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Night 'Shifts' !

Night 'Shifts' !

 

It’s two a.m. (It maybe three).

But far from “Nighty-night!”, for me.

‘Ceiling-gaze’, through gravelled eyes.

I need to rest .... before sunrise.

 

Insomnia?  I’m ‘conscious’ proof.

I may as well re-slate the roof !

Or else, I’d simply rake the lawn

to keep me busy, until dawn.

 

“Pillow-punches”: ‘jumpy’ legs.

“Why can’t I sleep?”, the que...

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'Double' Act!

'Double' Act !

 

In Nineteen Ninety Four,

a young man took the floor

for the television show, “Stars in Their Eyes”!

He was, ‘hips-to-feet’ in plaster

as he struggled out, to master

his new crutches, in a bid to win the prize.

 

The host (then), Matthew Kelly

introduced him on the ‘telly’,

saying “Simon, what a plucky guy you are.

I’ve been told, a year ago,

...

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Dark humourhumorous poetryhumorous versehumour

Old Heads on Young Shoulders!

“Old Heads on Young Shoulders”! 

 

You can’t put old heads on young shoulders!”, they say. 

But I think that I may have come-up with a way, 

involving some sawing - and stitching - and glue

(and a bit of an ‘inclin’, of just what to do!).

 

Yet, if I decided to ‘give it a bash’,

that would leave a ‘spare’ head and a body (to ‘stash’)!

Which seems such a waste of a woman ...

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dark humourhumorous poetryhumorous versehumour

Jesus Wants You!

 

Jesus Wants You! 

 

He forced the door and entered, stepping over shards of glass, 

to effortlessly melt into the chamber’s darkened mass. 

And, as his torchlight searched for ‘victim-drawers’ to rifle through, 

out of darkness, rasped a voice; “Jesus is watching you.” 

 

He froze - was someone in the room inviting conversation? 

Or maybe he was hearing things (or his ...

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Humorous PoetryHumorous VerseHumour

There were only seven chicken meatballs in my pack of eight

This is my attempt at a true crime/romance/poetry crossover and it’s called “There were only seven chicken meatballs in my pack of eight”.

 

There were only seven chicken meatballs in my pack of eight

So I opened up my Macbook to send an email of complaint.

 

She said

    Look. You need to get a sense of perspective.

    It’s petty, it’s sad, and you sound like a git.

    P...

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Sandwich fillings: an elegy

Siberian kale with cherrystone clam

Bulgar, quinoa, and spicy brown mustard

Orange okra served with whiskey-roast ham

Red chard, leaf lard, and savoury custard

 

Avocado jam with relish of quince

Shaved black truffle with sourdough croutons

Sun dried tomatoes with guinea pig mince

Plantain wraps served on tiny oak futons

 

Sandwich menus leave me filled with remorse

...

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Writer's Block

When you get writer's block
go for a walk

find a friend 
have a talk

blow bubbles
spin a top

count stars
watch birds flock

whatever you do 

don't stare 
at a blank page

as the clock
goes tick-tock. 
 

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Glastonbury 1997. Don't Go There.

https://youtu.be/kx6C248MQeQ

On being young and foolish at the second muddiest Glastonbury Festival in history. 

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#spokenwordfestivalGlastonburyhumorous poetrylive poetryPerformance Poets

Fifty Shades Of Freckle-Faced Dalek

i fell so hopelessly in love with a freckle-faced dalek
she was sitting in the park on a swing farouche alone
yet we got chatting and one thing naturally led to the other
so we rolled into a nearby quarry
where she plugged the scintillating us into a pylon
we mind-melded moons stars power-stations and suns
please don't feel envious of our cosmical abandon 
or this most unique slap-and-tickl...

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Don't Care~Don't Want To Heart It

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{Don't Care~Don't Want To Hear It} 

 

 

I don't care anymore

I don't wanna hear it anymore 

Because I am moving on I am moving forward with or without you or without you in my life and that is your decision but choose wisely 

Because when I walk out that door that means that I am closing the door behind me shutting you out completely and you will have the ever essence of what was...

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humorous poemshumorous poetryhumorous storiesOne_Pissed_Off_American_Ghost_Writer/Tina GloverPoempoetryTina Gloverwriting short poemswriting short poetrywriting short stories

How Could You Miss Something You Never Had?

