Beige walls stand empty where original artworks once hung
A woman, beyond her years in mind and body, sits at her desk
Staring at a screen that, despite vast knowledge at her fingertips
The cloud of cognizance that enveloped her has cleared
Ridiculed by those she trusted
No more pills
No more gange
Nothing to help control the demons within her mind
There is no f...
Tuesday 28th November 2017 10:23 pm
Your Skype signed in again
It’s so tempting to call you
There’s a voice screaming at me to just
Pick up the phone
Just pick up the phone
Against every urge
I’m silent, all except these prose
I must stay silent
Wait for what?
For the message, the text, the phone call
Another voice tells me
That will never happen
Selfishly, I want you to miss me
I want to make you miss me
Sunday 26th November 2017 3:22 am
Take these lies off my chest
Let me bleed from the gaping holes
No need to stitch me back up
These fallacy filled temptations
My main attraction
Hiding my true neuroticism
Telling the world stories
Of oh how amazing I am
Such a demanding presence
Such an alluring sham
How dare I not live up to the expectations
Of a gorgeous woman
Thursday 23rd November 2017 3:03 pm
I have no reasons to stop, no reasons to halt,
I have no reasons to cry over my fault.
I have no reason to fear, ah! no depression;
I have no reasons to regret
Or betray my passion.
Life often puts me in a hell,
Yet I find a grace,
When it pushes me unto heaven
I don't lose my face.
I might have got no respect
Not a penny fame.
Yet I am not without a critic
Nor without a dirty ...
Wednesday 22nd November 2017 5:43 am
With each and every prose I think of new things to outpour onto this page. Ideas and feelings flow through me, conflicting, and most of the time I am ok.
I've been sober since then; nothing helps this anymore. Every day starts out slow, in a haze, then I feel ok and content and myself for a few hours. Once noon rolls around, my heart hurts, my stomach turns, my head spins, and I leave class to ...
Tuesday 21st November 2017 8:37 pm
A woman cries for now she knows
Her love is unconditional
Weeping at the empty kitchen table
One, two, three in the morning
None are awake but her
Right hand reaches out to air
“There was no choice to make!”
Yet she always knew, in some way
Either too much to handle
Or not enough
But always cast aside
Anger will not manifest
Tuesday 21st November 2017 7:57 pm
I always told my mom that there was a monster under my bed. She of course never believed me,she always said that i had an over imagination. She gave me a night light so the monster would go away,but that never helped,it just angered her. There was nothing I could do to get rid of this monster,so I ignored it,I listened to music every night so I couldn’t hear the screams. I’m 16 now,the monster is ...
Monday 13th November 2017 10:49 am
can no one see the pain of the shadow of a broken girl
living in a broken home?
can no one see the scars that her “cat” has made?
or the fact that there are new ones almost everyday?
does anyone notice the pain behind her eyes?
the “i’m fine” and a fake smile?
does anyone even care about anyone else anymore?
the name calling “whore” “slut” “fat” “ugly” “stupid” and many more...
Monday 13th November 2017 10:35 am
Why can't you just look and see me?
I know you can.
You just don't stop.
You don't consider looking at cracks.
The old school walls are a burgundy color that no one finds interesting.
Maybe once in awhile.
For a brief second.
She was new in school, I think.
Never saw her before until sophmore year.
Thursday 19th October 2017 4:16 am
The view from here is calm and true
The grassy steppes stretch out of sight
From plainness slowly dullness grew
From winning I have lost my fight
Life once sharper, numbs to bland
And feet sink deeper into sand.
The uphill struggle left me weak
Fingers bloodied, grip was lost
Each ridge ahead still seemed the peak
Life was stripped, I paid the cos...
Saturday 14th October 2017 11:36 am
The Swan Effect Your slender neck and wings so clean
Graceful movement, so serene,
The purest feathers which you preen
Are what attracts the eye.
Curves and power, gliding slow,
Majestic as a river flow
Sleek and gently strong you go
Wednesday 11th October 2017 7:06 pm
A Life in Colour
The challenge as I rise from bed
Is turning greys to green and red.
The drabness of the everyday
Takes a rainbow, turns it grey.
The colours sharp are lit by sun.
Red, orange, yellow, new begun.
Green, blue, violet quickly fade
Primary, pastel, into shade.
A squirrel, seal, a worm, a whale
Don’t worry that they live so pale.
The tortoise carries we...
Monday 9th October 2017 7:06 am
Sometimes I can't even talk
I just want to be left alone
With my own thoughts
Other times I don't want to be on my own
I just want someone to hold me
And make me feel safe and at home
Sometimes I can barely walk
I just want to stay in bed all day
Hoping the pain will go away
Other times I want to fight it and carry on
Even though I know it might bring a flare up on
Friday 22nd September 2017 5:07 pm
Feel Like I'm Crazy
The doctor tells me "it's Fibromyalgia"
I've never heard of it before
But I think finally I have an answer
For all of my pain
But it doesn't take me long to decipher
It's something that they can't explain
Do they think that I'm insane?
