That’s snot very funny!!

Whilst blowing my nose into a tissue in France ,

A woman asked,"How do you make a tissue dance?"

I thought about it for a bit,

And said, "Put a little bogey in it."

I then told her my nose was really runny,

She answered,"That's snot very funny !!"

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A bad move having a meal out with a mate!!

Was having a meal out with a keen chess player,

Over our table was a chequered tablecloth layer.

Enjoyment of the meal came to a sudden halt,

It took him over an hour to pass me the salt !!

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Three rough hairy bikers stop at a services for a meal,

Sat next to a lady and her chips they did steal.

One pulled out a fag and next to her did smoke,

Another rudely laughing gave her a poke.


Without a word of protest she pays her bill and departs,

Jumps into her enormous truck ,turns the key and starts.

With a sigh of relief leaves the services and her dislikes,

And ca...

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Good news for me and you

Satan and his demons on our earth,fear and panic spread,

Wars,famines,epidemics and earthquakes leave many dead.

Current events indicate that God's time to act is near,

Plans how to enjoy a better future we will soon hear.


Jesus is ruling the earth from heaven as king,

And good news from heaven to us all will bring.

When on earth Jesus cured the sick and raised the dead,


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The spread of kindness

Kindness touches hearts in a special way,

Like a warm fire on a cold day.

A powerful quality that comes from the heart,

Creating a communal feeling when we all take part.


Being kind strengthens one's satisfaction in life,

Spreads an ointment of calm on turmoil and strife.

Being friendly and considerate,means much more,

A kind word,a smile or even opening a door,



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Avoid an unhealthy hell and look after your body well.

Wash your hands and stay clean,

Spreading germs is really mean !!

Avoid infections,be careful where you roam,

Regularly clean and disinfect your home.


Love your body ,be careful what you take in,

Alcohol,drugs and tobacco are a sin !!

Limit your intake of salt ,sugar and fat,

Follow a healthy diet,make sure you do that.


Set a good time to go to bed,

Relax,shed ...

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A depressed teenager's hope for the future was lifted

" I sit on the side of my bed and wonder if there will be a tomorrow,

Suffering pain, fear,mental anguish and deep sorrow.

My teenage life has been darkened by a cloud of sadness .

And an immense difficulty in dealing with this madness.


No motivation to do anything,all I want to do is sleep.

Into a dark deep hole ,with no way out,I creep.

I often feel unloved,worthless and a...

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Our world is in turmoil !!

Our world is in turmoil,how can we cope ?

Worrying about negatives will weaken our hope.

Some of the problems we face might change for the better,

Protect your hope and become a trend setter .


Focus on the positives and ways to deal with the situation,

And list a few things to show your appreciation.

As anxiety over the world turmoil increases ,people suffer,

Disturbing n...

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Hip hip hooray for women's international day !!

Many men see women as objects of sex,

They are not there to exploit and annex !!

To ignore a woman's voice is a sin,

Step up women,get together you can win.


A good woman carries light in her smile and good in her bones,

Always there to assist us,even on her mobile phones.

A woman is the loveliest flower that blooms,

With love and wonder her fragrance worldwide zooms.



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"For the discipline and the love of my parents I sincerely thank"

Discipline guides a child like a steering wheel guides a car,

When a child does not adhere to your rules ,he or she can only go so far.

The word discipline can mean to guide or teach,

A moral training to provide good goals to reach.


In recent decades discipline has become more rare,

Always commend children for their obedience and care.

A deliberate disobedience a child must ...

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Jake asked Jane if he could take her home

Jane homeless lived on the streets,

Abuse and thefts by men she constantly meets.

Jake also round the streets did roam,

One day asked Jane whether he could take her home.

Jane smiled at Jake and said he could,

Jake ran away with her cardboard box as fast as he could.


Jake while running away as fast as a rocket,

A lottery ticket dropped out of his pocket.

Jane picked it...

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R.I.P. oh mother of two

A solemn silence on a community does descend,

As the search for a much loved mother comes to an end.

It was a discovery that none of us wanted to hear,

As Nichola was discovered in the river Wyre.


R.I.P. oh mother of two,

We are so sad at the loss of You.

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Toegether we will conquer hatred and live in harmony

Worldwide hatred can destroy mankind,

Strongly entrenched in hearts and mind.

World leaders must play an important role,

Cultivating qualities such as peace,patience and self control.


Satan the devil is behind all the hatred we see,

God must destroy the devil and all those under his evil tree.

Hatred hits the world like bad weather,

Finally all traces of hatred will be re...

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Homelessness ! A plight to fight

The wind out there is strong and cold,

Attacking the homeless both young and old.

Wrapped up in blankets both dirty and damp,

The street is their bedroom,it's light their lamp.


Houses and flats are too expensive for one,

Sleeping in a Debenham's doorway is not much fun.

The homeless problem is a street blight,

Increasing in numbers every single night.


The homeless...

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A calm heart

A calm heart brings joy to life,

Stress  causes anxiety and strife.

Try to live one day at a time,

And illuminate all that is sublime.

