Poetry Blogs (humorous verse)
Nicola Beckett on Paths (48 seconds ago)
Jack and Jill were getting wed.
(Jack’s dad thought, Jill was nice).
“But, let me give you, Son,” he said
“some fatherly advice.
On the day, I wed yer mam
I nipped ‘er straight indoors.
And, being ‘t sort of bloke I am
I soon laid down the laws.
I boldly took mi trousers off
and told ‘er, ‘put ‘em on.’
She drowned within a sea of cloth...
Sunday 23rd February 2020 3:41 pm
A 'Valued' Friend!
Frank, tonight, is working late.
The doorbell rings; it’s Frankie’s mate.
“Liz, you need to know”, smiles Ken.
“Frank won’t be home ‘til half-past ten.
I said, I’d drop in, as I pass,
to tell you of his news, alas.”
“It’s nice of you to think of me.”
Beams Lizzy, “Would you like some tea?”
And so they share a brew and chat;
Saturday 22nd February 2020 1:17 pm
The Trouble With Nuts!
The trouble with nuts is, they’re very elusive.
But, don’t take my word as completely conclusive.
It’s just that, it seems, though, whenever they're freed
they scatter and hide - which is not what you need!
Consider the case of a doctor, I knew.
Took his car for a spin ( and to ‘pose’ in it, too).
A well-mannered man - but you wouldn’t think th...
Friday 21st February 2020 9:52 pm
A ‘Snitch’, in Time !
My mother’s mother, Granny Brown
was ‘muchly-loved’, (once) in our town.
The care she gave; her happy ways.
She cheered us in her ‘ember days’.
She liked to knit but not to sell.
Such quality. (oh, you could tell!)
Each item, thoroughly bespoke
- for giving to specific folk.
“Gran, that’s great !” i’d often shout.
“You knit them th...
Thursday 20th February 2020 2:14 pm
Night 'Shifts' !
It’s two a.m. (It maybe three).
But far from “Nighty-night!”, for me.
‘Ceiling-gaze’, through gravelled eyes.
I need to rest .... before sunrise.
Insomnia? I’m ‘conscious’ proof.
I may as well re-slate the roof !
Or else, I’d simply rake the lawn
to keep me busy, until dawn.
“Pillow-punches”: ‘jumpy’ legs.
“Why can’t I sleep?”, the que...
Tuesday 9th July 2019 10:32 pm
'Double' Act !
In Nineteen Ninety Four,
a young man took the floor
for the television show, “Stars in Their Eyes”!
He was, ‘hips-to-feet’ in plaster
as he struggled out, to master
his new crutches, in a bid to win the prize.
The host (then), Matthew Kelly
introduced him on the ‘telly’,
saying “Simon, what a plucky guy you are.
I’ve been told, a year ago,
Tuesday 9th July 2019 11:10 am
“Old Heads on Young Shoulders”!
You can’t put old heads on young shoulders!”, they say.
But I think that I may have come-up with a way,
involving some sawing - and stitching - and glue
(and a bit of an ‘inclin’, of just what to do!).
Yet, if I decided to ‘give it a bash’,
that would leave a ‘spare’ head and a body (to ‘stash’)!
Which seems such a waste of a woman ...
Monday 1st July 2019 12:10 pm
Jesus Wants You!
He forced the door and entered, stepping over shards of glass,
to effortlessly melt into the chamber’s darkened mass.
And, as his torchlight searched for ‘victim-drawers’ to rifle through,
out of darkness, rasped a voice; “Jesus is watching you.”
He froze - was someone in the room inviting conversation?
Or maybe he was hearing things (or his ...
Sunday 26th May 2019 5:59 pm
A 'Fitting' Tale.
Harry was a tailor, with the highest reputation.
Known for style and excellence (whatever, his creation).
His method was to double-check on every single measure,
so garments fitted perfectly, to give his clients pleasure.
This ‘modus-operandi’ will ensure the clothes fit, great
if you stick to it religiously and never deviate.
Monday 20th May 2019 5:49 pm
Yet another chess convention
called upon the monthly pension.
Crusty codgers, ‘ coffin - dodgers’.
Reek of mothballs (best not mention!)
Hotel filled with ancient blokes,
bragging of their master-strokes.
Cracking ‘chess-related’ jokes!
The old ‘ Grand Master’ then appeared,
to boast and crow (whils...
Monday 20th May 2019 10:30 am
so now many
Saturday 6th January 2018 1:39 am
Please take this refresher advice as a friendly reminder
Of our protocol for calling in sick
In the first instance call the shift supervisor
Inform them why you are unable to attend your shift
Be as clear as possible
The more information the better
We don't need to hear a blues lyric
Only the truth
This information will of course remain co...
Friday 12th August 2016 1:23 pm
I am the world's first selfie poem,
Held aloft by the world's first selfie poem stick,
A look-at-me wordsmith pic,
Here I am fluttering beside Tower Bridge.
So here I pose on the left bank;
Here I'm by the Eiffel Tower,
Here I selfie seductively next to the shower.
Ignore the bidet -
Admire my framed parchment hanging above a plastic flower
Here I am analysed by a poet I barely know...
Monday 13th June 2016 4:54 am
You should have been here yesterday
Ten thousand flamingos danced all over the square
A bouquet of jasmine blooms filled the air
Golden geese spiralled a mid-air fanfare
Peace doves gently dropped ribbon boxes of chocolate eclairs
You should have been here yesterday
Billionaires gave away their mansions and wares
and rare cars
with free ...
Friday 20th May 2016 2:13 pm
A Trip to the Supermarket
I’m shopping in my lunch break and I only have an hour,
I’m whizzing round the supermarket; all I need is flour,
But then I buy some extra bits to make my shopping last,
I pick up speed down aisle three; I’m running pretty fast,
My trolley is quite heavy, so I park it down the aisle,
I collect butter, milk and loo roll, and I start to los...
Wednesday 22nd February 2012 7:20 pm