i want to work on myself

what kind of work do i need?

am i a car stranded in the middle of nowhere,

waiting until the mechanic comes, only to pass me by

am i an equation, frows burrowed in deep thought

an excuse for the mathematician to silently slip away

am i a philosophical question, everyone has a different opinion

that they will rarely ever voice, for when they do it echoe...

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do you see your reflection in a golden frame

untouched by the rust of the storm you created?

can you see it gathering dust as you avoid blame?

too scared to get your fingers dirty, you let your outline fade

unknown where the background ends and humanity enters

i can no longer recognize your face and its features

am i squinting hard enough for you?

do i need a microscope to not...

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memories light my heart to start again

warmth in my veins like medicine

i open the door, gaze at my collection

candles in every crevice and corner

my house is overrun with light

but i am warm

so i let it burn

candles on my nightstand flicker

as i dream of fire consuming me

and awake to see the light i kept too close

fell during slumber, catching every other glow

i...

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A soothing spectacle on screen:

A desertscape in lapsing time,

Where scenery - cactus, rocks, sand -

Never changes. The clocks tick on.

Though days flash by, time seems to freeze;

Sunrise repeats like gunfire.

Life seems eternal, unchanging,

The only obstacle being

Our usual human wear and tear.

Beyond, stormy seas of nonsense

Batter the crippled innocence

Of ...

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You got alot of nerve, stirring up mess

Churning emotions til they fester and burn

Wrecking havoc, thriving in your habitual habit

Unconcerned with the environment, leaving it in misalignment 

Antagonized by your exasperation

Declared our common enemy out of correlation

To fan out the flames of your generation

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Anger is an act of weakness,

A burst of devil rudeness.

The act of a crazy creature,

Showing its poor nature.

A mad early ripening attack,

A response was given back.

It’s the beginning of aggression,

Which will create tension.

Is anger a sin? Who will tell?

This passion is a trap of hell.

The devil opens his mouth

And the aggression growth.

...

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Comparison,

With anyone,

Always,

Gives birth to,

Envy,

Envy leads to Anger,

And when Anger subsides,

Fear overtakes,

Fear of Failure,

Ruining your Life.

So,

Never let them compare you,

For you are unique,

In your own special way,

Cherish your Talents,

Do what brings you Joy,

The most, Moreover,

It's all about You,

So why not compare

Yourself...

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Anger curls its tendrils around me,

it envelopes me whole,

strokes me tenderly.

It forms an impenetrable wall,

a shield of sorts,

to keeps me safe and sound.

It takes all those blows

and hits for me,

protects me from my foes.

Rage filled screams,

cover the sound of falling tears.

Sadness sits beside me,

gently wipes my sea.

Anger extinguishes my fear,

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Guilt Rebuked!

You liar!

A wretched bully’s sidekick

                    claiming nothing of your own.

You don’t even know when to agree

                                                 – just agree with everything, always.

And your answer is always the same.

Coward!

Whisper your poison and 

                         look away as if…

But I know it’s you;

I...

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you lay numb

hypotherminc, dying

the fire, it dances

taunting, flickering, in and out

like hope

hope that it may help

help to that your frozen fingertips

slow your chattering teeth

soothe, ebb the icy grasp of the violent, pulsing

piercing burning

that is your fear and your doubt and denial

the drowning, whispering, screaming

wave that comes crashing

beating ...

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My sides burn

Like eyes are burning into every cell of it

Between my eyebrows are tense

In an unknown anger

My stomach has ghost peppers

Riding a looping roller coaster

Through a gang of butterflies

My back has cracked so many times

That each pop adds another insecurity

Into the polluted puddle of muscle in my skull

My eyes are tired

Tired of holding the tears that...

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Fortune fails what love forgets

An entanglement of horror

Forgotten fools, defile the soul

Left foraging for sorrow

Permissive lives, destroyed by God

Perturbed, entrenched with puss

Presumed and cloaked in putrid lies

Distends a repulsive trust

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You told me once when we talked about the things we carried
That I was a little too vague
And I thought then, and still do now
That it's because I'm a little too vague
The things I carry aren't set in stone
They are abstract and unsure and hard to put to words
They are feelings and thoughts only half-formed
They are like lines of a poem never quite heard
So, I carry the snippets of long-he...