Avoid the anxieties of the next day,

And sort out the problems of today.


Avoid unreasonable high standards and stress,

Laughter brightens up your mood in distress.

Negative emmotions can cloud clear thinking,

Avoid smoking vaping and...

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An annoying flight

On a lengthy flight from China to France,

An unruly lad up and down the isle did prance.

He was annoying everyone,they couldn't take anymore ,

Finally he ran into the stewardess knocking all her drinks on the floor.

Fed up with his antics,he had definitely spoilt her day,

"For God's sake why don't you go outside to play !!!"

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Nicola Bulley gone missing while walking her dog beside the river Wyre

Nicola, gone missing has caused numerous concern,

We are all praying together for your safe return.

Nicola mother of two went missing while walking her dog,

Last seen  near the river Wyre,no further log ! 

The case is described as unusual,concerning and rare,

It seems that she has vanished into thin air .

The search has quickly been escalated,

The presence of a police searc...

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The future is bright

In a while the wicked will be no more ,

And into our lives goodness will pour.

With the calamities of the past we will cope,

Pushing them to the side building up hope.


He who looks after us from above,

Will shower us with unlimited love.

A bright future is there to share,

Drawing us close to Him up there.

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A highly rated family dentist

I was sat in the waiting room next to go in ,

A lady just been treated came out with a grin.

"Thank goodness my treatment is complete,

My visit to this dentist has been a treat.

A gum problem he has sorted with ease ,

I was highly  impressed by his expertise."

I said,"The lady was really impressed how you sorted her gum."

"Oh yes she would have been,that was my mum ."

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Rishi Sunak “A fine poem”

Rishi Sunak one of Parliament's most eloquent speakers,

His eloquence is amazing,jeepers creepers !!!

Envied by his opposition parties,they are fed up.

Constantly wishing that he would belt up ! !

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A mist opportunity

I tried to catcb a fog yesterday,

My persistence didn't pay.

As soon as I got close fog did resist,

So unfortunately in the end I mist !!

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Plan carefully how to manage your money !

The economy is in crisis take heed,

Money is required to plan what we need.

Decide what we can afford ,choose the best deals,

Rather than eating out, prepare your own meals.


Money is imprtant but don't let it disrupt,

Guard against greeds before they errupt.

A load of money is not an essential to enjoy life,

But avoid overspending,anxiety and strife.


What can we d...

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An early wake up call !!

Our P.M. after a hard day needed a long sleep,

But early morning into his room his speech writer did creep.

"There is an urgent matter sir that requires your attention ."

Angry the P.M. Said "I am the P.M. not the A.M.I must mention!"

The P.M.'s speech writer has since resigned,

He's speechless,no more lies assigned .

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"R.I.P. young lady, we love you so much."

A disaster happened last week in Caterham Surrey ,

A lady dog walker was mauled to death in a tragic scurry.

While walking eight dogs ,the wolf in them came alive.

Utterly heartbreaking ,the poor lady didn't survive.


Dogs cannot be trusted together in a pack,

It only takes one to go crazy and they could all crack.

Nobody out walking that day will forget the lady's screams,


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Unemployed !!

With a job at a calendar factory Mike was lumbered,

Totally bored,his days there were numbered.

"I don't mind going to work," said Mike,

"It's the eight hour wait to go home I don't like !!"


Mike then got a job at the job centre on good pay,

Got the sack, but still had to come in the next day,

Mike suffered a memory loss after his interview there,

Got offered a new job,bu...

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A visit to the psychiatrist !!!

Len and Tom met at a psychiatrist's door,

Tom said,"I don't know whether I want to be here anymore !"

"Are you coming or going  ?" asked Len.

"If I knew that,"said Tom "I wouldn't have to be here  agen !"

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A simple answer

Fred eagerly  wanted to marry and start a new life,

Having shed many mental issues,he asked Claire to be his wife.

"I love the simple things in life,but I'm sorry ," she said,

" I don't want one of them to be my husband Fred !!"


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It's raining,it's pouring ,your driving me mad !!!

It's raining,it's pouring,it doesn't seem to ease,

My wife said,"I want you to water the plants outside please."

"But it's raining cats and dogs out there my dear."

"Then take an umbrella with you and wear the right gear.!"

Later as it rained really hard,I stood at the window looking very sad.

I squealed  "It's raining ,it's pouring,let me in, your driving me mad !!!"

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Larry the cat welcomes Rishi to No10.

The longest resident of No10 is Larry the cat,

Six Prime Ministers he has experienced to give him a pat.

With joy Larry has welcomed Rishi to his new role.

"Purrfect, a future of lobster and caviar in my bowl ."



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A job for a yob !!!

A rude,noisy and agressive ex-prisoner was Bob,

Fresh out of prison eagerly looking for a job.

A sign,"Man wanted for a robbery ,"he did see,

Excitedly applies,"sounds like the right job for me."



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He got 12 months !!!

My friend Adam did something that I couldn't believe,

He went into a shop and stole a calendar on new years eve.

He got 12 months .

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