Poetry Blogs (2019, pain)
I am at the pit of my breakdown
Saying goodbye to sleep I once loved
Food I could once eat without nausea
That once allowed rest
Sitting on the floor sobbing
Do I allow this pain to make me human
Or wish it away?
I bring these matters to You
I cannot do it alone
I’m still processing
Picking out the safest part...
Saturday 16th November 2019 10:20 pm
You left me
half-full plant pot ashtrays, old mugs of midnight teas, a jacket you spent too much on, the dregs from cheap red wine, rolled up train tickets, desecrated baggies,
and a dent on your side of the bed.
Tuesday 12th November 2019 11:00 pm
While the world
goes about their day
talking about trival things,
laughing their troubles away,
I am struck with
that I try to contain.
Everyone close to me
to my suffering.
Why should they care?
They have their own
drama to deal with.
There is nothing
anyone can do anyway.
Meanwhile, my body
betrays me more
each passing day.
I want t...
Friday 11th October 2019 5:25 am
Do you ever want to
hold on to a moment
because it feels divine?
A moment when the stars align,
and everything is fine.
A moment when you make peace
with your past, and your pain.
A moment when there is
no sorrow, no shame.
A moment when fear
takes a hike.
A moment when the sky is clear,
the air is forgiving,
and sun shines bright.
A moment when everything
Wednesday 9th October 2019 5:41 am
I feel a pain sear through my head,
bloodied rocks tumble to the ground.
Sinner, Sinner, covered in red,
searching for peace that’s not yet found.
I lift an arm to shield my eyes,
blackened blood trickles down my cheek.
From myself I try to hide,
to God above, I cannot speak.
“Child,” a hand’s placed on my shoulder,
“there is no need to be in pain.”
Sunday 6th October 2019 6:05 am
To expunge them from my mind
That's the only thing I wish I could do for myself that I feel utterly incapable of doing
I'm at war with my thoughts and memories
Old wounds echoing in the present
Ripping my heart as fresh as it tore years ago
A different face, a different name
An altogether different entity and demeanor
But I can hear the words from your mouth as if he's spoken ...
Friday 4th October 2019 5:08 am
I have loved you for years
but our love has been a rollercoaster ride
a battlefield of our souls fighting
our hearts breaking over and over
We both prefer our solace
it hurts less
than for us to be together and
fighting over a love that will remain
... a battlefield
Friday 6th September 2019 1:32 pm
... heard and felt
I have tried
One day, you will need to read the
and absorb all my pain
Monday 26th August 2019 7:47 am
An unhappy marriage is like a bad tooth;
At first you ignore the obvious truth:
Something is wrong; it's causing you pain,
But you have no time to consult your brain.
So you take a pill -or have a drink or three,
Hoping to relieve your agony;
But the pain escalates until one day,
You realise it's not going away;
You're gripped with a feeling of horror and fear,
It can't ...
Saturday 17th August 2019 3:51 pm
I loved you like I loved storms. I was fascinated by every strike of lightning and each gust of wind, the sheer power of it, the wind I mistook for passion and the ferocity I believed was simply something to pass with the movement of clouds.
Little did I know the damage caused to my being every second I caught myself standing in its wake.
I loved you far more than you deserved. I loved you a...
Monday 12th August 2019 5:53 am
I remember the fire in his eyes, burning red and hot like the devil's. Sometimes it was just a flicker, a blink, and a temporary fade when we were out in public. Other times it lit and caught and consumed his entire person and mine as well. I melted under the heat of those flames. It melted my strength, my dignity, everything I stood for. It made me feel weak. It burnt me, enough to carry those sa...
Monday 12th August 2019 5:43 am
Let's let our thoughts tango and let our souls mate
my heart on my sleeve, on display
she is my armor, forever with fervor
worth the search for, pain couldn't hurt more
Her radiance blazes, visually a spectacle
her calming presence.
In essence, my mind linger.
Drift off to the cosmos. to a place where space and time coincide
I see her constellation and engage, warp drive...
Thursday 25th July 2019 2:02 am
I'm dedicated. Not addicted. I'm in control. It's my desicion. I say what And I say where. And if you ask jus rig;;
Saturday 6th July 2019 5:19 am
pull out thre trigger u know how it go
call up lil leek cuz he still got that 4
when I'm down bad I do not got nopbody
release all my problems when I drink this bottle
still fucking hoes man I just fucked this model
nobody know about all of my problems
call up tequila u know she gon solve it
I wanna stop drinking but I got nobody
I try to reach out but they always dec...
Sunday 30th June 2019 12:58 am
I've tried to write this
Fifty times over
Each time I get closer
But somehow still miss
I miss something
In what I want you to know
I miss something
In saying I don't want to let go
If this is goodbye
Then say it now
I'll give up the fight
I'll let you walk out
I've loved you like no other
I've never held...
