I have to do better

I have to do more

I have to improve

To not be ignored

I have to be stronger

I have to be brave

I mastered the failures

It's you that I crave

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Cold and dark

here I lay

waiting for you at bay.

The orange pearl is sinking into the seas.

Thousands of sand grains surround me,

yet I still feel so lonely.

I have given my heart to you

and now it’s sinking slowly in the seas.

I will wait for eternity

may the seas direct you back to me.

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One outstayed welcome, your invite was short.
I turned to you, when in dark times I was caught.
I was trapped, had nowhere to go, so I let you in.
You convinced me of a battle, that I could not win.
You painted my past, present and my future black.
You crept in, stole my soul and now I want it back.
I was in troubled times, full of doubt and self hate.
But an even darker life for me, you he...

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In expensive shoes,

he negotiated life in the third person;

toes swathed in top quality calfskin,

safe from random shit and shards,

where neither grass nor paved path

could sully his soft arches and soles.

He wore fine suits;

an actor avoiding the fourth wall,

costumed and painted with lines learnt,

senses fenced off with silk and cashmere,

any truthful light blo...

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Memories just diamonds and rust,nothing more.
though time’s chasm opens before my sight,
&  the vertigo returns with the Lapis Lazulii.
I devote time to resurrecting the lived poetry
of the Byzantimes, Persians, Armenians, Assyrians.
Greeks. It is so strange that each civilization
alloted supreme value to the blue of lapis lazuli.
Mined so sparingly in the wilds of Afghanistan.
Lapis l...

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MEDICATION, MEDICATION, MEDICATION

The medication that squats on my futile life,

squats on my brain, my thoughts, my Inspiration,

even squats on the first, unformulated spark of

appetency in Nothingness preceding Creation…

I could write the word “entropy” backwards and

if we could agree on its meaning, you and I,

it would become a real word we could understand;

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Ask me where I come from

And I'll tell you about white cotton fields

And honeysuckle vines that cling

To rotting wood fences

Ask me where I am

And I'll describe a lonely, sunken house

Resurrected by a lonely, hurting family

With nothing left but eachother

Ask me where I'll go

And I'll say somewhere, anywhere

But here in this empty town

Where memories make...

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Frozen landscapes below
and fiery skies above
Winter in all it’s bleak beauty 
what’s there not to love

All is silent, all is still 
across the frosted fields  
The stage has been set 
nature’s wintry tale is revealed 

Photo credit Dr Amir Khan
 

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I understand but don’t rejoice;

Steps may be both sad and vital.

In Prague in sixty-eight they said

That no one argues with a tank.

How right they were, although one man,

Brave as hell at Tiananmen,

Stood firm and stopped some in their tracks.

Now ministers of every hue

Queue up to mount these phallic toys,

The pitiless monsters of hate,

Murder machines for far-flung ...

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I try not to

wrap in judgment

I try not to 

frame in boxes

I try to be fluid

like a river

I try to flow

like raindrops

down here on planet Earth

there are alot of judgments & boxes

you me us them

conflict guns death

sorrow tears anger

I try to build on forgiveness

I try to climb on long views

oh, to see existence from the mountaintop!

Abraham & Marti...

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The feast of colour should be an etching of nature's joy

not of horror rendered forever into minds. 

The nazis were thorough

versatile in their methods

for such is the pornography of cruelty

satisfaction in putting to death the innocents

pleasure at a job well done. 

Arbitrary hanging was one such habit

the ending of precious lives

by choking on a rope in full ...

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Something for Holocaust Memorial Day - but a different angle.

They took us near Vinnytsia in 1941

Supply lines long since severed, ammunition all but gone.

We numbered 97 boys, all from Podillia’s lands

They shot a half of us right then as we raised our hands.

They ordered us to strip our dead beneath that wintery sun

I’ve asked myself a thousand times, “What would you ...

