Poetry Blogs (2017, depression)
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Find Meaning in Self
Hello,
To the wind,
Again,
How it moves me (the leaves and branches of a dead tree).
For,
Do you sing along with petals of the daisies,
Or
Do you whistle and chime the metal that dangles from my tree?
Little a chance you gave me,
To feel whole once again,
She told me,
Didn't she?
What's that?
You say,
Again?
No you see the moon is bright tonight and the rain not brittle in my ...
Monday 4th December 2017 7:24 am
My Muse Is Dead
Beige walls stand empty where original artworks once hung
A woman, beyond her years in mind and body, sits at her desk
Staring at a screen that, despite vast knowledge at her fingertips
Is empty
The cloud of cognizance that enveloped her has cleared
Ridiculed by those she trusted
"Over medicated"
No more pills
No more gange
Nothing to help control the demons within her mind
There is no feeling o...
Tuesday 28th November 2017 10:23 pm
Pick Up (A Selfish Poem)
Your Skype signed in again
It’s so tempting to call you
There’s a voice screaming at me to just
Pick up the phone
Just pick up the phone
Against every urge
I’m silent, all except these prose
I must stay silent
Must wait
Wait for what?
For the message, the text, the phone call
Another voice tells me
That will never happen
Selfishly, I want you to miss me
I want to make you miss me
Ma...
Sunday 26th November 2017 3:22 am
Take Them
Take Them
Take these lies off my chest
Let me bleed from the gaping holes
No need to stitch me back up
These fallacy filled temptations
My main attraction
Hiding my true neuroticism
Telling the world stories
Of oh how amazing I am
How gorgeous
Such a demanding presence
Such an alluring sham
How dare I not live up to the expectations
Of a gorgeous woman
Li...
Thursday 23rd November 2017 3:03 pm
Reminiscent
Wind rocks my boat tonight,
Sitting on this bed I feel little more than whole,
The nausea creating holes in my fickle heart.
Father walks cold in the streets of Paris,
Back turned to me,
I wander further upon this ragged terrain.
Distant memories fading yet again,
For in the presence of men and wind,
My skin becomes fatal.
The very blood,
Putrid,
And foul.
Wednesday 22nd November 2017 7:47 am
Destined to succeed
I have no reasons to stop, no reasons to halt,
I have no reasons to cry over my fault.
I have no reason to fear, ah! no depression;
I have no reasons to regret
Or betray my passion.
Life often puts me in a hell,
Yet I find a grace,
When it pushes me unto heaven
I don't lose my face.
I might have got no respect
Not a penny fame.
Yet I am not without a critic
Nor without a dirty name...
Wednesday 22nd November 2017 5:43 am
I Can Be Good (Z)
With each and every prose I think of new things to outpour onto this page. Ideas and feelings flow through me, conflicting, and most of the time I am ok.
I've been sober since then; nothing helps this anymore. Every day starts out slow, in a haze, then I feel ok and content and myself for a few hours. Once noon rolls around, my heart hurts, my stomach turns, my head spins, and I leave class to ...
Tuesday 21st November 2017 8:37 pm
Cast Aside
Cast Aside
A woman cries for now she knows
Her love is unconditional
Weeping at the empty kitchen table
One, two, three in the morning
None are awake but her
Right hand reaches out to air
She wails
“There was no choice to make!”
Yet she always knew, in some way
Either too much to handle
Or not enough
But always cast aside
Anger will not manifest
Her l...
Tuesday 21st November 2017 7:57 pm
monster
I always told my mom that there was a monster under my bed. She of course never believed me,she always said that i had an over imagination. She gave me a night light so the monster would go away,but that never helped,it just angered her. There was nothing I could do to get rid of this monster,so I ignored it,I listened to music every night so I couldn’t hear the screams. I’m 16 now,the monster is ...
Monday 13th November 2017 10:49 am
no one sees
can no one see the pain of the shadow of a broken girl
living in a broken home?
can no one see the scars that her “cat” has made?
or the fact that there are new ones almost everyday?
does anyone notice the pain behind her eyes?
the “i’m fine” and a fake smile?
does anyone even care about anyone else anymore?
the name calling “whore” “slut” “fat” “ugly” “stupid” and many more
...Monday 13th November 2017 10:35 am
Identity
Swiftly in the breeze,
Greatest tides crash,
Children playing softly in the sand.
