You wear your sins like royal thread,

a crown of thorns upon your head.

Your hands have built, your hands have torn,

they’ve held me close, they’ve left me worn.

The world cries out, it speaks your name,

etched in echoes carved by flame.

Yet in the dark, where no one sees,

you whisper love like dying leaves.

I hope it rains in hell—

not to quench your fire,

...

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I can't help but wonder, was it worth it?

Was your transient moment of pleasure worth making me feel like shit?

It seems to be a never-ending cycle of me losing my mind over you,

Your words display such innocence while your actions prove they're not true.

Defending, deflecting, giving every reason instead of the selfish thoughts in your head,

Unintentionally cementing my newfou...

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And so it's done

That dream I saved 

I cherished and nurtured

Fed the best parts of me

Now dried up and decaying 

Crumbling like flaky pastries

The color all gone 

Now grey and dusty

Like cobwebs in corners

Of long forgotten rooms

Like dirt on windows

No one has looked through 

The feeling I had

All diminished and dead

No longer a heartbeat 

O...

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PEWTER HEART

_____________

Lost:

One small metallic

Treasure, laying untouched in blades of grass.

Heart-shaped,

Pewter-made,

Chain connected to its form.

A love 

Freely given,

Refused in disgust.

Never kept,

Never worn,

Tossed into the tall green grass

Like a shiny hunk of trash,

Grown cold,

Left to rust.

Found:

B...

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It runs in my family
I thought I was lucky
That the gene had skipped me
But I was wrong
It's not a substance I cannot give up
It's you I am addicted to

Years went by
And the fire that once raged
Was nothing but a barely glowing ember
I thought I was done
That I was in the clear
But I found you again
And the feeling is creeping back in
The weight on my heart
I feel it with every bre...

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A star in the sky with its tail wrapped around your eye

Spreads its light into you like a song that has just started playing

A song of hope and hopeless praying

and the only thing that could be heard

was the utter silence of never said words

Will you fly and reach the sky

or will the celestial come nearby

or will the two meet in the middle

as if the lover’s voices met ...

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I design my flow of life in my own way
Never built regrets;
Only keep on building memories!!!

Made my way through hard rocks enduring all the pain;
But still enjoy my tracks!!!

'll seem quite and beautiful,
'll reflect what you desire;
Don't dare to test my threshold,
Or else 'll sweep out all the darkness around!!!

You help me carve and pave new path
Helped me see the world in dif...

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My love for you will always stay.

Like a door not closed all the way.

I will love you in my own way.

Even if I must stay away.

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Under weathered daisies
allegedly buried, but mindfully present
an old-timer - well past his prime,
beneath a cold etched granite marker
in the gut-wrenching hope,
that she might willingly return
to  recall the pleasant times at his soil,
as he oft did at hers
   his unanswered love,
   his perpetual embrace
He would caress her with his stone
hands, devoutly wishing for the white heat
...

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We are reduced to WhatsApp now you’ve left

the ting tells me your specks of thought, no touch

I think you may be synaptically challenged, cheat

your triad of expectations; you, me and her!

If you are trying to separate us, send me messages,

unfurl your inner petals of speech so you can serve me

and I’ll dissolve them into cadences of text history;

a nexus of hope deleted and u...

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I am content to love you,

Knowing I will never be loved in return,

For it is better to give than to receive, 

And loving is better than being loved. 

The happiness the thought of you brings me

Is enough.

If I cant hold you in my arms, 

Then I will hold you in my thoughts 

And be satisfied,

Knowing that you live in my mind

And can never leave me.

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I hope the stars

Always twinkle for you.

I hope the flowers

Always bloom for you.

I hope the sun

Always shines for you.

I hope the moons 

Always bright for you.

I hope the sunset 

Is always your favorite color.

I hope your ocean’s 

waves are always calm. 

I hope your river

Always runs true. 

I hope the rain 

Never lasts too long. 

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Dreams of uncertainty

Light up the unsuspecting mind

Floating through the abyss

Needing to be fed by the void inside.

Forming a strange pattern

The illusion once affixed

Veers through the twisted labyrinth

Setting a stage for the hopeful to fall all over.

