12 Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas

Bojo gave to me

Fear of a virus

Spreading rapidly.

On the second day of Christmas

Bojo gave to me

Two metre distance and

Fear of a virus

Spreading rapidly.

On the Third day of Christmas

Bojo gave to me

Hands, face & space,

Two metre distance and

Fear of a virus

Spreading rapidly.

...

Read and leave comments (2)

Retraining Bert

Chefing is not what it used to be

His boss called him in and explained.

'We're now on tier 3 says the edict,

and boozers like this have to close.'

'No boss, we're exempt,

like the 'Spoons have been told.

We sell grub and that's kosher

just the ale house is doomed.'

'It won't work like that lad,

the punters are scared.

And I can't serv...

Read and leave comments (0)

Uninvited Squatter Amerigo

Delivered disease

Dumped some beads

Did misdeeds

and had a Grand Old Party.

An incubus descended,

and Trumpeted its coarse

of groin grabbing ostentation

to degraded, deep, deceit.

When finally ejected

there remained a steaming turd,

in a lap of soiled clothing

impossible to purge.

Read and leave comments (1)

Mr Reel-Fogg came home exhausted after a hard day of talking. Those green leather benches were so confoundedly uncomfortable and one could never recline in peace.

After a brief attempt to assist Mrs. Reel-Fogg to achieve her ambition of having twelve children he fell into a deep sleep.

Around one thirty in the morning there was a confounded noise outside. He sent Mrs. Reel-Fogg to investigat...

Read and leave comments (1)

Apologies to Alf

I

Half a brain, half a brain,

Half a brain forward,

All in the vale of Despair

Groped the six hundred.

“Somewhere the Fright Brigade!

Run for the hills!” he said.

Into the vale of Despair

Groped the six hundred.

II

“Fumble, the Fright Brigade!”

Was there a plan arrayed?

Not that the Members knew

Someone had blundered.

Theirs not ...

Read and leave comments (2)

They married young and grew apart, as people often do.

Future life for both of them will be with someone new.

The problem though, was cash so short

they could not move their home.

Until some savings could be made,

and low cost rents be found.

Circumstance demanded that

the bed must still be shared.

Things were tough, no time for fun,

except for weekend booze.

Read and leave comments (0)

A vegetable in Borneo

runs a guest house

by a tree.

The furry bat

reclines in that

fine veggie's pitcher

green.

Between dreaming

in this fine repose

he does some poo and pee.

His kindly host

has justly earned

this very special fee.

Read and leave comments (1)

First of all, many thanks to Sean, Winston Julian and others for all of the work they put into the excellent Mankinholes weekend. Thank you also to Joy for her great kindness in giving me a lift on my way home. It is almost certain that I should be apologising to all those I have offended although I can't remember. I will simply hope that as I have forgotten it they may also.

Anyway, here i...

Read and leave comments (2)

For Chris

The isinglass

that holds the eggs

for ever in a jar,

preserves in porcelain

translucence the

albumen.

That is no yolk.

Translations into vinegar

produce no more than pickle.

My sadly screwed up assonance

and metre rendered scantily

would make a tasteless omelette

as far as I can see.

Mais en francais

Read and leave comments (1)

Narcissus stared at the art work

before selecting a martial sleeve.

A fusion of Japanese gangster

and Polynesian tribal.

Hand function was straightforward.

Ranging from tea ceremony

to stone crusher,

crocodile wrestler

was the choice.

She thought her bank authorisation

into the machine

and dropped her old arm

in the recycling tray.

...

Read and leave comments (2)

In the 18th century the people of Easter Island worked hard

creating the statues that their information showed

were absolutely necessary for their future.

In the 19th century Easter Islanders realised

that statues were a useless waste of effort

and put all their energy into the obvious need

to worship the birdman.

In he 20th century the stupidity of the Easter Islanders

was obvious...

Read and leave comments (2)

In poetry, autumn is approaching death.

The mists of receding memory

part briefly in the shortening days

to feed the fruits of wisdom

to admiring young.

The dark night of winter

is a short blight

before life springs forth

again in proud perfection.

Floral beauty and rich crops

have spread their radiance,

fed their progeny, sown their seeds.

Done their job, returned to earth

to ...

Read and leave comments (5)

Harry and Morris were together all those twenty years

Theirs was not the Oxford of dreaming spires;

not screaming tyres,

but purring, perfect, permanence.

And then,

and then.......

The legacy of.....

Countless years of........

Stirring and striking,

destructive infighting;

poor Morris died.

No nightmares for the spires,

just Harry pined

No more would his hands

caress t...

