Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:26
Comment is about Little Humans (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:25
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:23
good one. builds. use punctuation throughout or not at all.
Comment is about It falls (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:21
good one. rhythmic. confidential tone brings me in. drop the sucking and swallowing
Comment is about They (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:17
the truth could cope so long....don't get this. lose sense of last lines
Comment is about When we speak (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:13
i like the way it brings everything to a harmony.
Comment is about By the Bay (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke
A really strong lyrical movement as with water itself and the power of secrets and pulling down to psychological fear and insight. I Love this poem with a vengeance Martin. The accordion would serve it well. It could do with a John Gielgud rendition!
Ray
Comment is about Drowned (blog)
Original item by Martin Elder
Sorry to stick my neck out with this michael, and I was so impressed by the sheer variety of descriptive words, that I re-read it , and had a thought that it would be as good if not perhaps more lyrical if you were to drop the word AND on the second and fourth verses, thus giving more of an impetus to the reading.
with respect, Ray
Comment is about Dog (blog)
Original item by Michael J Piggott
Thanks Laura for going to so much trouble - a total inspiration all the way. I entirely get your drift, which was why I used the indented format on the three lines only.
This is surely one of the chief purposes of such a site, and you do it credit!
Ray
Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Very kind of you to say so, David. Likewise, I'm sure!
Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Thank you stu.
Needs an edit i think x
Yeh i like the grapefruits too :)
Comment is about miracle (blog)
Original item by Rachel Bond
A well timed comment, Ken.
The imposition of religious law has its origins in the
controlling abuse of the dignity of the human spirit and the
latter's unquenchable desire to seek advancement in the human condition via enlightenment and knowledge.
As I have remarked elsewhere: the sheep have wolves
for shepherds.
Comment is about Poet reprieved from execution but still faces 800 lashes and long jail term (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:29
Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:26
At some future period,
not very distant as measured
by centuries, the civilized races
of man will almost certainly
exterminate and replace
the savage races throughout
the World.
Charles Darwin.
Comment is about Poet reprieved from execution but still faces 800 lashes and long jail term (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:22
Just got in from walking the dog and read this poem so apt and entertaining just like our animals mine is the daftest lurcher you would care to meet love the busyness of your poem well done ( : C
Comment is about Dog (blog)
Original item by Michael J Piggott
Ha ha so funny keep them coming x
Comment is about Coffee shop blues (blog)
Original item by Pauliegreg
Such a funny yet exasperating ending feel for you x
Comment is about Ocean Blue (blog)
Original item by Jon Darby
Memories life is made of them a pleasure to have a glimpse into your childhood the good old days uncomplicated pleasures x
Comment is about Cake Mix (blog)
Original item by Jon Darby
his body moved like fresh grapefruits
that is a fine line!
very accomplished piece of writing. doesnt lag and is interesting and nicely wordy throughout.
enjoyed.
Comment is about miracle (blog)
Original item by Rachel Bond
jeremy. just wanted to say i am keeping up with these and they are excellent. like an old greek epic in size and scope. wont comment on them all (its a huge undertaking!) but i am enjoying them.
Comment is about the muslim's tale xii (blog)
Original item by jeremy young
yes this is great! reminds me of tony soprano at the start of the first series when he finds the ducks in his swimming pool. great stuff.
Comment is about THOSE DAMN DUCKS (blog)
Original item by GeeProcessor
gorgeous martin. brackish ponds. blackened meres. sodden tides. just lovely sensuous writing and flows beautifully. would be great live i think, possibly with accordion accompaniment.
Comment is about Drowned (blog)
Original item by Martin Elder
Yoohoo! :D Just got your messages. Now then, this indent works well, for me. It brings attention to those lines, focuses the reader much more on the path you are creating for them, the linguistic trick you are playing on them and the trap you are setting, and using the 'diagnosis' word to signpost it for them.
A reader now sees it mounting up into raised eyebrows territory, and they're thinking "is he saying what I THINK he's saying?! Well I never!" sorta thing ;) (cos they're NOT thinking "Is that significant? Should I be taking notice of this somehow? I don't know what it means"
You say you believe it to be a better presentation, and it is, you're right ;)
Enjoy the experimentation - I tried it a couple of times and loved it!
Comment is about A RESTORER'S LOT (blog)
Original item by ray pool
I've just now checked about Concrete Poetry, and it has opened my eyes to the potential, and I think I will definitely give more consideration to construction as and when it inspires me - maybe a few experiments on the way.
Thanks so much Laura.
Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Hi Laura. Just to say that I've re - entered The Restorer's Lot on the basis of your comments, leaving three lines indented as I feel they need a special emphasis. I think this is a better presentation.
So thanks again for an intelligent take.!!
Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
I'm getting there, Harry (apart from the hair).
(And I think you need her permission before Yvonne lets you beat her)
Comment is about 70m DASH (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Morning Ray!
Yeh, I thought it may be something along those lines of 'sexing up', as you called it. If a poem is 'good' (and we are always in the loop of subjectivity when we judge a piece of art), then it will stand on its own two feet (or four, in this case heh).
Unless there is a 'concrete' (see what I did there?) reason for arranging the text in a certain way, it serves to distract rather than enhance. It makes the reader instantly wonder about the significance of the arrangement, and in the process, focus is taken away from the actual poem.
It would be well worth your time to read up a little about concrete poetry actually, so that you can have a play with it. I'd never heard of it until about 3 or 4 years ago when I reviewed a book of poems about rock-climbing, and the writer had laid out her poems in different cliff and climbing formations. It was a real joy and surprise to read.
Anyway, if you don't know about it, have a gander:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Concrete_poetry
Comment is about ray pool (poet profile)
Original item by ray pool
Great poem , I like the rhythm and the flow to it. I will bet it goes down well spoken live.
Comment is about THOSE DAMN DUCKS (blog)
Original item by GeeProcessor
man your work is BANGIN
Comment is about Double Dark (blog)
Original item by J. Otis Powell‽ (with interrobang)
Hi Jim, no need for blushing :) I really appreciate you comment on my poem Vibrating in the unison of the scream of passion. Thank you.
Comment is about Jim Trott (poet profile)
Original item by Jim Trott
Hi, Ray thank you so much for your kind comment on my poem Vibrating in the unison of the scream of passion.
Comment is about ray pool (poet profile)
Original item by ray pool
That fat guy isn`t you with your hair dyed, is it John?
(Yvonne has never forgiven some woman who beat her thirty years ago)
Comment is about 70m DASH (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Cynthia,
I like the way rhe perplexed, befuddled discombobulated, scruffy, and the ruffled furious robin,
seem to be all trying to re-compose themselves after the wind
Comment is about Wind from my Window (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Stu,
I can see why you minimised this one, For pete`s sake take the shit and the crocodile out of it! She sounds like a bit of a treasure...she`ll have your guts for garters!
Comment is about My Love (blog)
Original item by Stu Burton
Laura, thanks for your observations. I'm very glad you gave it the once over, and although David's astute suggestion was not in my mind , my real answer to your question is that It has become a habit on occasions with no apparent motive- perhaps I am insecure enough to think readers will not follow the content without the "sexing up" of the format. Which of course is bollocks but just me not being sure of motive.
Please continue to read 'em with your usual strict ministrations!
David, I like the humour - very apposite! I'm getting too old for the old restoring malarchy! The shed full of tools awaits though. Ray
Comment is about A RESTORER'S LOT (blog)
Original item by ray pool
Chris,
To me there seems to be a long period of self-sacrifice unsaid (and yet said) in this poem.
Comment is about EMPTY (blog)
Original item by christine yates
I remember it well dear brother of mine lol love this poem it evokes so many memories of that day and our family life back then in 1972 hence the black and white photograph couldn't afford colour ( : x
Comment is about The Day Of Her Leaving (blog)
Original item by Jon Darby
Great poem I hope I am never waiting in the hall well written piece thought provoking need to hear more from you ( : x
Comment is about By the light of the local Spar (blog)
Original item by Jon Darby
Donna Ray
https://www.facebook.com/groups/63257036856/10153270027821857/?notif_t=group_activity
30 January at 15:54
.
If you're north of the border people,the lovely Rose Fraser Ritchie will not disappoint!
Review is about Federation of Writers (Scotland) Meet the Makar on 22 Feb 2016 (event)
Hi Laura,
Thanks for your comments on "In The Old Fence-Post Was A Perfectly Round Hole".
D'ya know, I think it's true that an improvement in my efforts is due to inspiration from reading "The Melting of the Ice"! If this is a temporary effect, you'll have to keep on writing so I can!
Thanks again :)
Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Tartantights's Blog
by Gayle Smith.
The Poetry, Politics, and General Musings Of A Cultured Kind Of Citizen
Mrs Burns Night Was A Night With The Girls And That Would Scare The Pants Off A Poet
Hey Readers This time last week it was the day after one of the most enjoyable Burns celebrations I’ve ever been part of. However this was no ordinary Burns night this was a celebration with a twist. Confused? don’t worry, I can and will explain all and in doing so inform you as to what made this event so unique and so different from any other Burns night I’ve attended.
