You had asked me once if I believed you to be equal to me
I told you yes - It wasn’t a lie
I believed you equal in every way
But only now do I realize, both, lie and truth in my answer
In that time of my life we were equal
But, as of now, we are not
You are not equal to this new me - the true me
One that is not starved and decomposing
Tuesday 17th December 2019 1:29 am
My bed is still warm
When the next body rolls in
But I'm not
- Or his -
- Or hers -
And I can breathe
I am consumed
I am part of you,
Of someone that lives
I will be
Because I'm not apart
Just a part
Monday 16th December 2019 3:11 pm
If I knew your poetry would suddenly
I would have memorized
to comfort me
when I feel alone.
Your words help heal
my savaged soul.
I'm sad you had to go.
# # #
Saturday 14th December 2019 5:25 am
You can misplace your mind
You can't forfeit your mind
When you've built a fort for your mind
Mine is bulletproof,
I can stay outside of myself
I can step outside of the world
I watched us having a conversation
From my window panes
Through the heavy glaze
It made me feel some type...
Sunday 1st December 2019 12:56 pm
Today has been a better day
I wasn’t a mardy bitch
I didn’t cry when something went wrong
I ate food without nausea or gagging or that awful washing machine feeling in my tummy
Today was an easier day
I could talk without the lump in my throat strangling me
I walked through university enjoying each rain drop falling onto my cheeks
or dripping through my ey...
Sunday 1st December 2019 12:56 pm
Don’t give in to the madness.
Save it for another day,
long after you’ve left this life
that’s full of opportunities.
Life is like the weather.
All you have to do is wait
for the rain to go away,
the storm to pass,
and enjoy the sunshine
Saturday 30th November 2019 2:26 am
If I wanted this poem to be more intimate,
I would address the reader directly, and
invite the reader into my inner world.
I would use second-person pronouns and
share the deeper and darker aspects of
my personality. I would regale the reader
with stories of elation and spiritual fulfillment
along with brutally honest accounts of
self-doubt, anxiety, fear, and loathing.
I might make i...
Friday 29th November 2019 5:36 pm
The sun sighted as a Galilean dream
As vision faded from the grasp of Winter
A kid leaned out of the window
Whispering out what he needed to say
But in needing to blurt it out
His mind submerged in uncertainty
Choked between a tearless cry
And a cheerless laugh
As with notated thoughts all about
His room was littered
And the sidelined life he adopted
Was cast to t...
Monday 11th November 2019 12:16 pm
Speaking can feel like your swallowing
So, you may as well swallow instead
Or it’s giving,
Giving and giving
Fingers down your throat,
Will I be stronger tomorrow?
Or just hollow tomorrow?
So, you end up filling up on someone else’s dictionary
I am disarmed without my language
But my language is disarming
Words do break your bones
Saturday 2nd November 2019 3:40 pm
I have a beast within my head
He hews my heart I wish him dead
He turns my passions into pain
A mocking echo of loves refrain
He defiles my tender dreams
Turning whispers into screams
I fear to enter filled with dread
I have a beast within my head
I have a cold and lonely heart
T’was warm once till he did start
My passion leaked through every pore
Through rents inflicted by his wick...
Saturday 19th October 2019 8:59 am
It’s easy to give in to being depressed
To savour life’s taste and yet feel second best
To challenge yourself to win the prize
Only to find that it’s empty, worthless and composed of lies.
What’s the use of trying hard?
When others don’t and can still reach behind your guard
To juggle the balls and keep them in place
To use every bit of effort and find you weren’t even entered in the race.
Saturday 19th October 2019 8:48 am
I am a battering ram
Undulating forward with a willful lack of grace
Constantly pushing, pulsing
Headlong into an uncertain oblivion
Taking pleasure in the pain
Destroying what once was beautiful
Tuesday 15th October 2019 4:25 pm
because my muse
abandoned me again.
