I wish to be heard.  To bridge the divide

auto-ostracising me from common

experience.  Common understanding,

inclusion and collusion in present’s

moment.  I think ahead what response my

actions engender.  My words carefully

controlled, observation

based: precision vocabulary I

once envied – recycled at will,

effect calculated.  For reflection

on me, upping my status, disproving

my self-assessed inadequacy.  I

deliver to selected target, watch

attendant faces – looking for that tick,

that tell.  Indicators forcing hurried

mind to crunch possible scenarios.

Paranoiac analysis consumes

mental capacity.  I dry up.  Cease

interaction.  Analyse.  Judge myself.

Compare.  I have not spoken.  My mind reels

with my strangeness.  My inadequacy.

Whilst the party rages on, I suffer

silently, my mind racing.  Isolated,

ostracised; clinically divided.

depressionisolationself worthsocially awkward

◄ Phases

The loss of human nature ►


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Philip Stevens

Wed 6th Sep 2017 19:57

I hear you Rich... i recognise your words..unclutter the mind madness of noise and pick out the postive.... like you do

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Fri 25th Aug 2017 20:56

Hi Colin - thank you for sharing your thoughts, I'm really interested to read your interpretation. For me, when I wrote this, the subject's mind is whirring away, turmoils of thought preventing them from interacting - which would be just like a printer whirring away. I can see the analogy!
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.

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Fri 25th Aug 2017 20:53

Hi Keith - you're right, I wrote it with that intention; I'm pleased that you enjoyed it. I had not thought of spontaneity being a remedy - I nearly ended it with something along the lines if "I don't know why I bother" (ie socialising is too traumatic), but I felt this version works better.
Thanks for your kind words.

<Deleted User> (13762)

Fri 25th Aug 2017 08:48

whether intentional or not this has the look and feel of a continuous printer - the words and data being fed onto those never ending boxes of side perforated paper. I think some of the words used here hint at this: response, actions, controlled, precision, calculated, status, deliver, target, crunch, analysis, capacity. As if the writer is sat in a busy office surrounded by all these computerised machines churning out data, invoices, facts and his own mind and way of thinking has become switched into the same mode of function. I think it's very clever, whether or not my interpretation is correct doesn't really matter. Thanks for posting Rich.

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keith jeffries

Thu 24th Aug 2017 22:57

Rich, this poem has a profound quality which speaks of the inner self and the turmoil experienced when inter acting with others. It does not address spontaneity which, although often reckless, can be a release from such a dilema. Well composed and a poem which many will relate to. Thank you. I enjoyed it enormously. Keith

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