When all around is crumbling

And there’s nothing left to save

And the economy is tumbling

It’s time to call for Dave

 

He’s super and he’s Tory

His haircut is so smart

He would be great on Jackanory

He just looks and sounds the part

 

He once called a referendum

That left us lonely and bereft

Wrote a memoir, an addendum

To a career lacking heft

 

He sat in a painted caravan

And chewed upon his pen

A hollowed out and aimless man

Who dreamt of now and then

 

When he’d mingled with Merkel and Putin

Had pints with Xi in a rural bar

There can be no disputin’

He knew the value of PR

 

But judgement he was lacking

And misjudgement brought his fall

When he failed to get the backing

For his reckless Brexit call

 

So he turned his hand to writing

It had always been a hobby

The cash advance was inviting

For a grifter born to lobby

 

He was master of his universe

An emperor of schmooze

At a hundred grand an hour

How could he ever lose?

 

But he hankered for the limelight

After leaving Number Ten

His grip on reality was slight

He’d been handed jobs ‘til then

 

No need for a curriculum vita

They’re not for the likes of Dave

A simple introduction is neater

Let fortune not favour the brave

 

They feed off eachother’s connections

And leave every job in a mess

Skipping those tiresome elections

They enjoy the support of the press

 

Conservatives everywhere raise your voice

Suella’s been given the sack

It’s time to party and rejoice

Because Dodgy Dave is back