I wish to be heard. To bridge the divide
auto-ostracising me from common
experience. Common understanding,
inclusion and collusion in present’s
moment. I think ahead what response my
actions engender. My words carefully
based: precision vocabulary I
once envied – recycled at will,
effect calculated. For reflection
on me, upping my status, disproving
my self-assessed inadequacy. I
deliver to selected target, watch
attendant faces – looking for that tick,
that tell. Indicators forcing hurried
mind to crunch possible scenarios.
Paranoiac analysis consumes
mental capacity. I dry up. Cease
interaction. Analyse. Judge myself.
Compare. I have not spoken. My mind reels
with my strangeness. My inadequacy.
Whilst the party rages on, I suffer
silently, my mind racing. Isolated,
ostracised; clinically divided.