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Peter Mowat

Tue 25th May 2010 20:37

I am pretty ignorant when it comes to London geography as I am a half hearted militant Scot who rarely ventures south of the wall. It is a very hard hitting piece and created strong image of the area. If I ever find myself in Kensington I will take a print out of this poem instead of a map.

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Banksy

Tue 25th May 2010 20:31

Hi - many thanks for the kind comments. B

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Peter Mowat

Tue 25th May 2010 20:17

Ah come on! The bit where covers the air freshener from a urinal in chocolate and presents it to his girlfriend is hilarious. It says so much for both characters and the world they inhabit. I also laughed at a throw away remark he made towards the end of the book when he was struggling to cope on his 'holiday'. He spent all morning on the beach shovelling sand into his month and crying. Every time I go to the seaside now I think of this. I must confess I have had urges to give it a try myself!

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Lynn Dye

Tue 25th May 2010 20:17

Hi Dave, thank you so much for the kind comments on my work. Afraid I'm new to this and haven't worked out blogging yet!!

Just enjoyed reading your samples and love them all, especially "Only Fond"

Cheers, Lynn

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winston plowes

Tue 25th May 2010 17:03

Hi Vicky, Thanks for your comments on 'Postwar Postcard' and congrats with getting something into inthered 8. Its a great publication. I should know I was in the last one! lol Win

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Liam Jones

Tue 25th May 2010 16:41

thankyou Anthony and Alison for your lovely comments. Glad you liked it :)

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Tommy Carroll

Tue 25th May 2010 15:44

Yes Peter an amazing and disturbing book. I can't remember laughing much though, I've read the book three times and struggle to remember any chuckles! ;o)

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Alison Smiles

Tue 25th May 2010 14:51

I loved this one too

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Peter Mowat

Tue 25th May 2010 14:49

Thanks Anthony.

When I read it a few years ago I was a bit worried about myself. I shouldn't really be laughing at this stuff or finding it entertaining. I’m sure a few people experienced this. It is a difficult and ugly book in both content and style. I think the endless banal descriptions of every detail of his friends outfits or apartment fitting sit strangely well with Bateman's po-faced recounting of his horrifying actions.

I reckon this poem is more of a jigsaw than a creative piece. The first and last lines of the poem are exactly the same as in the book and I just played around with a few of the events in the book to make them rhyme. I wrote the original draft about six months ago and only revisited it recently. But don’t worry; the nonsense poems will be making a return in the near future!

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Isobel

Tue 25th May 2010 14:21

Yes - there is harmony and it is a calm poem. Some interesting thoughts in there - can identify with the bit about children - how hard it is to focus on your own future once you become a parent... the thirst for love also seems to drive many of us, possibly because it brings meaning to life, albeit temporarily...
The poems seems to explore the fact that so much of life is taken up by expectations and striving - you could possibly develop that further....
If we are lucky we'll find our peace, whether that is before God or privately.
Sorry for rambling - it's how I make sense of things.

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Isobel

Tue 25th May 2010 13:49

An interesting idea Dave and quite true. How many people do you know who are missing a crucial piece?

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Dave Bradley

Tue 25th May 2010 13:29

What a great story, but no. It was inspired by my wife saying she couldn't be bothered to do the sky in her jigsaw, and the thought that the sky is a metaphor for questions metaphysical

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Anthony Emmerson

Tue 25th May 2010 12:49

Hi Dave,
I'm wondering whether this was prompted by the recent news story:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7737064/Pensioner-finally-completes-5000-piece-jigsaw-after-maker-provides-the-one-missing-piece.html

I guess we all have a few pieces missing - I know I do.

Regards,
A.E.

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Anthony Emmerson

Tue 25th May 2010 12:37

Hi Peter,

Not your run-of-the-mill subject matter for this one! In Bateman, Easton Ellis created perhaps the most dysfunctional and chilling character in contemporary literature, whilst holding a mirror up to the hidden atrocities of western capitalism. A profoundly disturbing novel, given its prophetic insights. Particularly liked the ambiguity of your conclusion.

Regards,
A.E.

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Anthony Emmerson

Tue 25th May 2010 12:12

Hi Liam,

This is a powerful and personal vignette. I love the word "halcyon" - although I'm never quite sure how it translates into the common phrase literally - "kingfisher days" doesn't quite mean the same thing! I guess it's used like a condiment - to impart a particular flavour. I always seem to enjoy sad reminiscence in poetry, this is no exception. That a friend, who was once inseparable, is now himself drifting, lost in a morphia sea is a true loss. I guess we are all adrift in our own way. A precise and very poignant write.

