Below is one of my children's poems called 'Disney Days'.

DISNEY DAYS

Warmer than a Sheep Dog hug
or happiness rolled in a rug;
dancing dizzy Dulux joy,
whirls and swirls and shouts ‘Ahoy!’

Brighter than a scientist,
the artist’s pallet shines and skips.
Free from Greenwich Mean Time days,
they demonstrate their West End ways.​

Talent dazzles, beaming light
into the insides of o...

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I Potted A Long Red

​

I potted a long red and gave out a scream,

as it was the best shot that I'd ever seen.

Still needing 8 snookers, I thought this could mean

the start of a comeback. The best that there's been!

I needed to focus and not start to dream,

as my best ever break was only sixteen!

I potted the black and gave out a scream

as I'd aimed for the green in the wo...

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Like The Sunshine In The Spring

You're like the sunrise in the spring

that makes the meadows dance again,

and motivates the clouds to sing.

Your warmth and light soothes all the pain

from icy winter thoughts that cling

to memories that still remain.

 

You're like the sunrise in the Spring

that calms the mountains in the rain,

and colours rainbows with a hymn.

Beaut...

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The wet patch in our

hall was the snowman who failed

to reach the toilet.

 

from 'Christmas Poems For Children

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Christmas-Poems-Children-George-Stanworth/dp/1539323463/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1479760278&sr=8-1&keywords=christmas+poems+for+children

 

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I’m Leaving For A Wetter Man

“I’m leaving for a wetter man”,

your email said. My humour’s dry.

Surely you meant “Better man” or “Weatherman”.

“I’m leaving for a wetter man” -

Perhaps I should have bought a dam,

or dressed up in a puddle tie.

“I’m leaving for a wetter man” -

your email said. My tears won’t dry.

 

From my new collection of 'Short Funny Love Poems'

ww...

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You lived by yourself and felt so dejected

as your dating requests were always rejected.

Sadness and shame is what you projected.

You got to the point where it all was accepted.

You lived by yourself and felt so dejected,

so went for a walk when fate intercepted.

A ‘Clover’ sign fell and letters defected.

Sometimes ‘love’ strikes when it isn’t expected.

     From my forthco...

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Mum, you are my candlelight,

my angel, and my Silent Night.

More precious than a gift of gold

who wraps me up when I am cold.

 

Mum, you are my Christmas Day,

my North Star, and my snow bouquet.

You are my joy, my verse, my rhyme,

who I love more each Christmas time.

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Fancy That!

'Sue fancies Bill.
Bill fancies Tim.
Tim fancies Jane.
Jane fancies Jim.

Jim fancies Kate.
Kate fancies Anne.
Anne fancies Pete,
and Pete fancies Sam.

Sam fancies Rob,
but who fancies you?'
'Mum, I don't care,
while I'm having a poo!'

Would you like the chance to win a £10 Amazon Gift Voucher?If so, then enter an original short funny poem of 12 lines or less by mid...

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There wasn't snow last winter.

I thought I'd been misled.

I couldn't throw a snowball,

so threw some sprouts instead!

www.christmaspoemsforchildren.co.uk

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The letter ‘E’ fell off the sign at the Globe Inn
striking the landlord and making him sick.
He will recover, but the pub is soon shutting.
It’s the end of the world as we know it!

From http://www.shortfunnypoems.co.uk/poems.html

 

 

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Syllables pacing like P-Waves swayed in the Lithium light,
strumming on Quicksilver laughter, lovingly lashing the
night. Spinning semantics swirled skywards, startling  scampering
stars, as Lyssa leapt Leopard within her, wearing a tsetse fly
mask. Synonyms senselessly searing, sprinkled with Hydrogen
dreams, tasted the Ready-Meal vacuum of Neverland
freedom again. Sentences pendulum swingi...

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From my new book:- A Floristry of Palpitations

I COMPARE THEE TO A ROAST DINNER

As cool as a sprout,

and more fragrant than a cabbage -

You turned me on with your Yorkshire Pudding wit.

Your potato looks, and carrot personality

attracted me like gravy to a plate.

Your cauliflower skin, and garden pea humour

was as passionate as a roast beef kiss.

 

Your solicitor was ...

