Size Matters!

Size Matters!


Jack and Jill were getting wed.

(Jack’s dad thought, Jill was nice).

“But, let me give you, Son,” he said

“some fatherly advice.


On the day, I wed yer mam

I nipped ‘er straight indoors.

And, being ‘t sort of bloke I am

I soon laid down the laws.


I boldly took mi trousers off

and told ‘er, ‘put ‘em on.’

She drowned within a sea of cloth

- all sight of ‘er ‘ad gone!


‘Too big!’ she shouted (from the fly!)

‘I never could wear those.

’ ‘That’s right!’ I said, ‘

and that is why you wear ‘the panty-‘ose’!


I’ve let you try mi britches out

(as ‘man opposed to mouse’)

to clarify that I, no doubt’,

wear‘t trousers in this ‘ouse.


This sent to ‘er the message, clear,

I’m master in mi ‘castle’.

So, ever since, yer mother (dear)

has never ‘give me hassle’!”


Jack considered Father’s ploy

to gain the upper hand.

Then (hoping it would not annoy),

agreed to make his stand.


And so, that night, to ‘mark his ground’,

Jack led Jill to their bed.

To stand there, proudly – trousers ‘downed’

(the way his Dad had said).


“Wife, I’ll not be put upon!”

said Jack w(all ‘high and mighty’).

“You need to try my trousers on

before you don your ‘nightie’.”


Jill humoured him, and climbed inside

his ‘Forty-two-waist’ slacks.

“They’re massive!” cried his muffled bride.

“Like two potato-sacks!”


“Precisely, Dear.” smiled Jack. That’s why

I’m telling you, as spouse,

you need to realise that I

wear’t trousers in this ‘ouse.”


Jill, unabashed by ‘macho-Jack’

then slipped her panties down.

“Now, try these on”, she whispered back.

Jack’s face turned to a frown.


So, stepping into knickers, flushed

(the act, a total farce),

no matter how he pulled and pushed,

they barely reached his arse.


Moaned Jack (knees caught in tiny briefs)

“I can’t get in your pants.”

“Think on!” warned Jill. “With your beliefs,

you’ll never get the chance!” 



funny poemsfunny versehumorous poetryhumorous versehumour

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John Andrew Nield

Mon 24th Feb 2020 19:00

Such a crafted, lovely comment, Po ! So glad you enjoyed it, too.
Thanks very much. John

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John Andrew Nield

Mon 24th Feb 2020 00:23

Thanks, Jennifer. I try ! 😊

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jennifer Malden

Sun 23rd Feb 2020 22:14

Love your stories, John. Keep up the good work.

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Don Matthews

Sun 23rd Feb 2020 21:09

Of corse......


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John Andrew Nield

Sun 23rd Feb 2020 17:35

that was 'comments', of course! 😊

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John Andrew Nield

Sun 23rd Feb 2020 16:33

Thanks for all your commen, Guys. 😊

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M.C. Newberry

Sun 23rd Feb 2020 16:28

More fun from this source - a welcome chance to grin (and "bare" it?)

<Deleted User> (18980)

Sun 23rd Feb 2020 16:16

If only men weren't desperate toget into women's knickers they would definitely wear the trousers!

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Sun 23rd Feb 2020 16:09

This is great! 😂 Thoroughly enjoyed it.

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