Read and leave comments (1)

Tiger! Tiger! Taking flight
In the woods at dead of night,
With Elin's fearsome hand and eye
Fixed on your rear end rushing by?

In what distant barmaid thighs
Burnt the fire of your eyes?
On what bed did you perspire?
What the kiss did light your fire?

And what temptress, & what tart.
Did twist the sinews of your heart?
And when your heart began to beat,
What transgression? what rude treat?

Read and leave comments (8)

A report has been published today on the abuse of children by Catholic Church organisations in Ireland. In many cases abusive priests were moved on and nothing done to stop the abuse or bring the perpetrators to justice.

For The Love Of Little Children

Hello! I'm Brother Blessed.

I have taken holy orders.

So that I may praise the Lord

and love the little children.

Straight out from ...

Read and leave comments (6)

Only 134 people have so far indicated that they will not be coming to Wirral Words Open Floor Evening at the Scouse House tomorrow.

That means that there will be approximately 6.15 billion people present. We have seating for about 45 so it may be wise to arrive early.

See you around 7.30

Read and leave comments (0)

The next Wirral Words Open Floor is at The Scouse House on Tuesday 28 April 7.30pm

Hope you can join us. It is a fun and friendly evening with free entry.

Anybody who needs further information or directions please email me:  malpoet@hotmail.co.uk

Cheers

Mal

Read and leave comments (0)

Vile parasites.

Your golden,oily skins

oozing with excess.

Drunk in your dry kingdom.

Saud lechers mawling

voiceless, voteless beauties

who may not drive

or leave their homes

without the right man.

This land you stole

in the name of vile Wahhab

bleeds daily.

The blood of lopped limbs,

mingles with the blood

of heads rolling beneath

the sword.

The only voice to be heard

is t...

Read and leave comments (6)

Portia knows that life is a pain

just having been out shopping again.

It is a nasty continuous round, of

doing boring things in the kitchen.

Peter comes home from his tedious job.

He cannot help thinking that Portia's a slob.

She's scruffy and tired and, all of the time,

doing boring things in the kitchen.

Portia peels spuds during GMTV

while the window cleaner sees what he ...

Read and leave comments (8)

I have just been listening to 'In Our Time' on Radio 4. In it Melvyn Bragg invited a couple of 'experts' to discuss 'The Waste Land by T S Eliot. It spurred me to make a few comments of my own which I have held for years, but never expressed.

After more than eighty years of this poem's existence and endless academic analysis, what their observations amounted to was that they didn't know what...

Read and leave comments (4)

Don't forget the OPen Floor Poetry at The Scouse House tonight. It's free, all welcome and a very friendly gathering with drinks and snack available.

Look forward to seeing you.

Read and leave comments (2)

In Wooli east of Grafton town

a wedding was proclaimed.

They came from far and near to see

the bride and groom enchained.

The preacher, he was tall and gaunt,

a character for sure.

He took the best man by the ear

and hurled him to the floor.

Standing in his monkish robe

he glowered down and said.

"Any strife from you my lad,

and you'll be good as dead."

The church it was a mig...

Read and leave comments (3)

My mate is dead,

I don't know why.

The cancer got him

and he died

though he was younger by far

than me.

My daughter is a grandma,

but I have not grown up

My son-in-law died.

He was a little older than me.

I did the

'when are you going to die?'

quiz and it said seventy three.

I have thirteen years to

get done what I want.

What age did it have in there

for my mate?

Read and leave comments (2)

Andy is a rocking horse

He's made of wood right through of course.

This tree born life is very plain,

There is no room for any brain.

Seductive is the pretty horse.

Its movement takes beguiling course.

The graceful trot goes on and on,

But look for progress. There is none.

Look, behind the smiling face

Lie knotted cells in rigid place.

Andy is a rocking horse.

He's nothing ...

Read and leave comments (0)

From Eden to Gethsemane,

and lawn beneath my feet.

The serpentine seducer works on now.

There's knowledge deep inside those plants,

to eat and learn what's bad.

Consuming passion

soaks through the senses,

and anaesthetises awareness

of a disjointed world.

“I was riding my bicycle

when the craft landed.

They took me and did surgery on my knees.”

How are conjoined twins

caused...

Read and leave comments (0)

Ali was an agitator.

All around her grew to hate her.

A shrieking, scowling, grim dictator,

she drove quite mad her poor dear Pater

his heart became a palpitator

fluttering, then stopping later.

As Dad went blue, the perpetrator,

horrid Ali, devastator,

switched off his defibrillator.

Ali's Mum then met a waiter,

he loved her and he had to date her.

Sad mistake for Ali's Mater,

Ali ...

Read and leave comments (2)

Birth was unexceptional

although exotic.

