Indeed Laura. The whole poem is a joke.
So what did you think of the poem?
The tight rhyming structure given the shortness of the lines; the close shadowing of the original; the effectiveness or otherwise of the enjambment in "The problem for me it's/ where stuff fits": the weakness of the 2nd chorus? Can a poem have merit if its contents are offensive? Multum in parvo.
I am intrigued as to what you think.
Comment is about HEY THERE VAGINA (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Do you not want to answer my question?
Comment is about HEY THERE VAGINA (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Josh I think the op
is reversed
a body transplant
or so i've learned!
Tommy ?
Comment is about Amputated (blog)
Original item by Josh C
I sometimes wonder
-if it were reversed-
that we'd now regret
the wrinkled skin in which
we were once nursed?
Tommy (sigh) ?
Comment is about Not Exactly Miss Jean Brodie (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
What did you think of the poem, Laura?
Comment is about HEY THERE VAGINA (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Are you actually making a joke about female genital mutilation with this, John? Really?
"And clitoris which Fatima had not
No longer got."
Comment is about HEY THERE VAGINA (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
<Deleted User> (13762)
Tue 6th Feb 2018 08:40
the cleverness of this lovely poem is in the fact that believers and non-believers alike can relate to much of it. God described as 'a regular person' in the opening line projects an image of equality that sets the tone for the rest of the poem. And wouldn't a God of equality be appropriate for this moment in history? And who could resist the prospect of finding life again in some indefinable 'heaven'? The third verse shows a respect for family and the world around us and the duality of the last verse provides the perfect summation of his thought process - non-believers are free to have faith in themselves whilst believers live with God within them. For an eleven year old to condense down into a few simple lines two millennia of religious doctrine and make it highly relatable is quite an achievement and one the various churches should take some heed of imo. Thanks for posting Cynthia and well done Ewan. Colin.
Comment is about 'My Song of God' by Ewan Thomas Holt, Age 11 (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
G'day Cynthia,
This is so uplifting for me - it reminds me of myself at Ewan's age; looking, noticing, challenging, thinking.
I should have expressed in verse, as he does here, the sheer wonder and mystery of this world.
I bet he gets hooked on poetry for life. What a prospect!
Chris
Comment is about 'My Song of God' by Ewan Thomas Holt, Age 11 (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
John, I got to witness you in action, and though my visit that one night brief - I will never forget it. I was impressed with how you organised the event and how welcome you made people feel... And I still cannot believe I drank all your beer! ?
Comment is about Farewell, John Togher: Write Out Loud Wigan's organiser to step down after 10 years at the helm (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Wycliff
Mon 5th Feb 2018 21:45
Time heals all wounds. It's all up to us to attract what we want for our own happiness. Law of attraction is real.
Comment is about MAYBE (blog)
Original item by Nyanjiru Wambugu
Wycliff
Mon 5th Feb 2018 21:40
Embracing the worst predicament of man that is mortality is the best way you can live a life fully with the idea that you can't re-live your past so all that is left is to live in the present like there are no second chances...
Comment is about (blog)
Original item by Nyanjiru Wambugu
Thanks Des.
Comment is about 'Presidents Club' by Shirley-Anne Kennedy is Poem of the Week (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Nicola Beckett
Mon 5th Feb 2018 19:32
Perfect. I hope that cow rots and pieces can drop from it and give you freedom through the putrefaction.
Comment is about forward (blog)
Original item by Ria Richardson
congratulations David, a worthy poem indeed. Shades of Heaney and Hughes with slate roofs almost in sight.
Ray
Comment is about 'Roots and branches' by David T Jones is Write Out Loud's Poem of the Week (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Great poem Martin
best line for me
Kissed the dog stroke the wife
Comment is about Doors (blog)
Original item by Martin Elder
Mon 5th Feb 2018 14:50
Thank you Pat,much appreciate your comments.
All the best des
Comment is about Into (blog)
Original item by DESMOND CHILDS
Mon 5th Feb 2018 14:46
Congratulations David, Great poem.
All the best des
Comment is about 'Roots and branches' by David T Jones is Write Out Loud's Poem of the Week (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
<Deleted User> (13762)
Mon 5th Feb 2018 13:36
I love David's work and this is no exception. Well done mate. Col.
Comment is about 'Roots and branches' by David T Jones is Write Out Loud's Poem of the Week (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
David,
Congratulations on a worthy accolade to a flourishing poet. You deserve the honour. Keith
Comment is about David T Jones (poet profile)
Original item by David T Jones
Mon 5th Feb 2018 07:05
Congratulations on POTW. Well deserved, great poem.
All the best des
Comment is about 'Presidents Club' by Shirley-Anne Kennedy is Poem of the Week (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Hi Cynthia, You are too kind! I certainly enjoyed building the imagery here, and I'm pleased you liked the result.
I wrote it recently after hearing Sting's old song "Fragile" - and its line "How fragile we are ...."
Best,
Chris
Comment is about A Song for the Fragile (blog)
Original item by Chris Hubbard
A fine effort Jackie to convey the inexpressible! When you're told your death date (as I was) words fail you and you DO have a heightened sense of the blessing that is 'being alive'. I like your poems a lot. Keep writing! John
Comment is about Living My Own Death (blog)
Original item by Jacqueline Phillips
Hello Nyanjiru, Welcome to Write out Loud. I particularly enjoyed the poem you offered as a sample. It was so well crafted. I like your use of the word roam as it is very appropriate. Thank you for this. Keith
Comment is about Nyanjiru Wambugu (poet profile)
Original item by Nyanjiru Wambugu
Thanks Rose
No need to apologise we all get busy with stuff.I do quite like Jim he was quite a poet in his way.
Riders of the storm was a classic.
Comment is about Doors (blog)
Original item by Martin Elder
There is obviously a great deal of thought gone into this poem which puts to shame some adults let a lone an eleven year old. Its really heartening to know that he is thinking about such ideas and processing them.
Lovely poem Cynthia
Comment is about 'My Song of God' by Ewan Thomas Holt, Age 11 (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Fred, thank you for your kind comment. It is much appreciated. Keith
Comment is about Three Score Years & Ten (blog)
Original item by keith jeffries
Absolutely love this Kieth, it’s like reading about myself and my own thoughts. I still think I’m a teenager sometimes but then reality hits home, especially when an angina attack comes on! Cheers
Comment is about Three Score Years & Ten (blog)
Original item by keith jeffries
Thanks once again Keith, yes I do relate to the words, which were once again inspired by Ian Curtis, who’s biography I was reading at the time. Unfortunately he took his own life at 23, and part of that was having to be someone he didn’t really want to be.
Comment is about I’m a little bit scared (blog)
Original item by Rick Varden
Thanks once again Keith, yes I do relate to the words, which were once again inspired by rock singer Ian Curtis, who’s biography I was reading at the time. Unfortunately he took his own life at 23, and part of that was having to be someone he didn’t really want to be.
Comment is about I’m a little bit scared (blog)
Original item by Rick Varden
Frances Macaulay Forde
Sun 4th Feb 2018 17:07
Thank you so much for the like on 'Dieback', so glad it brought me here, to read your lovely words...
Loved what I've read so far - especially 'Waterbirth' reminded me of a short piece I wrote when my daughter was born - a long time ago.
Hope you don't mind if I share it with you:
The Moment of Birth
-------------------------
My Darling One you are so new
helpless - yet so strong!
You didn't really need the Doctor
guiding you along...
Now I know how every mother feels
at the moment of birth.
You caused such pain, such draining
of strength, yet
when you finally arrived in just a second
all that had gone before
was completely forgotten
and I held you to my breast - now calm
then gently with my fore finger...
caressed your tiny arm.
