used to take things before going on walks

it’d be dark and cold

and i’d be underdressed

i couldn’t seem to withhold

i’d stumble around the neighborhood 

trees and leaves would move

even though there was no breeze

i couldn’t seem to mentally improve 

i grew more and more detached

would walk by a half way house everynight

i thought that perhaps that would one ...

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cats pests and insecticides
labrador dog breed
strands of
grass and dirt weed

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where did I put those car keys,
I think I have had one too many,
loss of memory —
and this
drug habit
has me... grabbing my head
trying to
get a grasp on my own sanity

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Some days, all it takes is one cup

Hot, cold, black or milky

I just need it direct to the face

I'll need some space

I don't have time to unwind

Read a book, unfurl the mind

Hot, cold, black or milky

I just want it direct to the face

I call them the beans of life

Ground or granuled, they relieve my strife

Hot, cold, black or milky

It's the only way to live

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Salvia on the tongue,

mind a fuzzy buzz.

Brick wall opens before me.

By firelight I see through.

On the back porch age 17

pondering reality.

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Respect Women, he said

I remember my skin was tight coming in from the low of a Maine night

When she

When she

When she

When she

Discovered my claims of

I could walk better, I ain’t in pain

But she knew something other than how my words were arranged

it were the muscles in and around my mouth, sculpting my face

Or it was the bags under my eyes

She related to when ...

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June 2020

Deep unquenchable thirst
that permeates my teeth,
And tickles like a feather
grazing a phantom limb.
Scatches like a itch
in a place you can't reach
Claws at your willpower
and begs
for just 
one
more

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tales lie in storeys

mine's number ten

concrete and steel

make this tiny den

fresh air's aplenty

noise from the lift

my cell  ten years

I won't ever shift

far horizon dizzy

balcony's for birds

walls to speak to

echoing my words

the drop reassures

if you're depressed

open the window

drunk first is best

glimpsed one hurtle

free w...

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You think you know her but you don't

You see just what she wants you to see

I'm the only one who got through to her

Who knows quite how she used to be

The way she used to be was so beautiful

Kind and caring and wide open to ideas

Not the cracked empty vessel she became

A sad broken woman in thrall to her fears

We met in New York when life was young

It was at a ...

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I'm dedicated. Not addicted. I'm in control. It's my desicion. I say what And I say where. And if you ask jus rig;;

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Cocaine, Molly, LSD

Mushrooms, H, methamphetamines

Paper, liquid

Powdered forms

Pipes and bongs

The imperfect storm

Opiates, the Oxys

And Percocet 

They’re small 

But come with big regret 

Withdrawals severe

Beyond control

Touched such lows

You’ve lost your soul

Too late now

Can’t turn back time

Waste moments by dwelling

In what’s behind 

Call ...

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Pills and powders flying around the streets, each dealer adding their own unique twist to create a bigger batch of what they call a treat. A lads night out, a festival gone wrong, it doesn’t take much for you not to be so strong. “I know my limit” they say, but the pill that you pop may lead you astray, all that you’ve worked for, all who you love, gone in a flash over a dodgy bag of drugs. Laying...

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"boop boop beep beep boop bup bip beep" go the alerts and synaptic responses

too fast to process, too repetitive to want to

"spit that out, it's toxic" I warned

as he slurped up drama in great mouthfulls, as if she were kool-aid

he would slice open a vein and welcome drama directly if she asked him to

surreptitious texting continues beneath the table

eyes downcast, thumbs flying ...

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Galileo once said the earth was round.
Round and round we go.

Why do we cling to broken things.
Round and round we go.

I had a dream it was truth.
Round and round we go.

One small step for man. One giant leap forward for mankind. Forwards and backwards.
Round and round we go.

The rise and fall of rome. High tides, low tides flow back to the sea
Round and round we go.

This god, ...

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A day without E is better off Breathless,

May my soul escape if my stream is empty.

Seek and find the girl named E,

packed with love she doesn't discriminate,

Her race is spectrum body tailored to your preference.

Undergo E she'll turn the toughest man empathetic.

Open your eyes wide as the sky,

Her love brings out a high unreal,

to experience one must be willing ...

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I wanted to do a poem today to provoke a thought or thinking about the insanity of taking drugs. I have known many people succumb to Heroin and painkillers, alcohol and it all seems so futile I myself suffered with addiction through mental illness. Its a terrible thing and very dark. So here is my attempt at describing this disease.

Bereft of feeling

Stare into the abyss
eyes burning...

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Yet

My heart aches, and clouds hold fast my mind

Thought still I hear

The silence of the waves

The silence of their Siren pull

wash like hemlock through my senses

Their echoes crashing on my island shore

Returning to the sea

Unheard

Their hushed harmony

Foams surging up my beaches

A descant imprinted on my strand

Whispering back to the squalls

Unheeded.

Ne...

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I wish I could hide away from the rest of the world in your arms

bury my face in your chest only coming back up to kiss your kneck

Sometimes I miss the way you wouldn't call be by my name, but

instead called me beautiful

You swore to me late at night that I was your soulmate

but being soulmates wouldn't be enough to save you from your one true love

the drugs and the booze 

the...