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It’s hard to look at pictures of me from high school

You’re in all of the stories

The prom after-party, beside me in chorus

And now we don’t speak.

But if you called

I wouldn’t hesitate to pick up the phone

Drive anywhere you needed me

But we don’t need each other anymore, do we?

You could say that I missed too much

You and he are no longer together

You were so many ...

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I became
angry, upset hostile.

You had no

idea why I

was like this.

Could it be?

Because of your
controlling and
manipulative personality?

Of course not,
nothing is ever your fault.

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Tap. Tap. 

Distant sound from above

Kept silent within a fragile soul

Tap. Tap. 

Drowned out through fear and love

A wind beyond a persons control 

Tap. Tap. 

The baying of the storm

Branches frolicking on every gust

Tap. Tap. 

Long shadows start to form

Fickle weather displays it’s disgust

Tap. Tap. 

When will it cease?

How does the window ...

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Thank you, dears.

For marched words

rawed bare, from

placard rage

to simpered

platitudes.

For now, plain,

awful grief

is just. Mine.

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The distraction machine, our plastic dream, sew last seam through bottom lip
Tipped off of ship, sheet bound tissue is ripped, living form clipped to fish food
Always in a bad mood, waiting on the never happens, inevitabilities stacking
Reef wrapping around your sea urchin heart, leaping off cliffs with no running start
Failure practiced as art, life pushed around in a cart, walking on rusty n...

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I know I’m frustrated.

I know I’m angry.

I don’t know why.

I know what to do

To try to quell it,

But for one reason

I don’t want to let it go.

I surround myself with

Loud noises and angry voices

Ride a wave of my own

Feather spitting.

And still I don’t know why,

I just am.

A vigorous scribble scratched

Inside my skull,

No end to pull at.

Ju...

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I twist in the night, in anger.

I wake in the morning, in anger.

I know the dreams are just dreams 

but the aching is tangible, 

it’s at the forefront that I can’t shake.

It’s too early to feel this way, with holes punctured through the heart. 

A feeling that I’ve been used as target practice.

Congratulations, you’ve won…

You’ve robbed me yet again from waking with the deli...

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Everyone's asleep

Silently I weep

Misery boiling 

Anger steep 

What one sows 

Isn't that what they're supposed to reap? 

Why do I remain good

Continue to be kind

Try ever so hard to preserve my mind

Karma seems to lack purpose

Or simply ignores the concept of time.

Doesn't my pain matter

My life unrecognizable and tattered

Am I that good at pretendi...

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I am my own

Worst enemy

Perfectly made by you…

Seasoned with temper

Peppered with self-loathing

Add a dash of despondency

And there I go…

I am my own worst enemy

Perfectly made into you .

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Blackened eyes reflect the venom 

That burned beneath your veins. 

Acrid breaths, defend the lies

Of a life you soiled and stained

Conceited smile to manipulate a fool, 

To bend and shatter the goodness. 

Masquerading as Hope,

Disguised as love

Defiled the light to sadness

Left stumbling for air

Left needing a heart

Left broken, left consumed, left abandoned

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Nobody knows me,

Not even myself

I meet people everyday

I talk , I laugh , I smile

Others say that I lie.

I’m complicated, orphic

 hard to understand

Just like the way we don’t know                                                                                                                      what happens in between the oceans.                         

I’m an...

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Start a fire.

Steal a caldron.

Select the bones

of a longstanding struggle,

and toss them in.

Season with your spit.

Simmer for twenty-four hours.

Choose a raw nightmare;

a beast threatening all you adore,

a pitch-dark space which whispers.

Chop up the heart of it

and scatter into the mix.

Pour out a pint of good wine.

Half for you. Half for the stew.

