Ever still am I

Where freedom swells, breaks and lies

Lost in a room of my own making

My frantic mind unabaiting

The key holder to a door with no lock

This time it is I who is out of luck

Thoughts sway and dwell upon the question

Staring at the whitewash in my mission

Could hell really be so pale?

The body and mind eager-eyed in a chess match

Sweating as the need...

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There's a phone at my work

And you might think me a berk

But it calls me from a mindful zone

A place I like to visit alone

Ear to the top

As sounds fizzle and hop

It is a direct line

To feeling fine

I hear wind, birds, hussle and bustle

A universe unexplored in the rustle

Even in short bursts, it quenches my thirst

Distorting my mind toward what's first

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Nobody's bleeding,

But everybody's hurting,

It's a hidden sickness

That we refuse to accept,

An actor’s part,

Theatrical gestures

Our initial response.

We refuse to believe.

They must be faking,

Raking in the sympathy.

A perfectly played role,

A smile betrays them

As the blind decry them,

It's no broken bone...

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Let the wolves run

I run faster

Let the wolves run 

I am stronger

Sure of myself 

I flex the muscles of my mind

No need to hide

I expel hexes in one breath,

You may not enter

Nor commit the theft 

Of my soul

You are uninvited 

Release the hatred from your heart

Vengeance is a waste of energy

To be enlightened is to be smart 

And rise above, rise!

I a...

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Lightening burns and strains my mind

Freezes my thoughts like a photo

Open to think again

Alive again to life ever after 

For now at least

Lifting me from depressions hungry jaw

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Hoody, vape and tatt

All night I've been sat

Another coffee will wake me up

Here's a magazine, take my cup

Alone on the ward, feeling bored

My eyes crush a matchstick hoard

Marks and scuffs on the walls

Remind me of times, restraints and all

Long days and nights settle in my thoughts

Old faces, names, and incidences haunt

Decisions made, young people blamed

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Sitting on a bench,

In a muddle,

My feet in a puddle,

Not noticing

The mud on my shoes,

Just the mud in my mind.

The plaque on the seat,

Reminder of someone passed,

Loved long after their departure,

A life lived and lost,

But remembered forever,

On the bench where I sit

With my muddy shoes,

And muddy min...

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At day my head motors, purrs, covers the ground, works

Come dusk my head flits, tilts, twitches, looks to fly and flee

The darkness, draws me, pulls me

More space, less noise, life brighter, sharper

Dusk, a mind switch, a chance

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Like poison ivy creeping through my brain
Strangling emotions, my words are maimed 
Shutting me down and keeping me in
Making me feel that the true me is a sin
Holding me back and won't let me out
Wanting to scream, wanting to shout
I will find a way to let the world see
I'm going to break free, I want to be me
So poison ivy your not in control 
I'll keep on fighting until my life feels w...

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Something speaks from beyond 

Something writhes alive

In each of us

Something pulls and breathes

Beyond our touch 

They call it instinct

But it is magically distinct 

And can lead, lead, lead 

To something in your core

They call it power of the brain 

But it’s so much more 

It cannot be explained away 

It cannot be spoken out of existence 

They call it the mi...

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I’m sorry to disappoint you

That I can be too sweet and so weak

And yet I can be cold and cruel too

That I can completely snap to my core

And morph into a creature of different sorts

I’m sorry that I’m not white or black

Or immaculate

Or of any matter 

For that fact

I’m not anything 

At all

Not wholly whole

You see,

Incompleteness 

Has been my superpower 

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my way or the highway
my way or the heartache
my way or minus the highway
my way or minus the heartache
minus the heartache,minus the highway
minus the soul,minus the heartache
minus the soul,plus the soul

minus the soul,plus the heartache
the mind,body is a plus of the soul
minus the soul,minus the body,plus the mind
plus the mind,plus the body,minus the soul
minus the soul is plus t...

