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Ray Miller

Fri 10th Jun 2011 20:21

January, as cold as sociopathy;

he’s married to misogyny

and swears in ancient Greek.

Those are great lines in a good poem. I wonder if you can be ricket-legged, though.

Comment is about New School Blues (blog)

Original item by John Darwin

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Ray Miller

Fri 10th Jun 2011 20:08

Not many sonnets on WOL and this is pretty good too. You've kept the 10 syllable count and rhyme meticulously, though that sometimes leads us to unnatural constructions like

your shoulder-chip it will not hack away.

when it will not hack away your shoulder-chip is what we want - and probably what we started with?
The stress seems a bit wrong at the beginning of this line too

until you can embrace the present-day.

yeasifies!? Is that a proper word?

Comment is about Baggage Class [sonnet] (blog)

Original item by Alan Morrison

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Manda Lee

Fri 10th Jun 2011 20:07

Cheers Ray. I agree and will edit my out. Had several ideas in mind as to who was doing the trapping, so left it to the readers to decide. Thanks for your feedback.

Comment is about TRAPPED (blog)

Original item by Manda Lee

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Elaine Booth

Fri 10th Jun 2011 19:28

Powerful message through deceptively simple language. XX

Comment is about Blameless (blog)

Original item by Kath Hewitt

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Elaine Booth

Fri 10th Jun 2011 19:26

Really touching, Laura. Some folk seem too good and loving to have to go through such pain. And sometimes it's almost as if it's worse having to stand by helpless and watch them go through it. XXX

I want to echo here Andy's comments - superb performance at G&V - what a professional.

Comment is about Wine, Tears and Consolation (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

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Elaine Booth

Fri 10th Jun 2011 19:20

So many loaded and powerful lines here, Jacky. I had the pleasure of hearing you read this last Sunday and I think you know how much I loved this poem! C u soon. X

Comment is about The armchair (blog)

Original item by Jacqueline Pemberton

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Francine

Fri 10th Jun 2011 16:55

Ahhh... Reminicent of sweet and delicious moments.

Comment is about Keeping The Scent Of Insignificance From The Door (blog)

Original item by John Togher

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Emma McCourty

Fri 10th Jun 2011 16:04

Thank you for liking Old Glitter and Flip Flops Alan! :o)Take Care, em

Comment is about Alan Morrison (poet profile)

Original item by Alan Morrison

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Ray Miller

Fri 10th Jun 2011 15:58

Nice poem. I'd prefer the title to reflect who you're trapped by - parents, pets, whatever. Good use of "stalled".I should think "Captivated by self-awareness" would do. You don't really need "my." Nice last three lines.

Comment is about TRAPPED (blog)

Original item by Manda Lee

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Andy N

Fri 10th Jun 2011 14:04

Good to see you on here, Jess.. Enjoyed all of the samples on here.. Hope to see next Saturday at Cadence - if the weather holds - it'll be a good un! x

Comment is about Jess Green (poet profile)

Original item by Jess Green

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Alan Morrison

Fri 10th Jun 2011 13:18

I like that a lot. Very nicely done. Especially the trailing rhymes and the alliterative "You winked the wisdom I needed". I'm really impressed. Thank you for sharing.

Comment is about Old Glitter and Flipflops (blog)

Original item by Emma McCourty

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John Darwin

Fri 10th Jun 2011 11:24

Hello Jess, enjoyed your performance in Wigan last night, liked stop the poetry in particular.

John

Comment is about Jess Green (poet profile)

Original item by Jess Green

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Emma McCourty

Fri 10th Jun 2011 11:02

I Like it!its is very fluid and captivationg due to the same words beginning each stanza. Its suits the list style and keeps the intense focus on the 2 protagonists :o)

Comment is about chocolate shoes (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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Winston (Admin)

Fri 10th Jun 2011 10:55

Hi Jess, Keep up the good work. Hope you enjoy WOL. Winston

Comment is about Jess Green (poet profile)

Original item by Jess Green

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Greg Freeman

Fri 10th Jun 2011 09:47

Thanks for the namecheck, Val, but all the credit goes to John! I've never been to Prestatyn ... and I don't think I'm going to go there now.