The heat felt is roused

By this fleeting moment

Mistaking it to be existent

Till it plunges us into a...

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I want to feel 

to feel you

Your energy

Your aura

Your soul

I want to feel

Feel anything

Love

Lust

Pain

I want to feel

Feel you near me

Around

Above

Below

Inside me

Midnight comes

Rouses me from frightening dreams

Sleep becomes 

Thy long lost lover

Lost to the sea

Many lives ago

I stand on the cliff

Dark skies hug me

Angry wat...

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There are no colours,
Time weights my lids.
And soon I see nothing more than time.

If you do not hold me,
I will be cold.
If you are not near,
How will I tell you all these things that I think?

There are no thoughts,
Dreams fill my brain.
Soon I, incapable of reason, will be permanently lost.

If you are not there,
I will be cold.
If you do not want me,
What use, all these things...

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Come then, Victory.
This lady has done with Darkness.
This day
Is too full of sadness.
But the war rages on,
See!

              She has no control.
              It isn't as she wishes.

"Come then.", saith the night,
"Take up this shroud of blackness."

                           She does its bidding.

"Come then.", saith blackest night.
"I am the Harness."

                 ...

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Wake.
          Feed.
                   Sleep.
                              Work.
                                        Dream.
Yet what is dreaming?
Laugh,
            Ache,
                      Turn,
                               And leave.
A spoken word. A broken friendship.
Heart burns. The party's ended.
The kind advance met with confusion,
There's nothing left to do, but ...

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I am like all those other lonely women;
My eyes are closing, from the stinging.
I am ageing with the best of them,
I am growing veined, waiting.

My HEART is a cog turning,
I have BARBED WIRE for a stomach.
My legs are PISTONS burning,
My GUTS are rubber.

And all my parts are rusted, aged, breaking;
Even my technology is out-dated.

My teeth are RAZORS, biting.
My EYES are funnels...

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You took the sweet-lipped child
                             as she slept in innocence.
As she danced, with the daisies in her hair,
                             at a picnic party.
And now, 
The sour-mouthed woman
                rises from the broken fragments.
And now you wonder.
And now you back away in horror.

See,
        The woman stands alone among you.
See,
        The anger ...

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I know what the future holds.
No warm embraces for this weary heart.
The shades of night breathe welcome to the day.
The memories flicker, with the firelight.
The sadness fades.
The blackness hides within.
I am one with nothing, once again.
But pain is free,
And I'll take any bargain, so it seems.
I'm wondering something in me hasn't changed,
I cannot weep.
I've had the anger.
My eyes ...

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And are you he?
No shadow softened sun
Could ever cause this fire in my heart
Alone,
Nor too, the lingering ember in the grate.
Oh, it is not the culprit that I seek - 
That seeks me too.
Oh, tell me, is it you?

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I've been falling apart for a union.
Didn't mind my mind's intrusion.
Even said,
                    "Hello Confusion."
Got fission,
Not fusion.

But, I've been dreaming about solutions.
Running the race in the wrong direction.
Living for a figment of my own imagination.
Hurting myself,
                        For no reason.

I've been walking the line of indecision.
Toying around wi...

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We are both naive young fools.
You do not see
What is in front of your face,
And I do not hear
What is behind my own.
We are both amateur players,
In a game with no rules.
You missed your sights,
But you shot me through,
And now
I am blinded by you.

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There are no longer words.
I have grown ancient listening.
I have grown a maze of wrinkles,
                                                     waiting.
If my eyes seem dull,
Remember they have forgotten you,
                                                          searching.
Forgotten life,
Seeking memories.

I sit, and watch the hunting.
Come and join me,
                          ...

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Can I help it, if I think you're beautiful?
If I love you, 
Must I spend my whole life being sorry?
When you smile, 
Something twists inside me.
Something fragile, so it ought to break
But doesn't.

Can I help it, if I think you're special?
If your name excites me,
Must I always try to hide it?
The cynic in me tries to squash it;
Dulls my voice, and makes me stiffen.
Makes my gaze see...