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Cathy was my friend.

I was twenty.

Cathy was twenty three.

she worked 

at British Home Stores.

On the counter

where lipstick

and smells jostled.

Colours for the nose.

Candy for the eye.

She was pretty.

Very pretty.

We’d meet in 

The pub.

“The Cheese”.

We’d drink. 

We’d get stoned.

And go and 

have sex.

We didn’t 

make love.

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We took acid

Saw things

We stumbled across 

Hull university

Fields

With reds and yellows

Blues and glowing

Things floating

In our heads

So funny

We laughed

And called and yelled

And danced

And pretended

We were famous

Musicians

And we went home

We became a football team

And kicked the ball in

The living room

Where we did

Everythin...

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The darkness falls under my skin,
I hate my life and my soul within',
I'm trapped in my mind and I'm full of sin,
I'm fighting the devil and I cannot win,
Complacent thoughts are spinning around,
I hear His voice but there is no sound,
He showed me the way, the truth and the life,
The battle is won, I won the fight,
Come on devil your talk is cheap,
I've played my cards so read 'em and we...

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Black tar and needle scars,

I pull it back and let it rip,

It's time to trip I take a hit,

My heart skips I'm loving it,

Twisted things and smoking everything,

Angelic wings flying high like a king,

Powdered wishes and doing fat ishes,

Taking in poison is rather delicious,

This dark liquid death has me out of breath,

Not a worry in the world not even HEP,

I crush it u...

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Needles and pipes are a way of life,
These temptations I have are hard to fight,
The rush I get is all too sweet,
Nodding out and drooling on my feet,
I snap out of it and want some more,
I fill up the rig its shot number four,
This cycle repeats until I run out,
I start to panic without a doubt,
What do I do? How do I get my fix,
Drugs and crime are not a good mix,
Whats with these thou...

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If someone tells you are insane,

And they are telling you there is something wrong with your brain,

It coul be true it could be lies,

If you are pschotic you can tell by your eyes,

If you have caused this by your own being,

Then when you look in the mirror a total basket case,

Is what you will be seeing,

You may have taken cocaine, you may have taken weed,

If you have then ...

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Painkiller

This world is brutal in its bitter way,

destroying beauty, tarnishing the good,

Hurting the carers, harming those who would

do better with their lives each passing day -

those who, despite all that the doctors say,

take back some control – if only they could

get up from where they drown beneath the flood

of good intentions. So today I pray:

when you’re hu...

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there's nothing harder to do, than to forget someone you once knew.. someone you loved, and once upon a time, they loved you too.. drugs took that light from your eyes baby - and yeah, sadly they took you too.. constantly chasing that high, hardy able to even get by.. i'd always ask myself why, why does he have to fucking lie? why do you want yourself to die?? why can't you at least fucking try, b...

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Nobody understands me but me

seems like nobody can stand me, but me...

until I had you there standing next to me

Thought your love was enough to set me free

but then you found out loving me wasn't free

Loving me was rough, and never easy...

but my love for you was never tough,

it always came easy...

You're the only one who really cares,

who really sees me...

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Diary Of The Southern Queen Entry #49 (Doobie-Doobie) 

(Doobie-Doobie)


When the doobie-doobie drugs don't work any more girl you are just a fool if you think love don't hurt because hot damn it does that's why one more blow to sniff until I cannot breathe 




And when the doobie-doobie-doobie don't work any more as one more sniff and one more puff and popping one mor...

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Let not distraction keep you!

When The Drama of the perfume Fades

The Tossing Tousled hair parades

Settle in a lazy muse and the moon no longer lingers,

When the mystery seems tired as the night turns day,

The conversation feels hired as the wine wears away,

When reality strings together like a cellists’ tune,

Awaking your longing for a richer room

Be the see...

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One day I'll meet you In that place!!

I don't take drugs

I tried a couple times

So I can tell you what it feels like

I don't drink

Probably all the sips I've ever had

Could amount to 2 glasses of white wine and those sambuca shots when I was 17yrs old!

I love dancing

I don't seem to do it much 

But I love moving 

That I do everyday with Yoga

I love fashion and...

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relax,

now start breathing,

everything around is around for the same reason. 

Catastrophe, catastrophe its all the same feeling

i'm too old to move on, i'm too old to keep dreaming.

When to move on is to grow and to grow is not leaving,

in a promise land we grow, and speak of the same reason

we speak of heaven and hell like they're not the same demon.

Well to move...

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Drugs, 
self sabotage,
black of night
takes all light.

It snows in wonderland.

I lost my way,
drifted amiss.

The ego took control.

Hope floats,
a distant mess,
somehow less,
never more.

Restart,
begin again,
start anew.

In your view,
my sun shines blue.

©JMCole 

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To The Addicts Of The World

Cunning baffling and powerful are the words used to describe,
The truth of what addiction is, it will take your life with a knife.
Everything you thought you were becomes lost,
All that you cherish and love, gone at what cost?

Millions of people struggle everyday and it's truly tough,
Knowing that one is too many and a thousand never enough.
Pot, heroin, me...

