(folks, this one is a bit of an epic, so have a cup of tea ready, or perhaps a few shots of vodka..)
So let it be said
And let it also be written thus
And let it be passed down through the generations
Like rare unicorn musk..
There was once a man so wise
And this wise man was a very wise man
And he did offer me deeply learned counsel
And he did point to a very far away place
Way over there betwixt the yonder high rises
Past the melded concrete ravines
The budgerigar dressage glass-encased whirlpool trip-wired meadows
Humanity redux recast remoulded deep-fried and stilettoed
A hive-mind meshed in a debt collector universe
Smashed over our heads with cellos..
And yet and yet
For all that
There beyond the marauding marque shellac
And the disinterred fluorescing plastered grass
A mysterious plain of rapturous abandon and ascension was mapped
Glittering and shimmering so silken diffuse and vast..
Yes of course his eyes flashed as the eyes of a zoom lensed visionary
Fathomless and flaming
Yet calm and all-seeing
There I tell you
It lieth there
He flourished a magical divining instrument
Pointing and tilting it so
His hallowed dowser elevating us symbiotically
A deft sceptic-frying debunkers Valhalla soul communion
of elevated spirit and esoteric Vimana-style technology
The wise man had no doubt
For his instrument had no doubt
For where there is synergy there is symmetry
The flowing a flowering liminal...
So what incredible wonders lieth there I enquired
He only nodded cryptically murmuring
Sagely confiding delicately whispering
Know this..it is The Gift
Just as fixed on the earth
as the canopy of stars is hanging up high I tell you..
So you must go now to that very place
For what you must seek post-rock poetry man
- this veiled Nirvana municipality
Shall surely be revealed with tidings gladly
To shine gloriously before you in all its munificent majesty
So roll now chosen one
I shall meet you there verily before sundown
No time to fetch your man-mittens..
And so let it be written
For my man-mittens I did not tarry journeying 'neath this engineered sky
The strips of tripping Komodo breath of barium halo slime
Enveloped the cascading Wormwood lodestone
on its eccentric Sumerian inscribed melt-and-go timeline..
And know this..
As Space Deception Technology cloaked
I walked amongst the hordes of sonic feedback clones
A strange delirium a gnostic probably foretold
For the undeliverable people seemed as fevered lost sheep
Eyes forever cast low on Pokémon GO!
Volunteer mole-spies banging into one another privacy laundering..
And when this sacred land I at last reached
All around me was but bleak barrenness babbling electronic speech..
And an upturned shopping trolley lay here
And some non-biodegradable carrier bags
shape-shifted a desultory tumble-weed banshee swirl over there
The heat waves steam-rolled the unforgiving arid asphalt air
And I feeling weary and confused at this desperate scene
Awaited for the return of the wise man
My elemental bleeding-edge guide
As drone vultures above hummed swooped tormented and dived
We the people team-tagged the deep state's outlandish ants or flies..
After not one sundown but two
The wise man stumbled at last into view
Bedraggled and windswept and blistered
This locust land of philistine bling
Gang-banging the medicated ever more bewildered..
So I held out my arms askance..
And what dwells here wise man
For I observe here but ten kinds of miserable wrong
No heavenly gyrating maidens
No nymphs banging golden leaf gongs
Where are my welcoming dancing throngs
And gentle reader know this
The fierce gusts did whip harshly around us
And the magnified darkening sun stung us
Burning as lasers through the mysterious lenses square
Earth projecting an imposter moon layer as deep as a disc
Our ragged souls shredding us through the hedgerows of despair..
The wise man shook his head with deep sorrow
I confess I am so lost
More lost than ever
And he gazed up to the bubbling scarlet cotton
Then wiping away tears of frustration
Glared down at his device
He concluded after a silence
My Celestial Promised Land Sat-Nav App fucked up again..
So I must say this unto you
Whatever you need to discover is not here
Or there...or there..
And even if it be here..or there..or there..
Surely I would not know..
He trailed off..
..for I have no gleaning of astronomy..or astrology..or astrometry
Nary a glimmer..no hope..
His tormented soul was as the debris field
Swirling the anciently-fangled constellation Ophiuchus..
If only I had paid more attention at Wise Man College
Alas I did not heed my teachers knowledge
Thus I confess I know not one lentil sausage
I download this app
A short-cut to the etheric unworldly bridge
You see I was tempted
Alas I am not a very learned wise man
I hope you will find it within yourself to forgive..
And we wept
For we were as idiots self-annointed
And were as the Sam Allardyce recently proclaimed
Obviously massively disappointed..