Geese flock in arrows and the sky so warm,
I witness the power of sanity,
Yet I recoil from it in unforgettable agony.
The truth is that in this world,
You become what you are,
And you die that way.
Yet
I must disagree,
For even if the great moon shining in the sky collapses into the ocean below, t...
Saturday 28th October 2017 7:26 am
The Somewhere: Bricks and Cement
Fuck.
Shit.
God Damnit.
Why can't you just look and see me?
Well.
I know you can.
Kinda Sorta.
You just don't stop.
You don't consider looking at cracks.
The old school walls are a burgundy color that no one finds interesting.
Maybe once in awhile.
For a brief second.
Someone.
She was new in school, I think.
Never saw her before until sophmore year.
Pretty outgoing....
Thursday 19th October 2017 4:16 am
Life at the Plateau
The Plateau
The view from here is calm and true
The grassy steppes stretch out of sight
From plainness slowly dullness grew
From winning I have lost my fight
Life once sharper, numbs to bland
And feet sink deeper into sand.
The uphill struggle left me weak
Fingers bloodied, grip was lost
Each ridge ahead still seemed the peak
Life was stripped, I paid the cos...
Saturday 14th October 2017 11:36 am
The Swan Effect
The Swan Effect Your slender neck and wings so clean
Graceful movement, so serene,
The purest feathers which you preen
Are what attracts the eye.
Curves and power, gliding slow,
Majestic as a river flow
Sleek and gently strong you go
Sli...
Wednesday 11th October 2017 7:06 pm
A Life in Colour
A Life in Colour
The challenge as I rise from bed
Is turning greys to green and red.
The drabness of the everyday
Takes a rainbow, turns it grey.
The colours sharp are lit by sun.
Red, orange, yellow, new begun.
Green, blue, violet quickly fade
Primary, pastel, into shade.
A squirrel, seal, a worm, a whale
Don’t worry that they live so pale.
The tortoise carries we...
Monday 9th October 2017 7:06 am
I see
I see a crescent shape besides the road,
Where the luminescence of your body makes for a show,
From the cinema.
Great expanses of falling leaves offers guidance,
But little tranquility,
Your silhouette proving but lengthy in my memory.
I was once told to find arches in the waves,
To witness flames creeping from the sands of tomorrow,
Greatness does not reach out and grab small men.
...
Saturday 7th October 2017 7:55 am
Addiction
The once forgotten wind swaying without rhythm,
Is found to replace such a decrepit world in which you have been forged,
The sun creating gleams on shadows just barely sharp enough to see.
Arcs streak vibrant colours against the stars,
I witness the changing of the seasons by day,
Little does the boat rock aboard the shore.
Shattering dreams,
My very will owing to the expansive shadows,
...
Wednesday 27th September 2017 7:14 am
Carry On
Carry on
Sometimes I can't even talk
I just want to be left alone
With my own thoughts
Other times I don't want to be on my own
I just want someone to hold me
And make me feel safe and at home
Sometimes I can barely walk
I just want to stay in bed all day
Hoping the pain will go away
Other times I want to fight it and carry on
Even though I know it might bring a flare up on
The p...
Friday 22nd September 2017 5:07 pm
Feel Like I'm Crazy
Feel Like I'm Crazy
The doctor tells me "it's Fibromyalgia"
I've never heard of it before
But I think finally I have an answer
For all of my pain
But it doesn't take me long to decipher
It's something that they can't explain
Do they think that I'm insane?
They don't understand it
There is no cure
It's a curse not an answer
And I don't know how much more of this I can endure
They ...
Friday 22nd September 2017 5:04 pm
colorblind.
color used to be a distant memory.
I had seen the world in black and white for so long
I couldn't even tell you the shades in a rainbow.
I had gotten used to playing along
when people would say
"look at how bright! look at how wonderful! look at how vivid! look at how beautiful the world is!"
