I twist in the night, in anger.

I wake in the morning, in anger.

I know the dreams are just dreams 

but the aching is tangible, 

it’s at the forefront that I can’t shake.

It’s too early to feel this way, with holes punctured through the heart. 

A feeling that I’ve been used as target practice.

Congratulations, you’ve won…

You’ve robbed me yet again from waking with the delight of a new day,

from appreciating the sound of rain

from appreciating the joy of sleeping in

from being eager to seize the day 

from wanting to spark a conversation

from the lovely moments a couple should spend in each other’s company.

No, what you’ve done is created years of silence and regret.

You’ve created a longing to escape.

You’ve created thousands of miles between us.

And each step I’m taking, I’m moving in the opposite direction.

I don’t want to waste years in anger.

I don’t want my children to witness silent anger filled with despair.

I don’t want to hide my feelings when they question what’s wrong.

I take a deep breath and sigh.

There is love out there waiting.

These years will pass.

The storm that consumes and derails will pass.

And we will live under the sun.

Yes, these rainy day Mondays filled with aching & longing will one day be filled with the peace of love.

Or so we can dream.