Suicide (Remove filter)
From The Look Down
Another spotlight, make the headlines.
A final shout-out to the ranks of the-do-fine.
Did I make you stop and think?
Now looking down… from the look down,
me and every other ghost in this town
who couldn’t live life on the brink.
And I say - hey. There’s got to be a way
for everyone who couldn’t be.
Yeah, I say - hey. There’s got to be a way.
Gotta be a way… for m...
Wednesday 26th February 2025 1:09 pm
No Requiem
Ah!
The simple sorrow
Of no more tomorrows
A gasp of air
No longer there
Drifting down life's breezy alleys
To settle in some distant valley;
A nomad memory roaming free
Returning only occasionally
To minds who thought all was calm
Under masquerades of smiles & charm
Do we only truly live in youth?
‘Til conformity becomes our truth?
Teth...
Thursday 3rd October 2024 10:44 am
Eyes of the storm
Cut me open, bleed me dry
A knife not a tool, a liberator
There is the forgiving woman with sorrow
Deep in those eyes, to a place
I am oh so unfamiliar with
There are places you know, you see
It is the dark holding our sparks
A flock of deft touches and harmony
Yet the pulse of the thunder rolls over
Sparks scattered, hidden or gone
You will never, never...
Sunday 18th August 2024 11:58 am
Entwined
Let me search for a lonesome tree,
For little lonesome me
To give some quiet company.
Let my body replace
The absence of its leaves.
Let the wind caress my skin,
As tenderly as it would the leaves.
And when the day awakes,
With the sun peeking up
from beneath its covers,
Let a singular shadow be cast.
Of a hanged man and a tree,
Keeping each ...
Monday 12th August 2024 5:15 pm
Captain My Captain
The wind seems to blow when the cold settles in.
Darkness will fall after shadows begin.
The end truly came long before you were through,
now everyone is going to miss you.
Captain, my captain now gone to the sky.
Words can’t describe all the reasons we cry.
The circle’s complete now, there’s no reason why.
Captain, my captain… goodbye.
…Tribute Robin Williams
Saturday 16th March 2024 10:45 am
Days End
The days don’t seem to give a damn,
they march in step of time.
They stare ahead with eyes of steel
while never breaking line.
They torture me with disregard,
they tread upon my soul.
They seem so unaware I’m here,
they simply come and go.
I once believed the day would come,
I hoped that it would give
the thing that I was searching for -
a reason I should...
Friday 23rd February 2024 1:44 am
Hokey Okay
Hokey Okay - Experiences with the mental health teams
The police bring you in, next thing you’re out,
In out in out, fucks your head about,
They do the okay okay and turn you around,
Claiming that your mindsets sound!
Woahhh you’re okay okay,
Noooo, ill chokey chokey,
Woahhh, you’re okay okay
Head hurts, alarms sound ah ah ah
Then you’re back in again, out ...
Sunday 17th December 2023 10:22 pm
About Love And All It Is Not
Love is,
replacing the soothing touch of water
with the burn of swirling red.
Love is,
broken glass on the ground,
not being able to differentiate red from red.
Love is,
freely seeking comfort in another’s bed,
knowing your own will be empty anyway.
Love is,
conceiving a child,
in the hopes it will turn your lives around.
Love is,
heated argu...
Sunday 29th October 2023 8:58 pm
Broken Record's Repetition
For me,
Please,
Stop cutting.
I said.
A broken record.
Only now,
As she lays in the grave,
Six feet under.
I wonder
if things would have changed,
If I just once asked her to
Stop cutting,
Please,
For you.
Would it have made a difference, though?
The reason to cut or not remains
the same, either way.
Nothing can change that here
She...
Thursday 19th October 2023 10:16 pm
My Last Act
I pick up the shards of glass
that are scattered on the ground.
I marvel at them in wonderment,
how beautiful it once was.
Still, it'll serve a good cause.
Such a pity,
won't you applaud?
This is the end of the show,
Don't you hear the crows?
Toss your roses
Or will you wait till my eyes are closed?
