"Buttery- Muttery" !

‘Buttery- Muttery’!


Our ‘human-footprint’ on this Earth

has ‘cocked’ the planet up, from birth.

We’ve nappies that won’t de-compose

(You’ll wait a thousand years for those!)

We’re causing climate change, alas

with pipelines full of oil and gas.

Mechanical deforestation,

stripping back each third-world nation.


All examples, such as these

spell global-wide cat...

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A Grave Mistake!

A Grave Mistake!


Alf and Elsie - such a pair. Inseparable, throughout.

A paragon of ‘love and care’ (no shadow of a doubt).

Down’t pit until retirement, Alf was ‘Yorkshire, born and bred’.

Which met his wife’s requirement (strong int th’arm and thick int th’ead!)


But, after sixty years of bliss, came by ‘that dreadful day’

when Alfie, with a tender kiss, sent Elsie ‘on ...

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A 'Brush' with Art !

A 'Brush' with Art !  



I think I'll take up painting.

Could it really be that tough?

To swish a brush across the canvas

....spreading ‘oil-based stuff’.


Lots of people do it

and make money on the side.

But the trick to this is selling them

to folk  (..... before you’ve died!)


Da Vinci and his ‘Masters’

could have flogged a few more ‘Greats’,

if ...

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Knocking 'the Spots' off Each Other!



Knocking 'the Spots' off Each Other!


White impressed on Black “You’re in the background: we’re on top.”

Black replied “This constant ‘domination’ needs to stop.”

White retorted “We’re ‘Spot-on’! We ‘pip’ you: ‘rule the game’.“

Black then countered “That’s untrue. We’re, surely both the same.


This could have worked out, either way. Our roles could be reversed.


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'Sign' of the Times (Reflections on 'Rude'!)


Apologies, in advance, for the rude words !


Folk who pee in public places (treating them as ‘loos’).

‘Concert-girls’, on partners’ shoulders, blocking others’ views.

Kids that kick your airplane seat whilst parents just ignore.

Gits who queue-jump at the bar -‘though you were there before.


Those who walk straight past you, without thanks .... or smiles.... or nods.


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“Old Heads on Young Shoulders”! 


”You can’t put old heads on young shoulders!”, they say. 

But I think that I may have ‘come-up’ with a way, 

involving some sawing - and stitching - and glue 

(and a bit of a ‘heads-up’, in just what to do!).  


But, if I decided to give it a ‘bash’, 

that would leave a spare head and a body (to stash)! 

Which seems such a waste of a woman or man.

So, now I’ve develop...

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'Man-Sized' Issues !

So, now those ‘Man-Size’ tissues

are named ‘Extra-Large’ instead. 

It’s another “sexist” issue 

that is messing with me ‘ead!  


It seems, the major problem 

is all centred around ‘Man’. 

Folk find this word offensive 

but I’m ‘flummoxed’ if I can !


I’m fearing for the future 

if this nonsense carries on. 

‘Cos they’ll ban the ‘Man’ from everything

 in fav...

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A ‘Snitch’, in Time ! 


My mother’s mother, Granny Brown

was ‘muchly-loved’ (once) in our town. 

The care she gave; her happy ways. 

She cheered us, in her ‘ember days’. 


She liked to knit, but not to sell.  

Such quality, (oh, you could tell!). 

Each item, thoroughly bespoke 

- for gifting to specific folk.  


“Gran, that’s great !” I’d often shout.  

“You knit them, then you han...

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'Passing' Thoughts.

I've not been on this site for a while so apologies if my 'catch-up' entries appear inconsistent in style and subject-matter.

In witnessing and subsequently processing my Mum’s, passing last year the easiest way that I found, I could cope was to write the following; one message from me to her and another that I imagined (knowing her as I did) that she might have sent to her three children, in r...

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Is "Statue"?


I met this gorgeous woman for some ‘afternoon-delight’.

When we ventured back to her place (well and truly ‘outta-sight’!).

We scurried up the stairs and very soon were ‘in flagrante’.

My clothes were off as she approached, in just her bra and panties.


We intertwined, to ‘moan and grind’, intent on pure ‘amour’

But soon were interrupted by the thumping of a door.

My lov...

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'Rhyme Crime'!

When, first I began on the ‘poetry’ scene,

my brain wasn’t ready. Let’s say “a bit ‘green’”?

