Poetry Blog by John Coopey
Americans are reluctant to remember (or keen to forget) that whole towns were loyal to the British Crown during the War of Independence. The most notable of these was New York. (But don't mention it to your cabbie there)
They fled from the murrain that fell on East Ham
By Plymouth and Boston they brought us
And on to this place they called New Amsterdam
To sire we grandsons and...
Thursday 29th October 2020 10:58 am
It could have been the greatest opportunity of our time for us to “step up to the plate”, as they say, and prove ourselves the match of those generations who have gone before us.
Fathers, grandfathers and great grandfathers responded to their duty (no doubt, reluctantly) shouldering responsibilities to endure extremes of discomfort and sacrifice.
We have failed. We have failed both ourselves...
Monday 26th October 2020 5:35 pm
It is a well guarded miltary secret that there is a parallax or three-dimensional hole in number sequences. The most used of these is the 29th parallax which is vital for the technology of stealth bombers and other invisible "phenomena". At the risk of alerting the CIA that this is now in the public domain, I shall try to demonstrate as simply as I can the 29th parallax. (This is the only truly t...
Friday 23rd October 2020 11:30 am
Worldwide fans of mine will recollect this re-post from my original of 2016 when His Trumpness became POTUS. You may also be aware that the emblem of the Republican Party is an elephant. Sometimes these things fall into your lap from Heaven.
One dark day a Republican caucus came
And brought a belligerent elephant and Donald was his name;
Now today he’s plying his dirty tricks
Wednesday 21st October 2020 3:48 pm
A re-post from 2013 and featuring Yours Truly on slide guitar. I have not had any offers yet.
I want a WriteOutLoud woman to do anything in the world for me
I want a WriteOutLoud woman to do anything in the world for me
She could lick my piece into shape; I mean my poetry.
I’d take down her pantoums and jiggle her spondees for fun
She’d mouth both my rondels and my phaleu...
Monday 19th October 2020 8:24 pm
A chant I have not heard for almost 60 years.
Playtime was fun and frightening and formative at primary School. It was a Boys School and play reflected that.
Ad hoc games of football were being played up and down and across the yard. Picture Manchester United playing Manchester City at Old Trafford while Tottenham played Arsenal across the pitch and several pockets of unrelated kick-a-bout...
Saturday 17th October 2020 10:18 am
It is with deep regret that I have to tell you that Notcutts Garden Centres have removed the benefit of two free coffees per month from their £12 Loyalty Card. Gone are the days of two cream teas for £3.50. It prompted me to dig this out from my Greatest Hits album.
Can any treat make me a more content man
Than clotted cream, scone and blackcurrant jam?
At mid-afternoon on a fine E...
Wednesday 14th October 2020 10:58 pm
In 1999 a retired Ohio car worker (but Ukrainian by birth), John Demjanjuk, was accused of being one of the Trawniki at Sobibor concentration camp. These were Eastern European collaborators who assisted in the extermination of Jews on behalf of the Nazis. He was extradited to Germany to stand trial for war crimes and subsequently found guilty and sentenced to 5 years imprisonment.
But it has a...
Tuesday 13th October 2020 12:49 pm
(Day 8 of our 14-day Track and Trace self-isolation)
Crowds that drift their way down the street
Neighbours, friends and relatives that we can’t meet
Just watching the world from this window seat
We ain’t going nowhere.
Oo-wee the beer’s running dry
But tomorrow’s the day that the groceries come
Oo-wee, time ticks by
Slowly in the easy chair.
The garden’s ...
Saturday 10th October 2020 11:56 pm
Of all the things that you’ve ever taken for granted the most wondrous is You.
It’s a pretty good bet that you have never considered how truly amazing you are.
You are made up of billions of atoms, totally inert, lifeless and indestructible.
They have been totally inert, lifeless and indestructible since time began.
They will continue to be so until time runs out.
But for one tiny f...
Thursday 8th October 2020 12:02 am
My dad got me the job at the pit. It was a good system. You knew if you didn’t behave yourself your dad would get to find out and at 17 I wasn’t too old to get a thick ear off him. What’s more, if you weren’t up to much it would reflect badly on him. I was one of an intake of half a dozen “juveniles”, all boys – women were prevented from working underground by law.
The first week was spent ...
Tuesday 6th October 2020 4:48 pm
There is a counselling trauma line set up for Manchester United fans on 0161 616161.
Oh Happy Day
When Son Heung-min
I said when Son Heung-min
He blew United away.
And Harry Kane
He scores when he wants
I said he scores when he wants
He got a brace today.
What can you say?
We stuffed you for six
Yes we stuffed you for six
It’s such a Happy Day....
