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Size Matters!

Size Matters!

 

Jack and Jill were getting wed.

(Jack’s dad thought, Jill was nice).

“But, let me give you, Son,” he said

“some fatherly advice.

 

On the day, I wed yer mam

I nipped ‘er straight indoors.

And, being ‘t sort of bloke I am

I soon laid down the laws.

 

I boldly took mi trousers off

and told ‘er, ‘put ‘em on.’

She drowned within a sea of cloth

...

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funny poemsfunny versehumorous poetryhumorous versehumour

A 'Valued' Friend!

A 'Valued' Friend!

 

Frank, tonight, is working late.

The doorbell rings; it’s Frankie’s mate.

“Liz, you need to know”, smiles Ken.

“Frank won’t be home ‘til half-past ten.

 

I said, I’d drop in, as I pass,

to tell you of his news, alas.”

“It’s nice of you to think of me.”

Beams Lizzy, “Would you like some tea?”

 

And so they share a brew and chat;

some thoug...

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funny poemsfunny versehumorous poemsHumorous versehumour

The Trouble With Nuts!

The Trouble With Nuts!

 

The trouble with nuts is, they’re very elusive.

But, don’t take my word as completely conclusive.

It’s just that, it seems, though, whenever they're freed

they scatter and hide - which is not what you need!

 

Consider the case of a doctor, I knew.

Took his car for a spin ( and to ‘pose’ in it, too).

A well-mannered man - but you wouldn’t think th...

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funny poemsfunny versehumorous poetryhumorous versehumour

'Double' Act!

'Double' Act !

 

In Nineteen Ninety Four,

a young man took the floor

for the television show, “Stars in Their Eyes”!

He was, ‘hips-to-feet’ in plaster

as he struggled out, to master

his new crutches, in a bid to win the prize.

 

The host (then), Matthew Kelly

introduced him on the ‘telly’,

saying “Simon, what a plucky guy you are.

I’ve been told, a year ago,

...

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Dark humourhumorous poetryhumorous versehumour

Jesus Wants You!

 

Jesus Wants You! 

 

He forced the door and entered, stepping over shards of glass, 

to effortlessly melt into the chamber’s darkened mass. 

And, as his torchlight searched for ‘victim-drawers’ to rifle through, 

out of darkness, rasped a voice; “Jesus is watching you.” 

 

He froze - was someone in the room inviting conversation? 

Or maybe he was hearing things (or his ...

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Humorous PoetryHumorous VerseHumour

A 'Fitting' Tale.

 

A 'Fitting' Tale.

 

Harry was a tailor, with the highest reputation.

Known for style and excellence (whatever, his creation).

His method was to double-check on every single measure,

so garments fitted perfectly, to give his clients pleasure.

 

This ‘modus-operandi’ will ensure the clothes fit, great

if you stick to it religiously and never deviate.

But, circumstance...

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humorous verse

Chess Pains !

 

Chess Pains!

 

Yet another chess convention

called upon the monthly pension.

Crusty codgers, ‘ coffin - dodgers’.

Reek of mothballs (best not mention!)

 

Hotel filled with ancient blokes,

bragging of their master-strokes.

‘Castle-crashers’, ‘Bishop-bashers!’

Cracking ‘chess-related’ jokes!

 

The old ‘ Grand Master’ then appeared,

to boast and crow (whils...

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humorous versehumour

Forgot to Water

entry picture

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I

forgot

to water

my writing

so now many

words have

fallen
to

the

ground

 

 

OH

             the

 

 

                                           Shame                                                          

 

                                                                                        ...

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Humorous versePoemShape

Duty Of Care - Extreme Combat

  Staff Notice  


Dear all
Please take this refresher advice as a friendly reminder
Of our protocol for calling in sick
Which is  

In the first instance call the shift supervisor
Inform them why you are unable to attend your shift
Be as clear as possible
The more information the better 
We don't need to hear a blues lyric
Only the truth
This information will of course remain co...

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humorhumorous poetryhumorous versehumourparody poetrypost rockpost rock poetrysatirical poetrySuki Spangleswork

I Am The World's First Selfie Poem

I am the world's first selfie poem,
Held aloft by the world's first selfie poem stick,
A look-at-me wordsmith pic,
Here I am fluttering beside Tower Bridge.

So here I pose on the left bank;
Here I'm by the Eiffel Tower,
Here I selfie seductively next to the shower.
Ignore the bidet -
Admire my framed parchment hanging above a plastic flower
pot.

Here I am analysed by a poet I barely know...

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humorhumorous versepost rock poetrysatirical poetryselfieSuki Spangles

You Should Have Been Here Yesterday (Copenhagen Unicorns And Stockholm Starfish)

You should have been here yesterday
Ten thousand flamingos danced all over the square
A bouquet of jasmine blooms filled the air
Golden geese spiralled a mid-air fanfare
Peace doves gently dropped ribbon boxes of chocolate eclairs

You should have been here yesterday
Billionaires gave away their mansions and wares
Rare paintings
             and rare cars 
                       with free ...

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humorous poetryhumorous versehumourlyricsrhymingSuki Spangles

A trip to the Supermarket

 

A  Trip to the Supermarket

I’m shopping in my lunch break and I only have an hour,

I’m whizzing round the supermarket; all I need is flour,

But then I buy some extra bits to make my shopping last,

I pick up speed down aisle three; I’m running pretty fast,

My trolley is quite heavy, so I park it down the aisle,

I collect butter, milk and loo roll, and I start to los...

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bespoke poetryhumorous verseJan Jack

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