A “bull-at-a-gate” (if you know what I mean)

and ended up racing - a little too keen !


There’s a challenging issue in having Verse, rhyme.

Writing ‘couplets’ that match, yet make sense every time.

Which, sometimes presents a ‘huge mountain to climb’

(if you seek to avoid the ‘mund...

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Size Matters!

Size Matters!


Jack and Jill were getting wed.

(Jack’s dad thought, Jill was nice).

“But, let me give you, Son,” he said

“some fatherly advice.


On the day, I wed yer mam

I nipped ‘er straight indoors.

And, being ‘t sort of bloke I am

I soon laid down the laws.


I boldly took mi trousers off

and told ‘er, ‘put ‘em on.’

She drowned within a sea of cloth


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A 'Valued' Friend!

A 'Valued' Friend!


Frank, tonight, is working late.

The doorbell rings; it’s Frankie’s mate.

“Liz, you need to know”, smiles Ken.

“Frank won’t be home ‘til half-past ten.


I said, I’d drop in, as I pass,

to tell you of his news, alas.”

“It’s nice of you to think of me.”

Beams Lizzy, “Would you like some tea?”


And so they share a brew and chat;

some thoug...

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The Trouble With Nuts!

The Trouble With Nuts!


The trouble with nuts is, they’re very elusive.

But, don’t take my word as completely conclusive.

It’s just that, it seems, though, whenever they're freed

they scatter and hide - which is not what you need!


Consider the case of a doctor, I knew.

Took his car for a spin ( and to ‘pose’ in it, too).

A well-mannered man - but you wouldn’t think th...

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Presenting the Present.

Presenting the Present.


The Present is a ‘present’: it’s a gift for you and me.

A chance to manage things ‘that are’ or fashion ‘what will be’.

The Present is now happening: it stays with us, throughout.

A ‘multi-choice’ of routes to take - each paved with trust and doubt.


For, when we ‘load our bullets (in the Present) to the gun’,

they’re locked, within the Past, wher...

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Rhyming verse

'Double' Act!

'Double' Act !


In Nineteen Ninety Four,

a young man took the floor

for the television show, “Stars in Their Eyes”!

He was, ‘hips-to-feet’ in plaster

as he struggled out, to master

his new crutches, in a bid to win the prize.


The host (then), Matthew Kelly

introduced him on the ‘telly’,

saying “Simon, what a plucky guy you are.

I’ve been told, a year ago,


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Jesus Wants You!


Jesus Wants You! 


He forced the door and entered, stepping over shards of glass, 

to effortlessly melt into the chamber’s darkened mass. 

And, as his torchlight searched for ‘victim-drawers’ to rifle through, 

out of darkness, rasped a voice; “Jesus is watching you.” 


He froze - was someone in the room inviting conversation? 

Or maybe he was hearing things (or his ...

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A 'Fitting' Tale.


A 'Fitting' Tale.


Harry was a tailor, with the highest reputation.

Known for style and excellence (whatever, his creation).

His method was to double-check on every single measure,

so garments fitted perfectly, to give his clients pleasure.


This ‘modus-operandi’ will ensure the clothes fit, great

if you stick to it religiously and never deviate.

But, circumstance...

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Chess Pains !


Chess Pains!


Yet another chess convention

called upon the monthly pension.

Crusty codgers, ‘ coffin - dodgers’.

Reek of mothballs (best not mention!)


Hotel filled with ancient blokes,

bragging of their master-strokes.

‘Castle-crashers’, ‘Bishop-bashers!’

Cracking ‘chess-related’ jokes!


The old ‘ Grand Master’ then appeared,

to boast and crow (whils...

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Surprise Party!



Surprise Party!


He'd had enough! The pace, too fast.

Found courage to resign (at last).

Escaping from the 'Hell' of Shares and Stocks.

So, Hedge-Fund Dividends in hand,

Simon bought a croft, with land,

nestling between two Scottish lochs.


He cherished his ‘now-simple’ life.

No stress (nor ‘higher-maintenance’ wife!)

and not another soul for miles arou...

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Down, the 'Chippy'.

 Down, the ‘Chippy’.


When I was a lad (and everything was ‘black and white’), 

the highlight of my week was at the ‘chippy’, Friday night.