Frances Macaulay Forde - 1976
Comment is about Carol Falaki (poet profile)
Original item by Carol Falaki
Big Sal
Sun 4th Feb 2018 16:21
Great, gentle, and bold expressions all in one. Underrated emotions to be sure, and good poem to express them in.
Comment is about Used (blog)
Original item by Jane
Big Sal
Sun 4th Feb 2018 16:14
I like the imagery of nature juxtaposed to the rhythm of the poem, it's good.
Comment is about Pain in the ass (blog)
Original item by frey
<Deleted User> (9882)
Sun 4th Feb 2018 15:29
long time no comment Martin so here I am with a cap in my hand full of apologies.
A great piece of hard work! You ain't a Jim Morrison fan by any chance?
yes, I am reaching for my coat! ?
Rose ?
Comment is about Doors (blog)
Original item by Martin Elder
Thank you Cynthia I really appreciate your kind words and Sal thank you as well.
Comment is about Whispers (blog)
Original item by Gabrielle Renee'
Nick, Very well expressed. Keep at it man. Keith
Comment is about Punk Rockers Don't Sing The Blues. (blog)
Original item by Nick
Thanks Lynn. You will be pleased to learn that I haven't done that with an old coat again
Comment is about Waking up my people (blog)
Original item by Martin Elder
Hello Gabrielle, thank you for this poem as it is a breath of fresh air and brimming with optimism. Very therapeutic. Keith
Comment is about New Beginnings (blog)
Original item by Gabrielle Renee'
Great thoughts well put. Final two lines are an excellent closure. You write with flair. And 'flare' too, actually.
Comment is about Whispers (blog)
Original item by Gabrielle Renee'
True and vibrant, all-embracing and inspiring. Great title. I'm glad you're here on WOL.
Comment is about New Beginnings (blog)
Original item by Gabrielle Renee'
Hello Cynthia,
out of the mouths of babes and sucklings............ I remember teaching a confirmation class to children and asked them if they could name something they could not see. A little girl replied, ¨the wind ¨.Seeing is not believing. Thank you for this as it speaks volumes to today´s world.
Keith
Comment is about 'My Song of God' by Ewan Thomas Holt, Age 11 (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Love the honesty of your bio. Welcome to WOL. I'll try to catch up with more of your work. I do think your background of personal writing really shows in both confidence and style.
Comment is about Gabrielle Renee' (poet profile)
Original item by Gabrielle Renee'
Much enjoyed. An great idea well executed with clarity and craftsmanship.
Comment is about Warrior (blog)
Original item by Gabrielle Renee'
What a line: 'a man who drank the stars' and then 'before a dancing Irish hearth' . Seriously hoping the reader uses the same vowel sound for 'stars' and 'hearth'. IMO, a great idea expressed with superb imagery and craftsmanship.
Comment is about A Song for the Fragile (blog)
Original item by Chris Hubbard
Am I proud? Oh, yes! It was a class assignment from Religious Studies, and he was despairing about writing a 'song', never mind the content. I reminded him that a poem is a 'song' too. And he was off! He dictated and I transcribed. Every word is his, exactly as he spoke it, falling naturally into format. His amazement was a joy.
Multiple religions for age 11 must be difficult to handle, by teacher or pupil. So much to try to understand.
Both of my grandsons are writing. Marley, 24, has read at Sale, Manchester. Am I proud? Oh, yes!
These boys are thinking. Poets are thinkers.
Comment is about 'My Song of God' by Ewan Thomas Holt, Age 11 (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Hi Hannah,
Many thanks for your feedback. As always, really appreciated.
Suki
Comment is about Two Minutes To Midnight (blog)
Original item by Suki Spangles
M.C. Newberry
Tue 6th Feb 2018 16:25
A hole in one - one might say!
Your range of inspiration defies the imagination. But your
posts are never less than entertaining (that rare and
increasingly absent term for poetry) and always cleverly
constructed.
Comment is about HEY THERE VAGINA (blog)
Original item by John Coopey