They don't understand it
There is no cure
It's a curse not an answer
And I don't know how much more of this I can endure
Friday 22nd September 2017 5:04 pm
color used to be a distant memory.
I had seen the world in black and white for so long
I couldn't even tell you the shades in a rainbow.
I had gotten used to playing along
when people would say
"look at how bright! look at how wonderful! look at how vivid! look at how beautiful the world is!"
I would smile
yeah, it's amazing
when all I saw were dismal shades of grey and bl...
Friday 22nd September 2017 3:51 pm
If life is as easy
as some make it seem
maybe life will be easy for me.
Days will be sunny and
even nights will seem bright and
people will smile because hey,
rain is alright!
Even the birds will be
singing their tunes after, of course
sleeping in until noon.
Evil will have gone by and
don't try to tell me otherwise!
Thursday 14th September 2017 2:35 am
My poetry's hollow and null
And like my life it is quite dull
So I ramble and cry
And I wish to just die
While I ponder why I've not been culled.
And yes even so
I continue to write words
With no direct form
Rhyme scheme, structure, they mean very little
To a person who has no control of their life
And apathetically watches as he carries on strife.
And in a rotted hole, th...
Wednesday 13th September 2017 12:23 pm
I wish to be heard. To bridge the divide
auto-ostracising me from common
experience. Common understanding,
inclusion and collusion in present’s
moment. I think ahead what response my
actions engender. My words carefully
based: precision vocabulary I
once envied – recycled at will,
effect calculated. For reflection
on me, upping my status, ...
Thursday 24th August 2017 9:02 pm
I am my own best friend,
me and my burning pen.
we have been,
my papermate and I
find myself, I lose my way,
I lose myself, I find my way,
I come back around again
then square I go,
Cut the nose, spite the face,
I got pride, I got space,
not a number, not a mistake.
a sheep black as me
so black I am the light,
Thursday 24th August 2017 10:47 am
Black Dog. Stalking me. Matching
every step. Haunting
my shadow. Nanometre
My psyche cringes. Ruin’s
proximity creeping fear
into me. One false move. One
trip. One fall. One turn against
the flow, the stalking dog bites.
And I press on. Walk with fear
behind me. I’ve been knocked down.
I’ve got up. I’ve re-built lives....
Wednesday 2nd August 2017 8:53 am
The tug of depression
It was always there
It's my greates lesson
That life wasn't mean to be fair
It's the shackles on my legs
The clouds over my head
It's the dead of the night
Never far from sight
It's the weight holding me down
Turning the smile into a frown
It's the whiskey I didn't need
Making me think I'm free
It's my monotone life
Making me scared of the highs
It's the prison ...
Sunday 30th July 2017 2:30 pm
I feel like the color Blue.
It seems like every day,
I feel like the color Blue.
You may ask,
how do you know
what Blue feels like?
It's when you're sitting alone
in the Blue room
of your one bedroom apartment
contemplating your whole existence.
Blue is when
you don’t feel good about yourself,
when you don’t
Friday 7th July 2017 9:35 pm
Sometimes I can
rail against it,
Sometimes I hide
it well, other
days the fatigue
of fighting it shows.
"Get over Yourself."
Wednesday 5th July 2017 4:42 am
My mind is racing up
I can't control my thought
Am loosing the track
And now there's no turning back
No time to fall
No time to break
I feel like drowning
The river keep calling
Knife on my skin
The blood's running
And isn't getting better
My fingers across the gun
This is my fun
Oh! They found the trigger
This time I won't be a loser
Just shut you eyes (Ain't needing yo...
Saturday 24th June 2017 4:32 am
I slip one in my mouth,
I lick strawberry lips.
Kissed by magic.
It takes away my pain,
Nothing seems to matter.
Apathy takes a hold.
25mg maximum dose.
Is it working?
I have no clue.
I have lost my inner self.
I don't want to feel the pain,
But without it there's no escape.
I want to taste the rainbow,
Monday 19th June 2017 5:51 pm
For the love of God
Change your sheets.
Take a shower,
Your body is exuding more fumes than a nuclear plant.
And by God.
While we're on this trail of reconstructive surgery.
Toss out that shit personality.
Trashy anime and cartoons, no counting for taste.
Kid, if you put a rainbow filter over that drawing, I swear to God...
No wonder every...
Thursday 25th May 2017 4:27 pm
Defies any logic of control.
Mind-channel's pelt through anxious nonsense.
Peace a distant thought,
Foreign land. And there is no place to hide.
No breakwater, behind which
find lulling calm.
This torrent is totality,
whose subject matter
majors upon all those memories,
Sunday 14th May 2017 6:42 pm
"Like a house of cards,
one blow from caving in..."
I sing heavily alone in our house,
carrying the weight of our dead
friendship in my voice,
hopelessly waiting for a familiar hug,
a touch of warmth to lighten
the evergrowing darkness in my mind.
I can still feel the love in our captured memories,
hear the leaves rustle with a deafening reminder
of the time I forgot how to spe...