I would smile
and say
yeah, it's amazing
when all I saw were dismal shades of grey and bl...
Friday 22nd September 2017 3:51 pm
Bashful Sun
Take it to the moon,
The way the ocean gleams and the way I cry,
Oh how the tears are truthful,
They speak my mind.
Deep down by the ocean shore there lays what was once a shell,
Now simply the water that it once emerged from,
Little else but shattered rock and the remnants of a cold past.
I don't believe in the rights of men among soldiers,
Yet I feel the ocean's tide may wipe away my...
Monday 18th September 2017 6:38 am
The hidden pain
If life is as easy
as some make it seem
maybe life will be easy for me.
Days will be sunny and
even nights will seem bright and
people will smile because hey,
rain is alright!
Even the birds will be
singing their tunes after, of course
sleeping in until noon.
Evil will have gone by and
don't try to tell me otherwise!
Thursday 14th September 2017 2:35 am
A Triadic Structure of Depression
My poetry's hollow and null
And like my life it is quite dull
So I ramble and cry
And I wish to just die
While I ponder why I've not been culled.
And yes even so
I continue to write words
With no direct form
Rhyme scheme, structure, they mean very little
To a person who has no control of their life
And apathetically watches as he carries on strife.
And in a rotted hole, th...
Wednesday 13th September 2017 12:23 pm
Shallow Bends on a Wide Road
I take one step forward into a shallow grave,
Fallacy of unbecoming men shaving my arm’s skin,
To gander to the flames of hell beneath the shades of daybreak.
Witnessing the colourful green and yellow of a son’s dying wish,
To water the plants once more,
did you belong in such a infallible place?
Oh great carnivore amongst the grass and angry hollowed out ships,
DOES THE FIRE BURN DEEP...
Sunday 10th September 2017 11:36 am
The Begging Tree
Dark shadows willow under trees of the forgotten essence,
I feel lonely again,
The honey strikes through reflections of the moon.
Does anyone care for me?
Do I deserve to fear the lonely future?
Or does the universe have a plan.
Yet still the clouds roll in unhalting,
To cover my eyes blind,
I put my hands forward into petrifying darkness.
Witnessing the great meaning of rain throug...
Saturday 2nd September 2017 6:52 am
Transient Beauty
Daisies in a meadow's bend,
Water dripping from the pale rocks,
And the moonlight shining deeply beneath the hallowed earth.
Do you witness the sky’s transient beauty?
Do you see the world’s unholy inconsistency?
Or do you perhaps wander ever blinder into the abyss of rock and dirt.
Forgo the witnessed lands behind the gravel topped mountains,
The light ricocheting off the wind,
Bleedi...
Friday 1st September 2017 7:13 am
The Final Witness
Shallowly sagging in vicious winds of a cold autumn night,
The grass vibrates me a tune as I wander forwards through green and yellow forest,
Blissful mist of rain creating small fluorescent puddles on my skin.
The acidic thorns of men once stood behind the walls of fantasy seeping into the water,
Scorching my skin,
Red splotches ooze remnants of a world once to have been seen ...
Thursday 31st August 2017 8:24 am
Divided
I wish to be heard. To bridge the divide
auto-ostracising me from common
experience. Common understanding,
inclusion and collusion in present’s
moment. I think ahead what response my
actions engender. My words carefully
controlled, observation
based: precision vocabulary I
once envied – recycled at will,
effect calculated. For reflection
on me, upping my status, ...
Thursday 24th August 2017 9:02 pm
PaperMate (explicit)
I am my own best friend,
me and my burning pen.
Together alone
through everything
we have been,
my papermate and I
find myself, I lose my way,
I lose myself, I find my way,
I come back around again
then square I go,
alone.
Cut the nose, spite the face,
I got pride, I got space,
not a number, not a mistake.
Slave never
a sheep black as me
so black I am the light,
pu...
Thursday 24th August 2017 10:47 am
Dad
It swings under branches of devious fallacy,
To see shade streaming in through the darkened sun,
Red tips faltering beneath an ever-greener sky.
