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Life Advice to My Younger Self






I’d tell the younger me, that everyone makes.

Poor life choices, bad decisions, and mistakes.

You will lose loved ones; you will be heartbroken.

You’ll say regrettable things you’ll wish you’d left unspoken.

There will be times when you want to be alone, and times when you are lonely.

A million “what if’s” and a billion “if only’s”

Whilst your memories of...

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Mental Health Week


Pissing down



Lashing rain

On my window pane

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The Butterfly Effect


The butterfly effect is the idea that tiny things

have a non-linear impact on a complex entity

Imagine, in Brazil a butterfly flaps its wings

Creating a hurricane in a Mexican City


I lack the mental capacity and mathematical intellect

To grasp the finer points of the Butterfly Effect

But I do know this, when you walk in the room

My ticker goes shicka-licka, shacka-la...

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This Chemical Romance


We’ve a chemical romance, we’ve got chemistry

We have covalent bonds that attract you and me


Our shared electron pairs formed a lasting attraction

We’re drawn to each other, a combination reaction


Our chemical elements were destined to bind

My yin and your yang complete and defined


When I’m in your embrace its Oxytocin heaven

You’re sweeter than Carbon12, H...

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Chemistrylovelove and romance

Love Me Tinder Love Me Do ... Looking For Love In The Modern Age

Love me Tinder Love me do … Looking for love in the modern age


I recently found myself single, it came as no surprise

The relationship gradually dwindled culminating in total demise

I’ve not wooed a girl with a chat up line for over twenty-one years

I’m told nowadays love is found on-line and it’s easier than it appears.


There’s a plethora of single ladies with profiles on...

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Happy Splashing

Tyre cuts through puddle

Tsunami drenched to the bones

“You Fucking Wanker!”



My third crack at the Senryu poetry form. 3 non rhyming lines, 17 sylables arranged  5,7,5

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Happy SplashingJohn McDonoughSenryu

Cats and Dogs


Heavens open up.

Cats and dogs cascading down.

People disappear.



My second crack at the Senryu poetry form. 3 non rhyming lines, 17 sylables arranged  5,7,5


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Leather on willow.

Arms raised index fingers proud.

The crowd goes barmy.



My first crack at the Senryu poetry form. 3 non rhyming lines, 17 sylables arranged  5,7,5

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boundarycricketJohn McDonoughSenryuSix

Killing Time Ain't no Crime

Killing Time Ain't no Crime


My date is at five and it’s six am

That’s eleven hours between now and then

That’s six hundred and sixty minutes I reckon

Or thirty-nine thousand and six hundred seconds

They’re ticking by, but not fast enough

They’re tic, tic, tic, tic, ticking me off

The time ain’t flying, it’s got me sighing

The minutes grind by and it’s crucifying

As ...

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Killing TimeTimeWasting TimeWishing The Day Away

Where’s me head? [Where is my head?]

Where’s me head? [Where is my head?]


Where’s me head? … It’s in the sand

Its life has gotten out of hand

Things very rarely go as planned

If I do or I don’t, I end up damned


Where’s me head? … It’s way out west

It’s tired of people who know best

It needs a break, it needs a rest

It needs to get shit off its chest


Where’s me head? … It’s lost the plot


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depressionmental healthmental health issuesru ok?suicide prevention

The folly of lust


As a teen, my mam used to put the mockers on my Friday nights out by saying “If you meet any girls treat them with respect, they are someone’s daughter or sister, don’t be having any casual sex or one-night stands”



Last Saturday night I was out with my mate

He is meeting his bird, I am on a blind date

He’d said she was fit, but from where I was sat

She looks like ...

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Lustone night stand

Going back on my roots

My Northern English heritage has always been a source of personal pride

I’ve always believed that I was born the right side of the North/South divide

An industrial revolutionary raised from the stock of the working classes

A staunch belief in equal rights, human rights and justice for the masses

So as a man of principal, it’s hard to ditch my northern sisters and brothers

To head so...

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Mr Robinson

No time for you, Mr. Robinson

Jesus loves you less than you would know

Woe woe woe

God help me please, Mr. Robinson

Heaven holds no place for those who hate

Hate Hate Hate, Hate Hate Hate


Here you are in Manchester spouting your pathetic shite

We'd like to help you learn to f*%# yourself

Look around you all you see are unsympathetic eyes

Stroll around our town but w...

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My Fifty Second Birthday Treat

The total candles on the cake, numbered fifty-two.

I couldn't extinguish fifty-two flames no matter how hard I blew.

The heat became tremendous as the flames grew higher & higher.

The birthday treat turned from a cake into a ball of fire.

Once all the wax had melted, the inferno then decreased.

I could tell by the looks on faces, that no one wanted a piece.