Sunday 4th October 2020 9:27 pm
For those of you with a less artistic bent than my good self I thought I would critique Rubens's masterpiece The Three Gracie Fields with a masterpiece of my own. A couple of the hoes are single mums already and have shamelessly brung their whelps along to the shag fest - a scene re-enacted most Saturday nights in the backyard of The Cock and Pullet, Donny.
An expanse of alabaster
Thursday 1st October 2020 12:09 am
I confess that the transphobia kerfuffle with JK Rowling largely passed me by, so I’ll admit to being a bit shaky on the facts of the story. As I understand it, JKR lampooned the fabricated terminology and imagery of menstruation rather than calling a spade a “woman” and for this she was accused of transphobia.
Let me say from the off that I have no issue with anyone getting a new willy or fan...
Monday 28th September 2020 8:59 am
It’s cold and grey
In Cayton Bay;
It’s coming, there’s no doubt;
For no-one braves
The North Sea waves;
Best get the gansey out.
Saturday 26th September 2020 10:36 pm
I am amused by conspiracy theories. Well, not the theories themselves which are unsubstantiated bollocks but by conspiracy theorists.
My son-in-law-to-be is one. Nothing passes him by – the moon landings, JFK’s assassination, crop circles and, of course, Covid 19. At first it was 5G signal masts, now it’s lab-produced in China for the purpose of bankrupting the West.
And I love it. I lik...
Thursday 24th September 2020 8:26 pm
Me and Our Gert aren’t the soppy, sentimental types that go overboard with posh cards that cost a quid or more for each other. But seeing as it was our ruby wedding anniversary a couple of weeks ago I thought it might be a bit off if I didn’t get her a card at least.
Unfortunately, I forgot.
Luckily, she keeps a stack for all eventualities in the sideboard – weddings, birthdays, In Deepest ...
Tuesday 22nd September 2020 9:52 pm
A re-post from a few years ago. The George and Dragon is shut now.
Tuesday night at the G & D
Quiz and supper for 50p
Will we win? We’ll have to see
When the marking’s done.
The team’s the same usually
Comprised of friends and family
All G & D devotees
We don’t half have some fun.
Besides myself there’s Phil and Glen
(We knock on questions 1 to 10)
Saturday 5th September 2020 3:52 pm
A re-post from my Greatest Hits Volume 1 collection to mark the start, meteorologically speaking, of Autumn.
The scene was a canvas autumnal
Not yet with crimson and gold,
The swirl of the dead leaves so pitiful,
Life’s paucity there to behold;
When adding itself to the monochrome
Of the blacks and whites and the greys
Came hopping along a lone magpie,
Out of the mist ...
Thursday 3rd September 2020 10:07 pm
Here’s something that you never knew you needed.
It’s a contoured cushion that you place between your thighs to help with your leg posture while you’re asleep. The idea is that it keeps your legs (specifically your tib and fib) parallel while you are asleep on your side.
You shove it tight underneath your crotch. And at £19.99 it’s not to be sniffed at.
Tuesday 1st September 2020 10:21 pm
I pride myself on living by a code from days gone by
When gentlemen were gentlemen – at least, I always try;
But times and attitudes have changed from when I was a youth
I often feel quite left behind; this verse will offer proof.
While shopping at the local Spar I’d bought a thing or two
And patiently I waited for my turn within the queue;
I stood behind a woman, quite attr...
Friday 28th August 2020 7:29 pm
We really did have a pet caiman called “Snappy”, although “pet” is a bit strong; it didn’t come when you whistled or fetch sticks. And “we” was my brother-in-law. But it really did live in a tank in our front room and stopped passers-by in their tracks.
It was about 3 feet long when we gave it to Flamingoland, with half its length being tail.
We fed it on raw meat but, from time to time, o...
Wednesday 26th August 2020 7:44 pm
A re-post from days when I had good dreams.
I woke excited this morning.
You know, excited down there;
I’d dreamt of us being together,
Aroused by the scent of your hair.
We walked hand-in-hand so slowly
Soaked to the bone by the rain
Its rivulets streamed down your forehead
We laughed and were twenty again.
The street turned into a bedroom
So seamless ...
Wednesday 19th August 2020 10:55 pm
With our 40th wedding anniversary ominously looming, a love poem to the lovely but irascible Mrs C. A courageous re-post.
You’ll not know what’s going on
She’s been so quiet all night long
A proper lady to wine and dine
But very soon she’ll probably decide to throw a wobbly
She gets crazy, crazy, crazy when she’s Out of Wine.
Crazy, crazy, crazy when she’s Out of Wine
Sunday 16th August 2020 10:16 am
We all recollect from our earlier days
In stories we’d tell of the hell we would raise;
We thought then that boastful dishonesty pays
As puppies we’d pompously brag
That there’s nowt that can beat an Old Shag.
But youth is impatient and takes pleasure fast
But the quicker you quench it the sooner it’s passed
The longest ride’s had on the horse that comes last
Wednesday 12th August 2020 8:16 pm
A recent trip to Brid prompted this.
Johnny used to run a second-hand shop on one of Brid’s back streets. He was a dirty, fat old bloke who used to sit on a stool just inside the doorway. I never saw him get off his perch: he probably couldn’t.
The shop stank of Johnny and contained a cornucopia of tat. If you wanted anything you brought it to Johnny and gave him the money as he sat on hi...
Tuesday 11th August 2020 8:49 am
An unrequited love poem
I’ve had some bad luck with the ladies
In truth, the fault’s down to me
You see, I’ve a niche peccadillo
That’s harmless, I’m sure you’ll agree.
I’d taken her out on a bike ride
We’d stopped at a café to eat
But when she came back from the Ladies
She caught me sniffing her seat.
A second invited me inside
An offer I couldn’t refu...
Saturday 8th August 2020 9:09 am
Let me say from the off that Alfie is a mongrel. Oh, sure, my daughter describes him as a bijon fries something-or-other cross. But the offspring of a pure Arabian and a pure-bred Asinara donkey is still an ass (or is it a mule, I forget). So Alfie is still a mongrel.
An adorable little mongrel, I’ll grant you – to look at, at any rate. But a little shit when you get to know him.
Saturday 1st August 2020 9:44 pm
I laminate and post a few of these poems around the in-laws garden at appropriate points for this event.
I have a hobby bordering mania
Taking cuttings of gerania;
“Not so!” your criticism comes
It’s plural is geraniums”.
These little rhymes made up of words
Just pale beside the songs of birds;
We keep these feeders fully stocked
Thursday 30th July 2020 10:13 pm
You'd need to be of a certain age to remember Lord Beginner's original; or, indeed, Ramadhin and Valentine.
Cricket, lovely cricket
Old Trafford was where I saw it
Cricket, lovely cricket
So lovely you can’t ignore it.
Bowled out for just 129
England won by 269
369 was what we scored
A rattling knock from Stuart Broad.
Once upon a better time
You’d have Ramadhin ...
Tuesday 28th July 2020 6:28 pm
Our grandchildren and great grandchildren will ask
"Who broke the world?"
And the tears of our ghosts will weep
And they will ask us
"Did you not care?"
And we will answer
"Only for ourselves".
Monday 27th July 2020 4:15 pm
Worldwide fans may prefer to enjoy the poem without listening to the audio! The opening E7 chord is perfect. "Tits up" starts immediately after.
We’re seeking IT specialists to join our team
To supplement the Putin crew
Trade your western decadence for our regime
Come and join the chosen few.
And hack in the USSR
And work for the Tsar
Hack in the USSR.
Friday 24th July 2020 10:00 pm
I was amused to see an article on this on today’s BBC News website. It seems an American woman from Richmond, Virginia, stands accused of “cultural appropriation” for posting a video of herself doing that Irish Riverdancing. Now don’t get me wrong, I fully support taking down posts of idiots dancing on the spot to the tune of an Irish whistle; not for reasons of cultural appropriation, but becau...
Saturday 18th July 2020 2:22 pm
Nowadays I am one rung down from the fucking angels. But I was not always so. A re-post.
I moan these days about youngsters -
The chavs and the scuzzies and thugs;
Their swearing and gobbing and ASBOs -
Their smoking and drinking and drugs.
But I recollect I was no angel
And partial to that Special Brew
And me and my mate have knocked teeth out
And pissed in a doorwa...
Wednesday 15th July 2020 10:48 pm
Readers should be aware that the play may contain outdated attitudes, language and cultural depictions which may cause offence today. And nuts. And in no way does its publication, replication or production intend to justify, endorse or celebrate the morality contained therein.
In particular, we do not condone the stereotyping of the three witches as women with their associated body shaming whi...
Monday 13th July 2020 5:47 pm
A re-post from a few years ago and included in my epic tome "Proper Poems by John Coopey: t'Finest Bloody Poet from Chapel Haddlesey Ever To Draw Breath". Always happy to improve on the works of inferior poets like Lewis Carroll.
“The Walrus and the Carpenter
Licked their lips so sweet
And pondered their good fortune
At that tasty mollusc treat;
Then idly stretched to doze awhi...
Saturday 11th July 2020 9:48 pm
An attempt at mid-line assonance and end-line consonance. A re-post from 2012. (I no longer require a penile cage to restrain me!).
In the mind and on the flesh sense the crop’s keen edge
Hear the swish and feel the thresh; Mistress will oblige.
One’s for you; the second’s mine; the third is born in rage
Three red welts in perfect line; Mistress will oblige.
Pain and pleasure ...
Thursday 9th July 2020 9:45 am
Fellow Baby Boomers will no doubt recall that rite of passage that was the Eleven Plus. For non-Boomers that was an exam every kid took at the age of eleven (as it happens) to determine your next educational path. Those who passed went on to the grammar school, those that didn’t didn’t. They went on to the secondary modern, and for the vast majority of the population that “cut” set the seal on th...
Tuesday 7th July 2020 4:59 pm
(You will see where I got the inspiration for this. More than the inspiration, really. I have just taken his piece and wrapped the song around it. See first comment)
Baby, look at me
And tell me what you see
You try to be woke and polite
But BAME just means that I’m not white.
You don’t know what you say or do
With just two boxes – me and you;
How, morally, can this be...
Saturday 4th July 2020 8:31 am
(History Made Simple. A masterpiece of mine included in the anthology "Still Life with Wine and Cheese", celebrating all that's best about France. A slim volume!)
There stood mud ‘n’ puddles where once there’d stood flowers
It bucketed stair rods for ‘ours ‘n’ ‘ours
It tested us patience; it tested us powers
To trudge to the port-a-loo
At the Battle o’ Waterloo.
Wednesday 1st July 2020 8:05 pm
(This might come across as a bit dewy-eyed. In fact, although I made a good living out of it for more than 20 years, for the sake of the planet and my grandchildren, I don't mourn the loss of the coal industry)
Around the town of Barnsley there were 30,000 men
In hey-days of their glory; that was when
They worked the local mines for coal,
Descending down a half mile hole
Sunday 28th June 2020 3:28 pm
Following Brexit I had held the view for quite a time that we must be the most stupid nation on the planet; why else would 17m people vote for something when they didn’t know what they’d get (and still don’t for that matter).
Now I don’t want to downgrade Britain’s achievements in this department but events in the USA have caused me to re-evaluate my position. Now, you might think I’m a bit sl...
Thursday 25th June 2020 9:17 pm
(One of them there haikupis)
Prayers before bedtime
An homage to The Great One
Religion in flight
Wednesday 24th June 2020 5:36 pm
I write this piece for the many thousands of my worldwide fans with less inquisitive minds than my goodself.
It’s said that one of the differences between prose and poetry is that the latter tends to address many of the more weighty aspects of the human condition – death, nature, loss, love etc., and certainly I have witnessed several of you attempting a well-meaning put at these matters. So i...
Monday 22nd June 2020 3:17 pm
I could have baked a wholemeal loaf
Or set tomato seeds
I could have made a tenon joint
Or learned to iron a shirt.
I could have planted taters
Or learned to make a fire
Or mixed up concrete with my dad
Or learned the call of birds.
I could have watched the stars at night
Or edged and mowed the lawn
I could have gone on nature walks
Friday 19th June 2020 11:24 pm
(What's all this bollocks about it being good for the mental health of the nation?)
Those days of heartache seem so long ago
But very soon I know
They’ll return on the TV and the radio;
This three month lock-down’s been so good for me
I’ve found it so stress-free
But now returns the misery
So let the heartache begin
It makes no difference – lose or win
And though we...
Wednesday 17th June 2020 8:35 am
I had an argument today (I’m quite a bolshie sod)
And one I knew I couldn’t win – an argument with God.
I know he is the Father of All Creatures Great and Small
And has no favourites in between; He loves them one and all.
And I had cruelly murdered one. No question, it was dead.
I’d panicked when I’d seen it there – a spider in my bed.
I pleaded mitigation, “It's just an ar...
Sunday 14th June 2020 8:26 pm
What a bloody nonsense all this is. This taking down of statues business.
Let me say from the outset that I deplore the killing of George Floyd and all the others who have died at the hands of police brutality. I support the demonstrations in protest at this (peaceful and socially distanced, I add) although I do wonder what their aims are. It seems to me that there are ample protections agai...
Friday 12th June 2020 2:35 pm
We used to play a game with the kids when they were little to keep them occupied on long journeys. It was called, “Draw the Music”.
The idea was simple. I played a cassette of music and they drew or wrote what picture it made them think of. The music had to have no words, of course, otherwise it suggested itself. Classical music was good for this, as they had no pre-conceived ideas about it...
Thursday 11th June 2020 10:22 pm
(I thought this site needed a poem in foreign. An homage to our trusted friends across the Channel)
Quand il me prend dans ses bras
Il me parle tout bas
Je vois la vie en rose
Edith Piaf, petit pain
And Zinedine Zidane
Depardieu with grand nose
No-one likes Charles Aznavour
Don’t mention Agincourt
It makes them tres morose
Ballets and Calais, aussi Charles de Ga...
Tuesday 9th June 2020 11:00 pm