Maybe to teach me
about leaning on him,
instead of mining inspiration
from deep within.
is perhaps the greatest sin.
It is a game no one wins.
So, back to the blank page I go.
Just me and my pen.
Friday 11th October 2019 3:40 pm
Catch up on
What’s run into the ground.
So much to do
So far behind
Laundry, yard work
Constantly on the grind.
But fear comes
Banging on my door
Is this real,
Will I plummet to the floor?
Pushing too hard?
Will I be ok,
Can I let down my guard?
Or is this already
The end of my rope?
I thought I’d healed
And could hold onto h...
Wednesday 9th October 2019 7:51 pm
When I am hit by the whip of melancholy
It makes me forget how to be jolly
It brings on great impatience and agitation
With anxiety and huge frustration.
Often it can really get too much,
And on my sanity I strive to clutch.
Sometimes I might even find it hard to think,
And from thought to thought I cannot link.
I cannot get my mind in gear,
And all around me I may not s...
Saturday 5th October 2019 2:05 pm
To expunge them from my mind
That's the only thing I wish I could do for myself that I feel utterly incapable of doing
I'm at war with my thoughts and memories
Old wounds echoing in the present
Ripping my heart as fresh as it tore years ago
A different face, a different name
An altogether different entity and demeanor
But I can hear the words from your mouth as if he's spoken ...
Friday 4th October 2019 5:08 am
Therapy’s been fine but it’s not fixing my problems.
Each week talking about something new, but we never actually solve them.
Mr. Joyce tells me I need to let my emotions pass through me.
But my emotions make me who I am, so I know I need to disagree.
My identity has always been important and, honestly, I identify as depressed.
That as well as anxious, lost, and always stress...
Sunday 29th September 2019 3:02 pm
I’m not a pyromaniac, but my emotions are like a fire.
Not dealing with past trauma because I don’t have what that would require.
So when I find myself alone and fighting the darkness in my head,
I end up saying so many things I wish were never said.
And as I look around at all the bridges that I’ve burned,
I know that by now, I really should have learned.
And as the smoke clears and my la...
Saturday 28th September 2019 3:29 pm
A perfectly edited
Resists the truth
Thursday 26th September 2019 10:07 am
Where’s me head? [Where is my head?]
Where’s me head? … It’s in the sand
Its life has gotten out of hand
Things very rarely go as planned
If I do or I don’t, I end up damned
Where’s me head? … It’s way out west
It’s tired of people who know best
It needs a break, it needs a rest
It needs to get shit off its chest
Where’s me head? … It’s lost the plot
Thursday 12th September 2019 3:04 am
Depression is the loneliest place.
It is full of awful and terrible frustration.
We hate everything (ourselves as well)
And gone is each idea and sensation.
Depression is being trapped in a dark cave,
And only outside exists light.
All black is everywhere we turn
And there seems no end to it in sight.
Depression is to have a body of lead
That we must carry wher...
Thursday 22nd August 2019 7:03 pm
Aspirations...Where we are and where we want to be?
My aspirations have always focused on being a world-renowned, bestselling author, however, i have found great value in fact, total gratification in knowing my pieces help people whether i get paid or not.
Where i come from...where i am...and where i want to be is a constant and ongoing journey.
I have come very far from the young girl wh...
Tuesday 30th July 2019 10:44 am
I can't move or
that itchy buzzing
than a corpse.
Wednesday 10th July 2019 1:24 pm
I'm dedicated. Not addicted. I'm in control. It's my desicion. I say what And I say where. And if you ask jus rig;;
Saturday 6th July 2019 5:19 am
pull out thre trigger u know how it go
call up lil leek cuz he still got that 4
when I'm down bad I do not got nopbody
release all my problems when I drink this bottle
still fucking hoes man I just fucked this model
nobody know about all of my problems
call up tequila u know she gon solve it
I wanna stop drinking but I got nobody
I try to reach out but they always dec...