Pour the alcohol,
Let the bubbles float to the surface.
Dr...
Sunday 28th May 2023 5:01 pm
Mercy
People often say that God is merciful.
Then why is it that every night, every day, every waking hour of mine,
I keep reciting the same prayer?
‘Have mercy, my Lord, and put this subject of yours out of their misery’.
If God is so merciful, then why is it that I still find myself breathing?
Exhaling every breath, hoping this one will be my last.
Why is it that I find myself all t...
Tuesday 21st March 2023 10:10 am
Poetry prequels pain
Poetry comes to me
In bits
and pieces
I write it
On a paper
All those
random lines
Which look like
Prequel plots
of
A hurt
not yet felt
I keep losing
this paper
Just like how I
Keep losing the
Thoughts of you
And of
you and me
Confusing
my heart
So I get to
postpone
the hurt--
Tuesday 14th February 2023 4:40 am
Home Interior
‘’See you tomorrow’’,
that was what you said.
Back then, I could not identify it as a lie.
I only realized when I got to your house the next day,
your hanging frame decorating the place.
Thursday 9th February 2023 2:51 pm
Why
Husband, father, brother, son.
Just for another day.
Another day you'd see the sun,
shining bright through clouds.
Today the day was nice.
Only that you weren't there.
Will be more such days,
but you will never see the sky again.
Now there is silent, suffocating heat.
In the heart cold darkness lays.
As cold as metal shue shelf,
which you were hanging from....
Friday 23rd December 2022 11:36 pm
The one with depression
I’ve come to the end of my days
My little short fuse of a time is to fly
stopped searching for the cave in which it lays
all my sorrows, where the last tears are drawn from
where all the pictures of the past have lost their smile
where the black ink has started to dry
It is but a scissor I need to cut off this red
To let it breathe with a new breath so fresh
To...
Tuesday 22nd November 2022 8:11 pm
HONOUR MY CHOICE
So I've thought out this letter for so long as the times have changed my words have too everything changes but my mind this windowless prison permanent guard oh shadowed screw
Understand ..This was carefully planned
I did consider all options fooling myself..knowing other options weren't an option
Constantly fighting and am tired I'm locked away double pad locked and it's co...
Monday 22nd August 2022 2:40 am
Turn it around
I’m not sure how to do this…
to turn around from self-hatred.
to not despise this life of mine.
to no longer want to throw it away.
To realize it was never mine to begin with.
To be thankful for all that I do have
and to seek the flaws in my own logic.
not for self-pity,
but to reorganize my perspective
and see what I’ve had the whole time
and simply missed.
I...
Friday 20th May 2022 6:13 pm
Debating
what is it I’m trying to do here?
“your poetry is beautiful”
“you should be proud of yourself”
If only I never hid away.
If only I was still 7,
then it would be acceptable.
If I had opened up back then,
I would have had people falling over themselves
to make me feel better.
But I’m a grown ass man now.
and no amount of complaining will do a da...
Friday 20th May 2022 6:08 pm
Too much to ask?
Can I have a hug?
Can I not be pulled away from?
Can I be weak, and in pain?
Can I have any physical connection that isn’t sexual?
Can I not be afraid, of the casual flirting,
with the barista behind the counter.
Can I have a small piece of the love,
Shown between a girl and her friends.
She goes to embrace another she,
A group of besties, inseparable from each...
Friday 20th May 2022 6:07 pm
I wanna! I wanna! I wanna!
I want to split my head on a fire axe
I want to be found, dangling in a closet
I want to be a fine red mist on the front of a train
I want to be pulled in four by horses and rope
I want to be skewered atop a church steeple,
on display for all to see, as in the ancient days
I want to decorate my room with my flesh,
and turn my sanctuary into a meat locker
I want to...
Friday 20th May 2022 6:00 pm
My truth
Suicide was my religion
I woke up every morning and called myself garbage
I went to sleep every night calling myself a coward
I was so absolutely furious that I was alive.
And so petrified that I might actually go that far,
should I ever put effort into my own abilities.