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Have you ever tried to kill yourself by holding your breath?
No one's ever died from a lack of sleep...
(I dare you not to try it)
The hardest part of forgetting is when you remember.

Double check yourself, and down it goes.
Get ready, hold on, and jump out of the plane!
Hear the rush, gasp for breath, and let those bells ring.
Jump on that train, follow those tracks.
It's too much (but ...

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A while ago, before I retired, I was concerned for the welfare of my students on reading a piece discussing the alleged widespread use of the psycho-stimulant Retalin by Australian university undergraduates. As a performance enhancer it was said to often be accompanied by depressants to reverse the effects. For some, it may have served as an introduction to more addictive and even more pernicious ...

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There's no such thing 
as crazy is not sickness.

Conformity is suffocation. 

The pills kill the light, 
all else turns to dust 
and in the rain we all rust.

Lift it up, 
sweep it under, 
show the sun, 
no shame, no thunder. 

God forbid 
the rain should come. 
Can't waste time 
feeling the pain 

pick a box, pick a box 
they're all the same.

Grey. 

©JMCole 

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Contradiction is inevitable.
Perspective relative.
Monotony is life.
Amnesia saves
drugs,
a selfish freedom from the past.

White open spaces,
existence and impermanence.
Meaninglessness.
The great abandonment,
a tragedy,
the greatest agony,
random nostalgia.

Simplicity,
blue open skies, open arms,
open mind over mind
over matter mad as a hatter
no matter the weather,
I don’t ...

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Lost my way in the sun,
got lost in my oblivion,
wandered through the maze
inside my brain
found my way
back again.

I broke the wires
back there,
hollow,
low
but I make them pure,
free
gold like a river
I flow.

I let it go,
my hope
floats.

My yellow brick road
will take me home
to the silver blue,
my pure, my sweet,
my golden fire moon.

I fell in lust,
the ego owned ...

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At first love was a pump, a needle,

Eyes wide when your high

...Or see someone you like.

Stifled, we always rivalled

Till no more, the beat became sore

And we spiralled, overdosed,

Hot headed, cold blooded.

Passion became blown out,

The anticlimax of a candle...

Like the heroin ran through her heart,

Like the cocaine contorted her chest,

Like the salvia had shaken ...

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It's all a trap,

You say just one drink, won't hurt right?

Just one line, I won't do it again.

Just once , I want to try the needle to see what the big fuss is about... 

I'll just kiss you once , like you won't break my heart.

Just to flirt with death and heartbreak seems to be an addication itself.

Flirtation, the most innocent form of doing something that will lead to something...

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I was born here, under Maggie's rule.
Living beneath her Spitting Image character
hanging from a telecom wire overhead.
The youth here knew hate before they knew love
and everybody hated the Iron Lady.
Everything here was grey; from the rows of well-worn
tenements and dirt-strewn streets to the sunken eyes
of every battered wife.
Violence was rife, accepted as normality.
A messed up reali...

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I'd like you to like me

and I'd like you to know,

Id doesn't like me and Superego doesn't know where to go.

I've planned a trip to where the tulips grow -

find a vein, push a plunger, let the psychotropes flow.

I know you don't like me

and we've nowhere to go.

Ego doesn't know what to do and Id has hate to sow.

I'd like you to, I'd like to oblige you to throw

away m...

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Can you see the track marks up her arms?
I spy
With my wide eye
The stranger upon her neck.

Like the birthmark of a bloodhound,
Like a grisly flesh pinch,
An angrily sealed wound,
A Chinese burn,

A beating burning bruise,

A bloody blush:
The bite of the hungry.

Teeth she counted like cash,
The molars which paid her fine
And got her Alice's very own wonder

-ful escape...

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Drugs.  Addiction –

back by popular demand.

A way to end the boredom,

spoil another day.

Broke.  Aflliction,

living second hand.

Last two quid for the ‘leccy' box

in a load of rusty change.

No!  Distinction,

frustrated as one can.

Can’t entertain all the time

and have constructive ideas.

Beliefs.  Predictions,

all letters in the sand.

Want to know the futu...

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Scheming, thieving, scumbag bum

Smack head, crack head, someone’s son

A knife, a life, a dealer’s gun

Only mugs do drugs and call it fun

There’s ‘H’, 'Meow' and rocks of 'Crack'

There’s ‘E’s and ‘Speed’ and ‘Blow’

There’s ‘Browns’ and ‘Blues’, a bag of ‘Smack’

So cool and good to go

Come get your fix, it’s such a must

Steal the money from your Mum

Your Dad’s...

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All the faith carried in your soul
all the morphine lightening the load
they play a strange sad game
they lie in bleak dark ways

I listened to the doctor speak
while you read some ancient tome
and, yes, you know your body well
but pain isn’t the cause

This belief takes its small toll
the colour and the hope both drain away
defeatedly you feel you’re fading

But you’re not fading
y...

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She drags tired heels

across a tainted floor,

poise slightly bowed

and her back is sore.

She holds on her face

a cold marble stare,

a hard life engraved

upon cheeks once so fair.

Her faulting movements,

once graceful; divine,

her aching limbs now

with guile, defy

her final performance

on this dark empty stage,

memories fleeting

of a much better age...

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