Sunday 30th June 2019 12:58 am
White noise is the cloak my mind wears
to protect me from its darkness.
I'm always elsewhere,
In a place of emptiness.
Tuesday 25th June 2019 3:23 pm
I’m wrapped in cling film I’m sure of it:
paralysed and mute, I feel it;
Monday 24th June 2019 2:27 pm
I’ll be sanded away from the inside out,
hollowed, seared, and crushed.
I can only relieve the heaviness
and only by breaking the glass.
Monday 24th June 2019 2:25 pm
My wings are brown, not black and shiny.
I'm always peeping out through leaves.
I try and keep above the fear trilling below,
I know they are ingesting bitter roots.
And yet I swallow their song all the same.
The empty smoke of hope that arises,
as I am the Blackbird mother sitting,
gathering material and protecting you,
refined in pointless expectation.
I am a gust of failure that ruins,
Tuesday 18th June 2019 4:00 pm
The numb thump of my heart beating against my rib cadge,
Unknown pain of sadness always giving me rage.
Desperately grasping at the last memories that I had with you,
Tears roll down my face when I find thats an issue.
The blood in my veins is so hard to contain,
The thoughts of death flood through to my brain.
Hard to fight past the devil inside of me,
I promise my na...
Thursday 13th June 2019 7:12 pm
it hurt so much
to breathe, to think, to laugh
to smile, to worry
it’s almost like you’ve taken out
all the good parts, the sad parts
leaving me incredibly bare and numb.
i feel restless, raw
open and exposed.
like i have no barriers, no protection
just sitting there with weeping wounds
and a broken heart
brittle as my nails
wrecked and sharply cut...
Friday 10th May 2019 6:15 pm
I don't paint or write anymore
I don't even read
Where am I?
Where did I go?
It is dark here;
Bring me back to the surface
Read the letter addresses by me..
To my self
So I write back
It's been a while
I don't even remember what it was like;
What it was like to not just see color
But to feel it
I can't remember what it's like to feel the words flow out of me
I don't ev...
Friday 3rd May 2019 11:34 pm
A single blue dot on a canvas
That no one can understand
Over looked and unappreciated
So quit yet so loud
A story waiting to be told
But no one cares to ask
Every canvas tells a story
This one is called depression
Friday 3rd May 2019 11:30 pm
Building brick walls
and pretend to fall
cutting short a lifetime
Bricks I haul
covered in grime
pushing back the urge to bawl
at the memories of war crimes.
I smile at passerbys
and give an enuthastic wave
pretending to not be shattered by
the man who dug my grave.
I'd rather see
the expected conclave
between myself and the galaxy...
Friday 3rd May 2019 3:57 am
monsters under the bed,
voices in your head.
rainy days, lonely nights,
the blame game.
Wednesday 17th April 2019 12:09 am
The first time I saw you, your mouth held no words.
I would take you out and watch you marvel at the birds.
Your awkward waddle would bring me smiles.
There was peace in my life holding you as we walked for miles.
The screaming, the crying, the testing,
The laughing, the hugging, the learning.
As I helped you grow, and loved every moment.
Even the ones that involved your excrement.
Saturday 13th April 2019 9:19 pm
I have the feeling again
I need to bleed these words out of me
Now that I have reached that age
Spoken of with such pain and rage
Sitting here tippity-tap
Oh, what is it, dear?
It's me, it's me,
It was always me
And that is my deepest fear
What do we want
When we are so very small
Every coo, every crawl
Is a mountainous haul
And the cheers, oh they come!...
Saturday 13th April 2019 5:49 pm
Mortality stalks me
like a jealous lover.
Breathlessly follows me
wherever I go, incessantly
banging a gong,
it won't be long,
come to me, let
the pain end.
My eternal soul sees
this game of mortal gods
and challenges me
to go where mortals
fear to tread...
Meditate in silent space
past the black hole,
to that ...