Comment is about Nights in Prestatyn (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

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Greg Freeman

Fri 10th Jun 2011 09:07

Sounds very unpleasant, John ... and I recognise it very well, unfortunately.

Comment is about New School Blues (blog)

Original item by John Darwin

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Ann Foxglove

Fri 10th Jun 2011 08:33

Um, it's probably safer to avoid men AND cucmbers if you ask me!

Comment is about chocolate shoes (blog)

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:51

excellent, john.. one of your best yet i think.. really enjoyed it.. A

Comment is about Song for an unborn child (I never) (blog)

Original item by John Darwin

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:51

love the last stanza here in particular, Kealan

Comment is about The Lost Bodies Of Last Year's Summer (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:50

this isn't about Augusta is it, Gus? In fact haven't heard from a while - did she let you paint her? lol

Seriously, top stuff.. loved it.

See you soon hopefully (Am off next month - will give you a shout)

Comment is about Beneath her Contemptuous Gaze (blog)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:48

thanks to all for comments here... quite a straight forward poem for me to write, but has given me plenty to think about afterwards.. x

Comment is about Lost Shadows (blog)

Original item by Andy N

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:46

glad you liked 'escape', win... these love poems are starting to prove easier and easier to write, i think - lol

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:46

Hi Elaine;

Tell you a bit more about Escape when I see you as it is a kind of true story, but originally was wrote in a workshop way before my current other half but when the comp came up - it made perfect sense to revise it.. A

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:44

glad you like 'escape, ann.. i seem to be building a rep for my love poetry.. i must be getting soppy in my old age - lol, but glad you like it...

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:43

thanks for the comments over 'escape' and 'dark shadows', jeff... the least said about your comment on fb about 'summer is here' however the better - lol..

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:40

thanks for the support antony over my last few poems blogged here.. you are right - my work is certainly getting stronger and stronger and i am pleased with the way it is going.. need to email you too reminds me - try to do it over the week-end.. A

Comment is about Antony Owen (poet profile)

Original item by Antony Owen

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:39

thanks for the comment over 'escape', isobel.. the original draft off this is from a few years back from a old writing workshop exercise but straight away when dave announced it, i knew it was a contender for massive rewriting and it made sense one morning when cathy was out asleep.

i've wrote a poem directly about what you said too but cathy has banned me from blogging it - i'll send it over to you as a pm sometime. (Cathy now has a profile on here under a different name too) x

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:36

Hi Manda, thanks for the comment over 'Escape'.. I think it was another Trio Writers old workshop piece rewrote.. I'm surprising myself by finding so many old stuff there which i can give me a new life too.. Have fun.. A x

Comment is about Manda Lee (poet profile)

Original item by Manda Lee

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kath hewitt

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:35

Ha ha you are most welcome!

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:35

thanks to all for the comments here.. the piece actually was originally wrote for a workshop a few years back (i can't remember now what we had to write exactly) but when dave announced the comp, it was straight away a contender for totally rewriting.. Andy N

Comment is about Escape (blog)

Original item by Andy N

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:33

thanks for the comments M8 on Summer is here I wrote this after getting soaked at lunchtime on Wednesday and thinking oh god - the british summertime is certainly out again.. lol A

Comment is about Banksy (poet profile)

Original item by Banksy

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:32

thanks for the comments M8 on Summer is here I wrote this after getting soaked at lunchtime on Wednesday and thinking oh god - here we go again - lol.. particularly enjoyed God’s Marble Collection although i suspect that would tie me up in knots trying to perform it - lol A

Comment is about C Richard Miles (poet profile)

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:31

thanks for the comments Greg on Summer is here I wrote this after getting soaked at lunchtime on Wednesday and thinking oh god - here we go again - I have no plans to perform it to be honest or indeed publish it truth be told.. It's a moment poem if that makes sense to you, but glad you like.. Andy

Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:30

thanks for the comment Kath on Summer is here I wrote this after getting soaked at lunchtime on Wednesday and thinking oh god - here we go again - lol..