Happening as it did

in the Far East.

An exuberant early life

attracted many glances

and some comments.

Stripped off

in a few interesting places.

But then greying,

wrinkled, sagging.

Nothing more these days

than a bit of gardening

and occasional walk

to the shops.

Now though,

blotched and fading,

it is the end.

Twenty one.

Good ag...

Read and leave comments (4)

I remember

the terrible news from childhood.

Agadir destroyed.

Fifteen thousand dead

in fifteen seconds.

An earthquake

tore the town apart

and consumed it.

So much later

there is no

talk here but

that earthquake,

the heat, and sardines.

Fat, pink travellers

hustled in a smelly souk.

Fifteen thousand ghosts

mingle in the beach bar,

glad they are dead.

A single toothe...

Read and leave comments (3)

The Ring Mistress

cracked her whip.

Puffing out her crimson chest,

and with a sweep

of her turquoise tail,

she let out a shrill whistle.

The lion holding back

a small shame of primates

with a chair

was so skilful.

I couldn't believe it

when he put his paw

in the beast's mouth.

They are so well trained.

The troupe

of health and safety inspectors

were very entertaining.

Jumbo...

Read and leave comments (0)

How do you get Englishmen

and sometimes Russians too,

to talk of mice and sheep's insides

in words they cannot say.

Just give them a malt whixky

with a screeching piper's tune.

Tell them they are cultured

and speak of Rabbie Burns.

Another glass of whisky

and they're waxing lyrical

with a gallic twang as broad they can

while chomping haggis down.

Another day they all will say

Read and leave comments (0)

Winters

Dark, dismal, dreary days.

Short, sharply shivering days

Sleet slaked and sodden days.

Days sad with savage chill.

Days filled with feeling ill.

Days grey and brooding still.

Weak, watered sunlight brief.

Grim trees bereft of leaf

lost to the daylight thief.

Read and leave comments (2)

Her in reception, he service,

main dealer life

brings solid living.

Long held dream redeemed.

Honeysuckle cottage,

rose bed rich.

Goodbye dismal council flat,

parent pride

drives moving van.

Loving effort, mighty loan

freshly fitted

lovely home.

Credit died and dealer crashed,

tear stain faces

bailiff's knock.

Dismal, dreary council flat.

Parents, disappointment hid,

Read and leave comments (2)

Tear stained,

mould grained

grey, green walls.

Too small for one,

but foetid cage

for three.

Cloud high flat

a piss stink lift

from ground.

Back soon

Fifty yards of

fresh clean air,

fags or maybe bread.

Past the shabby,

shuttered shop

the city centre calls.

Not long

Cash for one pint,

a walk and think..

Hitched rides then

shivered, shelter sleeps.

Growling guts

fr...

Read and leave comments (6)

The plexus of poetry,

perpetually beautiful,

eschews a land

brought barren

by the bland and

simple self.

The little one looks on

a small, dark stream

and makes

beautiful connection

with the glen

chosen by a God

free of envy.

Praised by sea laurels

through etto false,

to meet a rocky

crumbled town.

Who is Sylvia?

What is she?

That all our swains commend her?

Holy, fair...

Read and leave comments (7)

Who is Sylvia

when her own path

she hews,

Teddy in hand?

The little one looks on

a small, dark stream

and makes

beautiful connection

with the glen

chosen by a God

free of envy.

Praise comes when

laurels from the sea,

though etto false,

meet the rock

of bowed and crooked town.

Who is Sylvia?

What is she?

That all our swains commend her?

Holy, fair and wise is she.

She...

Read and leave comments (0)

The woman

in teenage goth

was not wearing

her forties well.

Her hard black hair

complemented

the harsh makeup.

Alleging food down her cleavage,

she leant forward

to demand his gaze.

Her loud and ceaseless talking,

interrupted only by

finger sucking,

mock fellatio.

The much younger man

with Elizabethan beard

makes only an

occasional grunt.

Their frequent disappearance...

Read and leave comments (3)

Mighty David strode out

and his footsteps settled

across the land.

His challenge roared

over the desert.

“My Father's House

bequeathed by Abraham,

given by God,

reclaims the heritage

of 3,000 years.”

Fractured Philistia was

without a champion

to match David.

From among their

shaken, squabbling number

tiny Goliath came forward.

With his home made slingshot

Goliath grazed

D...

Read and leave comments (3)

What happens in the old bore's head?

Dreaming of the old whore's bed?

Enjoying when the old whore moans

to stimulate an old bore's groans.

Are poems in there still unread,

or hungry thoughts as yet unfed?

No, brain cells drowned in cloying wine

and turgid thoughts more coarse than fine.