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Cheap as chips


These “have not” flats look cheap and nasty

The “haves” would like them, to look more snazzy

The Council beautify them, by simply adding

Some aesthetically pleasing, dirt cheap cladding

Some cheap Charlie puts the finance up

Some cheap shot drafts the plans up

Installed on the cheap, by some cheap skate

Now the “haves” down the road have been heard to state

That these ...

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Ode to Biggie Juice

He was going to be good … but the day was full of strife

Leave on time, home for five, a cheery “Hi Honey” for the wife


He’s planned his route to the station, avoiding all temptation

To slip in a bar, for a quiet one and some idle conversation


As he does from time to time to take the edge off the day

To chill it out, wind it down and give the brain a holiday


From t...

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Biggie JuiceFeral Brewing CoEast Coast IPA

Amazing but True


Capuchin Monkeys, wash their feet, using their own wee

Three percent of Antarctic ice, is made up of Penguin pee

When Dragonflies mate, their tails link and form the shape of a heart

Whilst the Kangaroo is able to swim, the poor thing is unable to fart

Elephants can regulate their body heat just by flapping their ears

When a snail decides, it’s time for a kip, it can sleep for ...

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Was it a waste of an egg?

Was it a waste of an egg?

The one that broke on your head

Made you blow like a powder keg


Maybe Fraser


Catapulted you into the limelight

But not in a very good light

The figurehead of the far right

Defending murder, your kind perpetrate

You dare to suggest that the victims of hate

Were somehow the architects of their own fate?


Are you crazy Fraser?



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Fraser AnningEggboyAnningEgging



Tired of feathering this death nest

Should be ticking my bucket list

Whiling not tiling

Scouting not grouting

Adventuring not rendering

Raving not paving

Dancing not fencing

Soaring not flooring

Sating not painting

Travelling not gravelling

Aspiring not rewiring

Being not doing

Living not DIYing


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I Hate Cats!


I hate felines, I hate cats

They’re nasty, malicious little prats

They always land on their feet

They may look fluffy, cute and sweet

But they’ve needles for teeth and razors for claws

That they conceal inside their paws.

I hate their mewl, I hate their wail.

The cocky way they flick their tail.

The way they hiss, and arch their back

Before launching into a vicious ...

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A Woman Without Her Man


For IWD 2019 let's consider the following:


"A woman ...


            ... without her man ...


                        ... is less than nothing"


At first sight the words appear as chauvinistic text

But without proper punctuation, they lack conviction and context


Let's make a simple change to strike #BalanceForBetter

By punctuating the spaces between ...

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IWDInternational Womens DayBalanceForBetter

Knife Crimes

The words on their own make for a lacklustre poem.

The pictures on their own are meaningles.

Together they paint a harrowing picture


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knife crime

Ee By Gum


Ee by gum, what will become

Of ISIS mum, Shamima Begum


She pleads ...


I was only fifteen young and naive

When I packed up my bags and decided to leave

But as it turns out I was tricked and deceived

By ISIS propaganda and glossy make believe


I had a good time in Syria but lately it's rough

So I want to come home now cos I've had enough

I'd appreciate s...

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Dying Art

In this modern age of communication

It would seem the art of conversation

Is fast becoming a dying art

Its deteriorating and falling apart

Shouldn’t technology improve our lot

Comms on the move, Comms in a jot

But DM, IM and SMS

Have turned our comms into a mess

The standard of language is coming down

The i-generation are dumbing down

LOL is no laughing matter

TXT ...

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Georgie Pell Puddin' and Pie


Georgie Pell, puddin’ and pie,

Kissed the boys and made them cry

When the piper came for pay

Georgie Pell feigned dismay

As gods his witness on the stand

The holy book in his holy hand

So help me god he swears his oath

And here’s the part I really loathe

Instead of the truth, the whole truth and nothing but

All that issues forth is smut

Did you feel remorse as yo...

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George Pell

Non Omnis Moriar (I Shall Not Wholly Die)

One day will come and with its break

I will rest, my soul depart

Had I the choice, I would refuge take

Within the sanctuary of your heart


So hush my sweet, shed not a tear

Feel not sorrow, grief or pain

For I am always with you, always near

And here always I'll remain


For one day will come and with its dawn

You too will tire of these days

Then together we wi...

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21st Century Vows

I pledge to …

Make you smile, make you laugh

Scrub your back in the bath

Smooth your brow, free of frowns

Pick you up when you fall down

Dry your tears, ease your fears

Rev your engine, change your gears

Kill your pain, nurse your ills

Amaze your brain and give you thrills

Tell you stories, hear your tales

Be the wind that fills your sails

Stroll hand in hand on pr...

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Wedding Vows

Terence Evans







Terence Evans had little respect

For the life or the welfare of any insect

He swatted the fly with the rolled daily news

And stamped on the beetle in his Doc Marten shoes

Unfortunate spiders were drowned in the bath

Caterpillars were crushed should they dare cross his path

He bisected worms with his pocket penknife

Pulled the legs off cray-fly and...

