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chris yates

Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:09

Such a funny yet exasperating ending feel for you x

Comment is about Ocean Blue (blog)

Original item by Jon Darby

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chris yates

Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:06

Memories life is made of them a pleasure to have a glimpse into your childhood the good old days uncomplicated pleasures x

Comment is about Cake Mix (blog)

Original item by Jon Darby

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Stu Buck

Thu 4th Feb 2016 14:39

his body moved like fresh grapefruits

that is a fine line!

very accomplished piece of writing. doesnt lag and is interesting and nicely wordy throughout.

enjoyed.

Comment is about miracle (blog)

Original item by Rachel Bond

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Stu Buck

Thu 4th Feb 2016 14:37

jeremy. just wanted to say i am keeping up with these and they are excellent. like an old greek epic in size and scope. wont comment on them all (its a huge undertaking!) but i am enjoying them.

Comment is about the muslim's tale xii (blog)

Original item by jeremy young

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Stu Buck

Thu 4th Feb 2016 14:35

yes this is great! reminds me of tony soprano at the start of the first series when he finds the ducks in his swimming pool. great stuff.

Comment is about THOSE DAMN DUCKS (blog)

Original item by GeeProcessor

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Stu Buck

Thu 4th Feb 2016 14:32

gorgeous martin. brackish ponds. blackened meres. sodden tides. just lovely sensuous writing and flows beautifully. would be great live i think, possibly with accordion accompaniment.

Comment is about Drowned (blog)

Original item by Martin Elder

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Laura Taylor

Thu 4th Feb 2016 13:41

Yoohoo! :D Just got your messages. Now then, this indent works well, for me. It brings attention to those lines, focuses the reader much more on the path you are creating for them, the linguistic trick you are playing on them and the trap you are setting, and using the 'diagnosis' word to signpost it for them.

A reader now sees it mounting up into raised eyebrows territory, and they're thinking "is he saying what I THINK he's saying?! Well I never!" sorta thing ;) (cos they're NOT thinking "Is that significant? Should I be taking notice of this somehow? I don't know what it means"

You say you believe it to be a better presentation, and it is, you're right ;)

Enjoy the experimentation - I tried it a couple of times and loved it!

Comment is about A RESTORER'S LOT (blog)

Original item by ray pool

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raypool

Thu 4th Feb 2016 11:53

I've just now checked about Concrete Poetry, and it has opened my eyes to the potential, and I think I will definitely give more consideration to construction as and when it inspires me - maybe a few experiments on the way.
Thanks so much Laura.

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

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raypool

Thu 4th Feb 2016 11:43

Hi Laura. Just to say that I've re - entered The Restorer's Lot on the basis of your comments, leaving three lines indented as I feel they need a special emphasis. I think this is a better presentation.
So thanks again for an intelligent take.!!

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

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John Coopey

Thu 4th Feb 2016 10:08

I'm getting there, Harry (apart from the hair).
(And I think you need her permission before Yvonne lets you beat her)

Comment is about 70m DASH (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

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Laura Taylor

Thu 4th Feb 2016 09:57

Morning Ray!

Yeh, I thought it may be something along those lines of 'sexing up', as you called it. If a poem is 'good' (and we are always in the loop of subjectivity when we judge a piece of art), then it will stand on its own two feet (or four, in this case heh).

Unless there is a 'concrete' (see what I did there?) reason for arranging the text in a certain way, it serves to distract rather than enhance. It makes the reader instantly wonder about the significance of the arrangement, and in the process, focus is taken away from the actual poem.

It would be well worth your time to read up a little about concrete poetry actually, so that you can have a play with it. I'd never heard of it until about 3 or 4 years ago when I reviewed a book of poems about rock-climbing, and the writer had laid out her poems in different cliff and climbing formations. It was a real joy and surprise to read.

Anyway, if you don't know about it, have a gander:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Concrete_poetry

Comment is about ray pool (poet profile)

Original item by ray pool

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Martin Elder

Thu 4th Feb 2016 09:20

Great poem , I like the rhythm and the flow to it. I will bet it goes down well spoken live.

Comment is about THOSE DAMN DUCKS (blog)

Original item by GeeProcessor

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GeeProcessor

Thu 4th Feb 2016 03:43

man your work is BANGIN

Comment is about Double Dark (blog)

Original item by J. Otis Powell‽ (with interrobang)

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Noris Roberts

Thu 4th Feb 2016 01:15

Hi Jim, no need for blushing :) I really appreciate you comment on my poem Vibrating in the unison of the scream of passion. Thank you.

