The greatest trick the devil ever pulled 

Is making the world believe he doesn’t  exist 

I don’t know why but I don’t agree 

Let me explain I have an idea you see 

Conspiracy theories is fuel for his flames 

Brexit, traffic jams and gossip entertain… 

His hoards and minions cheer and go wild 

All waiting for the day that Johnson’s defiled 

With a rod up his buttocks fo...

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Rent a Gob Fartage, please quit ballooning, we have had enough,

Of your complaining that your bank’s given you the old ho-heave,                                                                                        

So why don’t you (in short sharp jerky movements) just bloody well bugger right off,

Your best ever promise was, if Brexit was a failure, the UK you would leave,

So sod r...

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Pinocchio Johnson and Tim,

What a combo was ‘Spoons and Wrecksit,

Being egged on by Farage’s grin.

But the Moggian uplands aren’t sunlit,

Now we’re weeping into our gin,

As we crunch on our unicorn shit,

It’s a damn sight more ardua than astra,

To be frank, it’s a bloody disaster!

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The last time that I wrote in or spoke French was about ten years ago. This is the first time I’ve ever written a poem in French; so I hope that this blog post will not be, like Brexit, a Titanic débâcle. Any corrections or advice will be welcome.

La dernière fois que j'ai écrit ou que j’ai parlé le français, était il y a une dizaine d’années. Et c’est la toute première fois que j’ai écrit un p...

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Greed and stupidity in equal measure!

Kwasi Kwarteng also co-wrote book with Jeremy Hunt recommending get rid of NHS.

https://youtu.be/LD6A9huZM7c

Led by donkeys, led by donkeys,

Down the Brexit road,

Leading UK brain-washed zombies,

Into mental overload.

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Bit of a cockup in original posting -here goes!

Their Favourite Things

Teardops they’re shedding; with lies they’ve been smitten,

“Bright sunlit uplands” still promised for Britons,

Brown paper packages, no attached strings,

Those are a few of their favourite things.

When reality bites, when the truth stings,
When they’re feeling sad,
They’ll simply remember their fa...

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(Wrote during the post Brexit
 vote debacle)

Ahh democracy!
What a wonderful thing!
The freedom of a vote that counts
Makes my lickle heart sing!

The Magna Carta, the 2nd Reform
The start of our foundations
The principles of all free worlds
The lifeblood of our nation 

The Suffragettes - great heroines
Spilled blood to earn the right
They would not bow or break or bend
Or fade...

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Withdrawal Method (When Being Fucked)

There’s only twenty-seven

Where there used to be twenty-eight

Some of us don’t like it

And others think it’s great

Some are hyperventilating

Cos we’ve got our country back

And being obnoxious children

With their little Union Jack

Some are crying tears

As they erase a golden star

And want a second chance

Like it’s E...

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Democracy reveals the state
Of our disunity - Doug.E.Barr, poet

As I stood by the till

I heard a voice call out

It's over - the people's will:

A good result - a real rout

And ducked my head to pay

As the cashier agreed

And ducked my sad head to pray:

My silent view, an alien creed.

It's over - the people have had their say

That last faint hope is gone, done...

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9th November 2019

1961

A wall of shame

cut through a city and a people

a bleak new division:

we and the world turned away

1989

A wall fell

remade a city, a people, a history

a bright new union:

we and the world rejoiced

2019

Now we fashion

our uniquely British wall

a tragedy of repeated history:

the world wonders, shrugs

2047

A...

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Yesterday the first official case of a new mental issue termed 'Brexit Psychosis' was diagnosed, this will proberly continue long after the deal like a form of PTSD......

Brexit psychosis

A new type of 

Hypnosis

Caused by

An atrocious osmosis

Of Nothingness!

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From Article fifty

To

Area fifty-one

A spaceship Invasion

Once Brexit

Is Done!