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Flowers

I picked Van Gogh’s Sunflowers

and Peploe’s Tulips

then arranged them like the

perfect wedding day.

I tied the bouquet together

with kisses from eternity,

and wrapped them in moonlight

from your favourite landscape.

I presented them to you

like a Jane Austen hero,

as your eyes lit up

my universe.

 

I waited like the stars await their fate.

 

...

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My new comedy/poetry book called 'A Floristry of Palpitations' will be out shortly.

It is published by Desert Hearts and retails at £5.99

       Here is a sample poem:-

                    I CAME LAST

                    A competition

                    writing Rondeaus. I came last.

                    I wrote a Haiku.

For more, please visit my website at www.georgestanwort...

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Unbelievable!

 

A giraffe fell from a spaceship

 

For more nonsense poetry visit www.georgestanworth.com

 

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The Final Draft

 

Always seeking synthetic success, for

reasons no psychiatrist is unsure

of. Like Andromeda’s black hole, the core

is unstable, and breathes in media whores’

influences and agendas. Your IQ

is beyond atomic numbers, but you

are consumed like an ale in Bavaria.

Past Plutonium thoughts grow scarier,

whilst lost dreams entwine with absent lo...

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That's easy for Ewe to say.

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WE VISITED A RAINBOW

 

We visited a rainbow

at school the other day.

Every colour said hello

except for gloomy grey.

 

We visited a rainbow,

and used its arch to slide,

then when it started raining,

we used the arch to hide.

 

We visited a rainbow,

but never saw its gold.

Our teacher said it’s locked away,

but we think it’s been sold.

...

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The Worst Tutor Ever

 

There once was a poet called Lee

who said that he always wrote three

lines in his limericks.

 

From my new free e-book 'Kidnapped By A Public House'

http://www.lulu.com/shop/george-stanworth/kidnapped-by-a-public-house/ebook/product-21007695.html

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E-Fail

 

You sent me

flowers as an

attachment

to my work email

account.

 

It wasn’t

quite the

romantic

gesture

I was

looking for.

 

I replied

with a

JPEG of a

dump.

 

I never

received

a postmaster

failure

email

so you must have got the message.

 

From my new book - 'Working Extra Hours Ha...

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My book - 'Your Sax Is On Fire' is now an incredible £3.99 when you type SAFIRE into the discount code box on

http://www.troubador.co.uk/book_info.asp?bookid=1594

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I have a new book of satirical poetry published at the beginning of January.

A review of it is below.

http://www.comedycritic.co.uk/bookReview/bookSaxIsOnFire.php

It can be bought from all leading on-line booksellers. Let me know what you think if you purchase it.

Thanks,

George

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THE CLEETHORPES TREATY

Politicians got their

treaties mixed up.

They agreed for

Cleethorpes to be

the capital of Europe

and for Jedward

to be the new President.

 

There was no referendum.

 

'The Sun' was appalled

because they had no influence over it.

They shifted their allegiances

to Skegness and

'Strictly Come Dancing' instead.

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DESPAIR

You seduced the moon, undressing it with your soul.

 

You aroused the stars, turning them on with melancholy.

 

You tortured them with anticipation.

 

You wern't into long distance relationships

 

so slept with my best mate instead.

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Noughts and Crosses in the sky,

Hopscotch on the lake;

Musical status trees observe

the water muscle's shake.

 

Rhyming smells skip through the air,

sleeping blossom wakes;

Sounds of stillness resonate

like Bluebells' stomach ache.

 

The lemon custard frisbee smiles

as ‘Kiss Chase’ swans play dare.

The tissue paper landscape weeps.

I wish I’d been aware.

 

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THERE’S ANOTHER PERSON LEAVING

 

There’s another person leaving.

We’re less popular than thieving.

So I know what I’m receiving:-

     Another card to sign.

 

He only started yesterday.

I never met him anyway.

So what the hell am I to say?

     ‘You’re the fastest to resign!’

 

The comments range from ‘It’s A Shame’

to ‘All the best’ and ‘Call again!’.

But no one seems to know your n...

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Accused of touching

      female rears,

          the manager

              broke down in tears.

                   His IT colleagues

                         backed him up,

                              restoring

                                   reputation.

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