I wander and pick the flower,
The thorns bleed my blood,
Specs of iron ricocheting a color I had yet before seen.
Green and yellow hardened through great tragedy,
The moon does not shine this faltered night,
Instead wandering the blissless ski...
Wednesday 23rd August 2017 8:15 am
Yet again, truly alone
Swinging in the breeze amongst the Everglades I wish to be seen,
To hear the sand on beaches once again,
To wallow so graciously for the hope of the morning.
--
I gather for the ceremony on the hill’s crescent top,
Sitting for hours,
Watching the grass sway side to side in the breeze.
I wait for sunrise over the ocean ahead,
Small puddles form beneath my feet,
The rivers do not reac...
Wednesday 16th August 2017 1:31 am
Fight or Flight
Black Dog. Stalking me. Matching
every step. Haunting
my shadow. Nanometre
before manifestation.
My psyche cringes. Ruin’s
proximity creeping fear
into me. One false move. One
trip. One fall. One turn against
the flow, the stalking dog bites.
And I press on. Walk with fear
behind me. I’ve been knocked down.
I’ve got up. I’ve re-built lives.
...Wednesday 2nd August 2017 8:53 am
The Tug of Depression
The tug of depression
It was always there
It's my greates lesson
That life wasn't mean to be fair
It's the shackles on my legs
The clouds over my head
It's the dead of the night
Never far from sight
It's the weight holding me down
Turning the smile into a frown
It's the whiskey I didn't need
Making me think I'm free
It's my monotone life
Making me scared of the highs
It's the prison ...
Sunday 30th July 2017 2:30 pm
The Meaning of the Stars
It became the moon above the ashes,
I winded sight of the streams that gushed through the glaciers,
And I wander about their blanket of flowers.
Did the sky become bleak for a reason?
To wander about the broken path within the rotting forest of the mind,
To feel sadness down and witness the flames rise from the oceans,
To sit beneath the stars for the comfort of the dis...
Monday 24th July 2017 5:29 am
With Eyes Toward the Sky
In the Sundays of meadows,
Stricken by the dashes of a rainbow gleaming through the corpse of rain,
I see you.
Friday 21st July 2017 7:41 am
Few Could Wake Before a Raging Current
Walking to the high mountains on a side,
I am perplexed before the raging current,
I don't know where to turn or run.
The truth is that I wander the sides of a street uninhabited by man,
The pavement overflowing with failure and sadness.
Take a look over the edge,
Take a look into the abyss of this world,
So stale the crumbs of rotten food.
The way the leaves whistle the call of a mo...
Saturday 15th July 2017 6:01 am
What Color Do You Feel Like Today?
Today,
I feel like the color Blue.
It seems like every day,
I feel like the color Blue.
You may ask,
how do you know
what Blue feels like?
It's when you're sitting alone
in the Blue room
of your one bedroom apartment
contemplating your whole existence.
Blue is when
you don’t feel good about yourself,
when you don’t
feel l...
Friday 7th July 2017 9:35 pm
Anxiety, My Companion (a daily struggle)
Sometimes I can
rail against it,
sometimes it
conquers me.
Sometimes I hide
it well, other
days the fatigue
of fighting it shows.
Some people
Sympathize,
Empathize
Others say,
"Get over Yourself."
Wednesday 5th July 2017 4:42 am
Ready To Die
She let anger consume her heart,
Rage and love was not far apart.
All emotions bottled up inside,
Hence why she couldn't confide.
Fury itself could not compete with her,
Madness just continued to stir.
Wrath didn't say a word,
But temper suddenly spurred.
A darkness clouded her whole being,
Realising her whole life had no meaning.
Praying one last time t...
Saturday 1st July 2017 7:27 pm
Sincerely Yours
Spring was formed in the evening by the residual dew of storms,
When I gandered out the window in the morning,
Looking for you wearing your dress,
With the dreams of a family, I had once had,
I found nothing
In my mind.
Where are you?