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I’ve got callouses
I’m covered in scars
I’m broken inside
So loving me is hard

You kissed my fingers
My heart pounded so hard
You bathed me in love
And now i can’t get up my guard

It just seems so easy for you
Even after all we’ve been through
You told me you didn’t want to lose me
So how are you being so cold
You washed away the armour that i hold
I wish that this hurt you like i...

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In the midst of a pandemic

Your biggest concern happens to be

My weight

And yet the bliss of the pandemic

Was not having to hear you

The deadweight

I was wondering when your time would come

To be quite honest I was surprised

You are a little late

Here's your rescinded wedding invitation

Not that we planned it to your taste

It's on this perfectly whit...

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When people ask me how I'm doing I want to tell them the truth. 

That my depression is the captor I can not escape from. 

That my heart longs for the attention I don't sustain. 

That my ears burn waiting for you to tell me you feel the same. 

I want to tell you that depression has invited anxiety over.

Again. 

Yes... that is the third time this week. Thanks for noticing. 

Tryi...

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agile mind dimmed by the drugs

they say shes a dopewhore; she fucks all the plugs

no one to care for her, shes losing her mind

but deep down inside theres a loving soul you'll find

scared of her shadow shes been badly abused

covered in makeup so you cant see that shes bruised

turned to the gang because it was the only thing left

but it wasnt what it seemed full of lies and ful...

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like a regenerating grande

blowing up when my wires are frayed

the time ticks down before my explosion

each timethe flames show my past of corrosion

everything around me is blown away

taking ahold of saint things as prey

"save yourself and leave"

they say ill never change so dont beleive my pleads

so i sit alone in the tragedy of war

my everything in pieces, my heart on ...

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It's all I can do
To sit up and gaze upon your beauty
As you lay there
Unaware
Your chest rising
Then falling
Once rugged hair now
glistening and twinkling
As the moonlight catches
And I sigh
You're in so deep now
The streaks of silken hair rise and fall
With every breath
I turn next to your face
Lined with the beauty of age
And wisdom
And stress
And I quietly observe
The flare o...

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To You who art

To me, when I see

The made star night

Looming, enfolding,

Displacing the confusion

Of maps and charts.

A darkness that is as light

As the day when

The sweat and the blood

Tasted by a dying thief

Glistened, glistened, glistened,

While the hot sky

Darkened, darkened, darkened.

No star was seen

But looming,

Falling, falling, w...

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pull out thre trigger u know how it go 

call up lil leek cuz he still got that 4

when I'm down bad I do not got nopbody

release all my problems when I drink this bottle 

still fucking hoes man I just fucked this model 

nobody know about all of my problems 

call up tequila u know she gon solve it 

I wanna stop drinking but I got nobody 

I try to reach out but they always dec...

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‘At least your skin isn’t black’ as if that changes anything or makes it better.

I am still as foreign with my white skin. With my ‘funny sounding’ language,

in a country where people don’t understand the concept of knowing

different languages, where they know no other, except for their own.

                                             One. And only.

Where I can’t spe...

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Road crashes are every minute 
Here and there, in every point 
More than a million killed a year 
And speed is death, no doubt 

“Drive Safely” is only choice 
ٍSafety belt, has no "price" 
Come back safe for the family 
We live "once", not twice 

Road is not real excuse 
But the behavior is a main cause 
For crashes all over that world 
No more anger .. no abuse
 

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Fueled by rage,
I'm in a cage,
I'm ready to go off,
Like a fuckin' 12 gauge,
Set off by hate,
I cannot debate,
That you weren't there,
So let me get this straight,
Your bullshit and your lies,
I really despise,
You're nothing but a fake,
You can't fool the wise,
You left me to hang,
You left me to dry,
So watch me succeed,
While I watch you cry.

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Those words we share

                and those we don't

The ones you use

                what do they mean?

So much is lost between the lines.

That inflexion or joy I might have heard

is mute

Those words we share

                and those we don't

The anger I feel in you

                what do your eyes show?

I can never know as I read the lines.

The thoug...

