new year, new me
new year, same old shit, same broken me.
the games they play will never change
the lies they tell will only grow in numbers
and every one
will erode at my happiness
and reduce what could have been mountains
down to only dirt.
i am broken
i used to be
i try to be
Monday 1st January 2018 6:57 pm
i am nothing.
i could never compare
according to you.
i could never compare
to autism and down syndrome jokes
according to you.
my love for you
the fact that you're my best friend
the things you've help...
Sunday 19th November 2017 1:18 am
i want to marry you.
maybe we'll both wear dresses
maybe Skyler will be our best man
maybe my family won't be invited
maybe Steve will walk me down the isle
maybe our color will be black
or dark red
or a deep purple
maybe you'll have half your head shaved
and I'll have an arm covered in tattoos
maybe our first dance will be to an Incubus song
maybe to an Ed Sheeran song
Saturday 11th November 2017 3:33 am
have you ever experienced
you question your beliefs?
I'm an atheist.
I don't believe in a god
or an afterlife
makes me wonder
if over the course of time
have been colliding
and that's why
is so natural
I'm not talking about something romantic
but something innocent
for he has touched my hea...
Monday 30th October 2017 6:57 am
color used to be a distant memory.
I had seen the world in black and white for so long
I couldn't even tell you the shades in a rainbow.
I had gotten used to playing along
when people would say
"look at how bright! look at how wonderful! look at how vivid! look at how beautiful the world is!"
I would smile
yeah, it's amazing
when all I saw were dismal shades of grey and bl...
Friday 22nd September 2017 3:51 pm
(fun fact: im writing this while we're on hangouts but you're talking to your grandma)
you are the reason for my sanity.
you are my everything.
my best friend, my brother, my will to live, my source of happiness.
the more i open up to you
about the inerworkings of my brain
i gain confidence.
the more i share with you
about my darkest thoughts,
i feel less lonley
Monday 26th June 2017 11:58 pm
things are getting bad again. things have been bad for awhile.
maybe im thinking too much, i mean, i havent slept in 24 hours
maybe it's just that video i watched on black holes getting to me
the thought that one day everything i know will just be sucked into one singularity and basically cease to exist
it's not really comforting...
things have been bad for awhile.
it's not so mu...
Monday 26th June 2017 1:26 pm
I wanted death.
I wanted to leave.
I wanted to give up.
It was like driving down the interstate when it's raining.
you can't even see the end
of the hood of your car
Let alone the road in front of you.
You feel lonley
You don't know if there's anyone else there
on the road
You don't know if you're g...
Wednesday 14th June 2017 12:14 pm
I now smoke Marlboro Red 100's
But I have a black Bic lighter, not a cherry red one
When I cry from missing you, I light one up
The tears stop. My hands return to their normal steadiness and not their angsty shaky state
I inhale the smoke and watch the end of the cigarette burn bright. I breathe in so deeply that I almost cough
I exhale through my nose and a strong chemi...
Sunday 11th June 2017 5:44 am
Note: there is some strong language in this. it's not too bad. it's not too excessive, either. one word in here twice, i think. and if you're wondering, yes, the colors mean something. and yes, im genuinely asking a question to you, the reader. and to the person this is about. but i pray he never reads or finds this. anyway, enjoy.
Am I selfish for wanting another hug?
I handed you the...
Sunday 23rd April 2017 4:54 pm
You were wearing purple today. Purple is going to be ×××'s color now. But blue has always been mine. That's how I knew I was ready to give you that letter. You were wearing my color...
Your eyes were a brighter blue today. After you came in from having a cigarette, you walked past me, then paused. Coffee and tobacco smoke. That's what you smelled like. That's my smell now.
"Just under a minu...
Sunday 23rd April 2017 4:45 am