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Duality at Play (inner monologue of a childhood sexual abuse survivor

(Waring! Excessive use of expletives)

Remember the Tin Man (Tracy Chapman)

 

Hindsight illuminates the plight

Retrospect brings dark to light

Always a little too late

Try as I might

 

Do I stand up and fight

Or is this a time for flight

I can never seem to tell

Never get it right

 

Or genetically,  I am a mix of ostrich and possum

Freeze and play dead

O...

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ResilienceretrospectionSexual abusesurvival

the bus

the time he grabbed my ass

he never asked.

just because I'm nice doesn't make it okay

i didn't know what to say I just let it drift away

because who really gives a shit if I was inappropriately touched 

no one. no one cares about anything. this life we live is pointless and people treat other people so poorly for no reason with no shits to give. I don't understand how people can liv...

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carelessmistreatmentsadsexual abuse

Poem for the Babysitter, Pete.

entry picture

I think of you often
I think of you each time I see a Mini Cooper (especially if it's green, which is often)
I think of you when I see blue paper
Like touch paper it ignites the flames
Again.
I think of you at night as I lie in my bed
I think of you (sometimes) during my most intimate moments
I think of you when I see a gypsy skirt
Or a leather flower.
I think of you.
I think of you when...

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Babysittersexual abuse

Lump in my throat

This is about the guy who groomed me so language feedback would be 'really appreciated:)

 

 

In the sauna

I was an open wound.

My skin was anger:

sore and raw and 

so self-conscious-

always naked.

I'd be feverish,

dehydrated,

and shaking.

The constant craving for salt,

was provoked by me,

so it was 'all my fault'

he was so thirsty.

He'd tear me apart...

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groomingSexual abuse

The Fight

Pink, Red, and orange

fade to black

and I take cover

hiding under the bed.

 

Laying with the demons roaring

screaming attack

I thought he was a lover

but he just needed to be fed.

 

Bigger than this body,

stronger than these bones

Crack

echos as the bones snap.

 

My ears ring with bawdy

words of meancing tones.

Wack

as he finishes his tap

 

...

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Raperape culturerhymeSexual abuse

The Aftermath

Building brick walls

to climb

and pretend to fall

cutting short a lifetime

 

Bricks I haul

covered in grime

pushing back the urge to bawl

at the memories of war crimes.

 

I smile at passerbys

and give an enuthastic wave

pretending to not be shattered by

the man who dug my grave.

 

I'd rather see

the expected conclave

between myself and the galaxy

...

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depressioneating disordereating disordersPainrhyme poetrySexual abuse

We Recieve The Love We Think We Deserve

all i really ever wanted was to be loved and appreciated
lord knows i get so low, so i get high and make myself elevated
every day and night i'm always high, yeah i just stay faded
i want a love and type of feel thats so fuckin real there ain't no way to fake it
i want a man who so badly wants to see my soul, and not just see me naked
all these dudes know how to do is use me, there's nothing ...

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coker 2004cruz 2017lovesexual abusetraumawhat you deserveyou are taught the wrong kind of love

The Cuckoo & the Fledgeling Meet


The cuckoo and the fledgling meet
No song to sing, no dawn to greet
Sullen days, to the refuge retreat

Down the rabbit hole, exit lights my back
What disorientating & the degrading lack
Falls not free no terraferma, just terror, black

Knowledge & energy collide to confuse
Fever then to plague, no soul to transfuse
Attacked from inside, fuck it, light the fuse

Dealing with adversit...

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Sexual abuse

The stranger on her neck

Can you see the track marks up her arms?
I spy
With my wide eye
The stranger upon her neck.


Like the birthmark of a bloodhound,
Like a grisly flesh pinch,
An angrily sealed wound,
A Chinese burn,

A beating burning bruise,

A bloody blush:
The bite of the hungry.


Teeth she counted like cash,
The molars which paid her fine
And got her Alice's very own wonder

-ful escape...

...

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dealdesperationdrugsprioritiesself distructionsexsexual abusevulnerable

To the Girl in the Oak Tree

entry picture

As you sit a top the branches
Of this ancient temple old and wise
Without a worry or a care
Shielding sunlight from your eyes
Can you see the woman down below?
Her face is full of fear
She has a tale she needs to tell 
But, not one you'll want to hear
No fairytale of love and hope
This memoir from within
But a nightmare from which she waits 
For her life to begin
You see, not long from...

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betrayaldisbeliefSexual abuse

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