Comment is about Kath Hewitt (poet profile)

Original item by Kath Hewitt

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:30

thanks for the comments John on Summer is here I wrote this after getting soaked at lunchtime on Wednesday and thinking oh god - here we go again - i could taste the rain also.... A

Comment is about John Darwin (poet profile)

Original item by John Darwin

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:29

thanks for the comments all, folks.. wrote this after getting soaked at lunchtime and thinking oh god on Wednesday - here we go again.. A

Comment is about Summer is Here (blog)

Original item by Andy N

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Banksy

Thu 9th Jun 2011 21:11

for an old bint you ain't half got a dirty mind !

On that note, ....a friend of mine has been avoiding men for years - frightened that she might catch something.... then she goes & catches E.Coli off a cucumber !
(I hope your cucumbers are all safe Ann)

Comment is about chocolate shoes (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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Banksy

Thu 9th Jun 2011 21:06

I told my mum back in April - don't forget these two weeks of unseasonal sunshine, cos THIS is summer - she thought I was joking, but I wasn't... looks like I was right.. Again !

Comment is about Summer is Here (blog)

Original item by Andy N

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Banksy

Thu 9th Jun 2011 21:02

very well written, honest & evocative.
I wonder if it would be too much too hope for a poem on WOL giving us a girl's eye view of those teenage fumblings ??

Comment is about Keeping The Scent Of Insignificance From The Door (blog)

Original item by John Togher

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C Richard Miles

Thu 9th Jun 2011 20:52

Ah...

The great British weather - always a superb source of inspiration. Loved this (especially after a soaking today at a school sports day!) and Wimbledon's just around the corner...

Comment is about Summer is Here (blog)

Original item by Andy N

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Val Cook

Thu 9th Jun 2011 19:58

Enjoyed this Greg. Know exactly what you mean I was there for a couple of hours last year,it was sad.

Comment is about Nights in Prestatyn (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

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Val Cook

Thu 9th Jun 2011 19:48

I love it Anne,very sexy.

Comment is about chocolate shoes (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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Val Cook

Thu 9th Jun 2011 19:46

I liked the pace,the sadness and the anger comes through.I expect many single Dads will relate to this poem John. Good poem.

Comment is about Song for an unborn child (I never) (blog)

Original item by John Darwin

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Brian Wood

Thu 9th Jun 2011 19:24

Hi John
I must admit it took me back to my boyhood days-
Thanks for the memories.
Brian

Comment is about Keeping The Scent Of Insignificance From The Door (blog)

Original item by John Togher

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Indigo

Thu 9th Jun 2011 18:44

Thank you for your kind words.

I've got several animal poem ideas at the moment, it's just finding the time to write them all :)

Comment is about Nutty Squirrel (blog)

Original item by IndigoAngelUshiku

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 9th Jun 2011 15:42

Thanks Ray - much better! :)

Comment is about chocolate shoes (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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Greg Freeman

Thu 9th Jun 2011 15:28

I can identify with this, Martin ... well, waiting for a bus at King's Cross, anyway. And that swirl of people around the station can be exhilerating

Comment is about Invisible (blog)

Original item by Martin Togher

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John Darwin

Thu 9th Jun 2011 15:27

like this Kealo, 'the clot of the public' good words.

John

Comment is about The Lost Bodies Of Last Year's Summer (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

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Martin Togher

Thu 9th Jun 2011 15:02

When you get to your 40s, there is a feeling that you are invisible to people in their 20s.

Comment is about Invisible (blog)

Original item by Martin Togher

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Dave Bradley

Thu 9th Jun 2011 14:50

This is a really fine poem, Alison, which will be up there with the best in the competition. But obviously far more than just a poem.

Comment is about Tough old boots (blog)

Original item by Alison Smiles

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