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Move on / Build a Better You

Time moves forward
It never turns back
So why do we spend so much time
Stuck living in the past
Mistakes are only natural
Issues and problems to resolve
Without mistakes, problems and issues
We never would evolve
So try and be more positive
There’s nothing left to lose
The world is at your feet
Just walk the path you choose
Hold your head up high
There’...

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Charade

Is my confusion an illusion
Is my mind just playing games
All the demons and the monsters
Quick enough to lay the blame
Many questions left unanswered
And many answers make no sense
My only coping mechanism
Is self destruction or self defense
On the outside I may look happy
But I’m crumbling inside
All the feelings and emotions
Just so much easier to hide
If the lock could b...

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You’re right

3 years ago, I viewed frogs as aliens

Now I wonder whether they’re angels

Months ago, I hated the sound of songbirds

Now I write their songs

I tweet along

Everything I did, I did do

It still was

Even if it no longer is

Whatever I am

I still am what I was

Even if I no longer am

You’re right

I was right and now I’m left

But the person I was hasn...

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When death steal your tomorrow
leaving you with more questions than sorrows
What is life, so fragile, no time to waste
who am I, where do I belong, where is my space?

Memories painting a picture against the wall
trying to make sense of yesterday’s Fall
Some make you smile, some make you cry
there is nothing of yesterday to deny.

As time tempers the Mind and heals the Heart
the Soul is...

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SMASH!

Every time the glass of your skull

Crashes into the fist of another memory

To crush you where you stand

Because another memory has broken you

Because another memory has entered you

Like intruders, they force their way inside

They punch their way into your attention

They invade your heart

Until you must look at them

All so that they can violate you again

They...

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Locked away emotions
I won't let no-one inside
Behind a masked perfection
Is the place I run and hide
Alone I’m always thinking
My mind just fills with dread
Unknotting the confusion
That’s tied up inside my head
Trying to escape thoughts
But I can't find no way out
My eyes are slowly welling
My cries are silenced shouts
I'm looking for the answers
But they just never seem to come
Ju...

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looming at me she's smiling

swerving to keep her at bay

I crossed double white lines

after that things went grey

waking in her brawny arms

she whispers words of love

how we were fated to meet

the way we fit hand in glove

concussion raddling my mind

my brain limps in reverse gear

random thoughts flit like fleas

one above all else, naken fear

valeti...

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was lovely last Christmas

hugs amid a snow storm

face so bright and caring

mind in such good form

sharp, as bright as a pin

enjoying tinsel and pies,

no hint of grief to come,

warmth yet in grey eyes

change, a new confusion

not sure of time or day,

struggled finding words,

shopping, lost her way

I know his face, where...?

why cant I remember?

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my mind is a maze

a dark labyrinth

a closed trap

my thoughts run around like scared mice

they’re squeaking and scampering

and running around in a craze

delusional, one might say

loud and quiet and fast

they’re mad and shy and cry

but only because they’re terrified

they just want to be saved, to be heard

but my mouth doesn’t open

doesn’t say a word

it’s weak a...

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A noticed man on a long rusty cold bench
Hidden behind a mask as me
He on the right, I sit down on the farest left
Its late morning in the fall
Catched the same train
Walked the same paths
As I saw his face, his eyes when he felt his hackles raising
I looked directly into a grown man's unrest
A bold 18 year old behind him
- He was off-color
Suddenly he found himself climbing the stairs a...

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Putting Out the Lamp

In the dusk of early evening one day

I awakened from a belated nap,

And came to find nobody back home yet,

Only the wall lamp flickering away.

I, the child, quickly getting quailed,

Started running away from the dark haunted place,

But soon stopped for looking backward

For some reasons I couldn't quite grasp.

Probably it was the left-a...

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Thunderstorms
Running through my head
Rumbles getting louder
Scared things might be said
Hide away in a closet
Because the sound is so loud
Hide from the truth
Because the truths not allowed
Thunderbolts they are striking
Flashbacks of a lad
A childhood in silence
Adolescence was sad
But storms they get stronger
They gain strength with time
The rain is now pouring
I’ve a hurricane m...