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True Nature

A wolf howls skywards

To tell the pale, waxing moon

Of the solar death

The raven squawks in flight

As it tells the morning star

Of the sun’s rebirth

A man cries alone

Unaware of dark or light

In his Brexit hell

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Apologies to Alf

I

Half a brain, half a brain,

Half a brain forward,

All in the vale of Despair

Groped the six hundred.

“Somewhere the Fright Brigade!

Run for the hills!” he said.

Into the vale of Despair

Groped the six hundred.

II

“Fumble, the Fright Brigade!”

Was there a plan arrayed?

Not that the Members knew

Someone had blundered.

Theirs not ...

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Assumptions can consume

Before the truth is known

Reacting far too soon

Or are we already outgrown?

Queuing up the arguments

Let's give this one a try

It can't just stay like this

That's why it's do

Or die

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Entertainers worldwide have been joining in the Brexit Limerickerty Challenge

When members were polled in the end

On which polished turd they’d commend,

Indicative voting

Left no motion floating,

They all disappeared round the bend.

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Macron's

Got on

His poker face

He says there'll be No reshuffle

Poor ol' Boris 

More disgrace

His hair

All in

A ruffle

'We need to leave

Before Bewitching Night

I'm really in a rush'

But we all know they can't get it right

We'll never get our royal flush

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Where does the buck stop when a backstop blocks the options in a break-up?

Haystack Haircut got the top slot, 

guns the juggernaut 

plum at the cliff-top.

Metal on metal, the brake shoes squeal.

An utter nut-job’s at the wheel,

no air-bag and no seat belts. 

It’s 

No Deal.

The new Prime Minister Boris Johnson 

says the EU’s spouting nonsense,

digging in their ...

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"There is no sin except stupidity." Oscar Wilde -The Critic as Artist.

Mea culpa! Mea culpa!

Nostra maxima culpa!

Thus should we weep, we cry

As it all ends with a whimper, a sigh

It is the people's will, they say

Proroguing to get their glory day

Your vote was for an ideal state

For nation, borders, Keep Britain Great

Now, your vote means a total schism

As we se...

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They fuck you up, these brexit turds,

it's what they're born to, that's their rôle;

they fill you with their empty words

much as they shit into your soul.

Of course, they've heard it all before,

from parents - and grandparents too:

"compassion's out! You must abhor

those migrants, or they'll overrun you."

Racists perpetuate themselves

and make others like them,...

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Falstaff: 'Henry IV, Part 1' act 5, sc. 4

There is a man

Who would be a king. This is such stuff

As past dreams would make his many morrows

That he, Princeling, may strut upon life's stage

As one with pride.

Yet this is a man

Who must know a past. That is the stage

As present nightmare on which he played so sad a part

That he, Pretender, needs now attend our co...

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COMEDY HITLER

Comedy Hitler?
Freddie Starr? Charlie Chaplin?
No - Nigel Farage

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Sonnet 91 In The Age Of The Slow Departure

Some glory in their birth, some in their skill,

Some like to brag of money that they make

Some just want the power to force their will

Some never choose to give but only take.

And every politician takes a vow

To do the people’s true will without fail

Yet what are all these promises worth now

The desperate cry is screamed to no...

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Broken

it is all bleak broken; half-hell-heard House, blight blasted, a

sound spoke maelstrom where we see no substance swirling over heads

and hearts unheard - untending - unending obstacles to speech where

he, bright-tied bright-eyed, oversees the game's communication farce fail

debate: debate dire-drowning in the noise.

Order!

Broken

it is all blame blighted; w...

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If the Brexit Breferendum had been Branded Bremain would the outcome have differed, #thepowerofspin.

BrExit, whose Brainchild was that,

Disenfranchised by Brussles and BrEurocrats.

Burning our Bridges to Brace the Breeches.

Of borders Brexploited by Brigands and Leeches.

But were we too Brash? Perhaps a tad Brisk.

To Brexit stage left before assessing the risk.

Did the Br...

