Duality at Play (inner monologue of a childhood sexual abuse survivor

(Waring! Excessive use of expletives)


Hindsight illuminates the plight

Retrospect brings dark to light

Always a little too late

Try as I might


Do I stand up and fight

Or is this a time for flight

I can never seem to tell

Never get it right


Maybe genetically,  I am a mix of ostrich and possum

Freeze and play dead

Or, in the ground with my head


What a coward, the inner me screams...

Must we go through this again, forever it seems...

When will it be too much

When will you fight back...

Or is it not courage, but brains that you lack...


Get up, do something 

Stop letting this happen to you...


Believe it, it's true...

Fuck shame

Fuck guilt 

Fuck fear

And your fucking parents too...


Fuck the pain

It's only energy 

Transform it and expend...

Bring all this seemingly endless misery 

to a fucking end


Don't be so hard on yourself 

All this was done to you...

You had no control over it

Look at it this way

What is your purpose

What have you come here to do...


You are fighting back

Taking control...

Actively changing the narrative 

Putting pen to paper, writing a new scroll...


Be proud of yourself

and what you've achieved...

You did the hard part,


it's time to be healed.







ResilienceretrospectionSexual abusesurvival

◄ Fake it 'Til You Make It Pep Talk

Palm to Palm, Skin to Skin ►


Profile image

Flavia Gordon

Sun 20th Sep 2020 06:40

Thanks for liking Paul.xx

Profile image


Tue 15th Sep 2020 05:08

I am all for writing your truth. Don’t hold back on my account. I have published three anthologies for CSAS. It is indeed very cathartic to release toxic thoughts. You never know where your healing journey will take you! Wishing you much light and love. ❤️

Profile image

Flavia Gordon

Tue 15th Sep 2020 02:01

Thank you Vautaw!
I am sorry that being a CSAS is one of the things we have in common. I appreciate your encouragement and hope that nothing I have written so far is triggering for you.

I must confess and I am quite red in the face as a result, that it hadn't crossed my mind about who my audience might be and how my words might affect...

Selfishly I was seeking my own catharsis. I will be more mindful of what I add from here on out....maybe not be so blunt in my expressions??

Profile image


Mon 14th Sep 2020 23:04

Love that last stanza Flavia. As a CSAS, I can attest, it’s true. Write on and be healed! ?

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message