Poetry Blog by John Coopey

YER NOTCUTTS SCONE

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(I believe the price has gone up to £15 this year)

 

We bought our discount clubcard

It wasn’t very dear

Fo’ Notcutts Garden Centre -

Just twelve quid fo’ one year;

Besides percentage discounts

There’s coffee or there’s tea

Or even cappuccinos

That’s two a month fo’ free;

Now, reckon up two coffees

At just two quid a punt,

That’s forty eight quid fo’ the year,

...

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LOOK WHAT THEY DONE TO MY THONG, MA

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(For the benefit of worldwide fans anxious to cop a glimpse again of Yours Truly in mankini mode - a re-post)

 

Look what they done to my thong, Ma

Look what they done to my thong, Ma

The posing pouch is very small, the waistband very long, Ma

Look what they done to my thong.

 

I can’t buy clothes off the shelves, Ma

I can’t buy clothes off the shelves, Ma

I need my basq...

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I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW MY SPECS HAVE COME

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("There's nowt for getting old" - my Aunt Flo")

 

I can see clearly now my specs have come

I can see pills that’s on my bedside tray

Gone is my need for library large-print books

I can read perfectly good if it’s arm’s length away.

 

I can chew proper now my teeth are in

No more rolling food round my gums

No more Angel Delight and chicken soup

It’s gonna be pie, steak...

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THE MAN

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I recall hearing a story once – I think it was from the Bible – about someone who cried only twice when his father hit him.  Once was the first time when he cried because it hurt.  The second was the last time his father hit him and he cried because it didn’t – he realised his ageing father was dying.

I too recollect a similar incident.

I’d guess I’d have been around fourteen years old and m...

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"YA CHEAP LOUSY FAGGOT"

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I was dispirited, but not at all surprised, by the stir caused by the use of the word “faggot” in Nessa and Bryn’s rendition of “The Fairytale of New York” during “The Gavin and Stacey Christmas Special”.  And equally disappointed to hear Ruth Jones and Shane MacGowan’s defensiveness towards it. I’d rather have heard them say “WYV and man up!” (Further clarification of those initials would certain...

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OH JEREMY

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Oh Jeremy, Oh Jeremy

Pathetic were your chances;

Because of you the barmy Left

Let Boris win with daylight theft.

Your canvassers all heard it too-

They’d vote for Labour but for you;

Oh Jeremy, your legacy’s 10 more years of austerity.

 

Oh Jeremy, were we blind drunk

To think you had one ounce of spunk;

We must have been completely dense

To let you sit on Brexit’...

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