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after the end

before the beginning....

underneath the lies

over the pain....

with the belief

against the fact....

behind the mask

opening the veils....

in-between time

and eternity....

our sun drops the shadows of the words;

penned down by prophets and poets!

saints and leaders!

and singing with the chorus....

flowing with the chords;

when we decei...

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In a while the wicked will be no more ,

And into our lives goodness will pour.

With the calamities of the past we will cope,

Pushing them to the side building up hope.

He who looks after us from above,

Will shower us with unlimited love.

A bright future is there to share,

Drawing us close to Him up there.

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The Seclusionists Paradise

     He had a thought,

   he thinks, thinks it will be fine one day,

he is ‘now’ before the sink, filling a kettle

     to boil his fifth cup of tea.

     The thought was of course;- genuine,

and in control, the journey never travelled

fractal enclosures of reliability and he did think

he was enjoying his inquiry.

     Smiling wh...

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Whenever you start to fret or worry,
If you feel impatient or in a hurry.
And you realise that you may be stuck
Walking your path of dreadful luck.

You feel despondent and dejected,
And by the whole world quite rejected.
Then you may ponder and you may think,
How much lower can my despair sink.

But can you just step off this road?
Can you set your mind to a cheerful mode?
Your view o...

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No-one looked less scarier

than Gerhardt from Bavaria

sitting quietly pondering his feet.

As he thought about his life

with Hildegard his wife

it was hard to think of anyone more meek.

Dressed in his lederhosen

he denied that he had chosen

to administer the use of Zyklon B

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My Bay the one I love 

Times a ticking by and by 

Time is flying bye 

I get tí make some money 

Got to get our life together 

Got to go to mass 

All this depans in who I listen to 

Am trying to see through to fog 

Trying to see through the politic smoke 

Trying to back it back home to you 

My life in you hands 

My mood depaning in yours 

My dreams are entwine wi...

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Turning on the shower this morning,

bleary-eyed and sleepy still, I spied

a charmingly awkward Daddy Long Legs

Whenever I encounter them

it seems as if they’re quarreling

with their circumstances,

trying to get where they want to be

with their uncertain, stop-and-start gait

This one, now wrestling with hazards

I had just carelessly introduced,

near the f...

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https://youtu.be/H12R3o6tCmw

I could not care less, at first
who was sitting beside me in 14A and B 
Having spent the week in Helsinki in search of 
He who drew men in bulging black and white, leather 
Through forests, through trees, in amongst the heather
I could not find Tom of Finland 
Now gazing out of my window at those same forests now miles above me 
With feelings akin to those of...

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That person holds me

I wish you'd be here please

I feel so lonely without you

So shaky I don't know what to do

Your not my boyfriend 

But seen all of me

And help me when I need you

I wish you could hold me in my bed

Kiss my head

And say it will be ok 

We arn't just frineds

But you just dont like me that way

I miss you 

And wish to kiss you

But you only hol...

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https://www.lbc.co.uk/radio/presenters/james-obrien/callous-ignorance-tories-blame-financially-struggling/

The Tories all from under their stones,

The UK’s now corrupt to its bones,

New normal moral squalor,

As our poor face daily horror,

Human Rights? Brits are on their Jack Jones!

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Mr Brown, the butcher, was sawing through a large beef bone.

Hard white bone chips and sinew flew up and out, 

hitting the underneath of the curved glass screen, 

it sounded like the machine gun noise I heard

when watching the Daffy Duck cartoons 

at the Odean’s Saturday morning pictures.

As he strained to cut, 

the large muscle at the top of his arm bulged. 

I’ll have musc...

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Gazes free, reason of this dream, swords, and screams, it’ll be the ending of me, you’ll see.

It was inevitable to meet your soul in the after sun, bright eyes paralyzed me in the hallway wondering where you had been. Would you bring me back my brave? I wanna know your name! 

Baby, it’s written on your face, evil inside our veins, they are coming with flames surrounding us in a haze, ignoran...