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Preamble: see below for explanation that is too long to preamble here.

I didn’t know I was still angry till the day I heard you’d died.

Suddenly the old bitterness is welling up inside

I haven’t given you a thought for literally years

But now I find my eyes are filling up with tears

Not of grief, but of re-awakened pain

Reliving the sting of your words all over again

I’m not ...

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Music fades away when you arrive
Spreading the doom with every stride
The stare of hatred locked in your eyes
Sinister cravings behind sacred lies

You want me to beg
You want me to look
You want me to bend
And follow your rules

Judging from throne made out of gold
Taken from people that you control
Deep in your cave, the smell of decay
Surrounded by slaves, you feist on their brain

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Should the feelings of guilt

outweigh those of resentment?

Is the fear of loneliness

worth more than fear of rage?

Is it wrong to long for simplicity

and abandon the search for contentment?

Is it right to write words of anger

on a blank, unforgiving page?

Is it wise to seek solace in poetry

when every act of writing

is seen as an act of selfishness

that can ne...

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Looking into the depths of your soul

Your eyes glassy like a window

I try to reach out to you, but as if on cue,

You pull your shades down

You put up a nice facade

Concealing it with your dimpled smiles

You think you hid it well from me

But you'll watch me wreck your walls

Flames of orange and blue dancing in your eyes

Red blazing your skin and forming a silhouette

I ...

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SHAME

In a warehouse, in a cage a child sits

In bits

Clinging to her only comfort a blanket of foil

And whilst we all recoil

at the horror on display

Theresa May declares although it’s not ok

 She will wait and chat in her special friend’s ear....  only when he is here  

Whilst umbilical cords of family ties

Are severed bleeding out amid cries ..............................

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The Shooter

Must be quite a kick, that feeling

Walking the corridors with power,

Knowing you have that which others don’t

Holding it close, nestling, kneeling

Taking aim as others cower

Doing that which others won’t

Taking life, paying back, being

For once the number one,

The big man, standing proud and tall

The one who sends the toughest fleeing.

Alone, just ...

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looking at things i wonder what went wrong

coz i am singing my saddest song

with no where to go

not even against the flow.

cant hold still coz my blood boils

and my mind recoils

my anger at the tip of my nose

coz of that i am writing my prose.

with no one to turn to

i am evaporating like mountain dew

thoughts running through my head

while i lay on my bed.

c...

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Lines I wrote while very upset:

Im worthless to you and rich to everyone else. Why?

Can you hear me screaming? My lungs are bleeding. 

I’m not even in the water but I’m drowning. 

We’re going no where. Ever. It’s a standstill. 

Why do I keep trying? 

You got got me fucked up. I know my worth but apparently you don’t. Are you fucking stupid?

I...

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FLAMING AGONY

Burning in flames,

The dailys and weeklys

With the cries of the innocents,

The tellys simulcasting the stamped extremities,

Of a soul, we call Women.

Crushed beneath the savage desires of the lousy men.

A girl, who once aimed of the skies,

How could have she known,

 Jeopardy awaited on her way back home.

That she’ll be served as a bait to the lust,

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I am going to do something completely out of spite

i know it's bad it makes me sad it's definetley not right

It's something inside me that takes over when i'm jealous

this certian urge causes me to become rebellious

I will regret this in the future and i will be sorry

as for now i'l do it proud and not have to worry

I apologise in advanced for this 

You'll find out some day 

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Rage 

Sometimes my minds a cage 

To a beast who cant be tamed       

Rage 

These feelings to familar 

I over came the pain 

just to let you in 

Rage    

for a time I let you fuel me 

im afraid that youve consumed me 

Rage 

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I want to criticize you

for acting this way.

The anger,

the gritted teeth,

the clenched fists,

the same apology afterwards.

I want to yell at you

for being this way

until I realize 

I am the same as you

because you created me.

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i am never one to say ‘i was only kidding’

i am the type who experiences guilt

physical and mental

never mad at those who snap at me

deservedly so

but

patience is something that i need

so please

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