The smell of it was wonderful and made my spirits rise;

anticipating fish and chips (or sometimes I’d ‘go, pies’!)


The sizzle of the fryers - which spat louder with each fish.

“Could yer give us two steak puddin’s please? Mi Mam ‘as ...

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A Fond Farewell !

A Fond Farewell ! 


For thirty, long years he’d delivered the post.

The community all knew Ben well. 

His retiring had come as a ‘shocker’ to most.

-  He’d be sorely missed. (You could tell!) 


And so, on the day of his very last shift, 

(where, really to no-one’s surprise) 

each household met Ben with a suitable gift.

Wrapped in ‘hugs’ and some ‘dewing-up’ eyes! 


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'Caravan Man'

 ‘Caravan Man’


Caravan, oh, caravan!

You court a certain breed of man.

Who “canvassed” (once), ‘The Great Outdoors’

but now he favours plywood floors!


The lure of towing, out of town.

Of ‘pitching up’ and winding down.

Al-fresco lunches, cups of tea.

Of ‘Vanners’ camararderie.


Reversing in, (if ‘things get tense’)

so often gains an audience.

Circled ...

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It’s tough, being ‘follicly-challenged’.

(I suppose, it’s because of my age.)

Now, my hair-line is shrinking it’s started me, thinking,

“I’m finally reaching ‘that stage’!”


I’ve guessed what the ‘blighters’ are up to

(when they slowly ‘abandon’ my head).

At a loss, what to do,

they’ve sought ‘pastures a-new’

and took over my nostrils instead !



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Great Expectations!


Gertrude and her boyfriend, Pete,

at last had set a date.

They booked the church and hotel suite 

in which to celebrate. 

The hen night went with such a swing

 (the ‘stripper-man’ was hot!) 

The girls teased ‘Gert’ on everything 

and laughed about ‘What’s what’!

“Just wait until your wedding night!” 

Collectively, they gushed.

“You’ll get ‘what’s what’ ...

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Majority Matters!


Teresa May has, big-style, cockeD UP!

She thought it wise for an election to be calleD UP.

She now needs her party to be shoreD UP.

Oh dear, where will the Tories enD UP ?

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Keeping 'Mum' !


In a small village, quite close to the sea

resided a loving (and close) family.

A mother, a father and much-treasured son - 

not yet ‘flown the nest’; it was time to move on.


The son started courting a lass known as Moll.

His father agreed “She’s a bit of a doll!”

And soon (as he’d got to that point in his life) 

the son rather fancied young Moll, as his wife.  



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'Righty-tighty, Lefty-loosey'!

Thanks, Colin Hill, for prompting this one in me!

I'm not that politically driven but it just jumped out at me, given the forthcoming election.


'Righty-tighty,  Lefty-loosey'
- mnemonic for screwing up nuts, bolts and screws, you see?
Also applied to political policy.
Here, let me try t...

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Cock's Away!


Back in the nineties, Lorena and John
were making the news with a ‘right carry-on’!
John’s marriage commitments, he just couldn’t keep.
So she chopped off his ‘chopper’ whilst he was asleep!

Lorena then (finally) came to her senses.
So shocked with her handiwork’s dire consequences!
Her ‘unkindest cut’ must have broken the law,
so she picked up his ‘winkie’ and ran for the door.


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United Airlines Double-Booking Policy!

Shame, ‘United Airlines'
You used to shout "Brace! Brace!”
and serve me with a nice hot towel
before you punched my face !

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'Pet Project'!


The ‘Don’ Corleone liked weasels - a lot!
But that's something, Sicily just hasn't got.
So he travelled to see Dr Frankenstein, where
he demanded, he make him one up - then and there!


The (nervous) Doc said “’Though I don’t think, I ought-ter. 
I’ll build you a weasel that swims in the water”.
Then, set about stitching up flesh, fur and bone
‘til a thing (that resembled a weasel...

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The 'Greater Cause'!


“Give Peace a chance!” John Lennon, pleaded - not that any Nations heeded.
Fearful of a ‘mass destruction’; nuclear-bombs and ‘arms-reduction’.
Despots (’power-mad’), dictating, murdering and postulating
Super-powers show some heart, whenever ‘profit’ plays a part.


When I was just a little lad my life, at home was fairly sad.
The air was fraught with sibling-slaps; the squabbling ...

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