A 'Valued' Friend!

A 'Valued' Friend!


Frank, tonight, is working late.

The doorbell rings; it’s Frankie’s mate.

“Liz, you need to know”, smiles Ken.

“Frank won’t be home ‘til half-past ten.


I said, I’d drop in, as I pass,

to tell you of his news, alas.”

“It’s nice of you to think of me.”

Beams Lizzy, “Would you like some tea?”


And so they share a brew and chat;

some thoughts and feelings (‘this and that’).

“Elizabeth, I need to say,”

blurts Ken “I dream of you each day!”


“Oh, stop it, Ken! Don’t make a pass!”

Scolds Lizzy, “I’m a married lass!”

But, seizing on the situation,

Ken expands on his frustration.


“Lizzy, love, let’s take a chance

to steal a kiss and make romance.”

“No way!” baulks Liz (still standing grounds).

Pleads Ken “I’d pay you, fifty pounds!”


“Just what”, she carps “d’you take me for?

A ‘kissing booth’? Some ‘two-bit whore’?”

But memory, then ‘tips her scales’

of shoes, she’s noticed in the sales.


“OK.”, she whispers (shyly, so).

“For fifty quid, you’ll get one ‘go’.”

So Kenny grabs Liz by the hips

and plants a ‘smacker’ on her lips!


Encouraged now (and full of hope)

Ken ‘ups-the-ante’, for a grope.

“That was lovely; so much fun!

What, say, we cuddle – for a ‘ton’?”


“One hundred pounds? Where’s the ‘Madame’?”

jibes Liz. “What do you think I am?”

“That, I’ve guessed!” thinks Ken (so nice).

“It seems, the only issue’s ‘price’!”


Liz (‘appalled’ by Kenneth’s bid)

pockets his one hundred quid!

Planning shopping trips - to choose

a fancy bag to match the shoes.


So, wish now granted, Ken gets busy

– ‘hands-a-blur’, all over Lizzy!‘

Til (at last) she tells him, “Stop!”

and pulls his ‘paws’ from down her top!


“Oh, Liz!”, groans Kenneth (in a lather!)

“Can’t we go a little farther?”

Gasping, “I’m prepared to pay

two hundred – let’s go all the way!”


“I should have guessed!” cries Liz, aghast,

“That this is where things lead, at last.”

Yet, further profit ‘floats her boat’.

(New shoes and bag demand new coat!)


So Lizzy takes her ‘shameful pay’

to let young Kenneth play away.

And (as she used to ‘do the rounds’)

Ken has her, for two hundred pounds.


The deed now done, Ken makes a dash

from Liz, distracted (counting cash).

The front door opens – in walks Frank,

all smiles with “I have Ken to thank!


Ken's such a loyal pal to me. 

And typical of him, that he

should offer (as I’d work to do)

to drop my wages off, with you!” 



('Chestnuts Reroasted!')


funny poemsfunny versehumorous poemsHumorous versehumour

◄ The Trouble With Nuts!

Size Matters! ►


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John Andrew Nield

Sun 23rd Feb 2020 15:32

Far from it, Jennifer! I just tell 'em... And to prove, there's not a 'misogynistic bone' in my body, see my next effort 'Size Matters!'. 😊

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jennifer Malden

Sun 23rd Feb 2020 09:58

Love your stories John!!!! Talk about a 'sting in the tail' in this one, even if you are a mysoginist! Can't remember how to spell it.


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