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It should not be a sad thing,
                            To be a friend.
But I cry at night, on an empty pillow.
And every day I dream about you,
And see your face, in shadows.

It should not be a bad thing,
                            To be a friend.
But every night I dream about you.
And in the day, I cry without you,
And give myself to sorrow.

        It should not be so maddening
...

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Show me the year it was -
I'll show you the seventeen it wasn't,
And the eternity it never will be, that follows.
Show me the memories - 
I'll show you the smiles forgotten,
And the shattered illusions, broken fragments.
Show me the point in living - 
And I will cut my throat on it!
Don't you know everyone's dying?
                                   It's all the rage.
Recognise the sound...

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I want to write a cheerful poem.
I want to sing a song of joy.
And clap my hands,
And throw my caution to the wind,
Not this misery, I.
This drivel,
                  without end.

I'd wear a dress of red and gold.
All laced up,
All softly flowing.
I want to joke, and laugh, and talk,
And brave this storm.
Not go in black,
Not me, this wreck;
This back-wind
                        ...

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She tried to smile,
She practiced it at home at night.
And how she'd act,
She tried to speak as if it were alright.
She even smiled,
        but mostly at herself.
They didn't care.
They didn't even notice how she felt.

She found that funny too.
She practiced for that aim.
As if it were the only goal in life,
And yet...
She wished they'd wonder, all the same.
She wasn't brave,
And ...

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On a broken stone, in a wide wild ocean,
A breaking girl, in a sea of tears.
A broken heart, and half a notion
To break away the rest of her years.

But the breaking stone refused to split,
And the roaring waves refused to bite.
So all alone,
And lonelier yet,
For nothing would take her life.

She thought of sleeping
Till she drifted away,
And so she did - 
And so she did.
She laid ...

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Note:     This is probably the most embarassing of the poems in the sub-theme of 'Unrequited Love'
             (Although there are a few other strong contenders)
              But, I wouldn't be doing the audience or the theme any justice if I were to omit this one.
              (I'm not sure if it is the zenith or the nadir)
              So, if you read on, don't say you were not warned.

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Can't get you out of my mind.
Can't halt your stay in my mind.
Can't halt my mind.
Can't hold my breath.
Can't hug death.

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Time to visit my 17 year old self, for the next sub-theme in Love's Tempest of 'Unrequited Love'.
With low self-esteem and low social confidence it was kind of inevitable.
But that's not the only way this particular storm can brew.

This first poem in the sub-theme, 'Reckless Abandon' is presented in two forms.
In its original version, and as a shaped poem.

The original version 

...

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When our ships met again in open seas
our eyes met in the salt air
under gull cries
a vow was kept
testified by Neptune
for sundry nereids inspirited
the disclosure of secret love

you are gentle,
& the wise know you,
my feeling was divulged to you
but I bear the curse of graves
previous voyages
strong vessels with wooden bones,
scattered at the bottom

a sounder ship is awaiting
...

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I think of you, chastise myself, 

And press your name away

Ignoring, stubbornly, the fact, 

You’re present every day

I don’t ask why I cannot help 

But seek your commentary

On every task, or smile of mine- 

A wish I cannot bury

I say, embarrassed at myself, 

That this affair ends now. 

This fantasy, this made-up game, 

I cannot keep allowing

After...

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My whole body reacts

to the image of you in my head,

As I lay impassioned in bed.

I have never been more aware of the material that encapsulates the mounds on my chest.

My hips move involuntarily, my cl*t pulsates,

seemingly to my quickened heart and shallow rapid breaths.

I can see clearly your lips, your mouth,

those discerning eyes  that I love and hate in equal amounts.

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When shadows go into hiding

And dreams run wild

I imagine you all stripped down and bare

All facades shed

Thoughts of me invade your head...

Or so I wish, a girl can dream

I miss you, I want you

If only I could scream 

These words out loud 

Remove the shroud

Say them loud

Say them proud...

But I mustn't disturb the peace

What is unknown must remain ...

