The Queries of a Heart that is Torn

I feel it itching under my skin
clawing away deep inside
I thought i could be myself around you
now i am just sorry that I ever tried

I find myself bending over backwards for you
trying to leap through these flaming hoops
Still, it isn't a choice that you choose
For that wouldn't ever, benefit you

We're winding down this endless road
neither of us can find any hope.
Still we hold onto these ropes
in hopes it'll save us, and keep us afloat

I really have tried to confess to you
that this horrid mess, plagues me, with  blues.
Still you insist, that you are just "fine"
even if we seem, to be getting much worse, with time.

Why have things changed, for us, so drastically?
do you now regret giving me, the room to breathe?
would you prefer it, if I was to set you free?
Would talking it through change much for us?
Or perhaps that is just another unatainable fantasy?

Why have you shut me out of your head so much?
did i do something wrong, or was I just not enough?
Perhaps it was foolish, to think that I could be loved
though maybe it was real, but has begun to wear off

I wish that i could ease these concerns within my mind
but when you have nothing to go off, it can be rather unkind
thinking of it's own answers to the issues it finds
to try to free itself from the prison, to which it is confined

Are we beginning to grow further apart each day?
Or is it my mental health decieving me again?
Please give me some answer, or even a hint
because otherwise my brain will just assume what it thinks.
Perhaps I am always a ship destined to sink
with so much luggage, that never will shrink
it was likely naive to expect us to win

Still a faint bit of hope, lays deep inside
in hopes this is just my mind, and its lies
though, if after I have done nothing, but tried,
I end up enduring heartbreak, from continuing this ride
I will regret all the times that I laid awake and cried
and every moment to which my head, was fried

I loved you so dearly, that i must confess
though i have no answers, on how we escape this mess
I hate that our lives, are filled with so much stress
but wouldn't being there for one another, be what is best?
or am i just a fool for becoming so very distressed?

Either way it is time for me to end the vicious cycle we made
To ensure that my body, mind and soul, can finally feel safe.
 

breakupheartbreakheartbreaksloss of lovelost loveloverelationship breakdownrelationship decay

◄ The Torture that is Dystonia

Adjusting to Change - Anxiety ►

Comments

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Hugh

Sun 31st Jan 2021 03:30

Opening up like you have, you will definitely mend,
Positively proceeding in life round this traumatic bend.

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HayzTee (Hayley)

Sun 31st Jan 2021 02:23

thank you @lisa donohoe

I wrote this a few months ago, before i finally plucked up the courage to choose myself and my mental health above all else.

Now i feel, it was the right choice and feel myself beginning to bloom again.

It is hard being with someone who doesn't communicate, especially when it is the primary thing you need. I have learned, i believe, that some people are just not compatible.

Besides wondering if I am awful for ending things, I think that in my mind I feel at rest now. Since it's not full of endless questioning anymore inside my head, feeling like i am no longer able to even verbally speak my concerns and worries.

I am generally quite an open person with the right people, so to feel like I had to choke so much back, it was very unnatural for me. And i feel, it vented out a lot in this poem.

Now, that i am on the mend and in a good headspace again, i felt it was time to finally post this poem since i guess, I will not trigger those emotions and feelings back up too much when i come across it again 😀

I really appreciate your kind and lovely words, and well wishes. As well as your comment as a whole. It is touching that you took your time to read and respond to this poem, especially given its personal nature
Thank you so much

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lisa donohoe

Sun 31st Jan 2021 02:10

To speak yet not feel heard is the most head wrecking feeling in the world. And to top that with being the only one wanting to fix the relationship is actually heartbraking.
The lack from his part , says alot more about him then it does about you.
You'll have no regrets in the end because you know you did more then you had to and now your doing what should always be done.
Putting yourself as a priority.
You will heal. And i can feel your growth already . Well done for been so strong and lovable x

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