Clinging to life by my depression and sorrows.
I know no other life.
I know no other reality.
...Friday 20th May 2022 5:52 pm
Hang in there or Hang Yourself
I'm defenceless, powerless.
Constrained, by uncontrolled emotions,
To this rollercoaster: up, down, up, down.
Desperate screams silenced in smothering shame.
I didn't consent to this ride,
So why won't you let me get off?
Sadness is suicide;
Anger is murder,
Happiness is euphoric,
And normal? Normal is northing.
And nothing being an insufferable emptiness,
That hol...
Tuesday 29th March 2022 5:16 pm
My Inferno
That I would hang myself in the sky outside your window
and slowly reach my hand out to the sun,
claiming its fire as my own.
One more bright star in your sky,
a bloody inferno.
So that when you look out,
there is one more small piece of joy.
I am all I have
to give.
Thursday 20th January 2022 10:48 pm
tiny bits
tiny bits
WTF did oxford pilot do in the flying abortion he was flying? that question i ask. the darker part of war. that the villagers state is true, the answer. did the canadian pilot DELIBERATELY RAM the german hornisse heavy fighter? no of course not. the oxford broke apart under 20mm cannon fire. and the kraut was hit by debris. but the locals said he knew the hornisse would...
Wednesday 1st December 2021 2:34 am
Halloween
in my cupboards
skeletons hang
still mouths strangers to the songs they sang
I take them out
bone-dry and hoar
wan skulls shorn of the locks they wore
pelvic sculptures
sharp as a blade
silent shrines to hectic love they made
bereft of flesh
that lit my fire
no lithe joints but threads of thin wire
hot tears drop on
memories clean,
pick...
Monday 25th October 2021 10:41 am
MAYBE
The thought of you alone, only a spirit no physical mechanisms to communicate although I suppose you thought that through?
Maybe you were born knowing and it was your purpose a secret between God and you
Maybe you tried so hard to ignore the pain
Scared of your thoughts fears of insane
Did you know something that no-one else did
Had this planned since you were a kid ?
You...
Wednesday 7th April 2021 3:57 pm
The patient
"You have been here a few days now",
"Since Saturday", she replied
"And why did you come in here?"
"Because I attempted suicide"
She didn't have any worries,
She wasn't sad or happy,
It was blank, emotionless state,
Nothing to do, nothing got her interest,
Now been quite a few time living through this noiseless rhyme,
It was like a vegetative state, living in her mi...
Friday 19th February 2021 6:15 pm
Broken Friends
(Originally song lyrics for a friend, wrote after the tragic suicide of Chester Bennington)
Broken friends
In the backstreets of my mind
I kicked a ball against a wall
It bounced into a neighbours yard,
Where, I cut my hand upon a shard
of glass that glittered in the sun,
Into my mind again I'd run
And wake within this broken life
Upon my wrist I held a kni...
Saturday 9th January 2021 2:26 pm
Out of Somewhere Blue
At group therapy we met
Eye contact at a premium
In terms of looks she was
Bordering upon medium
Mam and brother hated
She came to stay at mine
I rarely saw her sober
She hid a stash of wine
I really tried to love her
But I didn't have a clue
She'd bled, half-formed,
Out of somewhere blue
Men she cordially hated
I was a means to an end
A saf...
Saturday 14th November 2020 10:56 am
Loudest in the Room.
A simple note to explain doesn't seem long enough
To bring on one sheet my final feelings and thoughts
Why am I doing this and what lead me here?
It wasn't just one event and the timing wasn't near.
I'd start when I was younger but who can remember that far back?
Unfortunately I do with every panic and anxiety attack.
You'd probably start to see why by the time I finished 10th grade
B...
Sunday 8th November 2020 5:53 am
Derek
This poem is deeply personal to me and is about my time I spent as a crisis worker helping people who were experiencing mental health emergencies or attempts of suicide. The subject of this poem is suicide; please know that its contents could be triggering. If you or someone you know and love are experiencing suicidal thoughts or need to reach out, please don't hesitate to talk to someone. You are...
