I Will Not Drink in Wetherspoon's

I'm still sore about the whole Brexit thing. I'm even more sore about the fact that yesterday my wife broke the JD Wetherspoons embargo that we've faithfully kept in place since their CEO decided to turn his pubs into campaign platforms for Vote Leave. Here's my response.


I Will Not Drink in Wetherspoon’s (with apologies to Dr Seuss)

I will not drink in Wetherspoon’s.
The place is run by Tory loons
and Boris Johnsonesque buffoons.
I will not drink in Wetherspoon’s.

I will not eat your fish and chips
nor heed your economic tips.
I’d rather throw them all in skips.
I will not eat your fish and chips.

I will not eat your five-bean chilli
or all-day brunch with Piccalilli.
To do so would be really silly.
I will not eat your five-bean chilli.

I will not join your curry club
nor sample any of your grub.
I’ll find myself another pub.
I will not join your curry club.

I will not drink in Wetherspoon’s.
I’ll stay at home and watch cartoons,
eat ginger cake and macaroons
but never drink in Wetherspoon’s.

I must respectfully decline
to try your cider or your wine.
Your values are way out of line
so I’ll respectfully decline.

I will not now imbibe those beers
that I’ve enjoyed for many years.
I’ll leave them for the Brexiteers.
No, I’ll no longer drink your beers.

I will not even taste your gin.
It’s tainted with your UKIP spin.
It reeks of treachery and sin.
That’s why I have to spurn your gin.

I’d never spend my honeymoon
imbibing drinks in your saloon.
I’d rather go to Cameroon.
So up yours, J.D. Wetherspoon.

AJH (10th September 2016)

BrexitJD Wetherspoon

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M.C. Newberry

Sat 17th Sep 2016 13:18

Remainers - be of stout heart and good cheer.
To paraphrase a certain Arthur Daley: "The world's your
And to add other interesting words from an interview just
given by the governor of the Bank of England. Remember
1. "Most countries want to trade with the UK".
2 "Brexit gives the UK very large trading opportunities".
3. "One of the tremendous things about the economy
is that for centuries it has been one of the most open
economies in the world".
And finally - Franklin D. Roosevelt: "The only thing we
have to fear is fear itself".
Advance Britannia!

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Tim Ellis

Fri 16th Sep 2016 22:48

The fuss we now demand is so chronic
because we understand economics!

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M.C. Newberry

Fri 16th Sep 2016 14:09

As a Brexiteer I enjoyed these lines of discontent, neatly
put in rhyme to make them even more appealing.
But in a general sense...
Why are rejected Remainers
Curmudgeonly complainers?

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Ian Whiteley

Sun 11th Sep 2016 23:50

great poem Andy - I laughed more than once at the clever rhyme - and love the cloaked message this sends - very good poem

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Harry O'Neill

Sun 11th Sep 2016 21:15

As neat an embargoing piece of exact end-rhyming as you would see in a lifetime!

(But what`s that `respectfully` doing in there?)

It`s great the way rhyme punches the repugnance home.

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Sun 11th Sep 2016 11:23

Wonderfully playful but with a message attached Andy ! I can hardly believe that a brewery would align themselves with this touchy issue nor any other large corporation, but then again didn't Cameron authorize massive funding for house to house remain bumf? Where will it all end. As for Wetherspoons they do definitely pull out the cheapo card.

Regards Ray

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Tim Ellis

Sat 10th Sep 2016 23:00

Excellent stuff Andy! I haven't drunk in there either since the referendum, although to be honest I didn't used to go in there often anyway because there's better pubs in Harrogate and I'm not that broke.

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