The event was held in The Merlin hotel in Edinburgh which hosts a regular spoken word night on the fourth Monday of each month and was organised by the ever so likable force of nature that is Rose Fraser Ritchie. Entitled Mrs Burns Night this was a wonderful night of poetry and music and most importantly a celebration of the strong women in the life of our national bard. As part of the brief we were encouraged to write poems from the point of view one of Rob’s lassies.
To be honest I thought I would find this to be a real challenge and possibly beyond my range of abilities. This however was not the case and I managed to write not one but two poems on the topic both of which were written and given debut performances on the night as part of a set which included my unique take on the address to a Haggis entitled To A Curry.
With regards to meeting the brief, I have to admit I even impressed myself as both in content and style the two poems couldn’t have been more different. In the first of them I write from the perspective of Rob’s wife who sits at home waiting for him to come home and worried that he may be up to something with some impressionable young lass whilst making her promises he knows he will never keep. In contrast the second of my debuted poems relates the story of a girl telling her girlfriend’s the story of why despite temptation she rejected this man’s amorous advances and turned down his proposal of marriage and I have to say they went down rather better than I’d dared to hope.Well I don’t know about others but I’m always a wee bit nervous when performing new material so I think cracking a few one liners before I started reading them may have helped to set the scene. This is especially true when I said that I think our Robert who had or at least appeared to have a different woman for every night of the week died not from consumption as widely believed but from exhaustion. Now I’m not sure why, but this joke seemed to go down very well with the girls in attendance. Well let’s be honest, a man’s a man in more ways than one and sometimes more ways than are good for him.
Talking of the girls I have to say that though a number of the acts were new to me I was entertained by a lot of strong woman giving voice to their truths and was very impressed by what I heard. This was especially true of Nuala a softly spoken Yorkshire lass whose poetry was so good that I and my fellow weegie and travelling companion Lesley McKay (Traynor) were busy trying to organise a Glasgow side to her poetic social diary.
Mention also must be of the work and of musician May McCloud, and the words and music of my fellow Donegal football fan Michelle Hogg who when we weren’t talking girl talk seemed impressed by my knowledge of Gaelic games and my commitment to the boys in green and gold and told me of a dramatic conversation during the referendum when she made the journey from no to yes. Now I don’t know why, but I always enjoy hearing of these Damascus like moments and believe me you won’t find many travelling in the other direction.
This was a wonderful occasion and the relaxed informal atmosphere meant it was just like spending a good few hours with your friends. I particularly enjoyed playing my part in Rita Bradd’s hilarious version of The Three Crows which tells a sorry tale of how the birds journeyed from Edinburgh to Dumfries to attempt to nibble at the bard’s birthday feast at a rather select venue in Alloway only to pick off more than they could swallow which made them very unpopular with the diners. So as soon as they were able get airborne the birds flew with fuller stomachs than the guests back home to Edinburgh.
Rita’s hilarious adaptation of this very Scottish tale_ was excellently narrated by Lesley and her tune on the Clarsach was one of my personal highlights of a thoroughly entertaining event which was rounded off by everyone who wanted to taking the stage for one final performance. For my final poem of what was a truly inspiring evening I chose not a Burns related poem but a trans related one, The Road To New Beginnings which tells of my decision to life as the woman I had always known myself to be and more important shows a glimpse in to the woman who had procrastinated for too long to please other people rather than live my life my way Eventually though I did take that road not to high heeled shoes and low cut dresses but to a life of what my mother would a proper woman whatever that means to life of a kirk going lass who can still be as daring as the next girl to life I love and wouldn’t swap for anything
At the end of the night Lesley very kindly gave me a lift back home to Glasgow and as we chatted and put to rights the wrongs of the world I thought to myself the reason I enjoyed Mrs Burns Night as much as I did was because it was a night with the girls and we ladies all know what can happen on a night like that. Aye it would be enough to scare the pants off a poet so it would.
Love And Best Wishes
Gayle X
Review is about Federation of Writers (Scotland) Meet the Makar on 22 Feb 2016 (event)
Thanks for your comments, Laura.
They mean a lot to me
:-)
Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Christine - my wife is a physio and this sounds just like her! I can hear this being performed to an audience who are rolling about. Love it.
Rob
Comment is about AN ODE TO DOREEN (blog)
Original item by christine yates
Christine - powerful imagination you have there! Love poetry with a sting in the tail. Where have you been?
Rob
Comment is about THE TREE (blog)
Original item by christine yates
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:26
Comment is about Little Humans (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke