A ROCK, THE DEVIL

AND THE DEEP BLUE SEA

By the Urban Poet

A rock, a hard place, an impossible choice

A voice of reason or one of despair?

The stark realisation that you have no voice

As you concede defeat on a road to nowhere.

Around in circles your thoughts and feelings

The pro’s and cons continually revisited

Over and over, back and forth, looking for solutions, b...

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THE WAITING ROOM

By The Urban Poet

Waiting for our Dad outside the pub

Told to be quiet as children should

Sharing a packet of Smiths crisps

With blue salt bags, in the evening mist

Waiting downstairs as the Doctor arrives

To examine my Father who nearly died

Tuberculosis was rife in those days

Chips wrapped in paper, not on plastic trays

Waiting at the Labo...

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SET ‘EM UP JOE!

(A tribute to Doris Day)

By the Urban Poet

Oh Doris the songs of joy you gave us

and the fabulous movies you graced

I was Bewitched by your Precious Love

As we were Making Whoopie on The Black Hills of Dakota, whilst on a Sentimental Journey.

Night and Day you were the Teachers Pet

Oh Close your Eyes and Fly me to the Moon

Move over Darling and let u...

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MY KIND OF LIFE

By The Urban Poet

The life I knew is faded and skewed

In a way that even I didn’t expect

As along the way I start to collect

Memories sweet and those to detest

It’s as if the years have past and so

It leaves me in a place I just don’t know

Or recognise in shape or form

From those I remember since being born

I suppose that it’s my kind of life

The up...

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The Ostentatious Mr Glitz

He’s not plain or restrained or wet like the rain

Not unobtrusive, nor meek,

humble or demure, he’s not

introverted, bashful, shy or insecure

He’s Mr Glitz, you’ll find him at the Ritz

Not the opera or the ballet or trade union rally.

Yes he’s politically correct but he only

wants the best, that’s Mr Glitz

He’s designed to impress, bei...

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FAIRY CAKES, BUTTERFLIES

AND HIGH TEA

By the Urban Poet

Part one: Afternoon Tea

Sandwiches, scones and petite cakes

adorning lily white, fringed table cloths

Matching gloved hands

giving silver service

Waitresses in linen aprons

and frilly hats, that cover locks

of unkempt hair.

Tea rooms steaming hot

The aroma’s from rich brews

of Indian, Darjeeling , E...

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SAUSAGE, CHIPS and EGG

By The Urban Poet

Sausage, Chips and Egg

were friends

They got on really well

Every time they got together

They made a really

yummy smell

Even better, when their

friends came round

Ketchup, Salt and Pepper,

The children put it all over them,

It made the meal taste better.

Chips liked having Sausage

next to him when on the p...

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ITS ALL ABOUT FOOTBALL

By the Urban Poet

It’s all about football

The goals and the net

Referees and assistants

And the stick they get

It’s now about VAR

And the lines that are seen

To prove how many millimetres

The player has been onside or offside

Will the goal be chalked off?

It’s all about football

The fans chanting loud

Obsessed with their team

As...

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KATONGO

By the Urban Poet

Katongo is the boy

who loves to play the bongo’s

He lives in a tiny village

out in the Republic of Congo

From his little house

he sees wildebeests and zebras

Tigers, lions, monkeys,

and some he can’t remember

One of his many jobs today

Is collecting all the water

For his mum and dad,, their five strong

sons and three young ...

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SPORTING HEROES

By the Urban Poet

Horse racing

Greyhounds bracing

Hare chasing

Runners pacing

Biding their time

To cross the line

First past the post

The faster, the most

speed and guile

Running a mile

Or swimming at speed

To take the lead

Only to lose by a fingertip

Like a boxer with a bruised split lip

On the ropes and then he slipped

Like a cri...

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DRIVING MISS MAISIE

By the Urban Poet

Mirror, signal, manoeuvre

Make sure you have the appropriate shoes on

Ease off the clutch when your ready to go

It’s not a race but don’t go too slow,

or they’ll fail you for not keeping

up with the flow.

It’s called not making normal progress you see

You can even overtake a car or three,

provided you take due care and attent...

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‘THE DEEPEST CUT’

If only life could be cut and pasted

Erase the months and years I’ve wasted

Paste in the things that others can do

Cut out the memories of fear and you

and the demons that so often play 

with my thoughts, deliberations, day by day

Dig to the core with spade in hand

to unearth hurt, pain, like sand

sifting through the realms of time

What’s m...

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DRIFTING

By the Urban Poet

As you flash through my thoughts

And I shake off the mist, and the dew

of the tears I look through

It’s the images I see;

that keep drawing me

And I’m drifting

I am drifting, drifting along 

Floating on to where I belong

Which is with you, wherever you are

I’m just drifting, drifting

You just stood up there with

a gu...

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A BAD ROMANCE 

By the Urban Poet 

Fist slams down

Vice like grip

Unprovoked

Bruised split lip

What was said?

What was done?

Dinner gone cold?

I had some fun?

Bank card slashed

SIM card ruined

Friends deleted

Trouble brewing

Stay indoors

Can’t go out

Children terrified

Even of the shouts

Got no money

Not of my own

Can’t buy clothes

I’m ...

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RECIPE FOR DISASTER?

By The Urban Poet

Remember to double check all ingredients

Take everything with a pinch of salt

However it turns out, it’s never your fault

Just stick to the recipe and be obedient 

Ensure the work area is clean and dry

Then decide whether you grill or fry

If at first there’s no success then just try

Firstly take a person on face value

Sprink...

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SLUG

By the Urban Poet

Slide, slide, slide away

On your belly every day

In our gardens, and our sheds

Making dark places your comfy bed

No puppy dogs tails for the slugs and snails

But plants and bulbs to ruin and munch

Especially at night so you need no lunch

It’s not the story, it’s the way I tell it

Excuse me while I put down some slug pellets

I’ve tried making ...

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RATS

By The Urban Poet

Claws tearing at the stinking mattress

A source of sustenance or rodent madness?

The urge to cause chaos, to scare, to shock

Water dripping down a filthy pipe blocked

Rats, rats the symbol of filth?

Rats, rats, won’t cure you they’ll kill

Running in packs, working hard to destroy

Everything that crosses their slimy paths

Vermin of the first...

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ODE TO BLACKIE BEACH 

By the Urban Poet

A place where nature shines

through dark waters

Where memories glisten

as we intently listen

to the birds and our memories

of good times past

A childhood passing on so fast

But although they all seem out of reach

Thoughts come alive at Blackie Beach

At Blackie beach was where we played

and skimmed our stones

not fa...

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I WISH I WAS THERE

By the Urban Poet

In a place where I can feel tranquil 

Somewhere that’s out of the ordinary 

Where love and understanding is bountiful

A location that’s scenic, extraordinary

I wish I was there

I need to be where I feel safe and well

In a place or situation that is right you know

Some places spell danger, you never can tell

A place with hope, ...

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’IF THESE THINGS’ 

By The Urban Poet

If the sea was green with envy

Would the sky be blue with sadness?

If the gentle turned outrageous

Would the calm be temperamental?

   If these things?

Would these things?

If these things?

   If a dog began to talk

Would we even understand it?

If a liar told the truth

Would he still be underhanded?

   If these things?

W...

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HERE KITTY

By the Urban Poet

Here Kitty, Kitty

Go Kitty, Kitty

No not in the snow

Kitty, Kitty

Your far too old

To go out in the cold

Kitty, Kitty

So Stay in with me

And Share a cup of tea

Or a saucer of milk

It will go down like silk

Curl up in a ball

In your basket

against the wall

Or on your radiator bed

You can sleep there instead

Dream lov...

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FORCES OF NATURE 

By the Urban Poet

Monsoons creating mudslides

Volcano erupting in dark of night

Tornado wrenching up trees as if matchwood, 

as flood water sweeps in unabated 

Forces over which we have no control

Bone dry, arid landscape, parched and thirsty

Strangely alluring and yet deadly in its nature

Cacti defying the climate by storing fluid

How many stor...

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FLOWER POWER

By the Urban Poet

Oh begonia, begonia

So red and so bright

I didn't even plant you 

But spotted you last night

I thought you were a poppy

But it seems you may not be

Because I put you up on Facebook 

In the hope you may be seen

So now I know just who you are

and what you mean to me

So I'll spray you with some water

Then have a tasty cup...

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THE BLUE WORLD BELOW 

By the Urban Poet

As I eagerly watch my TV set, the

commentator describes for us another world;

‘Forests of kelp flourish in shallow waters

in warm turquoise sea bed villages

Giant fronds rising up to heady heights

creating crowded thickets of life that

fight for food and space to survive

  However the enemy in the shape

of sharp spiky sea urchin...

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A GARDEN JOURNEY 

A busy kitchen that seems permanently hot,

from cooking and baking, and eating a lot

Especially vegetables collected as fresh,

from a plot in the garden just over the hedge.

A vase full of flowers hand picked every week, makes such a difference in a room that’s bleak. The scent and aroma filling the room,

as well as the colours of each flower in bloom

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VIRTUAL UNREALITY

By The Urban Poet

A virtual man

With a virtual girl

In a virtual house

In a virtual world

Gets virtually lost 

Then virtually found

So no need to worry

He’s virtually sound

A plastic woman

With a plastic man

In a plastic dream

About plastic pans

That melted plastic

On a plastic stove

In her plastic kitchen

In a plastic home

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UNDERWATER WORLD

By the Urban Poet

An underwater house

In an underwater world

With underwater guys

And underwater girls

In a subterranean homesick land

Where mermaids take you by the hand

Their bodies gyrating to water music

With a strong backbeat

you can shake your booty

Some of those maids 

are raunchy fish

But not in it for the money

If you get my drift

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THE MAGIC CURE

By The Urban Poet

It soothes it calms

and helps us to reflect

It’s been around for many years

No needles to inject

Medicinal, ingestible

A wonder of the world

Not the opium of the people

but can be addictive 

none the less 

In many a crisis it is used

In hospitals or prisons

Suitable from the very young

to those growing old or wize...

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THE EXTRA TERRESTRIAL POETS

By the Urban Poet

I’ve never read Keats, Coleridge or Chaucer

I don’t believe in flying saucers,

but inspiration I sometimes find

in an unknown source that’s in my mind

It’s as if something weird has taken me over 

Infiltrated my thoughts as I get older

But how can I stop it making me write,

scary things that give people frights

W...

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THE CHILL FACTOR

Chillax and stay in bed

Pull the duvet over your head

Its not worth all the stress

So the worlds in a mess

But what does it matter

Go out, have a natter

As long as theres a brew

a pint or a fag

no point in losing

your flaming rag

Who gives a toss about a win, draw or loss

Footballs a drain and Cricket’s a pain

And if it rains you go...

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THE 24/7 365 CELL

By The Urban Poet

Twenty four seven, three six five

Before imprisonment I felt alive

Free to do whatever I wanted

Without any fear or disappointment

Now I’m a slave and no longer free

Controlled by a screen and a PCB

It’s got that way that I can’t let it go

Every fact and answer I need to know

I used to have pets, a cat and poodle 

Now I...

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SAT NAVIGATION

By the Urban Poet

You need me on every journey

To show you the way you should go

Without my expert direction

An A to Z you would have to follow

Navigation, I’m Sat navigation

My voice can be changed in an instant

I can be whoever you want

A man who is very assertive

Or a girl with sweet dulcet tones

For drivers I’ve solved all their problems 

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REFERENCE IN RHYME

By the Urban Poet

To whom it may concern

From this I hope you will learn

More about this candidate

Who up to now is never late

He always gets things done

Provided his team have won

He’s as honest as the day is new

and also makes a decent brew

This man has integrity in his bones

Never been known to whinge or moan

Nothing is ever too much t...

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REBEL REBEL 

By The Urban Poet

I wanna be a rebel,

no more goodie two shoes

I’m done with being PC

I wanna be a rebel you see

Get myself a girlfriend or three

Or would I prefer a strong cup of tea?

With a double brandy, a lager shandy?

Not radical enough? I’m just not tough

But now I’m growing old I wanna be bold

Eat loads of meat pies, kick sand in eyes,

and be...

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‘PICK ME UP’

Pick me up off the floor 

when I’m thrown out the door

For having one too many again

I lost count though after ten

   Pick me up when I feel down

When I’m depressed and all around

Seems dark and bleak and hopeless too

I guess I never got over you

   Pick me up on the things I say

When you want to get your own sweet way

To prevail and win the argument 

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‘FASCINATION’

By the Urban Poet

She fascinates me, challenges me

Every time I see her, or think of her

I’m fascinated

She only has to look at me or make a sound

and I’m dumbstruck, mumble a few futile words, and make my excuses

What I know about her is very little,

but fascinating all the same

Her look, tone of voice, elegant demeanour

Who wouldn’t be fascinated?

I...

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PARENTHOOD

By The Urban Poet 

Parenting can be a joy

Whether bringing up a girl or boy

It can also be hard, it is no lie

Especially when you’re sleep deprived

But don’t lose heart and have no fear

It only lasts for twenty five years!

25 Years Later…

And now that 25 years are done

You then begin to have great fun

No, not going out and having a good time

But dropp...

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MOBY DICK

By the Urban Poet

Richard Smith is on his way

To sell his products on this new day

As a salesman he’s cool and slick

On his van is painted ‘Moby Dick’

Nothing worth buying that ‘ain’t on board

From milk and bread to fags of course

From early morning his round is set

No need to surf the internet

For anyone else to deliver your stuff

Of Moby Dick people can...

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INSOMNIA

Can’t sleep at night

wake up with the light

I’m crabby, angry

and up for a fight

The night before

I slept on’t floor

To try and change

the old routine 

It worked at first

but things got worse

when I needed a leak

and the floorboards creaked

I tossed and turned

So I made a brew

Grilled a slice or two

but me toast got burned

and me plans we...

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I WOULD IF I COULD

By The Urban Poet

I would if I could but I can’t so I won’t

Do things I don’t do in the heat of the mo’ 

Pull ladies that are half my age

If you think it’s ok then

we’re on the same page

   Now there’s things that I would like to do

Such as paragliding when I’ve had a few

A bungee jump would go down well

But the truth is mate, I’m scared as hell

...

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I’ll TAKE THAT!

By the Urban Poet

If you want a win you’ll take a draw

‘Cos losing hits a nerve that’s raw

As good times go you’ll take the bad

An alternative to going mad

Now as for diets and keeping slim,

you’ll take whatever clothes your in

As long as they look reasonable enough,

to get the doubters to call your bluff 

You’ll take any odds on a winning ho...

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I NEED TO RELAX

By the Urban Poet

I need to relax

I need to rest

Get all frustrations 

Off me chest

I need to chill out

And do it now!

The problem is I know not how

The secrets of letting go

Of my fears and anxieties

Worries of many varieties

Pent up emotions 

Stresses and strains

Pressures coming at me

Like a high speed train

I’ll completely switch ...

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I’M A FOOTIE FAN!

By the Urban Poet

I’m a man, I’m a man

I’m a football fan

everything else you can keep

Football’s what I eat and drink

No need for any sleep

That’s only wasting precious time

For me to tweet about that team of mine

Or watch ‘em on the box with a beer

Don’t ask macho me to drink any wine

I’m very sporting, win, lose or draw

It don’t matter ...

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I FELL IN LOVE WITH AN ALIEN

By The Urban Poet 

I fell in love with an Alien from Mars

I met her one Sunday in the local park

She just sauntered over, made

a strange sounding noise,

but the thing had class,

and seemed to fancy the boys.

In a language that, I didn’t understand 

She made a proposition, I rejected out of hand

She wanted me to be her personal clone

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DOWN THE PUB

By the Urban Poet

“Going down the pub darling”

“For what reason?”

     “It’s the football season

and I want to see my mates

To discuss some dates

of the games and stuff”

     “I’ve had enough

You’re not going”

“Oh stop moaning

I’m only having the one”

“You mean one too many

Well you’re not having any

‘cos you’re staying in”

“Oh stop your di...

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HYPOCHONDRIASIS

By the Urban Poet

He’s got a cough, he’s got a cold

He is convinced he’s growing old 

futures not looking very great,

and as coughs go, it may be too late

Oh and he may have lost a bit of weight?

The pain is bad, it’s jabbing hard

His family say he’s being mard 

But he’s convinced it’s something sinister

And they will need to call a Minister

Th...

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DREAMCAST

By The Urban Poet

The scariest dream I’ve ever had

was one about me, it was really bad

It felt so vivid and real you see

Especially given that it was little old me

I dreamt I’d been bad and so much so

That the old Bill were hastily on their toes

No, not running away from me

But asking everyone if I’d been seen

They’d been busy looking for a stolen ...

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DIY

By The Urban Poet 

Now if there’s a job to do they always say

To do it yourself, even put up a shelf

Now that’s ok but only one prob

No tools for the job, ’cos I like being a slob

So I pay a few bob to someone ‘ont dole

To bang and drill and put screws ‘int holes

I can’t be ....ed to be any part of that DIY

Oh It makes me flamin’ cry!

I did once have a go at ...

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THE SERVAL IN THE WETLANDS

By The Urban Poet

The bat eared predator of the savannah 

Over sized ears giving a distinct edge.

Gliding stealthily through undergrowth,

in the rich tangled grasslands, where

it’s prey can be heard but very rarely seen

Not having need to see it’s potential dinner

Using built in radar to guide it to its target,

it prepares to pounce.

A ...

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BLIND DATE 

By The Urban Poet

I’m late, I’m late

For a very important date

I don’t mind you see

If it’s a blind date or three

‘Cos I prefer not to know

What she looks like and so

I just turn up, give her a sultry look

and then hope for the best

(You can imagine the rest)

Now in my minds eye

She’s a looker, that’s why

I always prefer

to buy flowers for...

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