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{How Could You Miss Something You Never Had?}

 

 

It's sad to say

that for a long

time now I

would be missing

you but in reality

how could I

miss something

I never really

had in the

first place 

 

Yes it started

off by me

missing the

sound of your

deep voice 

 

And the tender

touches of your

hand against

my skin

 

A...

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humorous poemshumorous poetryOne_Pissed_Off_American_Ghost_Writer/Tina Gloverpoempoetryshort poemsshort poetryshort storiesTina Gloverwriting out loud

Diary Of The Southern Queen Entry #25 {Rose's Are Red Poems #1}

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{Diary Of The Southern Queen Entry #25 {Rose's Are Red Poems #1} 

 

 

 

🌹 Rose's are red,

Violet's are blue,

Now you are nothing

but a lame ass🃏 joker 

that needs to have

his croaker 

removed all together

so there 

won't be no more

forced

innocent victims that

you can

capture `n` then 

killing them 

slowly 

🌹 Rose's are red,

Violet's are ...

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diary of the southern queenhumoroushumorous poetrylifelivingOne_Pissed_Off_American_Ghost_Writer/Tina Gloveroutside inspirationpoempoetryRose's poemsRose's poetryTina Gloverworldly inspirationwriting short poemswriting short poetrywriting to write

In The Big House Now

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{In The Big House Now} 

 

 

Well here I am

sitting in the big

🏠 house now

and I can't 

escapefrom in

here and oh 

shit what do

I say now {oh

yes you best 

bringyour ass

down here to 

bail me the hell 

out of the big

🏠 house now} 

 

 

 

 

©One_Pissed_Off_American_Ghost_Writer/Tina Glover 12/06/2017 all rights reserved 

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Black 🐑 Sheep

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{Black 🐑 Sheep} 

 

 

As the black 🐑 sheep is an outcast in your eyes 

 

 

But if that black 🐑 sheep gets the chance they will be the one's leading the pack 

 

 

Because they can only with stand so much hurt and pain until one day they will strike you without warning they will deploy a decoy to get you to believe them and having you hooked like reading a old romantic book...

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amusingamusing selfblack sheepfictionfictional characterhumoroushumorous poetryOne_Pissed_Off_American_Ghost_Writer/Tina Gloverpoempoetrythinking out loudTina Gloverwriting

Sylvia Plath's Silver Fox

sylvia plath
oh how you made us laugh
alas 
if only you had used a microwave oven

ted hughes
like all great poets
you were great with women weren't you
and to be fair
you also wrote a really good poem about a fox
and you got laid many times because of it
and apparently three of your loves killed themselves
three 
and then you published some poems about one of them
but not the other tw...

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humorous poetry

Sun And Air

 

I've fallen deeply in love with the girl 
Hiding in the electronic check-out number four.

She never sounds sad or angry.
Her perfect, modulated tones,
Oh, how I wish to take her home.

There she hides beneath the screen,
"Please place the item in the bag..",
So I respectfully place my vegan mayonnaise,
In the bag.


In the past,
Leaning close to her bar-code reader,
I've whispered,

"Would you like to ...

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humorous poetrypost-rock poetry

Bleeding-Edge Prophet

(folks, this one is a bit of an epic, so have a cup of tea ready, or perhaps a few shots of vodka..)

 

And Lo
So let it be said
And let it also be written thus
And let it be passed down through the generations
Like rare unicorn musk..

There was once a man so wise
And this wise man was a very wise man
And he did offer me deeply learned counsel
And he did point to a very far away place
Way over there b...

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humorous poetrypost-rock poetrysatirical poetry

That Inevitable Question

A handful of commuters,
On the platform,
Waiting,
Were waiting,

A man -
Some bloke,
Walked past me,
And up to the self-service confectionery machine,
And started making noises: huh! huh! hoohauuh! hooh-hoh!

So..
I asked myself that inevitable question:
Should I turn around?

Should I turn around?
Do I really need to see why this man -
This bloke -
Is making these strange noises?

I decid...

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humorous poetrypost-rock poetrysatirical poetrySuki Spangles

The Transcendentalist

So the scents of pre cornflake sex
And post energy drink breath
Pervades the carriage like a squid squadron infusion..

Acrid lemon bleach musk cologne
Tinkly-plink-thud beats effervesce from earphones
She leans arching on the glass pane knackered
Eye-liner Rothko remastered
Her groin marine satyr
Not so lucky a bastard
She receives a sext from another torpedo piece of spam with pecs
Nigh...

