Corruption and deformity

must haunt the major dynasty:

a scheming witch, licentious imp,

a severed hand, sadistic prince;

suggestions of incest, perhaps,

and Charles Dance wearing gravitas.

 

Let there be dragons far beyond

commanded by a fiery blonde,

whose husband looks like Genghis Khan -

though she might be a lesbian.

That head he’s skewered on his knife

once played a gay bloke in This Life.

 

Intrigue shall occupy the court

and many parts must needs be short –

just long enough to lose their eyes,

their limbs or what’s between the thighs.

The chief amongst the hangers-on

resembles Peter Mandelson.

 

Have something horrible up North

that’s threatening to lumber forth

and overcome a wall of ice,

to frit us with its fearsome voice.

The widows weep, the virgins scream –

I’ll never visit Aberdeen.

 

Procure a score of odalisques

for ornament, to flash their tits

and give a soldier some respite -

but hang on, love, that can’t be right.

Look, she’s had a Brazilian!

The Dark Ages were brilliant.