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I’ll never forget the day that I met Dawn from Didcot.

Her eyes like pools of fire, all watery and bloodshot.


I found her reminiscent of all of the four seasons.

For a very wide and varied number of notable reasons.


She was Reminiscent of Spring time, of April showers and dew.

Because every time she Shpoke, she shpat all over you.


She reminded me of Winter, of icic...

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First Love

Autocorrect and predictive text ruined my chance of romance and sex

Warning this poem contains adult themes and grown up words


Curse my fat fingers and my phone

Honey Bunch became Hunchy Bone

Predictive text put my words through a mangle

Angel face got changed to angle

Sweetie Pie to Sweaty Pit

I think you’re shy, became you’re shit

Be as one and never part …

To be a swine and a pervert

And Be the Captain of your heart

became the...

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In love with a boy


For those of you who know me well

This may come as a surprise

It may cause you to exclaim "bloody hell"

And a widening of your eyes

See I've a  secret I need to tell

And I've come to realise

It's time to come out of my shell

As I've lived a life of lies

So no more beating round the bush

Now is not the time to be coy

For it seems that shove has come to push


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Ten Thousand Pricks at her Fingertips

She’s got ten thousand pricks

at her finger tips

Ruby red lips and swaying hips

A true Rubenesque beauty when she strips

Heads turn, Jaws drop and eyes pop out on stalks

Wolf whistles follow her whenever and wherever she walks

Her extensive list

of superlatives

ranges from exquisite to divine

She’s out a sight

She’s dynamite

This girl would blow your mind

When s...

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Assumptionjumping to conclusions

Monica Lewinsky

Monica Lewinsky rose to fame.

After playing the kissing game.

From little known novice.

To tabloid sex goddess.

By kissing Willy.......


In the Oval office.


Spoken Word Link Below




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Bill ClintonMonica Lewinsky

Mediocre Town

The dawn never breaks, the sun never sets.

Dirty grey brown sky is as good as it gets.

Malevolent and brooding it hangs like a veil.

Twenty-three feet above the Arndale.

Where uncouth youth roam in packs.

Their flint like scowls as keen as tacks.

Malice and boredom forged the frowns.

On the not so bright future of Mediocre Town.


But don’t be fooled, these kids are scho...

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DingleberryManchesterMiddletonPerformance PoetryPoems

Box of Dark Things

Too many people suffering in isolation, lets start a conversation.

Monday …

day one of the slide …

and I’ve managed to quell the dark things inside.

I take a deep breath, supress the sigh …

push out my chest and hold my head high

The flex and the dark things are tidied away

A quick self-esteem pep-talk, then face the new day

It’s by no means plain sailing but I cope, strugg...

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Exit Stage Left

If the Brexit Breferendum had been Branded Bremain would the outcome have differed, #thepowerofspin.


BrExit, whose Brainchild was that,

Disenfranchised by Brussles and BrEurocrats.

Burning our Bridges to Brace the Breeches.

Of borders Brexploited by Brigands and Leeches.

But were we too Brash? Perhaps a tad Brisk.

To Brexit stage left before assessing the risk.

Did the Br...

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Truly Beloved Customer Care

Dear Truly Beloved Customer Care

I have a small problem with one of your wares

I’m not after a new one or a replacement spare

Just wondered if this one is not beyond repair

In Ninety-One you gave me this heart

Which really was awfully sweet

I wasn’t too smart, broke it apart

How I’ve tried to make it complete

Yet now I fear, after 23 years, it appears

I have cocked up it...

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Old Flamelove poetryfirst loveheartbreakstarcrossed love affair

The day you died all I felt was disappointment

I cursed the day that you were born.

I waited, breath baited, for your last to be drawn.


I’d always imagined that when the day came.

I’d celebrate your demise with the finest champagne.


That on the day you laid down and died.

There’d be joy in my heart and a spring in my stride.


I’d throw my hands high in the air and wave.

I’d skip through the streets to dance o...

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deathIron LadyMargaret Thatcher


Whilst strolling from work, my attention was caught

By a sensuous smell, of the perfumed sort

My passion was aroused, my senses began to swirl

On inhaling the scent, of this sweet-smelling girl

Oblivious to danger with a skip and a hop

I dashed across the road into the florist’s shop

I then grabbed a bouquet from the top of the range

And ran from the shop forgetting the change


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The Noise of War

We were soldiers once.......and young

Call of duty was different them days

Earth clod grenades and sticks for guns

No gaming machines or blue rays


Battle lines were drawn in the street 

We flew where eagles dare

No surrender, no retreat

And the noise of war filled the air


"Brrrrrrrrrrrraaa" the machine gun staccato of Mickey Tiatto

"Peeeeow" Slacky's ricochet r...

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