One Step Closer
I'm running away scared
But trying to find the light
They hurt me too hard.
Standing here from this height
If I had the courage to do it
I could float among the stars
My chest forming in a pit, I sit.
I'm broken in two halves.
How did I get here?
I truly tried to fight it
Even kept denying it
I can't even hide it
I'm shaking but holding on tight
The ledge is sturdy but it's high.
I thought it would be easy .
The city is beneath me.
But instead I feel kinda sleazy.
I just want to finally be free.
What would the future hold
If I don't step off this roof
Would we grow Grey and old ?
I thought this was fool proof.
How did I get here?
I truly tried to fight it
Even kept denying it
I can't even hide it
Suddenly everything is clear.
The edge isn't so scary .
No longer consumed by fear.
But why are my eyes so blurry
Will it be pain free or hurt me?
Don't think I'm second guessing
I'm just slightly stressing
How did I get here?
I truly tried to fight it
Even kept denying it
I can't even hide it
Will you be the hero again
Desperately trying in vain
To save me from the pain
That still forever reigns?
It won't work this time
This choice is finally mine.
This step will be my last.
Finally i'll be free from the past
Please don't let it be me you hate
This was always my destined fate.
-[I'm okay well not 100% roses but this poem was written when I was trying to tap into the voice of a character I had watched on tv, obviously bits of you get put into it to. I have had battles but I'm not on the edge now. When writing I also was thinking how we all have a metaphorical edge and rooftop. Sometimes we jump into a very numb and dark place where we metaphorically die because things are too much, you just shut off from everything. It can be interpreted as a physical or metaphorical ledge, neither are incorrect. But yeah, I'm as Dandy as can be. Just a rather touchy poem :) ]
HayzTee (Hayley)
Thu 26th Jul 2018 21:23
thank you very much. I know mental battles have a lot of stigmas attached, especially being suicidal and when people have attempted it. I wanted to express that isn't selfishness, they don't want to hurt you but they just don't feel as if there is another option, as they have exhausted all the other options. In a way, in a world and head full of chaos and lack of control, it is the one thing they feel they can be in control of and finally put an end to their pain with. It isn't a nice way, but people can only be pushed so much and some times help comes too little, too late, or no amount of healing can fix the previous damage.
I've always wanted to try to convey the feelings and struggles of those who are judged and often cannot find the words to explain it themselves. I also hope that anyone who has struggled with issues I write about, will realise they are not alone and someone out there understands them and doesn't judge. Sometimes that can be enough, to know you're not completely alone ?