Regards,
A.E.

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Original item by Liam Jones

pretty-little-roses

Tue 25th May 2010 11:29

thank you all for your comments and for taking the time with my poem. Although it reads like a 'lover's' poem, it was in fact written with my soldier son in mind who left me 22years ago at age 16 to 'join up' and the army turned him from my loving thoughtful son and friend into a man who hides his emotions well (suppose a trained special soldier has to) However, I think of him all the time and long to hear from him and once in every while the phone does bring him to me inbetween him living his own life. Please dont misunderstand I am not a bitter clinging mother ~ just a mum who misses the son who was also her best friend xxx

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darren thomas

Tue 25th May 2010 11:23

Hi Dave - nice to see you're experimenting with different styles.

I had a police friend who we called 'Jigsaw' - for no other reason than he always went to pieces when he was in the (witness) box. Daft - but true.

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Original item by Dave Bradley

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Larisa Rzhepishevska

Tue 25th May 2010 10:44

Thank you, dear Lynn. I am happy when people enjoy reading my poems.

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Marianne Louise Daniels

Tue 25th May 2010 10:24

hmm, yes all this pandora talk put this is my head...

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Marianne Louise Daniels

Tue 25th May 2010 09:25

i did mean 'fault line'...
why can't a poem really peck your head with its demands? hee hee...
it SHOULD be free game... thanks for the comments.

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Dave Bradley

Tue 25th May 2010 08:23

Hi Lynn

Thanks for commenting on mine. I've enjoyed reading yours - good fun, poignant in places, some sharp insights. Hope to see you blogging!

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Dave Bradley

Tue 25th May 2010 07:54

Other commenters have said it all, so you may not get too many more comments, but I'm sure this will resonate with many. Well written.

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Chris Dawson

Tue 25th May 2010 00:07

Hi Cynthia,
Thank-you for reading & commenting on 'Pandora's Box', your comments are always much appreciated.
Yes, I think you're maybe right about the choice to indulge curiosity being the exercise of free will, can I claim poetic licence?
I think also the discussion of what is free will etc is quite a complicated one; the (what I believe to be)myth of Pandora ties up very well with the (what I believe to be) myth of the creation story; certainly in Pandora's case - she did as Zeus had manipulated her into doing, is the same true of Eve? - not sure.
I believe both stories, both women, both gods to be entirely fictitious.
I do believe, however, that we are programmed according to a mutable mix of biological imperatives, chemicals, social conditioning, personal history etc ... so if we're programmed, do we still have completely free will?Interesting point you made!
:)
Cx

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Chris Dawson

Mon 24th May 2010 23:55

Hi Andy,
Thanks for reading and commenting on 'Pandora's Box', much appreciated & nice to hear from you.
:)
Cx

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kath hewitt

Mon 24th May 2010 22:57

Hi Cynthia,
RE pandoras box, glad you liked it and though i can't say i know the biblical references i like the fact that you were able to relate the two 'stories'.
RE Riding slipstreams, I have actually blogged it before but during one of my manic depressive downturns ( shall we say ) i removed myself from WOL and inevitably regretted it as i lost record of all the stuff i'd blogged.Hoping to blog 'em again without too much uproar for repetition lol.
RE Onyx eyes, i like that you find it scary and yes i suppose i do enjoy these kind of thoughts, they come easier than hearts and flowers.

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kath hewitt

Mon 24th May 2010 22:46

Hi Isobel, My RE is tres poor too, though i agree that King probably did get inspiration from the bible.
I had hoped to get away with Pandoras sex change - looks like i managed it ok lol x

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Rachel Bond

Mon 24th May 2010 22:36

think language has a lot to answer for; it can become so esoteric it is a hindrance to real communication rather than a help. In my opinion, it is especially useless when writers/speakers don't really think about what the words really mean, and just 'spout', using all kinds of rhetorical skill to influence other people, all the time being on very unsure ground themselves. 'God/gods' can be the epitome of good or evil. Funny that. I took the slant of 'god/good'

i asked what writers work is this referring to?
language...is especially useless when the writers dont really think about what the words really mean...
i assume you are talking about poetry as we're on a poetry site.
straight forward question really cynthia.

