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The Aussie Pomm (warning, Adult humour)

THE AUSSIE POMM.

Now, as you all know ladies. When a new mans in your life.
You groom your airs and graces to portray the perfect wife.
We are all so very concious of the things you musnt show.
Be discreet and feminine,  that's all he needs to know.
Now I know that all you ladies have to have all things just right. 
Especially on your wedding day and more so WEDDING NIGHT.
Well, it just s...

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Size Matters!

Size Matters!

 

Jack and Jill were getting wed.

(Jack’s dad thought, Jill was nice).

“But, let me give you, Son,” he said

“some fatherly advice.

 

On the day, I wed yer mam

I nipped ‘er straight indoors.

And, being ‘t sort of bloke I am

I soon laid down the laws.

 

I boldly took mi trousers off

and told ‘er, ‘put ‘em on.’

She drowned within a sea of cloth

...

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A 'Valued' Friend!

A 'Valued' Friend!

 

Frank, tonight, is working late.

The doorbell rings; it’s Frankie’s mate.

“Liz, you need to know”, smiles Ken.

“Frank won’t be home ‘til half-past ten.

 

I said, I’d drop in, as I pass,

to tell you of his news, alas.”

“It’s nice of you to think of me.”

Beams Lizzy, “Would you like some tea?”

 

And so they share a brew and chat;

some thoug...

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The Trouble With Nuts!

The Trouble With Nuts!

 

The trouble with nuts is, they’re very elusive.

But, don’t take my word as completely conclusive.

It’s just that, it seems, though, whenever they're freed

they scatter and hide - which is not what you need!

 

Consider the case of a doctor, I knew.

Took his car for a spin ( and to ‘pose’ in it, too).

A well-mannered man - but you wouldn’t think th...

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A 'Snitch' in Time!

A ‘Snitch’, in Time !

 

My mother’s mother, Granny Brown

was ‘muchly-loved’, (once) in our town.

The care she gave; her happy ways.

She cheered us in her ‘ember days’.

 

She liked to knit but not to sell.

Such quality. (oh, you could tell!)

Each item, thoroughly bespoke

- for giving to specific folk.

 

“Gran, that’s great !” i’d often shout.

“You knit them th...

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I Potted A Long Red

I Potted A Long Red

I potted a long red and gave out a scream,

as it was the best shot that I'd ever seen.

Still needing 8 snookers, I thought this could mean

the start of a comeback. The best that there's been!

I needed to focus and not start to dream,

as my best ever break was only sixteen!

I potted the black and gave out a scream

as I'd aimed for the green in the wo...

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Fancy That!

Fancy That!

'Sue fancies Bill.
Bill fancies Tim.
Tim fancies Jane.
Jane fancies Jim.

Jim fancies Kate.
Kate fancies Anne.
Anne fancies Pete,
and Pete fancies Sam.

Sam fancies Rob,
but who fancies you?'

'Mum, I don't care,
while I'm having a poo!'

Would you like the chance to win a £10 Amazon Gift Voucher?If so, then enter an original short funny poem of 12 lines or less by midnight Friday Octbe...

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