The question I never stop asking.

What exactly is and isn’t within my control?

The question I will never answer.

Is my fate my own?

Is destiny, a reality?

 

I am in control of my actions,

at least in theory.

My work ethic is mine to command,

that's the rumor anyway.

 

But if I were to get up and do,

would it make any difference?

 

I feel so exhausted from doing nothing.

So petrified I’m full of bullshit,

that I find myself with bullshit,

Just to justify my own fears

 

to myself

 

Locked in habit

trying to prove

to myself

that I’m not worth it.

A feeling I don’t claim as my own anymore.

 

Yet a lifestyle,

Habitual isolation,

Mentally churning in the corner.

My “fly on the wall” skills maxed out.

 

Am I of the world?

Or am I of my own will?

Whatever that means…