28.09.21

It gets better, 

a friend once said

You’re not a bad person 

Shouldn’t wish you were dead 

Everyone is their own worst critic, 

He said to me 

And when he needs an ear, 

I listen intently 

We swap stories, 

One back and one forth 

Lighten the load, 

Keep each other on course

When friends are down 

I feel it too

When people are sa...

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The phantom of the past is a memory of the day that were loat in flame of understanding an love an grief 

the phantom of the past is a shadow the haunt you from the memory you never let go of 

the phantom of the past is a poison of the few an many thing that are hard to swallow 

the phantom of the past is a keeper of learning through the ashe of mistake an power of it hold you to 

the ...

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We didn't know it was all in our mind.
We didn't know we were being unkind to ourselves.
How we let ourselves get bad.
We didn't know that we were cruel
To ourselves.

Why couldn't we forgive our own mistakes,
Like we did the ones that others made?
We never practiced self-defence,
Unless it was to wrap us round in chains.
Why couldn't we be good
To ourselves?

We didn't mean to hurt...

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15.03.21 

I'm in my body for tonight 
Present in my head 
And my fingers and my toes 

But what of when the tide turns 
And we shift into dissociated states

Clinging to anything that gets me away from me
Holding space for anything that is an escape 

I'm in my body for tonight 
But tonight is not forever 
So enjoy is while is lasts 

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27.07.20

I am a shattered vase 
Pieces picked from the floor 
And placed back together.
Sharp broken shards 
Holding on with everything I've got
Just trying to keep the water in 
Pretending I'm in tact 
Not a shattered broken thing 

From afar I'm a vase 
Unlike any other 
Proudly displaying flowers of many kinds 
But get too close and you can see my cracks
Try to touch me and you mi...

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05.05.2020

I can feel you're scared. 
Anxiety a rubber band wound tightly around your heart 
Dread like nails pinning down your feet where you stand 
Despair, sitting in your stomach, churning evermore 

You carry sadness around on you 
It poisens your words 
Flattens your hair
Wrinkles your clothes 

The sad stench of it radiates through your pores 
And if I can take it away, 
If I can h...

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25.03.20

When your brain is used to trickery 
It eats itself alive
Deceit is all you know 
And the way you have survived 

Be vigilant with friends
And vigilant with foes 
On guard for lies so constantly 
Analysis in tow

Are they truthful in their words?
Your brain it analyses
Putting piece and piece together 
A puzzle it disguises 

There's a slip says your mind 
Some evidence of fole...

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It’s all a clue.

I’m the singular factor:

a catalyst,

a cosmic,

reactive component.

God and I have an understanding about truth.

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hurting, melting, head caving
my head so broke inside
trying to hold it together
but i feel so far from fine

suffocating, shaking, heart racing
my body responds in fear
trying to reason with myself
though it doesn't help it clear

aching, receding, soul's numbing
my mind is shutting off
trying to hold onto reality
but i feel so very lost

falling, stalling, chest pounding
my soul'...

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SMASH!

Every time the glass of your skull

Crashes into the fist of another memory

To crush you where you stand

Because another memory has broken you

Because another memory has entered you

Like intruders, they force their way inside

They punch their way into your attention

They invade your heart

Until you must look at them

All so that they can violate you again

They...

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I feel more and more like broken glass

as each day has gone pass.

I try to stay strong

while everything goes wrong.

I don’t wanna upset them,

they think that I am as beautiful as a gem.

Why can’t I see myself as they see me?

Why must I lack so much glee?

I need my friends to make me happy,

because without them I feel so sappy.

I hate that I must admit that I’m no...

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I don’t wanna be here

and that may be hard to hear.

I’m sorry for always letting you down

because when I do, it makes you frown.

It’s become second nature to fake a smile,

because being happy is the new style.

I hate it when we argue and fight.

I hate it so much, it makes me cry at night.

I think I’ve run out of tears

from crying all these years.

I cry in the car...

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I put my head on the pillow and drift off….

Shiva sweeps aside the remnants of yesterday:

Gains, strivings, losses and ambitions

Clearing the table for tonight’s game

Flanked by greater and lesser angels and demons.

I’m lost in dreams while a silver ball spins against the

roulette wheel of my soul.

Each number an affection, a state of being

randomly selected for t...

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The natural order of things isn't always in our favour.
A pre-historic and historic truth much harder to see in modern times
When all the obvious imperative threats are gone or tamed.
But imperative threats are healthy, 
Preventing our mind from twisting around a thousand minor matters
Which it never was designed to do and never should
Unless we can evolve our minds or methods.

The natura...

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Weave me into your joyous network cruelly
Entombed in humming cables spooling
All the edges are skewing
Hooks luring in the dark
Fatal spark ends transmission
Good intentions, outweighed by outcome
Harvesting doubt under hot sun
Can't hide, can't run

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They come to me when things are still

And leave me without choice to hear

The things I've heard and know too well

Of tired topics,

To be clear

I, myself and just the ears

Without chance to think, or speak

It seems all I do is overhear

Their endless banter of 

Self critique

Seldom, do I have a moment

For myself

Today, for instance 

Was particularly loud

Who...

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