I think of you, chastise myself, 

And press your name away

Ignoring, stubbornly, the fact, 

You’re present every day

 

I don’t ask why I cannot help 

But seek your commentary

On every task, or smile of mine- 

A wish I cannot bury

 

I say, embarrassed at myself, 

That this affair ends now. 

This fantasy, this made-up game, 

I cannot keep allowing

 

After all, it’s been three years

Since I have seen your face.

And any thought I think you’d have

Is simply me displacing 

 

My own deep thoughts, for what I know

My ideal self should be, 

And you are just a carrier, 

A mirror, showing me 

Your laughter, praise, surprise and smiles 

And peaked curiosity

 

And really, what that’s saying is, 

I wish someone would think me funny, 

And clever and shocking and kind and sweet 

And witty and sly and sunny

 

You see? It's completely rational 

That I should only find 

You claw your way into my dreams

When I close my waking mind. 

 

It is really nothing to do with you, 

That is what I must suppose

Or it is just too sad, to see 

A love, who’s door has closed.