Poetry Blogs (Humorous Verse)
Night 'Shifts' !
It’s two a.m. (It maybe three).
But far from “Nighty-night!”, for me.
‘Ceiling-gaze’, through gravelled eyes.
I need to rest .... before sunrise.
Insomnia? I’m ‘conscious’ proof.
I may as well re-slate the roof !
Or else, I’d simply rake the lawn
to keep me busy, until dawn.
“Pillow-punches”: ‘jumpy’ legs.
“Why can’t I sleep?”, the que...
Tuesday 9th July 2019 10:32 pm
'Double' Act !
In Nineteen Ninety Four,
a young man took the floor
for the television show, “Stars in Their Eyes”!
He was, ‘hips-to-feet’ in plaster
as he struggled out, to master
his new crutches, in a bid to win the prize.
The host (then), Matthew Kelly
introduced him on the ‘telly’,
saying “Simon, what a plucky guy you are.
I’ve been told, a year ago,
Tuesday 9th July 2019 11:10 am
“Old Heads on Young Shoulders”!
You can’t put old heads on young shoulders!”, they say.
But I think that I may have come-up with a way,
involving some sawing - and stitching - and glue
(and a bit of an ‘inclin’, of just what to do!).
Yet, if I decided to ‘give it a bash’,
that would leave a ‘spare’ head and a body (to ‘stash’)!
Which seems such a waste of a woman ...
Monday 1st July 2019 12:10 pm
A ‘Snitch’, in Time !
My mother’s mother, Granny Brown
was ‘muchly-loved’ throughout our town.
The care she gave; her happy ways.
She cheered us in her ‘ember days’.
She liked to knit but not to sell.
Such quality. (Oh, you could tell!).
Each item, thoroughly bespoke
- for giving to specific folk.
“Gran, that’s great !” I’d often shout.
“You knit them ...
Saturday 15th June 2019 7:05 pm
Jesus Wants You!
He forced the door and entered, stepping over shards of glass,
to effortlessly melt into the chamber’s darkened mass.
And, as his torchlight searched for ‘victim-drawers’ to rifle through,
out of darkness, rasped a voice; “Jesus is watching you.”
He froze - was someone in the room inviting conversation?
Or maybe he was hearing things (or his ...
Sunday 26th May 2019 5:59 pm
A 'Fitting' Tale.
Harry was a tailor, with the highest reputation.
Known for style and excellence (whatever, his creation).
His method was to double-check on every single measure,
so garments fitted perfectly, to give his clients pleasure.
This ‘modus-operandi’ will ensure the clothes fit, great
if you stick to it religiously and never deviate.
Monday 20th May 2019 5:49 pm
Yet another chess convention
called upon the monthly pension.
Crusty codgers, ‘ coffin - dodgers’.
Reek of mothballs (best not mention!)
Hotel filled with ancient blokes,
bragging of their master-strokes.
Cracking ‘chess-related’ jokes!
The old ‘ Grand Master’ then appeared,
to boast and crow (whils...
Monday 20th May 2019 10:30 am
“Ooh, have you seen what Gail's put on Facebook?”
“About Jade's Spanish lodger? Right made me giggle.”
“Bet you can guess what's underlined in her phrase book!”
“When I told our Kylie she fainted in Lidl.”
“She said, ‘well that explains the bar through her nipple! ‘“
“She definitely has. I've seen it full frontal.”
“So I guess the kids have another new uncle?”
“What has she be...
Friday 15th February 2019 1:28 pm
This is my attempt at a true crime/romance/poetry crossover and it’s called “There were only seven chicken meatballs in my pack of eight”.
There were only seven chicken meatballs in my pack of eight
So I opened up my Macbook to send an email of complaint.
Look. You need to get a sense of perspective.
It’s petty, it’s sad, and you sound like a git.
Thursday 14th February 2019 10:05 pm
Siberian kale with cherrystone clam
Bulgar, quinoa, and spicy brown mustard
Orange okra served with whiskey-roast ham
Red chard, leaf lard, and savoury custard
Avocado jam with relish of quince
Shaved black truffle with sourdough croutons
Sun dried tomatoes with guinea pig mince
Plantain wraps served on tiny oak futons
Sandwich menus leave me filled with remorse...
Thursday 14th February 2019 12:35 pm
so now many
Saturday 6th January 2018 1:39 am
Please take this refresher advice as a friendly reminder
Of our protocol for calling in sick
In the first instance call the shift supervisor
Inform them why you are unable to attend your shift
Be as clear as possible
The more information the better
We don't need to hear a blues lyric
Only the truth
This information will of course remain co...
Friday 12th August 2016 1:23 pm
I am the world's first selfie poem,
Held aloft by the world's first selfie poem stick,
A look-at-me wordsmith pic,
Here I am fluttering beside Tower Bridge.
So here I pose on the left bank;
Here I'm by the Eiffel Tower,
Here I selfie seductively next to the shower.
Ignore the bidet -
Admire my framed parchment hanging above a plastic flower
Here I am analysed by a poet I barely know...
Monday 13th June 2016 4:54 am
You should have been here yesterday
Ten thousand flamingos danced all over the square
A bouquet of jasmine blooms filled the air
Golden geese spiralled a mid-air fanfare
Peace doves gently dropped ribbon boxes of chocolate eclairs
You should have been here yesterday
Billionaires gave away their mansions and wares
and rare cars
with free ...
Friday 20th May 2016 2:13 pm
A Trip to the Supermarket
I’m shopping in my lunch break and I only have an hour,
I’m whizzing round the supermarket; all I need is flour,
But then I buy some extra bits to make my shopping last,
I pick up speed down aisle three; I’m running pretty fast,
My trolley is quite heavy, so I park it down the aisle,
I collect butter, milk and loo roll, and I start to los...
Wednesday 22nd February 2012 7:20 pm