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Mabel Jubb was a mystic, a deep thinker

She read philosophy, was often miles away

Her house was stacked with learned tomes

That she cherished and revelled in every day

Poor Mabel she was full of good intentions

She signed petitions and gave to the poor

But the lockdown became too much for her

The coastguard found her clothes along the shore

She'd never married tha...

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Scream and fight,

oh little mind.

An endless battle

between you two

Always more than one,

never black and white

so you always fight.

Heart for love and lies.

Brain for truth and pain.

Listen to me I'm struggling!

Both of you take too much,

I can't keep up.

Fight for me and not with each other.

Fight for us and not some lover.

We need eachoth...

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Its dark.

perception shades a retina

eyes charcoal grey.

A blade poised to close them

and stopper a heart.

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Vivid

drops of a thought

bleed, binding to thick paper,

soaked by restricted flow.

swirling in circles,

trademarking the page,

a hyperbole of constants

too damp to dry.

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Filament burns,

fingers touching static glass.

Drunk with self-depreciating guilt

as eye's tap dance

in unison to a scripted feeling.

Ink tracing those familiar lines

cliched by experience.

this time with a heavier hand...

forged through fear,

now's the time to be brave...

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Like those magnificently lonesome trophies -
      once hard fought for
      with all our might and capacity
      and then left to rot on the rocks;
      abysmally, in perpetuity -
all laurels and triumphs get jaded and weary
dominions faded and supremacy sickly.

Every hard earned victory
      once immaculate and pristine
succumbs to frivolous, lame apathy.

The slick sheen gather...

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One Minute
Just take one minute
to listen
to remember
to understand
to reset,
to step back
to refocus
to rewind
to regret.

Just take one minute
to rest
to rebalance
to breathe
to cry,
to think
to question
to reflect
to wonder why.

Just take one minute,
then, if you can,
take one minute more;
to work out what you need,
to decide just what this minute’s for.

If you...

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I last wrote about our five quite some time back,

a time when, for each of them, you and I (and mostly you)

still weighed in and sparred, day on day, in any cause,

on standby should they slip or fall – though close at hand is, perhaps,

the better way to say it, the gentle way to convey a sense of

our being technically unseen, absent, yet able to be found

by one or two, no more th...

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"Find yourself"

You can misplace your mind

But

You can't forfeit your mind

When you've built a fort for your mind

Mine is bulletproof,

Double-glazed,

Soundproof,

In here

I can stay outside of myself

I can step outside of the world

Oops

Yesterday,

I watched us having a conversation

From my window panes

Through the heavy glaze

It made me feel some type...

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My time

Is not mine

But our time

You’ve made your bed in my dreams

I lie in it

But 

this isn’t me

See,

I would part with my skin

If it weren’t attached 

And never look back

But

Each night when I close my eyes for sleep

I see you in my head

Your feet poke out one side of your bed

And oh,

It makes me giddy for you

And so,

I end up crawling in bes...

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There is always one sacred moment

when the night's ink black sky

allows some personal atonement

to my dull and once-blind eye:

a single white star's icy reign,

absent in the deepest dark,

until the second that my brain

is riven by its diamond spark.

That this sheer shining crystal blazed

while hidden from my careful scan 

can only leave me dumb, amazed

that the min...

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Let your voice be heard 
Surely you earn and win
Let ideas more cleared 
For all women and men 

Tell me what do you think 
How did you see yourself? 
Freely talk, no blink 
Why to keep it on shelf 

Open mind and heart 
Nobody is remaining fool
Surely you're smart 
To become happy and cool 

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It's time to let go.

It's time to move on from the past, 

from whatever it is holding you back

The random pain from memories 

coming back to you as if two years was instead, two months ago

It's time to be free of all that is not meant to be

You know and I know 

The universe will show you which way to go 

Find true connection from within

Only then will you find clarity 

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When i look into your eyes 

I know your still there somewhere inside 

And as each passing day 

Goes by I know another part of your memory dies 

But you won't remember the goodbyes and it's hard not to sit here and cry 

Because your trapped inside 

All The confusion the conclusion

That your drifting away 

Well  I know  that ships don’t stay long at bay 

And will soon be h...