Comment is about Jim Trott (poet profile)

Original item by Jim Trott

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Noris Roberts

Thu 4th Feb 2016 01:13

Hi, Ray thank you so much for your kind comment on my poem Vibrating in the unison of the scream of passion.

Comment is about ray pool (poet profile)

Original item by ray pool

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Harry O'Neill

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 21:18

That fat guy isn`t you with your hair dyed, is it John?

(Yvonne has never forgiven some woman who beat her thirty years ago)

Comment is about 70m DASH (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

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Harry O'Neill

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 21:05

Cynthia,
I like the way rhe perplexed, befuddled discombobulated, scruffy, and the ruffled furious robin,
seem to be all trying to re-compose themselves after the wind

Comment is about Wind from my Window (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Harry O'Neill

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 20:44

Stu,
I can see why you minimised this one, For pete`s sake take the shit and the crocodile out of it! She sounds like a bit of a treasure...she`ll have your guts for garters!

Comment is about My Love (blog)

Original item by Stu Burton

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raypool

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 20:43

Laura, thanks for your observations. I'm very glad you gave it the once over, and although David's astute suggestion was not in my mind , my real answer to your question is that It has become a habit on occasions with no apparent motive- perhaps I am insecure enough to think readers will not follow the content without the "sexing up" of the format. Which of course is bollocks but just me not being sure of motive.
Please continue to read 'em with your usual strict ministrations!

David, I like the humour - very apposite! I'm getting too old for the old restoring malarchy! The shed full of tools awaits though. Ray

Comment is about A RESTORER'S LOT (blog)

Original item by ray pool

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Jim Trott

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 19:33

I'm so sorry Laura :'(


Comment is about And the Walls did Weep (blog)

Original item by Jim Trott

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Harry O'Neill

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 19:30

Chris,
To me there seems to be a long period of self-sacrifice unsaid (and yet said) in this poem.

Comment is about EMPTY (blog)

Original item by christine yates

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chris yates

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 18:54

I remember it well dear brother of mine lol love this poem it evokes so many memories of that day and our family life back then in 1972 hence the black and white photograph couldn't afford colour ( : x

Comment is about The Day Of Her Leaving (blog)

Original item by Jon Darby

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chris yates

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 18:49

Great poem I hope I am never waiting in the hall well written piece thought provoking need to hear more from you ( : x

Comment is about By the light of the local Spar (blog)

Original item by Jon Darby

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Rose Fraser Ritchie

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 17:55

Donna Ray

https://www.facebook.com/groups/63257036856/10153270027821857/?notif_t=group_activity


30 January at 15:54
.

If you're north of the border people,the lovely Rose Fraser Ritchie will not disappoint!













Review is about Federation of Writers (Scotland) Meet the Makar on 22 Feb 2016 (event)

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Adam Whitworth

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 17:43

Hi Laura,
Thanks for your comments on "In The Old Fence-Post Was A Perfectly Round Hole".
D'ya know, I think it's true that an improvement in my efforts is due to inspiration from reading "The Melting of the Ice"! If this is a temporary effect, you'll have to keep on writing so I can!
Thanks again :)

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

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Rose Fraser Ritchie

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 17:43



Tartantights's Blog
by Gayle Smith.

The Poetry, Politics, and General Musings Of A Cultured Kind Of Citizen

Mrs Burns Night Was A Night With The Girls And That Would Scare The Pants Off A Poet

Hey Readers This time last week it was the day after one of the most enjoyable Burns celebrations I’ve ever been part of. However this was no ordinary Burns night this was a celebration with a twist. Confused? don’t worry, I can and will explain all and in doing so inform you as to what made this event so unique and so different from any other Burns night I’ve attended.

The event was held in The Merlin hotel in Edinburgh which hosts a regular spoken word night on the fourth Monday of each month and was organised by the ever so likable force of nature that is Rose Fraser Ritchie. Entitled Mrs Burns Night this was a wonderful night of poetry and music and most importantly a celebration of the strong women in the life of our national bard. As part of the brief we were encouraged to write poems from the point of view one of Rob’s lassies.

To be honest I thought I would find this to be a real challenge and possibly beyond my range of abilities. This however was not the case and I managed to write not one but two poems on the topic both of which were written and given debut performances on the night as part of a set which included my unique take on the address to a Haggis entitled To A Curry.