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Larisa Rzhepishevska

Mon 24th May 2010 22:14

Hi, Lynn! You are so dear. Thank you for your comment. Thanks for understanding. I say these words as woman to woman. lol
With warmest wishes, Lara

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Lynn Dye

Mon 24th May 2010 22:05

I think this is really good, Larisa.
Love it! Warm regards, Lynn

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Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 24th May 2010 22:01

I think this is really, really good. It captures an age-old situation forever 'new'. Your contrasts are well-chosen and expressed with concise words to involve the mind and the 'mind's eye'.

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Lynn Dye

Mon 24th May 2010 21:59

I like this poem too, Dave. It is so easy to relate to.

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Original item by Dave Bradley

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 24th May 2010 21:53

Brilliant, and scary. The first two lines of stanza 2 are compelling. Do you enjoy these thoughts?

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 24th May 2010 21:50

I think this is fantastic. Didn't you have another one rather similar? Something rings a bell, because I was much impressed by similar ideas before. You are developing a real 'voice'. The title is excellent.

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Original item by Kath Hewitt

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 24th May 2010 21:45

These prior comments are fulsome, and worthy. I think 'fault' is used like 'fault line' where lava/fire/disruptive emotion break through the earth/conscious restraints. The beauty of your work is symbolism which is free game, so to speak.

Comment is about Walk alone (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

pretty-little-roses

Mon 24th May 2010 21:40

thank you all xxx

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 24th May 2010 21:35

This is really good, Kath. Symbolically, I actually thought of the apostle, John, in his exile, trying to assimilate and reteach the tenets of Jesus of Nazareth. Words are so loaded with the reader's own experience.

Comment is about Pandoras box ( sort of ) (blog)

Original item by Kath Hewitt

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 24th May 2010 21:25

What a powerful subject, brilliantly highlighted here. I find the 'rib mythology' absolutely appalling, and can hardly believe it still exists - oh so strongly - in some arenas. I love how clear this is, smashing glass all the way.

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Original item by Marianne Daniels

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 24th May 2010 20:59

I like this a lot. It has a wistful quality. You can tell that a lot is left unsaid about this friendship. Subtle.

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Liam Jones

Mon 24th May 2010 19:55

thanks for the comment Andy. I was trying to have a contrast from first and second stanza so glad it turned out alright

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darren thomas

Mon 24th May 2010 19:23

Hi Marianne - I really enjoyed reading this; it actually 'feels' poetic, with its classic sense of morosity.

I'm with Ray though with the line -

"the fault of emotion bleeding monarchs of madness in their minds"

cf. 'emotion's fault, bleeding madness of monarchs in their minds'.

It's less demanding to imagine someone 'bleeding madness' than it is 'bleeding monarchs' - it just depends which noun you wish to modify.

I enjoy your writing - there is something there that appeals to me.





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Ann Foxglove

Mon 24th May 2010 19:02

I find this such a sad brave poem Rosemary. But your inner Goddess is so strong! I see you wrote this in 2005 - you are still here writing poetry which is both great and true. Good for you! Much love AF xx

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Isobel

Mon 24th May 2010 18:38

Yes - I like this one. Sometimes it isn't a question of a dagger in the heart - just a little hurt. Sometimes it isn't a question of life and death issues - just common courtesy...this strikes a chord for me.

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Isobel

Mon 24th May 2010 18:34

LOL - that's another reason I liked the poem! You are far more subtle than me Kath! The change becomes her well...

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Isobel

Mon 24th May 2010 17:31

I bet Steven King was inspired by the bible, as was Tolkien. I think much of literature is rooted in myth or religion, time honoured allusion... glad to hear it wasn't Blackpool LOL x

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Original item by Kath Hewitt

pretty-little-roses

Mon 24th May 2010 17:21

I fankoo xxx

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pretty-little-roses

Mon 24th May 2010 17:20

:)

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Rachel Bond

Mon 24th May 2010 17:13

ooo masood x

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Rachel Bond

Mon 24th May 2010 17:11

i love this poem. it echoes my feelings entirely on the subject of all this supposed beauty in silence and these platitudes that really just fail to acknowledge a persons suffering and attempt to make it right with trite observations. and we know all too well when a person doent speak to you its becuse they just dont want to and will use any cleverness to excuse that to avoid responsiblity for their non-action.
you have put it beautifully x

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 24th May 2010 16:21

Sounds to me like you have given Pandora a sex change Kath! Good poem, as usual! x

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kath hewitt

Mon 24th May 2010 16:14

Hi Andy,
thanks again for reading and commenting. I had toyed with different ways of splitting but couldn't decide so in the end it stayed as it is - as per lol x

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