
Golden geese spiralled a mid-air fanfare
Peace doves gently dropped ribbon boxes of chocolate eclairs

You should have been here yesterday
Billionaires gave away their mansions and wares
Rare paintings
             and rare cars 
                       with free ...

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humorous poetryhumorous versehumourlyricsrhymingSuki Spangles

A trip to the Supermarket

 

A  Trip to the Supermarket

I’m shopping in my lunch break and I only have an hour,

I’m whizzing round the supermarket; all I need is flour,

But then I buy some extra bits to make my shopping last,

I pick up speed down aisle three; I’m running pretty fast,

My trolley is quite heavy, so I park it down the aisle,

I collect butter, milk and loo roll, and I start to los...

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bespoke poetryhumorous verseJan Jack

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