I kept flattening a bump on my newly aquired pumps,

It was annoying,the most uncomfortable of lumps.

I kept putting pressuure on the kink. hoping it would go away,

I decided to return the pair to the dealer ,£100 I did pay.

But one morning the sock on my right foot started to smell,

I pulled up the sole and underneath a dead mouse did dwell!!

My cat regularly brings in ...

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I get up before everyone else on the street,

Sleep deprivation at my age I do meet.

But fortunately an intense eagerness to live draws me from my bed,

Creating positive vibes in my brain to enjoy what lies ahead.

Worrying is the most common function of becoming a fretter,

It is important to acknowledge this and learn to do better.

He who is of calm and happpy nature will har...

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As a photographer I was assigned to take pictures of a roaring forest fire.

A plane at the local airport I had arranged to hire.

At the airport I jumped into the plane and excitedly said ,"let's go."

"Fly over the fire and hover three or four timrs below ."

After taking off the pilot says,"Wby are we doing this over such a devastating fire ?"

"I'm a photographer,"Traumatised.the pil...

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Fred needed a drink after going out for a jog,

Goes into his local and sits next to a dog.

Fred asks the landlord if his dog bites,

Never he's well behaved and never fights.

Fred bends down and gives the dog a stroke,

"Ouch he's bitten me,that's no joke!"

"I thought you said your dog was fine!"

The landlord replied,"That dog is not mine."

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After staring at her grandad's wrinkly old face,

"Grandad,did God make you?"asked 6 year old Grace.

"Yes He did make me a long time ago,"said grandad.

Grace replied,"The fact that He didn't make me I am so glad."

"But Grace He did make you,your a more recent arrival."

"By the grace of God He's done a better job," said Grace "there's been a revival ."

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An officer. pulls over a car due to drink driving,

And asks the driver if he has been out drinking.

"Yes officer ,I have just been to a pub where I had 

numerous drinks,

And then went to another pub where I had seven beers methinks."

"Step out of the car and see what the breath test will be."

"Why's that ,"said. the driver."Don't you believe me?"

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The. Post Office brand cannot survive,

The brand has to be renamed to stay alive.

From becoming the most trusted brand in the land,

It has most definitely become the least trusted brand.

The services thel Post  Office provides should not be lost,

To put things right we must do ,whatever the cost.

The perpetrators up high for their neglect must have to pay,

While the sub-p...

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Fred made a stupid error while acting the goat,

Had to go to the doctor's due to swallowing a ten pound note.

In a panic Fred went to see his doctor in Grange.

Prescribing a laxative,doctor said,''Ring me tomorrow if there's no change."

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Boris tried to get a doctor's appointment as his brain was in a mess.

As we all know it's very difficult to get one in our N.H.S.

"Doctor I keep thinking I'm invisible to get over it I don't know how !"

The doctor appologised and said,"I'm sorry I can't see you right now."

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Boris tried to get a doctor's appointment as his brain was in a mess.

As we all know it's very difficult to get one in our N.H.S.

"Doctor I keep thinking I'm invisible to get over it I don't know how !"

The doctor appologised and said,"I'm sorry I can't see you right now."

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Everyone get's sad now and then,

But extremely difficult  to predict when.

"I do a good job of hiding my sadness from mum and dad,

It can switch anytime,trouble free one can still get sad."

When sadness holds you firmly in it's grip,

Into the hearts of your parents you must trip.

They can lower a rope and pull you out ,

Knowing what your going through and sort things out.

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Your illness for us all  has been a cruel blow,

You are not alone,down the path of recovery, with you we will go.

"I am well and getting stronger every day."

We your nation will support you all the way.

In the face of adversity you have displayed admirable strength.

Displaying for the protection of your children you will go to any length.

Your video message sat on a bench wa...

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Let's make the world a better place,

Let's cherish the joys that bring smiles to our face.

Send a warm message and end it with a kiss,

May your day be filled with happiness and pure bliss.

Smile,spread happiness and watch the world transform,

Spread it far and wide,let acts of kindness be the norm.

Enjoy every step along the way,

Make happiness your companion every single...

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Men and women have been created with the same mental ability.

The talents of men and women combined bring us stability.

The one way to show respect for women is listening to them,

To their views and thoughts we must favourably react and not condemn.

Women are strong capable and brave,

.A large army of sisters put there for us men to crave.

To listen to them us men must follo...

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One of the best pre bedtime activities you can do,

A warm bath will bring sleep to you.

Your body temperature dips at night,

The cool down you  experience when out creates a body delight.

Meditation can be a key to falling asleep,

Listen to music,relax and breathe deep.

Activities such as reading,watching t.v. and eating in bed should be banned,

As they condition the brai...

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It's amazing what youngsters will get up to.

It has been brought to my attention what they will do.

One drank battery acid,the other eat fireworks,both developed a cough,

Justice was partly served,the police charged one and the other was let off.

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Hunt should have increased the £12,750 tax threshold,

Not doing so a £1000 tax increase for the aged will unfold.

The Tories give £1 and take £10 back.

At the next election us aged will give them the sack.

Older voters will make the Tories pay,

When casting their votes ,will have their say..

Does Jeremy think that we no longer exist after the age of 65?

Forgeting about us...

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A free vote in Parliament on assisted dying  is due,

M.P. s will vote according to their conscience ,not their political view.

Cancer claims the lives of 1 in 2 of those whom we hold dear.

The terminal phase of the illness confronts us with a painful fear.

Under current laws patients with chronic cancer are forced to choose between suffering,suicide and Switzerland.

It's time f...

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In reality the risks of a shark attack are extremly low,

Into the ocean targetting humans they will not go.

Jim working as a clown at the circus in Blackpool,

His friends described him as daring and cool.

One night,as it was getting dark,

Jim decided to have a swim with the circus shark.

"Oh no",said one of his friends,"look what he has done,

He's swimming with the shark ...

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No husband or children,Lucy lived alone.

Zero text messages at Christmas not even from Vodaphone.

No-one to nest with over the Christmas break,

To pull the crackers and share a cake.`

Going to the cinema with automated cinema tickets,Lucy felt at ease,

There was no shame in saying,"Just one ticket please."

No food in the fridge,no kids and only two plates,

Nothing in comm...

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A dad is driving his son to school in Blackburn,

"Oh no ,"says the dad,"I've just made an illegal turn."

"Don't worry dad,good news I do bring,

The police car behind us has done the same thing."

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Jane was a photographer's daughter and with Jim happily eloped.

Jim was a lucky man, Jane was attractive and really well developed.

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