Tuesday 9th April 2019 5:35 pm
No, it’s true, April does not
Arrive as a grim reaper
Coming to take souls
Off to underground rivers
In the waste land
Or anything like that.
On first glance, April
Is a reprieve, new life
Is in abundance, and
We step out and look up
For the first time in awhile.
Now we can rouse ourselves.
Lift ourselves from bed
And go out into the world.
Monday 1st April 2019 11:38 am
Adut Akech, Depression and Mental Heath
Adut Akech Adelaide model
Is the biggest fashion superstar in the world
She just turned 19 here at Christmas
And waiting for her world to unfurl
Despite the famous smile she displays
Underneath she's in pain with depression
Like Robin Williams who suicided
Let's talk mental health, learn some lessons
She'd wake up ea...
Thursday 14th March 2019 9:04 am
Dr. Love (or How I Learned to Stop Wallowing and Write Poetry)
By: Rodolfo Perez
Love is (sometimes) patient,
Love is (sometimes) kind,
And sometimes, love is a needle in the eye,
Or a kick to the groin.
It is a cliff-hanger,
With your mother waiting to catch you,
When you let go.
It is losing your voice,
From crying into your pillow.
It is real...
Saturday 9th March 2019 7:09 pm
Drowning in depression
That is not mine
To fill up the time
Stranded and pivotal
Unsure where to tread
The weight of calamity
Fills me with dread
Waking or sleeping
It bruises my soul
Ebbing and swelling
The years taking their toll
Erasing the passion
The drive the desire
Erasing the passion
That fuels the fire
Silent and forceful...
Friday 1st March 2019 8:54 pm
Just when it looks like
I'm making progress,
an hour and start to sp lit
(just like that)
and the other half
turns pretty ugly
Then it's me vs. me
Thursday 21st February 2019 11:36 pm
Too many people suffering in isolation, lets start a conversation.
day one of the slide …
and I’ve managed to quell the dark things inside.
I take a deep breath, supress the sigh …
push out my chest and hold my head high
The flex and the dark things are tidied away
A quick self-esteem pep-talk, then face the new day
It’s by no means plain sailing but I cope, strugg...
Tuesday 19th February 2019 4:34 pm
My older sister, several other girls
met on the concrete square in our backyard
to test the sheet of ice that wouldn't melt
in rare moments of a "real" winter
in a New Orleans suburb. In 1994,
they were only in junior high
but seemed so grown up when I was five
and watched how easy it was for them to teach
me how to slide over the slipperiness
Friday 1st February 2019 4:42 pm
Her skin can open up like a mouth
It can speak
When it parts
It can extend like a tongue
It can taste
Your arteries are seams
Try to unpeel them
Slip off your flesh
Search your pores
For secret trap doors
Let the inside out
Part it like a mouth
It can speak
Unfold the red carpets
Of rolled and folded tongue
Let it searc...
Sunday 27th January 2019 12:48 pm
I attempted suicide,
But I didn't die,
Not losing my life,
But what it means to be alive.
I'm drained of all motivation to continue,
But also of all strength to follow through,
I shouldn't be here,
It hurts, but it's true.
My days feel so long,
My existence feels so wrong,
I can't look at life the same,
Because I simply don't belong.
I can't be happy,
Saturday 26th January 2019 10:12 pm
Pins and needles,
Trickling down my spine,
These thoughts that I have,
Are always on my mind,
In a dark room,
The walls are closing in,
Feeling all alone,
In a world full of sin,
These demons play games,
They fuck with my head,
They tell me to get high,
I Just pray instead,
Life and death,
Isn't what I fear,
Its the thoughts of my loved ones,
That bring me to tears,
Pain and misery...
Tuesday 15th January 2019 7:59 am
There you are beaming
at everyone you meet
keeping it together.
But, I see your soul scars...
It's enough to turn
most souls to dust.
But not us.
Diamonds are made from
coal under pressure.
Show your scars,
keep the faith,
and shine on.
Monday 7th January 2019 1:10 am