Tuesday 25th June 2019 2:44 am
Were are you now my love
My sorrow my pain
For love is pain
Sharper than blades
Explosive bombs distructive grenades
A mix of all emotions
Heat from the sun waves of the oceans
Heart and soul bottled as potions
Nothing but a cork keeping them in
Oh fragile glass bottle oh cork screw of sin
Remain untouched no pressure applied
Unaggravated carefully captured inside
To speak is ...
Saturday 22nd June 2019 11:37 pm
Be with me if I got it all
Stay with me if I lose it all
Catch me if I fall
Be my rock so I can stand tall
Stay with me through the bad and good times
I promise you we gone get it together and ball
Don’t tell your friends our problems
People close be the ones that want you to fall
You just told me you love me
I know It’s not love it’s lust
You just glad you finally fucking me
You won’t ...
Thursday 20th June 2019 11:09 am
I left yo love in a cell
My momma screaming
Imma go to hell
But see fuck that
She ain’t even pay my bail
Tired of feeling like shit
Always feeling like I failed
Mf that I know I failed
Steadyin going to jail
But I’ll never tell
Never been loved
Can’t you tell
Give them my heart
Just for them to bail
A lot of pain in my heart
So don’t ask me why I yell
I know umma go t...
Sunday 9th June 2019 10:34 pm
She’s a bright star, within the unlit night
Guiding others through, the tough thing, that we call life
Her strength is beyond admirable to all
And even if she should ever fall
She would somehow, pull though
The things, that to others, it would inevitably un-do
Her beauty and grace, isn’t just a way to save face
She's had to fight great wars, every single day
Wednesday 15th May 2019 7:23 pm
Days pass way too fast
It's hard to invision, that we'll last
Running onwards, aimlessly
Without allowing our truths, to set us free
When will we gain control?
Stop plodding on too slow?
Not one of us really knows,
We just continue with the flow
I dream of the day, they set us free
Finally able to live the way, we want to be
Just me and you for eternity
Thursday 9th May 2019 9:57 pm
Building brick walls
and pretend to fall
cutting short a lifetime
Bricks I haul
covered in grime
pushing back the urge to bawl
at the memories of war crimes.
I smile at passerbys
and give an enuthastic wave
pretending to not be shattered by
the man who dug my grave.
I'd rather see
the expected conclave
between myself and the galaxy...
Friday 3rd May 2019 3:57 am
Your boot is pressed against my neck
While you peer into the horizon,
A beautiful symphony of warm and cool colors
Creating a mesmerizing dawn.
My gasps of anguish are muffled by your song.
I don't know how to get to my knees,
Let alone stand, but I'll try.
My face grinds against the ground
Attempting to make sand of stone.
You press down harder against my neck.
The pressure is astoundi...
Tuesday 30th April 2019 11:54 am
Not all tornadoes
rip and ravage wide swaths
across grasslands, the flat prairies
nor deep into the wet pungent air
of old plantation country.
No! No Joplin nor Tuscaloosa, here.
Thursday 25th April 2019 9:55 pm
kiss me on the mouth
let me be; set me free
to be trapped against you
pain I wish nothing on
to wrap arms you know
i can not deny
when to hold her brings joy
let me know
let me be; set me free
wish against me not away
to understand nothing is a void
unhappiness be where you know not
do not fight, my love
endings to soon to show
but listen to direction and ...
Wednesday 17th April 2019 1:01 pm
I wanted to do a poem today to provoke a thought or thinking about the insanity of taking drugs. I have known many people succumb to Heroin and painkillers, alcohol and it all seems so futile I myself suffered with addiction through mental illness. Its a terrible thing and very dark. So here is my attempt at describing this disease.
Bereft of feeling
Stare into the abyss
Monday 18th March 2019 9:20 am
Is it a Curse .. or God's Grace
To live alone heart and place
Suffering what I always face
Hopeless to be myself again
Are these changes good for me
To be lonely always or not to be
To live away of what I see
I lost my hope and brain
Sadly to wake up and sleep
Painful to feel yourself cheap
Living alone hurts in deep
I wish to know why, but in va...
Wednesday 13th March 2019 8:00 am
I wish your body was mine.
I long for our souls to be tangled.
All I crave is connection.
All I seek is approval.
Our savagery is forever,
The killing of time itself.
All I can afford is hope,
But that’ll never be enough.
Take me away from the light
And show me your teeth.
I’ll always be weak to your desires.
So take out your frustrations on me
And leave this pi...
Monday 25th February 2019 6:03 am
I can see your eyes when I close mine.