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bleeding lamb-like the split throat splaying

on temple steps for Set's quiet-dark smirks

among scam-based chakra shenanigans

the iron-scented mist of blood 

atonement propelled through bone-white air a mass of military-grade psychic driving

travelling by darkness fear-first 

deep in prayers of accidental blasphemies regrets melting salty on a quickly-creasing face threats 

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Bless me Father for I have sinned

I honestly didn’t intend not recycling my bins

All that glass got mixed in with the paper

I swear I was gonna sort through it all later

But I got distracted by that young lady

Oh and whilst it’s confession time,

I’ve been a bit shady

I told her I was single you see

When I invited her in for a cup of tea

I’m not sure she believed me ...

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Smoky night down the 

Harbour Street, Whitstable. 

The tea on the windowsill 

Is getting cold while the 

Night stayed frozen and still. 

The construction man resting

After a clean slate repair 

Of a decomposing building, 

Eavesdropped on the indistinctive 

Voice heard from inside the window. 

Tascam played the last words 

Of a mariner to the love of his l...

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An empty vessel makes most sound

especially when it's upside down

but when it stands upon the ground

it's no more than a common noun

discovered in the Lost & Found

saying nothing twice as loud

to stand out from the madding crowd

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Though unready for such leaps,

Forced to confront

All the crimson of the epoch,

And a lexicon that lives

Closer to comfort, yet

Further from the truth,

As we stand faithless

Before the fulcrum

That could let flourish

The coveted equilibrium, 

An un-becoming of the ego,

A veto to the vertigo

Caused by a nexus

Of the nefarious, angling

For the negation

Of...

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it’s a peculiar habit

day in, day out

every day, same time

at every corner or junction

he pauses as if looking

for danger, or to make a

crucial decision, a choice

Beatrix, our granddaughter

eight years-old,

somewhat concerned,

once asked if he was lost

as he stared up and down the road,

he looked somewhat perplexed

at her enquiry, henceforth

she la...

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I woke up this morning at quarter to nine
And made myself breakfast of waffles and wine,
This unhealthy mixture went straight to my head
So after six helpings I went back to bed.

I woke up again at a quarter to three
And after my lunch it was time for my tea
And after my tea I was feeling so ill
I spent the night crying and writing a will. 
 

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Since forever

It was my dream

To have a family 

With Annabel Lee

There was no ocean

As deep as my devotion

To Annabel Lee

But Annabel Lee

Goes on sadness sprees

She tears herself apart

And brings her sorrow to me

I wanted to be loved by Annabel Lee

But Annabel Lee only loves misery

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Try and try 

an act of will 

touch yourself 

like taking a pill 

curtains down 

on the world 

someone’ll do 

your job at work 

preserve yourself

precious amber 

before reality 

reaches its hammer 

self-care aisle 

stretches a mile 

turn those fears 

into smiles 

those rituals 

mystical powers 

allow you to act 

normal tom...

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Wisdom is Born

The varnish of life has given way

to the grains which now hold sway

Twinkling eyes are now gently dimmed

as the beard I wear is seldom trimmed

From this aged and sallow countenance

is a voice worn by years of utterance

But behind these wrinkled features

is the mind of an old and wise teacher

The mortal frame now creaks with age

but a mind...

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to pass you by is to long

for you close, lips sweet despite her

claim’s acrid taste. you wave.

your wandering hand runs up my thigh like

vines cling to ancient stone structures.

we make a sick picture, half-past-drunk

on years of tension, crushed

between mouths and confession in the dark.

you look at me as though

i might not run laps around the room

in hopes of catchi...

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These paths we walk
grounded by responsibility
well-worn routine
practiced intimacy
I could only smile
when you whispered in my ear
‘Take me away from this
take me anywhere but here’

Living in the moment
it’s all we know to do
as you pepper my shoulder with kisses
my fingers explore every inch of you
You said ‘the world is a minibar
cold and empty
but now we’re blessed by this heat
...

