I am Both

by HayzTee

Wednesday 22nd August 2018 10:15 am

I am not the fat girl
I am not the skinny girl.

I am both.

I am both the bingeing in the night
And the starving from pure fright.

I am both

In the mirror I am both.

I am the always too thin pile of bones
And the body too big to call home.

I am both.

In the shops I am both.

I am the girl who is too curvy to wear cute clothes
And the girl who's Inability to feel sexy makes sore

I am both.

In public I am both.

I am the girl who is heckled for braving wearing shorts
And the girl who is mocked for having a thigh gap when she walks

I am both.

In other women's eyes I am both.

I am the girl who is incapable of restraint
I am the girl who doesn't look after herself
I am the girl to which you all hate
I am the girl who stands by herself
In hope's if I do, I'll be free from your own hell.

I am both.

I am not the fat girl
I am not the skinny girl.

I am both.

The men are not the issue
They don't hate us this cruel
This is the act of women
With intentions far from true.
Do not let them push you down
They are wearing a false crown
Made of malice and jealousy
A crown which will never set them free.

Still,
I am not the fat girl.
I am not the skinny girl.

I am both.

Comments

HayzTee (Hayley)

Wed 22nd Aug 2018 12:10

Thankyou Don ? And thank you Taylor and Brian . Hope you enjoyed ?

Don Matthews

Wed 22nd Aug 2018 11:02

Powerful stuff here girl, and an equally powerful comment?

HayzTee (Hayley)

Wed 22nd Aug 2018 10:29

Thank you. And it's not so much to 'please anyone' I don't think, more as if we feel we have to I guess? The torment, malice and bullying is so cruel. You may see on social media if you have any, the posts and 'picture life quotes' that are shared and written.. they are all to set stupidly high and unrealistic expectations, so others feel just as Insecure.

I believe it's not impressing other women, but maybe hoping you won't stick out to them as a target like a sore thumb. It isn't a case of wanting praise or love or anything like that... But acceptance, to be able to be free from the forever judgmental eyes.

I would be called too fat, and too skinny, by women when I was every millimetre between skinny and overweight. Nothing was 'perfect' or 'Good enough ' to escape malice from the female population. To the point where i just wear camo pants and a black t-shirt, dont wear makeup any more, style my hair nice etc.

If I aim to prove nothing, that way they cannot win. So I thought. But changing so drastically to avoid their critique? Doesn't that make them win?

Still. For most women, it's not to impress, unless they are trying to climb some high end social circle etc. For the most part it is mental and emotional survival, hoping to escape the endless abuse no matter your size. That type of conditioning sticks with people, and for some like myself, leaves them with eating and body image issues that just won't leave.

Women hate on men like men start this stuff and make it. But mostly, it's us women. We scream about wanting a voice, yet we bash all our own who try to find theirs. Horrible truly is

<Deleted User> (18980)

Wed 22nd Aug 2018 08:17

Interesting Hayley and confirms the statement that women don't dress to please men...they dress to please other women.

Taylor Crowshaw

Wed 22nd Aug 2018 07:07

Great stuff Hayley keep writing..?

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I am Both

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