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We were young 19 and 22
 just me and you 
we went into this blindly 
everything we've gone through wasn't supposed to be taken lightly
 three months in
 and we found out we're having a kid
 we bickered and we fought
 that's how relationships were at least so I thought 
4 months I was afraid
 but for eight years you've stayed
 but not without a glitch 
you f*** that b**** 
I had poured ...

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We circle as sharks
on the Hyde Park winter rink
our eyes like lasers
I audibly bleep when they meet

We both go forwards
not getting anywhere
we pass with differing intervals
I only breathe when we pass

Some laps are flawless
some laps are clumsy
some laps I nearly take some sucker down
some laps I kiss the ice

I feel your eyes lift me to my feet
I feel them brush the slush from...

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I think

I might like you 

I think to myself on late night lonely trains 

Watching the city lights fade into the distance and wishing 

If only you were here to see it, too

There are worse people to adore than your best friend 

Worse people to know everything about you 

and you of them 

I know you 

Moments you regret

Private jokes and unspoken secrets 

At o...

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I had one of those dreams again, the ones where we were just friends. You had no idea you were my every heartbeat.
 

We were on a trip somewhere, back in high school or something. You had a crush on the foreign exchange student I was rooming with. I was barely tolerating her. You invited us to hang out though, and I couldn't deny any second spent near you. We stayed late in your room listening...

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Via the phone
When I heard your voice
Having a friendly tone--
At long last you have won--
My diffidence and anxiety gone
An electrifying ecstasy
Charged my heart's zone,
Who fate was
To ceaselessly lament and moan.

The vein inundating feeling
You evoked, anon,
Percolated down to every bone
To each love thirst
To atone!

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"you" are the distant moon
Bright and shiny
yet, so far...away

and I'm the tide,
your smallest change
cause turmoil in me

What I forgot, is that,
the moon is destined
to love the pretty stars
not the distant earth
which is so close, yet,
so far...

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I'm missing you..

like the sea misses the shore,

Like the mountains miss the bluebells

in the cold, 

like the earth misses the sun at night

But,

the waves should learn

to wait till the tide is high,

& the mountains must know

to endure till spring,

& earth till the dawn arrives.

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I barely Know You

I don't "really" know you.

When we met,

We hit it off and by that I mean-

You told me all your secrets.

I related with you.

I felt for you. 

I saw something you were unable to see...

You.

Cleaning, running around after Cam and the vist after-

there was, another baby in that perfect belly.

See, I know you're lonely.

You feel under appreciated 

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He ghosted me,

then I ghosted too.

Maybe ghosting 

spreads like the flu.

Leaves the ghosted

feeling sick and blue

when a loved one 

suddenly starts ignoring you. 

You haven't a clue 

what to do. 

So, you stay in bed, 

with the covers over your head

wishing you were dead

so you can get some relief 

from the ghosting disease.

Eventually, you get up

sal...

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Passion consumed 
eventually fades.

Passion capped 
pursues us 

beyond the grave.

This revelation 
helps me understand,

our encounter was 
never about us.

It was about our muses
intertwined in the 

world of words.

We were denied 
the lasting passion
we searched for

so we could write 
our soul songs

for seekers 
to see

the ectasy 
and despair

that accompan...

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I thought that you cared,
that you cared more than a friend.
Now when I see you you're all over him,
now I'm letting the darkness in.

I remember when you were all over me,
I sang you lullabies to help you sleep.
You held my hand when I felt down,
held me in your arms to pull me up.

We were editing our little story,
you put your pen down and I start to worry.
You scrumbled your paper ...

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I still loved you but I walked away.
I know you still love me, but I'm not comming back.
You still try to reach me, I know you do.
Every text you send I read, never ending your silent plead.

I know you're hurting I'm too,
but I know I can't be with you.
You were my everything I hope you know.
now I can't give you roses of red colour.

I was hurting, my heart was bleeding,
I didn't let ...

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You'll never know how much I want you
You'll never know how much I need you
You'll never know how much it hurts 
to see you in his arms.

Why I pretend not to see,
all these texts you send to me.
Why I decline all your invites,
when I used to see you every time.

He knows I'm your best friend,
he asked about you again.
There's just one thing he doesn't know,
you're the one my heart fo...

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