a chocolate Santa Claus
a piece of motivation
a piece of dedication
a piece of dictation
a piece of self hate
a piece of failure
a piece of disappointment
a piece of weakness
new year, new start
goals you have to achieve
goals you can't achieve
goals you must proceed
Wednesday 29th December 2021 10:51 pm
I don’t even know who I am looking at in in mirror,
I see a different version of me in different places.
Sometimes I feel disgusting
I feel guilty after eating what I need to eat
Each day that I weigh myself I don’t know really feel like the number is right.
I don’t know what I actually look like.
I see the same body I u...
Saturday 9th October 2021 10:27 am
I can not depend on my moods,
This is why I depend on food.
Good days, bad days, the pain stays,
The food I eat takes me away.
I used to be fat and then went slim,
Now the fat creeps back in.
Self esteem is what I lacked,
Food is slowly making me fat.
The mirror is no friend of mine,
The image I see is not mine.
The dismal day portays my mood,
and then 'BOOM' I run back to food.
Tuesday 7th September 2021 3:04 am
Your hands have turned to catacombs
& you don’t know when exactly but sometime last month the last of your violets wilted in the hollows of your collarbones.
You’ve got spiderwebs for eyelashes the pupils of a black widow
and when they ask you if you’re okay, you explain you haven’t eaten much today
you smile with brittle-boned teeth.
Your heart feels unsteady in the way that it just won’t ...
Wednesday 7th October 2020 7:38 pm
Stomach is empty
Weight falling like fat raindrops.
Still is not enough.
Wednesday 9th October 2019 7:30 pm
Building brick walls
and pretend to fall
cutting short a lifetime
Bricks I haul
covered in grime
pushing back the urge to bawl
at the memories of war crimes.
I smile at passerbys
and give an enuthastic wave
pretending to not be shattered by
the man who dug my grave.
I'd rather see
the expected conclave
between myself and the galaxy...
Friday 3rd May 2019 3:57 am
I am not the fat girl
I am not the skinny girl.
I am both.
I am both the bingeing in the night
And the starving from pure fright.
I am both
In the mirror I am both.
I am the always too thin pile of bones
And the body too big to call home.
I am both.
In the shops I am both.
I am the girl who is too curvy to wear cute clothes...
Wednesday 22nd August 2018 11:45 am
Staring up at his ceiling fan, thinking about this disgrace
Looking in his closet door mirror, with this horrid weed that was laced.
Sending me into a trance of pure disgust
I have to stop this now, it’s most certainly a must.
I walked out the door
With no kiss goodbye
He turned around so fast
Like the quickest speed of light.
My heart pounding as we speak
I’ve gotten to a Cert...
Friday 8th June 2018 2:57 am
-To all the girls who love their beautiful curly hair:
Life just didn’t treat you fair.
You started off as a soft delight
then darkness grew, as the nights took flight.
They screamed at you with venom,
So you hid from their mighty bite
You ran home crying,
because a bully tried to put up a fight.
Coming home with mascara running down your face,
Thursday 7th June 2018 7:44 pm
(spoken wordy angsty teenagery type poem; a work in progress)
I just need a friend
someone to turn to,
but what's the point in a friend if that friend isn't you?
Yiu see, i've got my demons
but you've got yours too.
You've got problems with the scale and you hair smells stale from all the cigarettes you smoke to curb the cravings
anf your stomach growls, begs, pleads.
But no amount of ...
Friday 16th December 2016 7:53 pm
I don’t know when it started
When food became an issue
I remember how life was
I was diagnosed as dyslexic
After my Mum sent me for a private test
Although the School didn’t want to accept it
They didn’t want to help
Budget issues, staffing and resources
Excuses, excuses, excuses
My Mum fought their disbelief
Craving the help and guidance I needed
Tuesday 31st January 2012 2:13 pm