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Your own mind is yours to keep,
as long as you don't decide to follow the sheep,
Start bending all reality, this will give you your own normality,
Dance in your own style and you will stand out a mile,
Sing songs where ever you go and put on your own one man show,
Do what you want, will make you full of glee,
Then you will find you will be absolutely free,
Freedom is a state of mind and thi...

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My mind is my prison

when it should be my home

where I sit in front

of an open fire and

keep myself snug and warm.

Instead my prison guards

are my thoughts and

situations my bars,

together they keep me

in solitary confinement,

but I am always keeping

a close watch on my sentries

as they make their regular patrol

and I begin to see a pattern

to their s...

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You cannot walk the journey for another man.

You cannot gift him with the perfect plan.

We all stand in the universe of our own creation.

A product of our limited expectation.

Many lust for the mantle of wisdom,

Only to create self-serving fiefdoms.

An old story stuck on reset.

What you give, is what you'll beget.

An old story stuck on reset.

What you give, is what ...

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Up swings
Low swings
Irritable swings
Whenever the bell rings.
Time to change so soon?
Oh thankyou for the gloom
Its not like I needed mental room
I'll just listen to your tune.
Is it time for bed,
Or are you not done yet?
This endless strain of thoughts
Feeling like I'm making a case In front of the courts
Barely awake, but barely conscious?
You'll wish you'd had your bedroom blessed
...

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Double fuck

hit with some starry metaphor like a hammer smash

can taste the iron of proxima's atmosphere

tangy on a tongue like steak was slapped.

In jest I speak but truly sweet holy fuck

when those twisted sibilant sentences scathe and scrape around the cranial pits.

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I’m losing my mind.

Don’t you understand?

I’m desperately reaching out for your hand.

Don’t leave me hanging, slipping, falling…

down into the endless abyss of darkness,

Never destined to land.

You’ve saved me once before,

But this time there are no safety ropes.

I’m free-falling, plummeting, going down…

My only hope Is for you to save me now.

I’m losing my ...

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Every moment to fear,

Forever holding back internal tears.

Life- so complicated,

forever indecisive.

The world too big, too scary,

my mind so full of queries.

Never certain, never happy,

each decision could be deadly.

An escapes impossible,

every outcomes implausible.

Sinking under water,

Always being taken for a martyr.

The pain runs so deep,

Barely able to ...

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Why is it that when I am doing my best,

and feeling my best, 

I end up collapsing,

and starting all over again feels so hard to do

You just feel like the biggest failure

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Sitting here 

in the dark. 

Smoking poison, 

While soaking up the night sky like lotion. 

Stars shine bright, 

like little fireflies dancing in a summer breeze. 

I wish upon upon the biggest star, 

while there’s a breeze between my shaking knees. 

I bow my head and begin to weep  

I fucked another one, 

a lifeless soul. 

Rubbing their flesh against m...

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perhaps one day i'l stop with this nonsense
but can you really escape your own fucking conscience?
Think future present past nothing will change unless you make it
when you see your chance you better take it
I should be wathcing the movie i paid to see
not worrying about my family
But unfortunately that's to much leisure
I deny myself that lovely pleasure

Who know's what you just might f...

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I should be focussing on the task at hand

yet i don't because theirs more interesting thing's in my head

i should be watching the movie that i paid to see

but i don't because theirs stuff to worry about

I should enjoy the train ride home listening to music on my phone

but unfortunately that's to much leisure 

i must go back to thinking some more 

Lying awake in bed at night 

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Water falling down my face, in my head I’m confused

I thought I did things right, but I’m all alone and feeling used

Emotionally, mentally, even physically abused

I had everything to give, and also everything to lose

I open up my home, and they became thieves in the night

I woke up and didn’t notice, all I see is the sun shining bright

The birds are singing, grass is greener, in ...

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