I can feel your panic when you see my lips move.
I don’t want this. Please.
I’ll push everything into a corner, where it’ll stay, and it’ll only be graced by a glance.
I’m going to push you away.
Let it nourish every fucking negative idea you’ve every had of me.
I have nothin...
Monday 25th February 2019 6:01 am
As libations enter my heart,
I feel nothing but cold dark space.
When I think of where we are now,
All I see is a tenantless void.
The only thing I crave is a thought;
Just a simple acknowledgement.
All I want is the hope that you’ll give yourself to me.
So prey upon my flesh
And consume it for your pleasure.
All I want is to wander
In this wonderland of hate.
Monday 25th February 2019 5:58 am
I swear I miss u
I even wrote a Boone about u
In 2016 I was willing to die bout u
It was a high even when I lye next to u
I swear I would lie for u
Babygirl yo love was strong
I knew you’ll die for me
I’m depressed ,I’m back drinking
I know you probably like
“Wtf is he thinking”
But when I’m drunk i just be pacing
When I’m high I be contemplating
I wish the love would’ve la...
Friday 1st February 2019 12:13 am
Her skin can open up like a mouth
It can speak
When it parts
It can extend like a tongue
It can taste
Your arteries are seams
Try to unpeel them
Slip off your flesh
Search your pores
For secret trap doors
Let the inside out
Part it like a mouth
It can speak
Unfold the red carpets
Of rolled and folded tongue
Let it searc...
Sunday 27th January 2019 12:48 pm
Let me move to a new place,
Where none knows my name,
And I know they will start judging,
As Everyone is just the same.
But till then ,
Let me find a new love,
New memories to let go my pain,
You can take my hand,
And please ask me to dance in the rain.
I know our love would break,
Just like all other affairs I had,
Some would say I had no brains,
And I am the reason you are sad,
Sunday 27th January 2019 10:52 am
I attempted suicide,
But I didn't die,
Not losing my life,
But what it means to be alive.
I'm drained of all motivation to continue,
But also of all strength to follow through,
I shouldn't be here,
It hurts, but it's true.
My days feel so long,
My existence feels so wrong,
I can't look at life the same,
Because I simply don't belong.
I can't be happy,
Saturday 26th January 2019 10:12 pm
You didn't say it back,
But I can't take it back.
Saturday 26th January 2019 9:30 pm
Today I learnt to cry alone,
Soon I’ll learn to live alone too..
Walking through the grass
Running on the fields
Climbing the mountains
You were always a shield...
Never imagined a life without you,
Neither in dreams we were away,
In laughter in tears I was with you,
I was with you each night each day,
From feeling of hope to thought to love,
Saturday 26th January 2019 2:01 pm
I saw my future before my eyes for the first time in my life
It wasnt just ideas but plans with who I
pictured my wife
The mother of my children and my partner
But I lost it
It was almost here and gone in a moment
It felt so good but now there's pain and I
Started to slip away so I desperately tried
to hold it
But now it's gone
Was it my fault? I'...
Thursday 24th January 2019 8:06 pm
You do not exist anymore
You are absolutely nothing
Unconscious, intangible, not there.
You exist in my mind,
You live on through that funny anecdote
That recipe, that legacy, our memory.
You are my tragic backstory,
The key to solving why I am the way I am
What you made me...
Friday 18th January 2019 7:55 pm
And all at once
We revisted the site
Where the wounded lie
We examined their injuries
Doing our best to determine
If they were fatal
It requires a detached rationale
It laughs in the face of pure emotion
For life is smarter than you think
Forever your opponent
Even when pretending
To be a friend
For life brought me you
Thursday 17th January 2019 2:40 pm
I could fill the oceans with the tears I've cried
Or cover the entire earth with blankets of failed tries.
Countless times what I thought was truth became a lie.
Everything is falling apart, and I'm sick of asking why.
It gets so bad, to the point where I just want to die,
But all of this is nothing compared to the pain of goodbye.
What's the point of believing if you could never fly?
Tuesday 15th January 2019 8:27 am
This pain in the darkness…
It came to sudden eve to blaspheme the torment of branch through the quintessential.
It took through the walls the solidity of ghost stories mending soul with ethereal strings and fire.
The amplitude of dust from centuries ferments in my body as life.
And, the blood seeps from the willow trees within pen as ink.
Playing into fruition heart chords drizzled...
Monday 14th January 2019 1:08 am
Pain in my stomach, heart, mind,
stabs of a knife
I yearn for this piercing pain
I've lacked it far too long.
Punch me, hurt me, kill me almost.
when the rain has ceased
a flower can bloom again
a new blossom
the same plant
Revive me, ungrateful love
Make me another
Friday 11th January 2019 11:07 pm