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There are no wise men any more

their old wisdom is lost

no old spells that cure

no potions endure

where once they saved the farmer's herd

the mystery is blurred

and spells that helped a marriage spurned

are no longer learned

the people who once were in their debt

turn to the internet

There are no wise men any more

their actions show their flaws

no old spell...

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Preamble: I know some folk are not going to like this, but it's my right to be angry and I don't care who knows it.

Live version on Youtube: https://youtu.be/ckq0X_z6I6M

On the 30th of March 2019

I shall wake up significantly older

And no longer European.

What a great birthday present history has prepared for me -

After 4 decades on this planet, “we’re revoking your Eu...

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I will! I will join Juvenal

at the North world’s end

on the frozen ocean ice

if one more lie is penned

another argument to slice

our country from its friend:

to make us pay the price.

Enough! We see the trend

let that one vote suffice

another will just offend

divide and not entice.

Let the peoples’ will transcend,

better not to ask them twice!

We’re doomed to...

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Oh How Then

The powers that be took us into this mess

And we as people decided to act

Yes that’s right we banged our pans and spoons

Screeching ENOUGH IS ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

You there over there yes you in Europe

With your plans and rules and laws and languages

We are English and do not want your rules

Or to be ruled by you from citadel Europe

What will we gain from this?

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Can it possibly be true

How the twelve months flew

Really twenty-four have passed

In terror of being outcast

Since that dire vote to leave

The parties it seems must all deceive

Mindless of the real cost

All thoughts of governance long lost

So the lady May survive

Gainst all that ministers contrive

Regardless of the pundits' sense

Ever blind to the expense

Ever d...

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You put David Davis in out
In Dominic Rabb, out, in Stephen Barclay 
You shake them all about
You do the Hokey Cokey and you turn this country upside down 
That's what it's all about...

Woah, the hokey cokey
Woah, the hokey cokey
Woah, the hokey cokey
Knees bent, arms stretched, let me out 

You put your right wing in
The moderates out
In, out, in, out
You shake them all about
You ...

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It was black and white

for a while

Until the first line

was drawn

Then the pale grey people

the people who could only draw

a black cross

in a white box

began to sense

other possibilities

shading the palette

The colours of debate

splashed clumsily

over everything:

the harsh red of anger

the yellow of injustice

screaming crimson

a har...

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Production’s stopped at JLR
the workforce isn’t making cars
the order book is looking thin
for Landrovers and Jaguars
but we’ve got stale bread and circuses
hip hip replacement hip hoorah
you can buy a rusted Ford Cortina now and point it at the exit
we’re gonna get a special 50p for Brexit!

Calm down dear, don’t make a fuss
that simply wouldn’t do
those whopping great lies on a bus
w...

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What with all the omnishambles of Brexit, I got to thinking about what our national identity really is.  When you think about it, we have some pretty bizarre national symbols, but ultimately what does it mean to be British / English, etc?  See what you think of this...

Rule Britannia?

Our national dish is curry, true,

Our Saint is George who dragons slew,

From Yorkshire field...

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You're aching for peace

I'm hurting too

Let the arguing cease

There's polling to do

You look for meaning

I offer a word

No sense for your gleaning

I'm not sure they heard

You called referendum

I thought it was flawed

A meaningless thrum

On democracy's chord

You were not aware and

I never knew

That voting out fanned

A nationalist view

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Black steel

curling wrought iron

balustrade

Beneath me

coffee steam

and noise

rise

and a poet

sits talking

animatedly

his foot jiggling

as he gesticulates

outside

autumn sun

shines on wet roofs

and casts

tree shadows

on house walls

outside

the sea is rising

while

London sinks

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He's fallen to his death on his plastic toy sword. 

To number ten from playpen his final reward.

This graceless coup is no coup de grace. 

No comedy of euros,  a cabinet farce, 

an egotistic act from flabby flatulent arse.

He'll be all over telly soon 

our fatty blundering hot air buffoon.

