A Grave Mistake!
Alf and Elsie - such a pair. Inseparable, throughout.
A paragon of ‘love and care’ (no shadow of a doubt).
Down’t pit until retirement, Alf was ‘Yorkshire, born and bred’.
Which met his wife’s requirement (strong int th’arm and thick int th’ead!)
But, after sixty years of bliss, came by ‘that dreadful day’
when Alfie, with a tender kiss, sent Elsie ‘on ...
Friday 23rd July 2021 3:50 pm
A laughing Parrott ate a carrot as
an Elephant climbed up a tree,
he was chased by a Mouse who wore a Pink blouse and liked to swim in the Sea,
A Lion passed by who flew his kite in the sky while singing to two dancing Llamas,
and a juggling Giraffe was taking a bath while wearing his woolly Pyjamas!
Thursday 4th June 2020 7:57 pm
A Gorilla wore a tutu,
while he baked a giant pie,
and watched a bright pink Cuckoo
doing backflips in the sky,
a Monkey stroked a Llama,
a Zebra drove a bus,
while eating three bananas
because one was not enough,
a hippo flipped a pancake,
while he watched tv,
then there came a flying Snake
dancing with a Bee!
Monday 18th May 2020 12:37 am
I saw a Hippopotamus going to the fair,
wearing pink pyjamas with a bow up in his hair,
he was followed by a Zebra who was wearing bright
a Chimp and a Koala bear, wearing matching frocks,
they climbed into the teapots looking quite a sight,
and a little old man spat out his teeth as they gave him quite a fright!
Saturday 16th May 2020 7:47 pm
Coco the clown went sailing one day
to a holiday destination far far away
Suddenly, the sky went dark and the wind did blow
and the waves beneath his boat did grow and grow
He lost his oars as the winds blew and blew
so he paddled his way with his size 50 shoe.
Through a telescope he saw an island far away in the distance
and he made it to shore with his skill and persistence
Friday 14th June 2019 8:01 am
noodles are 25p a pack
all the super markets sell own brand mock super noodles really cheap
I stock up on them
they are trolley fillers
they are cupboard fillers
noodles are an all time winner
lets have Noodles for dinner
Noodles she says
Wednesday 3rd April 2019 8:19 pm
Oh, nature's beautiful green
Where dogs love to sit
Circling around, stomping their feet
To find comfort where they see fit
When satisfied, go ahead, proceed!
release thy dirtiest, no one forbid
Scratch thy ground in search for dirt
To cover thy foul from face of the earth
Nature's beautiful green
Where dogs love to sit
Oh, excitement filled my body
My heart starts to beat
Wednesday 19th October 2016 3:11 pm
If you’re walking by the bushes
at the end of the lane
you may hear a little quack
as the sun begins to wane.
You may look for the water
where the ducks might be,
but there’s no-one in sight
just the rustling of the leaves.
Would you believe
the quack that you heard
was the sound of an owl,
a sad little bird.
“A quacking owl?”
I hear you exclai...
Sunday 13th September 2015 10:21 pm
In the deep dark woods
lived a great brown bear,
he was seven feet tall
but the townsfolk didn’t care
for although the bear was huge
and had fangs and long sharp claws,
all the people would make fun of him
and point out his big flaw.
Have you ever met a bear
who had nothing much to say,
who couldn’t even growl
when he came outside to play?
Well, Bob was his...
Wednesday 2nd September 2015 9:22 am
My friend Terrence
was a little happy sole,
he didn't need a kennel,
nor a house or a hole.
His home was a shell
that he carried on his back,
so that all he had to do
was drop down on the track.
Then he'd pull his head inside,
followed by his legs and feet
and he’d look inside the fridge
for something tasty to eat.
If it started raining
or got ...
Monday 31st August 2015 2:36 am
Have you ever heard the tale
about the hedgehog with no spikes,
such a sweet little boy
who all the other’s didn’t like?
A case of alopecia,
there was nothing they could do,
such a sad little hedgehog
who cried and cried, “Boo-Hoo”.
But soon the lad grew older,
he wanted to look more lush
so onto his back he tied himself
a little scrubbing brush.
His friends, well they just laugh...
Wednesday 26th August 2015 7:23 pm
The lovely gels at The Daily Telegraph Wonder Women asked me to write a poem about contraception for their ace campaign Take Back Birth Control, which encourages women to explore which contraceptive method is the best for them. So I did; it's called Chisel.
I did a video in my living room starring me and my scary cushion and you can watch the video here. I...
Sunday 21st June 2015 1:45 pm
Our friend, Bob The Bun,
just loved to have fun
and exciting adventures galore,
he’d laugh all day
and jump and play
and roll around on the floor.
Its a very rare sight
to see a bun take flight
but one day he went flying so high,
he held onto a kite
by the tail, so he might
get to see the world from the sky.
Now, whilst he was high,
something low ca...
Tuesday 12th May 2015 9:07 pm
Had a prompt from our writing group last time of "
If you dance to the music, you’ll find yourself…" so I thought I'd give it a go, although I've not mentioned the prompt anywhere in the piece!
If you dance to the music, you’ll find yourself…
I can’t dance.
Anyone that takes a glance
Will see me prance and realise
That I can’t dance.
My Macarena is more macaroni...
Monday 29th September 2014 3:18 pm
There was a black cat on a grave
He did not want to misbehave
He was abandoned there
And it was just not fair
But then he attended the Zombie Rave
This Limerick was inspired
by "Limerick Friday"/Facebook
Friday 20th December 2013 5:55 pm
When dinosaurs walked tall on earth,
And Tesco was yet to be…
Women who wanted meat and shit
Relied on chaps like me…
We gathered up our clubs and spears,
And risked our very lives,
To bring back meat and furry skins
So as to get some loving from our wives…
But then, some bollix invented Tesco,
And the Dino’s all died out,
And things g...
Tuesday 12th November 2013 2:23 pm