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You had the dream-maker tell you riddles

You gave the way forward through your prophetic heart

We felt our way through what they call intuition

It is really the soul when it speaks

My magic is unceremonial, my turn is my own wand

When I walk I have wattage and the daoine sìth gather

My sea hymns are of certain instinct and make a good flood

Such as they seek of the river Boyne...

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Dearest Peter,

The end was closer than ever before
Just a hint more of internal turmoil and I may crumble
Tonight I didn’t want to exist. 
It’s not that I wanted to die, I just didn’t want this particular life
I wished for my only presence to be alive in ink letters, for the dusty pages to become my source of oxygen, to be the character in story of a finer setting.
Somehow misplaced I...

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I am damned to live a different life,
Sweat beading in the pores,
Dead maggots in my eyes.

I am damned to live a different life,
Not feeling or real,
Held hostage within me.

I am damned to live a different life,
Alone inside the shadow,
Unable to break free.

I am damned to live a different life,
Better?
Worse?

Its not up to me.

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What is love 

But snow falling softly in the crisp moonlit night 

With layers of passion melting slowly into the next 

To the rains and floods that churn our hearts into uncertainty

Only to see that the heavens still pull new life from the earth in a symphony of glorious beauty

To then the fun in the summer sun 

As lovers swim naked in the waters made of their winter night's pass...

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 The Move

Xylene, Toluene, trichloroethylene,

The smell,

Prior paint peeled away and fell.

All off-white, only ever warmer; morning sunlight in the east windows

1887, a ship-builder discussed between three widows,

That line there, fixed up by The Man, too

Them floorboards wouldn’t look as good as The Man could do.

Where did he go? One asked inside of the plain room,

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Into the office 

someone's brought cake!

Don't they know

I'm a little snowflake!

I have no willpower 

Can't think for myself

Then in strolls this cocky

little cake elf!

Spreading obesity

Like covid 19

Don't they know cake

should never be seen! 

It's total carnage

There's cream round me gob

And, now, someone's brandishing 

a chocolate hob-...

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'Is everything okay?' She asked with a sense of duty not care.

This tells me that even the deepest of pains cannot be concealed. Humans know humans.

All those wasted hours I spent on pampering my appearance to hide behind a mask of beauty have been wasted.

My reflection routine of practising the performance of emotions must have been ineffective.

In response I say, ‘yes I’m okay!’ tr...

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~ imPRESSions ~

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Melting into your being means aligning with your highest self, still lost in a fog hoping to ascend! 
   
           

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We don’t trust them.
Those giants who rule the Earth;
those fallen ones who stole our dominion.

We don’t trust them.
Those royal descendants of “gods”;
those of the divine blood line.

Why should we trust them?
They live in castles even today,
while we still cower in caves.

Why should we trust them?
From days of old,
we die in their wars,
we beg to consume what they own.

Why sh...

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Poem 53 of 230:  WHY THE YEW?

To paraphrase one of my uncles,

    Showing a church in Hertfordshire:

When you see an old English parish,

    There'll be yews in its yard, for sure.

“Why the yew?” I obviously asked.

    They were planted, he said, to stop

A resting-shepherd’s sheep chewing-up

    The parish-graveyard’s gardened top -

Odour tells them:  choo...

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'Awake', 'Snowflake'.
every line with it's rhyme
saved up to flourish at the end.
Then the crocodile passing the lollipop lady:
'Limp', Lazy' and 'Loitering'
a select congregation 
branded with a cipher on the head.
And once commonplace
the dragon and the unicorn
now only haunt castle ruins.
When they pass a fallen wall
I clap my hands with childish glee.
Sadness also deepens-
dr...

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i want to go for a walk you say

the sunrise is beautiful and the wind is gentle

though, i will never notice the sunrise,

not even when you point it out to me

i'll notice how your hand will brush mine

and the soft way you'll speak to me

so gentle, that early in the morning

i'll notice each gap in between the conversations we'll have

the small ...

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