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humorhumorous poetryhumourlyricspost rockpost-rock poetrysatirical poetrySuki Spangles

Meanwhile, In Sweden

Human resources -
She works in human resources.
Don't tell anyone.

Sometimes I hear those screams from her basement;
Screams like giving birth to a fully grown and functioning dentist.

Then, after the screams,
There's that familiar matryoshka doll silence.

The crooked blood leaks from her sleek harbinger mouth,
As she carries the sleek heavy-duty plastic refuse bags,
One by one,
To cast ...

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human resourceshumorous poetryhumourpost-rockpost-rock poetrySuki SpanglesSwedish TV detectiveswork

Tycho (Deviationist Astronaut And The Zany Karmic Architect)

I'm rushing below the firmament in a submarine
Pulled up by balloons 
Rocket thrusters won't work in a vacuum
The torrid plasma liquid washes over the viewing screen
And the Hubble telescope cannot anywhere be seen
This periscope doesn't recognise the space handed to us it seems..

Am I floating beneath the epidermis of a prison planet scheme
I fear this is way beyond my theosophical steam
...

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humorhumorous poetryhumourlyricspost-rock poetryscience fictionscience fiction poetrySuki Spanglessurreal poetry

I Had To Write This Poem

I had to write this poem 
because I thought of this one great line,
What do you think -
will it stand the test of time?

Well, I had to write it down
to deter other poets stealing this idea;
You know lines are clutched from the atmosphere,
Or they fall like apples, spill over like beer.

I had to write this poem,
Because I thought of this one great line;
Like a beat messiah,
My acid milk ...

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humorhumorous poetryhumourlyricsperformance poetrypost-rock poetry

Duty Of Care - Extreme Combat

  Staff Notice  


Dear all
Please take this refresher advice as a friendly reminder
Of our protocol for calling in sick
Which is  

In the first instance call the shift supervisor
Inform them why you are unable to attend your shift
Be as clear as possible
The more information the better 
We don't need to hear a blues lyric
Only the truth
This information will of course remain co...

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humorhumorous poetryhumorous versehumourparody poetrypost rockpost rock poetrysatirical poetrySuki Spangleswork

Poem of the Week

(Inspired by Write Out Loud's discussion thread: Poem of the Week)

So
This week
It can be announced Gong-Ka-Bong
That this poem
Is Poem of the Week
Art 
Love
And a celebration of the communing with our etheric higher sense
Amen
So
Let us join together
And let the blood-letting commence

Observe the cowering bastards sit on the fence
Poets can be a vicious breed
Almost as obnoxiou...

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humorhumorous poetryhumourPoem of the weekpost-rock poetrysatirical poetrySuki Spangles

Forest Gate Mystery Train (Spoken Word)

https://youtu.be/Qov_y6PMrw8

I'm on the Forest Gate Mystery Train,
With my burgled geranium eyes.
I'm on the Forest Gate Mystery Train,
Sighing goldfish clock sardine spies.

Spammed atomic; trolleyed marine,
Frost-buckled arms glow margarine,
Slender dolls slalom offside knees,
Capsules backslide into the stalagmite City.

Tutankhamen consortia;
Shoulder-penguins soggy cadge the dappled...

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gonzo poetryhumorhumorous poetryhumourlyricspost rock poetrysatirical poetrysongSuki Spangles

I'm Going To Write A Poem About You


Childish I'm sure
But the way that pavement cyclist 
Pedestrian-pranged me his signature 
I became his press-ganged human speed-bump
Suffering concrete-kissing discomfiture
Well he certainly deserved nothing less
than the back hand of my pierian
So as the pebble-assed smurf pelted away
Revolving dalek camera on his pompous high viz head
I brushed myself down
Bracing myself for what I a...

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humorous poetrylyricsperformance poetrysatirical poetrySuki Spangles

You Should Have Been Here Yesterday (Copenhagen Unicorns And Stockholm Starfish)

You should have been here yesterday
Ten thousand flamingos danced all over the square
A bouquet of jasmine blooms filled the air
Golden geese spiralled a mid-air fanfare
Peace doves gently dropped ribbon boxes of chocolate eclairs

You should have been here yesterday
Billionaires gave away their mansions and wares
Rare paintings
             and rare cars 
                       with free ...

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humorous poetryhumorous versehumourlyricsrhymingSuki Spangles

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