Friday 12th May 2017 5:19 am
Alive and Deceased
Poison has filled the bunker
but from the outside
until futher analysis
In a similar
is Schrodinger's Student
who is both
here and absent
awake and asleep
consious and in coma
Fallen loved ones join Illness
in a dorm room
Wednesday 10th May 2017 9:33 am
The more I go
The darker it gets
Doesn't matter what is my choice
It's always the wrong one
I missed all the tracks
But there is no survivor left in me
I wish I was the never ending story
That at least came to end.
Wednesday 26th April 2017 8:36 pm
My friends do not understand
Every one of their smiles is a noose
Every act of friendship is another weight on my shoulders
I am weighed down by love, I am weary from carrying it so long, so far
I cannot hold this heaviness much longer
I cannot hold onto this burden
Knowing I do not deserve it
Knowing it is not meant for me
Knowing I should not accept it
Knowing how wast...
Tuesday 25th April 2017 4:09 am
Note: there is some strong language in this. it's not too bad. it's not too excessive, either. one word in here twice, i think. and if you're wondering, yes, the colors mean something. and yes, im genuinely asking a question to you, the reader. and to the person this is about. but i pray he never reads or finds this. anyway, enjoy.
Am I selfish for wanting another hug?
I handed you the...
Sunday 23rd April 2017 4:54 pm
And just like that, you're gone,
The memories fade away, you're lost,
No matter the action , the consequences are the same.
The thought of you not being here,
The thought of missing you,
Those are concepts I can't wrap around my head.
With fear I live the upcoming days,
Questioning my own existence,
Questioning my own rebellion, I slowly understand what you meant.
Friday 21st April 2017 1:00 pm
I shut it down
when it gets too loud
and I go back
I feel it like a thud,
dull but hollow,
loud and shallow.
I wallow, I bellow.
I hope, I hope
then I damn the hope
down the hole,
throw the rope.
afraid of my brain,
afraid of the rain,
the words on the page,
the ever growing rage,
the crushing despair,
Monday 10th April 2017 5:25 pm
I picture water filling lungs,
My head against the tile,
I picture floating till my end,
Until my sorry end.
Blood in vision, spilling free,
Heart filled with nothing, nothing-
I picture dying peacefully,
People say nothing, nothing-
White surrounds me, I fade out,
In and out of consciousness.
Credits roll as eyes roll back-
Tuesday 14th March 2017 5:10 am
Our Denial of Hate
Within the realms of madness
I look infinity in the eye,
My hands outstretched to cushion
A fall into a darkened state
But the fall is never ending,
Never ceasing or explaining
Infinity’s unwelcome grin.
Downwards I continually plummet,
Like a Halo Jumper
With no parachute,
No DZ below,
Just an ...
Saturday 11th March 2017 10:16 pm
No beds for care,
All too rare.
Dementia patients left to cope
Danger, stranger, lost all hope.
Children waiting months to see,
Counsellors to set them free.
Schizophrenia, write them off
No one really gives a toss.
Benefits the only way,
Stop them having any say.
Depression that's just a joke,
Just a crushing wall of smoke,
Watch it take yo...
Wednesday 8th March 2017 9:09 pm
Sat here waiting
Stupid posters on the wall
Like knowing 1/4 matters
Mental health for all.
The chairs are stained and dirty,
Water fountain broke,
Even leaflets on a stroke.
The receptionist she mumbles,
Or is it the glass screen,
Protects her from the patients,
Ring bells - they are unclean.
Mental or a leper,
It really doesn't matter.
You're all in thi...
Tuesday 28th February 2017 5:17 pm
To The Addicts Of The World
Cunning baffling and powerful are the words used to describe,
The truth of what addiction is, it will take your life with a knife.
Everything you thought you were becomes lost,
All that you cherish and love, gone at what cost?
Millions of people struggle everyday and it's truly tough,
Knowing that one is too many and a thousand never enough.
Pot, heroin, me...
Monday 27th February 2017 9:50 am
I do it cause I'm depressed
I'm depressed cause I do it
I do it cause I'm depressed
I'm depressed cause I do it
I do it cause I'm depressed
I'm depressed cause I do it
My God'll help me get through it
See what happened was
I was trying to get into the in crowd
They watch triple x shows on the internet
I stepped into the same world wide web
i thought I was in...
Sunday 12th February 2017 3:56 pm
Sometimes I’m here,
gone, lost in my head,
a round, a square.
At my best always
when there’s nothing left
and all I ever do
is stand on the edge.
Sunday 22nd January 2017 1:08 am
The sharp-toothed skirmisher of January past
passes its knives by her cheeks;
the hillside heralds its shredded brown visage,
winter’s wolf howls the bitter conquest of the moors.
The season of concealing crowns and faces,
of cautious feet across the maze of wilted souls
to reach the lone tree, grey lightning petrified in time.
Frozen into the bark are age and time.
Monday 9th January 2017 4:51 pm
He left behind his broken wife and his scared son
He left us cold, all alone with no one
The vows, they meant nothing
The promises, broken
I just wish we meant something
More than just empty words spoken
I cried for days at a time
My young son wiped every tear
Leaving us was a crime
And now, it's been 1 year
Sunday 1st January 2017 11:32 pm