The shame inside this old bore's head,

a path in life that none should tread.

Though gleaming ...

Read and leave comments (1)

What colour is trouble?

How square is a football?

What did you eat for dinner tomorrow?

What is the meaning of life?

Dumbo the pig, flying with Fido the goldfish on her mountain bike muses:

'See how the sun rises each day and travels round the earth.

I am the centre of the universe.

That is the meaning of life.'

Just because you can say something,

doesn't mean it makes sense to sa...

Read and leave comments (7)

Please note that Wirral Words will not be in its usual fourth Tuesday spot in December and Wirral Ode Show will not be at the Stork. Wirral Words and the Ode Show are getting together for a Christmas Open Floor Evening on Thursday 18 December at The Scouse House. Starting at 8pm be sure to get there on time to book your spot. Or just come along and listen.

All welcome, free admission and a free d...

Read and leave comments (0)

I marched from Aldermaston.

My teenage rage inflamed by

bomb tests in the air.

MAD was what we fought against

and madness ruled the world.

The milk was full of strontium

and Cuba bristled nukes.

o0-0o

That stronty ninetium

does no good to your tum.

o0-0o

JFK, the poster boy, faced down

the missile threat.

He took the world

right to the edge

while ...

Read and leave comments (3)

7,000 animals they said.

6,000 of them jackdaws, mice

and sparrows getting the best

free handout in Cheshire.

800 were people collecting

the rip off entry charge,

begging for donations on top,

selling over priced, crap souvenirs

and peddling junk food.

One was the tiger sleeping

in his shed.

Blinking through his torpor

at the camera flashes

from the milling horde

excited to s...

Read and leave comments (3)

All the pubs

and restaurants

have now been made

smoke free.

To save the lungs

of bar staff

and keep waiters

eyes undimmed.

Now they're healthy

on the dole queue

and all social life is dead.

The pubs are shut and empty,

café goers are unfed.

What happened to the smokers?

They are miserable at home.

Their dogs have got lung cancer

and they're puffing all alone.

Read and leave comments (0)

Working From Home

She leisurely rose at 11am.

No custom is ever around before then.

Strong coffee and chats

with mates on the phone.

A couple of fags, some toast

and a line.

An hour or two more

and she'll feel just fine.

First job of the day,

get the ironing out.

Some slap on the face,

the right bra and pants.

Back from the window

she finds the right place.

Just after two,...

Read and leave comments (1)

Low Fashion

When full bonnets

became all the rage

not a head hair

could be seen.

The blondes who wanted

fun filled life

all felt

they were unclean.

The red heads

with their carrot tops

concealed from general view

were laughed at

for their freckles

and never

brought to bed.

Boring, mousy office clerks

could nto believe their luck.

After years and years of trying

they co...

Read and leave comments (2)

My Mum knitted..

She watched television,

puffed on a Woodbine,

chatted about her bet

and the needles clicked

constantly.

“For the little, black babies”

she explained

as the multi coloured

T shaped garment emerged

beneath her needles.

Choosing her horses

was scientific.

If it had a nice name

she would put on a

shilling.

With Lester riding it

she would invest two bob.

Yea...

Read and leave comments (3)

The government has claimed

success in its most recent boot amnesty.

Boot mountains have been formed

in police station yards

throughout the country.

Original plans to issue the surrendered boots

to construction workers have been abandoned

due to a shortage of workers since the fourth credit crunch

and concern that the boots may be smuggled

out of the building sites and sold to gang m...

Read and leave comments (4)

Welcome Mr. Mosley

to my prison camp of pain.

Welcome to the dungeon,

our wicked lust domain.

Come with me while I just

shave your hairy arse.

So you feel the lick

of my leather whip

more sweetly

on your flesh.

Welcome Mr. Mosley.

I am so deep in love

with the 30K

you offered up

to be manacled today.

Achtung! Mein Herr

present to me

those fresh, pink cheeks

at once.

My trus...

Read and leave comments (1)

Three score fucking years are done

so just ten more to go.

The bus pass in my wallet

gets me on the road.

I now get free prescriptions

though there is no need at all,

and my yearly eye test

can be done at home as well.

I get discounts at the theatre,

the zoo and everywhere.

I'm a senior to be presumed

to have no cash to spare.

There is no discount offered

at the brothel or t...

Read and leave comments (1)

and the fat man watered their beer.

You knew who got exploited

You knew who to pity or fear.

The waif who was wan with rickety knees,

the rich man deaf to his desperate pleas,

died of consumption or killed at the loom.

Nothing marked his pauper tomb.

Now we have underprivileged

who are fat and spotty and rude.

While the super rich are toned and...

Read and leave comments (4)