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Coco the Clown

Coco the clown went sailing one day 
to a holiday destination far far away

Suddenly, the sky went dark and the wind did blow
and the waves beneath his boat did grow and grow

He lost his oars as the winds blew and blew
so he paddled his way with his size 50 shoe.

Through a telescope he saw an island far away in the distance
and he made it to shore with his skill and persistence

A gr...

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cannibalClownscocofunny poemhumour

Noodles

noodles are 25p a pack

all the super markets sell own brand mock super noodles really cheap

I stock up on them 

they are trolley fillers

they are cupboard fillers 

tummy fillers

noodles are an all time winner 

hungry?

lets have Noodles for dinner

Noodles she says 

Happy days

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funny poemnoodles

In a Flap

In a flap

 

What’s his name?

We call him ‘Noisy cat’

 

Not so hard to believe

I only meant to feed him once

Now he never leaves

 

Meaow! Meaow! Meaow! Meaow!

 

Scrapping at the door

My don’t you use the cat flap

That’s what it’s in there for

 

We used to have a cat

Kirby was her name

 

Then one day

She went and died

That really was a sham...

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catsfunny poemPo

grass field

Oh, nature's beautiful green
Where dogs love to sit

Circling around, stomping their feet
To find comfort where they see fit

When satisfied, go ahead, proceed!
release thy dirtiest, no one forbid

Scratch thy ground in search for dirt
To cover thy foul from face of the earth

Nature's beautiful green
Where dogs love to sit

Oh, excitement filled my body
My heart starts to beat

...

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funny poem

THE BALLAD OF THE QUACKING OWL

entry picture

If you’re walking by the bushes

at the end of the lane

you may hear a little quack

as the sun begins to wane.

 

You may look for the water

where the ducks might be,

but there’s no-one in sight

just the rustling of the leaves.

 

Would you believe

the quack that you heard

was the sound of an owl,

a sad little bird.

 

“A quacking owl?”

I hear you exclai...

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children's poetryfunny poemOWL

THE BALLAD OF THE SIGHING BEAR

entry picture

In the deep dark woods

lived a great brown bear,

he was seven feet tall

but the townsfolk didn’t care

for although the bear was huge

and had fangs and long sharp claws,

all the people would make fun of him

and point out his big flaw.

 

Have you ever met a bear

who had nothing much to say,

who couldn’t even growl

when he came outside to play?

Well, Bob was his...

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children's poetryfunny poem

TERENCE THE TORTOISE

entry picture

My friend Terrence

was a little happy sole,

he didn't need a kennel,

nor a house or a hole.

 

His home was a shell

that he carried on his back,

so that all he had to do

was drop down on the track.

 

Then he'd pull his head inside,

followed by his legs and feet

and he’d look inside the fridge

for something tasty to eat.

 

If it started raining

or got ...

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children's poetryfunny poemhappytortoise

THE BALLAD OF THE BALD HEDGEHOG

entry picture

Have you ever heard the tale
about the hedgehog with no spikes,
such a sweet little boy
who all the other’s didn’t like?

A case of alopecia,
there was nothing they could do,
such a sad little hedgehog
who cried and cried, “Boo-Hoo”.

But soon the lad grew older,
he wanted to look more lush
so onto his back he tied himself
a little scrubbing brush.

His friends, well they just laugh...

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ANIMALSchildren's poetryCUTEfunny poemHEDGEHOG

I get the word "snatch" into the Daily Telegraph - 10 points to me!

I Sneak "Snatch" Into The Telegraph

The lovely gels at The Daily Telegraph Wonder Women asked me to write a poem about contraception for their ace campaign Take Back Birth Control, which encourages women to explore which contraceptive method is the best for them. So I did; it's called Chisel.

I did a video in my living room starring me and my scary cushion and you can watch the video here. I eve...

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contraceptiveDaily Telegraphfunny poemLouise Etheridge

THE BALLAD OF BOB THE BUN

entry picture

Our friend, Bob The Bun,

just loved to have fun

and exciting adventures galore,

he’d laugh all day

and jump and play

and roll around on the floor.

 

Its a very rare sight

to see a bun take flight

but one day he went flying so high,

he held onto a kite

by the tail, so he might

get to see the world from the sky.

 

Now, whilst he was high,

something low ca...

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angel cakebakingbobbunbutterchildrenfunny poemkitelovemarriagerock bunsconetoasttwins

If you dance to the music, you’ll find yourself…

entry picture

Had a prompt from our writing group last time of "

If you dance to the music, you’ll find yourself…" so I thought I'd give it a go, although I've not mentioned the prompt anywhere in the piece!

 

If you dance to the music, you’ll find yourself…

 

I can’t dance.

Anyone that takes a glance

Will see me prance and realise

That I can’t dance.

 

My Macarena is more macaroni

...

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beardancedancingfunny poem

A Clean Limerick

entry picture

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There was a black cat on a grave

He did not want to misbehave

He was abandoned there

And it was just not fair

But then he attended the Zombie Rave

 

 

 

 

This Limerick was inspired
by "Limerick Friday"/Facebook

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cleanfunny poemLimerick

I Blame It All On TESCO

(or how men lost their status in relationships)

When dinosaurs walked tall on earth,
And Tesco was yet to be…
Women who wanted meat and shit
Relied on chaps like me…
We gathered up our clubs and spears,
And risked our very lives,
To bring back meat and furry skins
So as to get some loving from our wives…

But then, some bollix invented Tesco,
And the Dino’s all died out,
And things g...

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funny poemIrelandwar of the sexs

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