I wonder towards old times written in tablets to the tune of women and children,
And I ask,
Where are you about to go and see,
...Wednesday 28th June 2017 7:32 pm
Mind
My mind is racing up
I can't control my thought
Am loosing the track
And now there's no turning back
No time to fall
No time to break
I feel like drowning
The river keep calling
Knife on my skin
The blood's running
And isn't getting better
My fingers across the gun
This is my fun
Oh! They found the trigger
This time I won't be a loser
Just shut you eyes (Ain't needing yo...
Saturday 24th June 2017 4:32 am
Medication that's what I need
I slip one in my mouth,
It melts.
Delicious.
I lick strawberry lips.
Kissed by magic.
It takes away my pain,
Senses numbed.
Nothing seems to matter.
Apathy takes a hold.
25mg maximum dose.
Is it working?
I have no clue.
I have lost my inner self.
I don't want to feel the pain,
But without it there's no escape.
I want to taste the rainbow,
To r...
Monday 19th June 2017 5:51 pm
Converged Atop a Lonely Island
I sit alone at a corner shop,
Eating my meal,
Content.
It's strange to be alone;
why
Not that I'm unaware of its presence,
Not that I fear it's belonging,
Not even that it's strange because of the surrounding people,
All accompanied by at least another.
My soul intrinsically separated,
Perhaps.
More likely,
I simply feel at ease.
...
Monday 12th June 2017 8:07 pm
Swaying of a Bird
Trepidatiously the wings of a bird may sway,
Breezing through the air with shallow willows,
Gushing in and out of the crevice created by my mind.
Oh but the wind does not sway this elegant being,
It may be pushed but seldom unbalanced,
I seek the feathers.
Though the sky’s mouth may gape above and scatter its light,
The bird will remain in a secular path,
As thoug...
Monday 5th June 2017 6:12 pm
Red Velvet Sand
I feel the pricks of sand beneath my tender hands,
As though I were sat atop a shattered glass beach,
With my head cocked towards the blissful Sky.
I don't understand how this could be;
As I do not feel,
the pain of others within the crevices of my fingers.
For I was born to rain upon this world,
In magnificent showers.
But where I am now
-- between the se...
Monday 5th June 2017 6:04 pm
Ashes of a Phoenix
Looking towards my hands,
I feel them mutter a tone,
Of disdain and sadness,
Dirty and pale, bleeding out from within.
The colors of the honeycomb which is my life,
Building in a way to demonstrate the failures and flaws of my being,
To make it simply this: I feel trapped.
Trapped between the Rock and the grass of an ever developing future,
One, of course, that I ...
Monday 5th June 2017 5:57 pm
The Consistency of Water
The clouds streak an arrow of neon green,
My shadow beneath,
Quivering in silence.
The sun, glistening through the holes in the patterns,
Showers its fluorescence across the earth below,
I stand in a section divided.
The sky is not yet Crimson in nature,
No, it sits still, below the stars, but above the trees,
How I remain stationary, though I sprint,
perplexes...
Monday 5th June 2017 5:53 pm
Love Yourself
Love yourself
Forgive the autumn night,
Forgive the autumn day,
And oh dear god,
As the leaves spread amongst the dry traveled ground,
There remains but little to be stepped upon beyond the rotted branches of yesterday.
Again,
And I do say again,
This feeling comes to me in a dream,
It spruces my mind,
Comforts my soul.
For as the autumn wind,
Str...
Monday 5th June 2017 5:48 pm
Create the World
Create the World
How does it look to go about the mountains at dawn?
To watch the sun smothering beneath a breathless sky,
And wander up and down the slopes of what were once avalanches.
It's simply a point of matter,
And fact of being,
So truly to be here with you.
And it's honesty,
The way that the waves crash into boulders
And it's friendship,
The way birds may dangle broken l...
Friday 2nd June 2017 2:52 pm
Green to Gray
Green to Grey
I have before seen flowers spruced such to convey meaning,
And I have before been offered a rose,
Of tantalizing beauty.
But I sit here in a meadow of dandelions,
(The weeds of a flower)
overgrown,
For the world had left them unkept.
I do not see tomorrow through the glass made today,
Instead, I watch the moon shift in the sky,
And I pray.
...Tuesday 30th May 2017 7:26 am
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