self esteem (Remove filter)
You pulled me into your orbit
when I needed your help
and so, I made you my centre
to centre myself
That was my first mistake
I looked inside you
for places where I could hide
I hoped to run from reality
into the delusions of your mind
I was happy to believe you were one of a kind
chuffed upon chuffed that you were mine
and I felt adored
grateful to m...
Friday 28th April 2023 11:54 pm
I've sat up a tree for days and no-one noticed.
Neither the few who wandered underneath,
Nor the even fewer who should have cared.
Enough to realise I was missing!
And no-one came searching.
Time has no meaning, when the bark is pressing
Into the base of your spine.
And trees don't have cushions!
After the first hours, you only know you are there
Because you can't feel your feet.
Friday 23rd April 2021 8:34 am
Although there are still two more poems to be met in the unrequited love sub-theme of love's tempest it is chronologically correct to open up new sub-themes of 'friendship' or 'platonic love', and 'self-love' or 'self-esteem', these themes often intertwine and overlap.
I thought about whether to just finish the unrequited love theme and then return to this first of the friendship poems, but I t...
Tuesday 20th April 2021 9:37 am
While waiting for the bus to school,
I came upon the weighty problem
Of what to do with my hands and feet.
Unused to such quandries and puzzles,
I first thought the answer to be
Simple, like hands in pockets, and stand on feet.
But unbidden, there came to my mind
A picture of myself, standing on my feet.
A plump girl, with her hands in her pockets.
At last I could stand it no longer
Friday 26th March 2021 12:58 pm
I will be embarking now on a sequence of poems, in chronological and thematic order, that will stretch back right towards some of my earliest poetry. The collective theme is 'Love's Tempest', within which there will be various sub-themes. We start with the sub-theme 'Beginnings'.
Although this particular poem was probably written when I was 19 or 20 years old, it talks about earlier chidhood. I...
Thursday 25th March 2021 1:38 pm
The sun doesn't know that I'm different
The sun doesn't notice I'm here
The air doesn't know that I'm special
The air doesn't care that I'm there
The moon glows on me just the same
The moon doesn't care who I am
And time has never stopped for anyone
Since time began.
No, my dust won't be any different
Than dust has ever been
My bones won't seem more magnificent
Than bones have ever se...
Wednesday 10th March 2021 1:58 am
Whatever I have done
I might have done worse, and might have done better.
Whatever I have chosen
I might have chosen worse, and might have chosen better.
Whatever I have tried to say,
I might have said worse, and might have said better.
Whatever I might be,
I might have been worse, and might have been better.
But maybe judgement at all isn’t necessary
For better or worse, perhaps ...
Friday 5th February 2021 2:43 am
Life may not be perfect
But sadness isn’t worth it,
And no matter how bad it gets,
Or whatever the world may expect
I’m not done hoping yet.
I could weep, I could cry
But what would that buy?
Another moment of misery?
Or instead I could smile
And then at least I’d be lifted.
And life may not be great
But happiness shouldn’t wait
So no matter what
I’ll enjoy what I’ve got
I’m not ...
Sunday 29th November 2020 6:29 pm
I am sad.
I am worthless.
I am unlovable.
Nobody loves me.
I do not deserve to be loved.
I don't matter.
I have no matter.
The world would be a better place without me.
Nobody cares whether I'm dead or alive.
I wish I were dead.
Tuesday 4th August 2020 12:59 pm
I want to be pretty.
I don’t know what that means
I don’t know if it equates to the amount of free
Drinks I can flirt my way into, how many compliments
I get on my new dress as it swishes in the soft breeze.
I don’t know how many men need to want to touch me,
How many people need to be jealous of me, how many eyes
Need to be on me.
I don’t know if it refers to the delicate purity ...
Sunday 12th July 2020 9:41 am
On the outside...
Do not question anything I say or do.
Above all do not argue.
Keep all opinions, suggestions, ideas to yourself.
They mean nothing to me.
I know everything.
The more you retreat
and remain silent,
the stronger I feel.
On the inside...
Wednesday 4th March 2020 9:33 pm
The rose recognizes the beauty of the sunflower, all the while self-assured in her own. She does not envy the golden beauty for her appeal to you
She knows better - she has guarded her stem from the likes of your fingers and the fingers of those before you, and the ones that will come after
She knows that while you, selfishly and ignorantly, believe the garden to be created for you...
Saturday 14th December 2019 2:59 pm
What if I fail
What if everything that I hope to accomplish
What if I really be on mtv
Would that change a “U don’t mean shit to me”
To you mean the most to me
Let me stop
Let me pause
I never did good
So I never got a round of applause
Always found myself behind bars
For not following the laws
It seems crazy I always wanted...
Thursday 31st May 2018 3:12 am
You know at first anytime I showed you vulnerability and affection I felt weak ,then I realized that I am a woman and vulnerability and love was my super powers . So then I realized that abandonment and not feeling good enough, and seeking for approval, and love ,became the norm when dealing with you and it felt so familiar bc it was .Daddy issues of my own ,hoping you can save me from them ,looki...
Thursday 5th April 2018 5:36 am
I’m sorry what?
“I said, you’re beautiful”
Why are you lying?
“You have amazing hair!”
It’s really not
“But it’s so curly.”
It tangles, it snares
I wish it straight.
I’m sorry, I’m not
“But you are!”
Why do you lie?
“Your skin is flawless.”
“I’m sure you don’t need it.”
You can’t se...
Sunday 5th November 2017 5:14 am
Don't love me everyday
For the rest of my life
Don't promise me the world
Or make me your wife
I don't need empty words from you
There's no need to exclaim
No want for explanation
No need to rid the blame
When you say that you don't love me
I feel nothing but relief
It resonates inside of me
Confirms my own belief
Unlovable perhaps, it seems
The way it has to...
Tuesday 17th June 2014 8:36 pm