Puffing Shakespeare and Latin.

Please down let that twat in. 

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Wake me up when the storm has passed
And the ravens have left the tower
Wake me up when the war machine
Has finally run out of power
Wake me up when the bigots
Have finally opened their eyes
And all of the presidents have given up telling lies
Wake me up when the tables have turned
And lessons have been learned

Wake me up when the big game hunters
Have finally paid for their crime
...

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Unwanted

I sit upon a judgement chair

And watch the lights

And hear the sounds

That emanate from over there

Where broken hopes

And dreams abound

You pay me well

But do not want me

Sitting there where you could sit

Taking up your place in hell

Amongst the blood

and tears and shit

I came from Spain

To ease the pressure

As hospitals began to...

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When X is minus 13%
Z the square root of sod all
calculate the value of Y
where Y equals taking back control.

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You see

            a land wraithed in smoke and the stink of death

You feel

            man's determination dulled by desperation and

            the hollow, guilty hope that the creeping fate might end

            at a neighbour's door.

You cannot farm in the present

At least not in Wales.

The hills were silent memorials to herds brought low,

Uncropped: a tragedy of gr...

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Blizzard

I’m a snowflake mate

if you like

unique

beautiful crystal

joining others

in a blizzard

that will white out

your false politics

stop your momentum

as we drift

into insurmountable

impassable glaciers

and in an avalanche

of hope

bury you forever

I’m a snowflake mate

whether you like it or not

one

a few

many

interlocking

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On June 23rd the people chose

They chose to leave the club

They chose to stand alone

And they chose to snub.

They snubbed the whole of Europe

They took their toys and turned

They turned away from commonsense

And forget all that they’d learned.

They turned inward and gazed

Stared hard at their navels

Their children’s futures narrowed

As the parents turned ...

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In fifteen eighty eight the Spanish navy came to fight

To claim the crown King Philip thought was his god-given right

Now millions of us fly to Spanish islands in the sun

The wars are long forgotten, the Armada is long gone

So sing for Europe, sing for peace, and sing to make amends

Let’s raise a glass of sangria to all our Spanish friends

The French are nearer neighbou...

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Brexit means Brexit
facile means glib
stupid means dumb
and a lie is a fib

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I'm still sore about the whole Brexit thing. I'm even more sore about the fact that yesterday my wife broke the JD Wetherspoons embargo that we've faithfully kept in place since their CEO decided to turn his pubs into campaign platforms for Vote Leave. Here's my response.

I Will Not Drink in Wetherspoon’s (with apologies to Dr Seuss)

I will not drink in Wetherspoon’s.
The place is ru...

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The nation needs renewables now!
The nation needs renewables now!

As Once-great Britain takes a bow
and we leave the stage of the European Union,
the quintessential issue's the quandary how
we accommodate the suck of an economy consuming 
two thousand million megawatt hours 
of climate wrecking energy by the year
when there's finite reserves of fossil fuel power.
I spurn the allegation ...

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All hail bold Etonian Boris,
Whose exploits sent up quite a chorus,
To prove Europe was dead,
He swung down by his head,
Into the seat of Foreign Office.

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(with apologies to Lewis Carroll)

‘Twas Brexit, and the slithy Gove
did frottercrutch in dwarfish glee;
he snicker-snacked the Camerove,
Machiavelliadastardly.

Beware the stabberjock, my son!
The empty eyes, the robo-glint!
who fellobrates the Murdocrone
the Ruperturtle übergimp!

He pallerised the BoJo cloon
they chummed upon their sunderbus
emblazoned it with fibberoons
and ba...

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Attrition

Sat here thinking

with chaos all around…

In this together,

family and friends,

some for

some against.

All affected

by the outcome.

All committed.

Sat here thinking

with chaos all around…

Europe needs us.

Allies need us

to face this thing

together and united

for our futures

and our children’s futures.

Sat here ...

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