Saturday 10th October 2020 7:40 am
A battle with self.
In a dusky morning, the sun was setting,
Wanted to scream in a silent mic.
No more of this frustration, no more of this hatred,
Death was the only freedom came to his mind.
Listening to the people, listening to himself he realised,
Many a things don't matter, So does his life.
Losing his hobby, his like, his ego, his pride.
Losing his humanity, was what it was like.
'Try to stay po...
Wednesday 8th July 2020 3:10 pm
wanted
wanted to cry,
but smiled,
wanted to talk,
but stayed silent.
wanted to feel happy,
but endured all the pain.
wanted to live,
but died.
k.d
Tuesday 23rd June 2020 10:10 am
You wanted to live
Pressure was too much
Pain was unbearable
You tried tried
But you failed to heal
You were worth all of it
But they made you feel de trop
You just wanted to be happy
But all they gave you was sadness
You wanted someone to comfort you
But all they gave you was negligence
You wanted to live
But soon they made you dead
...
Tuesday 16th June 2020 6:32 pm
BUT PLEASE GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE!
Please don't abuse yourself
i know it's suffocating you
I know the pain is unbearable
and you want everything to just end
Please put that knife away
it's for chopping vegetables
not for ripping apart your wrists
Please throw that rope away
its for hanging clothes
not your precious soul
I know it's hurting you
i know it's bad
But pleas...
Monday 15th June 2020 12:50 am
SO I LIVED!
i loved the feeling of blood flowing down my wrists,
the sensation of pain used to make me feel alive.
i was not afraid to lose my life,
because i was already long lost.
thoughts of killing my ownself dint scare me,
beacuse death was my only desire.
people used to say i am going crazy,
but they never felt my pain.
i tried, i tried so many times,
to li...
Sunday 14th June 2020 12:22 am
The Living Room -A deep sea affair- (Please don’t drown)
It has been two years today
Since I have had a fight with my then girlfriend
And, crying bitterly, I entered the living room
Replied to my father’s concerns
And let him know his daughter was dating a girl.
No wonder he hasn’t spoken to me since.
But, this poem isn’t about me
And nor is it about a cousin sister of mine
Whose phone was found in the living room
Full with smuts and gay stor...
Friday 29th May 2020 2:06 pm
Reason to Stay
When sun comes against all odds
And the colours of life just pop
Or when the rain falls
It falls and falls
And you wet your lips
With piping hot tea
With warm biscuit
Savour the crumbs
Cosy and safe
In the arms of a jumper
The padding of the sofa,
Like a huge hug
Or when your face aches,
Your stomach vibrates
Because you are fighting to breathe
Through ...
Tuesday 18th February 2020 5:52 am
A poem for my late father, Bernard.
Twas the dawning of Father's Day, so said Facebook
Not a feeling was stirring, not even a fuck.
No flowers were planted by the headstone with care
Cos a mad pauper's grave can have no headstone there.
The children were restless, and not in their beds
Cos visions of suicide danced in their heads
Of white overalls and of tablets and shame
And sickness and pimping, a life quite insane.
Th...
Monday 6th January 2020 4:49 pm
Prince of Darkness
You try to trick
You try to play
But I told you
I won't let you stay.
In my head
You've made a home
Constantly screaming and
Finding space to roam.
Playing on repeat
Every reel I cannot stand
Scenes of trauma, the
Torture of your own brand.
I said go away
Told you I'll break,
It only gets worse
When I lie awake.
So I'll take your tools
And take away your space.
Ending it ...
Wednesday 9th October 2019 9:33 pm
Collapse (TRIGGER WARNING)
Lying on the bathroom floor,
blade resting on the sink.
Unsure how to get up,
I feel myself begin to shrink.
Bloodied tissues looking down
on the mess lying below.
Beaded drops continue to form,
until heavily the must flow.
Shivering against the cold,
damp towel draped over.
Naked body frozen in fear,
flashbacks still they hover.