With regards to meeting the brief, I have to admit I even impressed myself as both in content and style the two poems couldn’t have been more different. In the first of them I write from the perspective of Rob’s wife who sits at home waiting for him to come home and worried that he may be up to something with some impressionable young lass whilst making her promises he knows he will never keep. In contrast the second of my debuted poems relates the story of a girl telling her girlfriend’s the story of why despite temptation she rejected this man’s amorous advances and turned down his proposal of marriage and I have to say they went down rather better than I’d dared to hope.Well I don’t know about others but I’m always a wee bit nervous when performing new material so I think cracking a few one liners before I started reading them may have helped to set the scene. This is especially true when I said that I think our Robert who had or at least appeared to have a different woman for every night of the week died not from consumption as widely believed but from exhaustion. Now I’m not sure why, but this joke seemed to go down very well with the girls in attendance. Well let’s be honest, a man’s a man in more ways than one and sometimes more ways than are good for him.

Talking of the girls I have to say that though a number of the acts were new to me I was entertained by a lot of strong woman giving voice to their truths and was very impressed by what I heard. This was especially true of Nuala a softly spoken Yorkshire lass whose poetry was so good that I and my fellow weegie and travelling companion Lesley McKay (Traynor) were busy trying to organise a Glasgow side to her poetic social diary.

Mention also must be of the work and of musician May McCloud, and the words and music of my fellow Donegal football fan Michelle Hogg who when we weren’t talking girl talk seemed impressed by my knowledge of Gaelic games and my commitment to the boys in green and gold and told me of a dramatic conversation during the referendum when she made the journey from no to yes. Now I don’t know why, but I always enjoy hearing of these Damascus like moments and believe me you won’t find many travelling in the other direction.

This was a wonderful occasion and the relaxed informal atmosphere meant it was just like spending a good few hours with your friends. I particularly enjoyed playing my part in Rita Bradd’s hilarious version of The Three Crows which tells a sorry tale of how the birds journeyed from Edinburgh to Dumfries to attempt to nibble at the bard’s birthday feast at a rather select venue in Alloway only to pick off more than they could swallow which made them very unpopular with the diners. So as soon as they were able get airborne the birds flew with fuller stomachs than the guests back home to Edinburgh.

Rita’s hilarious adaptation of this very Scottish tale_ was excellently narrated by Lesley and her tune on the Clarsach was one of my personal highlights of a thoroughly entertaining event which was rounded off by everyone who wanted to taking the stage for one final performance. For my final poem of what was a truly inspiring evening I chose not a Burns related poem but a trans related one, The Road To New Beginnings which tells of my decision to life as the woman I had always known myself to be and more important shows a glimpse in to the woman who had procrastinated for too long to please other people rather than live my life my way Eventually though I did take that road not to high heeled shoes and low cut dresses but to a life of what my mother would a proper woman whatever that means to life of a kirk going lass who can still be as daring as the next girl to life I love and wouldn’t swap for anything

At the end of the night Lesley very kindly gave me a lift back home to Glasgow and as we chatted and put to rights the wrongs of the world I thought to myself the reason I enjoyed Mrs Burns Night as much as I did was because it was a night with the girls and we ladies all know what can happen on a night like that. Aye it would be enough to scare the pants off a poet so it would.

Love And Best Wishes
Gayle X

Review is about Federation of Writers (Scotland) Meet the Makar on 22 Feb 2016 (event)

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Jim Trott

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 17:06

Thanks for your comments, Laura.

They mean a lot to me

:-)

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

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Celia

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 16:21

Thank you Adam :)

Comment is about Changes (blog)

Original item by Celia

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Robert Mann

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 15:29

Christine - my wife is a physio and this sounds just like her! I can hear this being performed to an audience who are rolling about. Love it.
Rob

Comment is about AN ODE TO DOREEN (blog)

Original item by christine yates

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Robert Mann

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 14:47

Christine - powerful imagination you have there! Love poetry with a sting in the tail. Where have you been?
Rob

Comment is about THE TREE (blog)

Original item by christine yates

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Vicki Ayers

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 14:28

Many thanks Stu for your comments on Your Words - it's a new style for me - I shall do more! Xx

Comment is about Stuart Buck (poet profile)

Original item by Stuart Buck

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Vicki Ayers

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 14:27

Thank you Stu! I shall keep trying - I like the challenge of the new!!

Comment is about Your Words (Haiku) (blog)

Original item by Pixievic

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Nigel Astell

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 13:37

Diamonds that sparkle within cobwebbed clouds of time.

This is such rich textured poetry that I find myself in a mirrored dream just gazing at the sheer quality in which you write.

Powerful stuff Katy

Comment is about The Temptation of St Anthony II (blog)

Original item by Katy Megan

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Laura Taylor

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 13:20

Hey - could be! If that really is the explanation, that would be fantastic, although not immediately obvious to every reader.

Comment is about A RESTORER'S LOT (blog)

Original item by ray pool

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Michelle

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 13:17

Thank you for the comment, Dazzer. M:)

Comment is about He’s a Drunk (blog)

Original item by Michelle

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Laura Taylor

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 13:14

And so did I. And my dad.

Proper choked up now. Great poem, really good.

Comment is about And the Walls did Weep (blog)

Original item by Jim Trott

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Michelle

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 13:09

Thank you Laura for your generous comment on 'Shapeless days and nameless nights'. I'm pretty chuffed that you liked it.
M:)

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

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Laura Taylor

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 13:06

Love love love this. I am currently caught up in the maelstrom that is looking after an elderly dad complete with care system cock-ups, and this rings lots of bells for me.

Another wonderful story, well told.

ps - from early childhood, I basically lied to everyone about my every move, thought and action for YEARS in order to preserve a basic privacy. That also rang bells with me, though its premise is different to Tom's.

I don't always get the time to comment on poems, but when I do I will. You are one I will be keeping an eye on :)

Comment is about Tom's Battles (blog)

Original item by Jim Trott

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Graham Sherwood

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 13:06

Thank you for the very kind comments on Puthering Laura!

Puthering, that's a real word eh? In my childhood household it was a term for any seemingly chaotic action, quote my mother:

"that flour is just puthering all over the shop"


Graham

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

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Laura Taylor

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 13:00

Yep, I loved the mundane/crisis/mundane shifts too, and it's the kind of thing that poets do really notice. Love the image of the magpie trying to retain some dignity, and the narked robin :D Tied up with your little wry 'who, me?' line at the end, and we have one of the best things you've written for a while Cynth :) Nice one :)

Comment is about Wind from my Window (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Darren Lea-grime

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 12:53

this dragged me in michelle, i think it was the description of the locked knee that got me and at that point i knew it wasnt going to be a happy poem. great stuff on a sad subject
dazzer

Comment is about He’s a Drunk (blog)

Original item by Michelle

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Laura Taylor

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 12:22

Something I kept meaning to ask you about Ray is your use of indents. I'm not sure what they add to the poems. I enjoyed this one with its twist at the end, but am puzzled as to the significance of the indented lines.

Comment is about A RESTORER'S LOT (blog)

Original item by ray pool

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Laura Taylor

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 12:11

It really is full of riches, as Greg says. This has to be one of THE most evocative poems I've ever read. It has actual texture, smell, and sound, combined with the wisdom of 'all things shall pass'.

This line "it shall vanish from the library of within" makes me ache it's that poetic.

Fantastic, you should be very proud and happy with this poem. From one poet to another, I pay you this compliment: I wish I had written it :)

Comment is about A Place Like a Poem (blog)

Original item by Chandana

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Laura Taylor

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 12:06

Oh Michelle, I absolutely love this! The title/last line is so fine - such a lovely sound and feeling to it, and scenes you lay out for us - well, I'm there, right there inside them.

Wonderful piece. And a beautiful touch of letting go, right at the end.

Comment is about Shapeless days and nameless nights (blog)

Original item by Michelle

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Adam Whitworth

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 10:38

Powerful poem

Comment is about THE TREE (blog)

Original item by christine yates

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Greg Freeman

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 10:22

This is a poem full of riches. I love "rickety-rackety with family", and the way the lines conjure up so many pictures.

Comment is about A Place Like a Poem (blog)

Original item by Chandana

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Stu Buck

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 08:58

agreed. this is gorgeous. i love spices in poetry, they are wonderfully evocative.

on line 14 'bpoys' should be 'boys'.

i'm there with you, in your place and in the emotions you transfer through the page. brilliant stuff, the first poem ive read today and a fine way to start!

Comment is about A Place Like a Poem (blog)

Original item by Chandana

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Jim Trott

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 06:11

Hi Chandana

This is a beautiful poem which I really enjoyed. I could almost smell the incense and spices.

I love the reflective sadness, and was shaken by the almost casual acceptance that the cherished memories will fade.

Lovely, lovely poem.

Comment is about A Place Like a Poem (blog)

Original item by Chandana

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GeeProcessor

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 06:09

your comments means much... thank you.... its great to have a venue where people... actually 'GET IT"

peace

Comment is about I AM AFRAID (blog)

Original item by GeeProcessor

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Chandana S.

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 01:02

Yes, from Bangalore. Thank you.

Comment is about Nameless (blog)

Original item by Chandana

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