Passed out from exhaustion
of the war raging insi...
Wednesday 9th October 2019 7:23 pm
Bath Bomb (TRIGGER WARNING)
One foot in as she tests the waters,
Scorching hot, enough to revel in.
Tub over-flows as her body sinks,
Like her heart filled with so much sin.
Flames make shadows dance on walls,
Anxious they jitter from beneath the seam.
Chest tightens under the weight of 100 bricks,
As the air continues to thicken with steam.
Tile floor stained with a crimson splash,
So sure this way she would ne...
Wednesday 9th October 2019 5:37 pm
Promises (TRIGGER WARNING)
Oh how I long for a blade,
Rubber bands don't do the trick.
A sting that feels so temporary,
Uncontrolled so goes the flick.
Oh how I long for a blade,
This welt is just not enough.
Repeatedly striking against my wrist,
Skin recognizes the bluff.
Oh how I long for a blade,
Cold stream of red is not the same.
Ice shrinking from inside my thigh,
So close to the origin of shame.
Oh ...
Wednesday 9th October 2019 5:10 pm
Untitled
Therapy’s been fine but it’s not fixing my problems.
Each week talking about something new, but we never actually solve them.
Mr. Joyce tells me I need to let my emotions pass through me.
But my emotions make me who I am, so I know I need to disagree.
My identity has always been important and, honestly, I identify as depressed.
That as well as anxious, lost, and always stress...
Sunday 29th September 2019 3:02 pm
To Live or not to Live?
If one should get right up to death's very brink
This is the time to stop and think
'Shall I stay alive or shall I die?'
Though there is no one round to hear this cry.
We are not crazy, bad or weak.
Only to end our pains is what we seek.
Oft we keep these troubles to ourselves
For we feel that no one can be of help.
But whatever there might be ahead
We cannot m...
Saturday 21st September 2019 7:39 pm
A Suicidal, Drunk, Insomniac
I have forgotten the feeling of what normality means.
I float around within a numbness submerged within a dream.
I see the world pass faster every single day.
I see my end come closer, I see the future become shorter;
I can’t help but slaughter the time as I begin the decay.
It’s hard to find blame, but it’s a rationale thought to try and understand how this happened.
The worse ...
Thursday 1st August 2019 5:34 pm
you know how it go(freeform)
pull out thre trigger u know how it go
call up lil leek cuz he still got that 4
when I'm down bad I do not got nopbody
release all my problems when I drink this bottle
still fucking hoes man I just fucked this model
nobody know about all of my problems
call up tequila u know she gon solve it
I wanna stop drinking but I got nobody
I try to reach out but they always dec...
Sunday 30th June 2019 12:58 am
LAFSIWTD(LOVE AINT FAIR SO I WANT TO DIE)
I left yo love in a cell
My momma screaming
Imma go to hell
But see fuck that
She ain’t even pay my bail
Tired of feeling like shit
Always feeling like I failed
Mf that I know I failed
Steadyin going to jail
But I’ll never tell
Never been loved
Can’t you tell
Give them my heart
Just for them to bail
A lot of pain in my heart
So don’t ask me why I yell
I know umma go t...
Sunday 9th June 2019 10:34 pm
Box of Dark Things
Too many people suffering in isolation, lets start a conversation.
Monday …
day one of the slide …
and I’ve managed to quell the dark things inside.
I take a deep breath, supress the sigh …
push out my chest and hold my head high
The flex and the dark things are tidied away
A quick self-esteem pep-talk, then face the new day
It’s by no means plain sailing but I cope, strugg...
Tuesday 19th February 2019 4:34 pm
Aftermath
I attempted suicide,
But I didn't die,
Not losing my life,
But what it means to be alive.
I'm drained of all motivation to continue,
But also of all strength to follow through,
I shouldn't be here,
It hurts, but it's true.
My days feel so long,
My existence feels so wrong,
I can't look at life the same,
Because I simply don't belong.
I can't be happy,
Or even...
Saturday 26th January 2019 10:12 pm
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